Yet another weird ad for my novels

There’s positive things about sexual dry streaks:  you don’t have to clean, you can fart all you want, and you can let your boosh grow into an unkempt jungle.  Speaking of which…I lift up my blanket and examine the thicket.  As long as there aren’t any bitey little bugs—

A reptilian head pokes out, glances cagily around, and screams, “Ruh-KAWK!” before darting back into the cheesy forest.

What the fuck?  I part the wilds, searching for intruders.  I’ve heard of crabs, but DICK LIZARDS???  I don’t see anything, so I leap out of bed, grab a magnifying glass, and inspect my junk. 

Whoa—this is amazing!  My nuts have been colonized by prehistoric fauna!  T-rexes, brachiosaurs, pterodactyls…

I’m gonna leave them be and see comes of it.

 

MONTHS LATER, AFTER A MINI-CIVILIZATION HAS FLOURISHED ON MY COCK AND MY BALLS…

 

A booted foot kicks in the door, followed by a stream of gun-toting operators. 

“Hey!” I yell.  “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”

The lead guy, a bloodless goon who resembles Agent Smith, strides up to me and flashes a badge.  “Your pubes has been annexed by the federal government.”

“What?” I sputter.  “They’re MY pubes, fuckface!  You don’t get a say in—”

Agent Smith turns to the side.  “Hawkins, prep for reduction.”  One of his minions unsnaps a briefcase and powers up a hologram-ringed platform.  “We’re going to make contact,” he informs me.  “Our team will sample flora and fauna, and attempt to liaise with the local authorities.”  He signals the operators, four of whom surround me and sight in on my noggin.  “Interfere with our op, and these men will liquidate you.”

Hawkins says, “We’re ready, sir.” 

The agent nods, cuing the rest of his goons to file onto the platform.  One by one, they shrink down into itty bitty specks.  Hawkins collects them on a petri dish, shakes them onto my nuts, then types a command onto the platform’s interface, bringing up an image of the shrunken team.

“Jesus Christ.”  A soldier curls his lip in outright disgust.  “Smells like a hunk of rotten limburger.”

“Can it, Johnson,” the squad leader snaps.  “Form up and start walking.”

They begin patrolling toward my wiener.  It’s clear they’re jumpy; their posture is hunched and they keep sighting in, as if they’re afraid something is gonna pounce.  Suddenly, the point man shoots up a hand.  Everyone takes a knee and faces outboard. 

The squad leader shuffles to the front of the column.  “What is it, Miller?” he whispers.

“I don’t know,” the point man whispers back.  “I thought I saw—”

Someone in the middle yells, “Holy fucking SHIT!” and cuts loose with his rifle.  A flurry of shouts erupt from the speakers:  “Contact left!  Contact right!  Game over, man—game fucking over!  Mary mother of God, they’re fucking EVERYWHERE—” accompanied by the lively chatter of 5.56.  My guards look back and forth between my futon and the hologram.  “We need to get in there!” the nearest one yells.  “We need to—”

The hologram fritzes, resolving into an image of a cheese-formed humanoid, then it lapses into a mess of snowy static.

Agent Smith throws on a vest and racks the slide on his pistol, checking to ensure there’s a round in the chamber.  “We’re going in.  Hawkins, stay enlarged and run the holo.”

Seconds later, Smith and his guys are on my balls, standing above the remains of their decimated team.  “God DAMMIT!” Smith hisses.  “This is a total and utter clusterfu—”

He’s cut off by shouts, screams and gunfire.  The holo displays another cheese-person; it’s holding Smith by the hair, brandishing his bloody face for the miniaturized camera.

“Do not come back.  Do not attempt rescue.  This man is our slave.” 

The holo goes dark.

“Fuck!” I scream.  “FUCK!”  I turn to Hawkins.  “What do we do?”

“I’m just a tech!” he mewls.  “I don’t know!”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“Someone call fer me?”  Chuck Norris steps through the door, putting his fists on his hips.  He’s clad head to toe in eighties-tight denim:  jeans and a vest with cut-off sleeves. 

Hawkins explains the situation in a trembly voice.  Chuck nods and says, “Shrink me down, four-eyes!  Put me on his goddamn pecker!”

Hawkins grabs his hair with both hands.  “Are you INSANE?  I just told you that—”

Chuck throws a roundhouse kick, stopping short of the scientist’s face.  Despite the fact that he pulled the kick, it’s so damn strong that the wind from its passage sends Hawkins stumbling.  “Spared yer life, nancy-boy!  Now put me on that hog!  Ain’t no problem that karate can’t solve!”  (he pronounces it super American:  kuh-RATty).  Chuck gives me a knowing look.  “Yer people taught me that.”

My brow wrinkles in puzzlement.  “ ‘My people?’  Korean-Americans?”

“You know what I mean!” he snaps.  “Stop trynna mess with my damn intellectual!” 

“Uh…” I raise a half-bent hand.  “You got anything besides karate?  Maybe some grappling, like jiu-jitsu or wrestling?”

“That’s heathen talk—ain’t no reason for a man to lay on top of another man’s body!  All you need is a goddamn roundhouse!”  He starts hopping in place, throwing roundhouse kicks, accompanying each one with a violent exclamation:  “Hyah!  Hyah!  Fuck your mother in the ass!  Then in the mouth!”

Me and Hawkins exchange a look, followed by a what-the-hell shrug.  Might as well.

Minutes later, Chuck is walking through my forest of pubes.  Howls erupt all around him, but he remains unfazed.  He postures sideways in an eighties-martial arts stance—left hand close and high, right hand out and low—and screams, “Come and get some, ya filthy cheese-people!”

Much to my astonishment, Chuck mows through the legion of cheese-anoids, blasting them apart with a stunning variety of flying kicks.  Splits-kicks, tornado kicks, triple-twist roundhouses…holy fuck, this guy is a one-man army!

A short while later, Chuck stares in the camera, an unconscious Agent Smith draped onto his shoulder.  “Get me outta here, you science-brained pussy!  I’m thirstin’ for a cold one!”

After Chuck is enlarged, he drops Smith and dusts off his hands.  “Karate saves the day!”  He shoots me a pistol-finger.  “You and yer people are a shitfire godsend!”

I tilt my head in a puzzled squint.  “Um…thanks?”

He puts his fists on his hips, giving me and Hawkins a steely-eyed once-over.  “How ’bout we down a couple brews, then do a buncha bicep curls while staring at our nekkid glistening bodies in a full-length mirror?”

We shake our heads, muttering, “No thanks,” and, “Maybe next time.”

Chuck snorts in derision.  “Figures!  Pair a’ communist pussies, that’s what you are!”  He runs out the door, humming an out-of-tune rendition of the A-team score:  “”DAH de-dah-daah, dah dah DAAAH…”

Me and Hawkins exchange another glance, wordlessly communicating the exact same thing:

Weirdest day of my fucking life.

 

Need to rescue soldiers from your cheese-infested pubes?  Never fear!  Buy my books and summon Chuck Norris!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommuni

88 thoughts on “Yet another weird ad for my novels

  1. 🤣🤣 It’s a really good thing I am waiting by myself in this music therapy lobby, I’d hate to have to explain to somebody why I was laughing so hard.

    Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you!! 😊 In another life, I’d try and be a comedian, but it’s kind of like being a pro chef–you have to go ALL IN, bombing (get little to no laughs) for close to a decade before you have a chance at being considered proficient. Also, I’m not nearly as funny in person, although when I focused on it in my earlier years, I noticed I could consistently make people laugh. It’s definitely a skill I can improve at, but I’m not naturally a fun goofy guy unless it’s with doggos. 😄

        Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome 😊 No worries, my daughter assured me once that she’s not taking away my lame card and giving me back my cool card until I’m at least 70…so…🤷‍♀️ I only encounter you online, so I still vote you are funny, and however you are in your private life is also who you are and that is okay!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Haha! I always thought I wouldn’t do well if I had kids and they got to that phase…I’d probably overcompensate and be the dorky dad that tried to be cool and ended up embarrassing them. 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • At least, that is what parenting has taught me… You just can’t focus on that as part of your happiness in being a parent I have found.

        Liked by 1 person

    • So…. Basically what you’re saying here is your decision not to have children was ultimately a function of your survival instinct 🤔 if a parent’s child feels embarrassed, they never think it’s funny and you, my dude, could have become a headline on the evening news and in the weekend obits…

      Liked by 1 person

      • Undoubtedly safer, that’s for sure 😂 Kids aren’t for everyone, I’ve definitely sacrificed some things for mine that some people wouldn’t want to sacrifice, but being their mom has been a wonderful part of my life nonetheless.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Especially the parents who had children because it was given as a requirement for faithfulness in their religion, and especially the ones who wake up one day not believing the tenants of that religion anymore. They then might want freedoms they can never really have again and resent everyone they feel brought them to that point in their lives. I decided I wanted kids when I was 7, and I was raised in an atheist home, so… it’s just something I’ve always known about me.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Interesting! I don’t think I could even fathom the idea of having kids when I was seven. I think at that point, I was salty about going to school, lol! I remember early on, though, that I really didn’t want to work a regular job, and looking back on it, I didn’t want to work for anyone at all. Self-fulfilling prophecies…🤷‍♂️

        Liked by 1 person

      • My intensity level has always been a weeeee bit on the high side. Even as a child. I know the types of conversations this can feed into, but people described me often as a mini-adult. Except I wasn’t. I might have been able to do some things at a certain level, and I might have been thinking about some things in ways that are less typical at that age, but I was still a child. When people think you are a mini-adult they sometimes cross boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed with a kiddo.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I was also told I acted old for my age, but the idea of adults wanting to hang out with kids is still beyond me, because I really have no desire to hang around any kids myself. Outside of sinister stuff, it still seems weird to me because there might be a watered-down version of a misguided parent’s desire to shape and mold a kid in order to vicariously live out the adult’s desire. A lot of times, that’s the vibe I got.

        Liked by 1 person

      • 😂well, it’s your life, you can hang out with whoever you please. I would have to play mind-reader to put myself in the position of everyone who had a conversation with me, but in general, when I was younger, I would say it was the novelty that drew them in. An interesting show. That effect doesn’t last long before people develop other feelings and concerns… As a child, while I had friends my own age, I also sought to have conversations with people who could understand how I was thinking because sometimes we all need that, and generally that required someone much older than me when I was younger. 🤷‍♀️

        Liked by 1 person

      • I mean, I barely hang out with the people I like, so I’m sure I wouldn’t be good around kids for awhile unless there were dogs around. 😂 I think I had a similar issue as you when I was a kid. I was always reading adult fiction. I remember telling people in elementary school I wanted to be a “quantum mechanic.” I didn’t even know what that was, but I was interested in the philosophical implications of advanced physics. 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • At 46, I am ever aware that I am rapidly approaching the point of becoming fertilizer, so if it isn’t already irrelevant whatever fascinated people about me back then or even now, it certainly someday soon shall be, so I would say it hardly matters 🤷‍♀️ my earliest memory is of me looking through the slats on my crib before my vision sharpened at the light coming into the window and everything was still mostly light and dark. But in that memory, the essence of everything I associate with as being me is still there. I think the key to understanding children is to realize that the seed of everything they can become is already within them, so treat them like the best of what they are capable of and show the same amount of respect for them you will when they are adults, even when you have to correct them.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Good philosophy! I didn’t come to something similar until much later in life, ironically in the military. I’d tried being too nice, too harsh, and then someone bought it to my attention that if you lay out the rules with subordinates, everyone agrees to them, then any given person is willing to pay the price once they break them. If there’s a bad outcome the rules don’t cover, recraft the rules and try again. Pretty much the verbal equivalent of signing a contract, I guess. No one’s being arbitrarily punished or rewarded, everyone knows what’s happening and for what reason and they’ve already agreed to it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Of course, I feel it’s important to mention a huge caveat: because they are their own people, none of that guarantees that they are going to like, love, or even respect you in return. Even if you gave birth to them…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah that’s pretty much why I won’t have em. Can’t just bail out of having a kid. Plus every dog I’d gotten, my ex had been tempted to return a couple weeks in, when the reality sets in that puppies may be cute but they’re a ton of work.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I agree that being clear and consistent is important with children, but it’s easy to mess up on that one. Sometimes I’ll have a thought that is so super clear to me and I initially fail to realize I have inadequately explained it to those around me because of how clear it was to me 😳 And, sounds like you have made some very wise realizations about yourself! Raising children isn’t for everyone…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Definitely. I like to take risks and work hard for longshot dreams, and I also have a very strong obsessive aspect which naturally translates to routine and discipline. Honestly, I don’t think my ways of approaching things are suitable for most adults, much less children.

        Liked by 1 person

      • We all have our things that could make us difficult to live with for another. And even when you think something is in the ashes with another person it can flame up in a cycle of rebirth.

        Liked by 1 person

      • For me personally, if I do an internal audit and determine that triggering such rebirth aligns with an outcome that matters to me, I just consider it to be part of going after what I want. If I want something, I go after it. Of course, when you’re dealing with people there is always an option for crash and burn, because it takes more than me and what I want to make something work… I just tried to look to the heart of the matter, determine what is broken, and see if there is a way to heal or fix it… that is just my style though.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s a good way to go about it! I used to have a bit of a savior complex that landed me in situations where I realized I was just butting in or overcompensating, though, so I usually just leave people be unless I have a nagging urge to interact with them, or, of course, they’re active in asking me for help.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Thanks! 🙂 So, here’s the thing. Getting involved in other people’s relationships…unless they invite you into that, yeah…life has taught me there’s a high probability that’s going to go bad. In my own relationships, I determine the degree of what I am willing to give in order to maintain something, so…ultimately whatever outcome happens, some of that comes back to me in that respect. Life brings many challenges to us all. I, as a woman who now has Mast Cell Activation Syndrome and POTS have certainly put my own mate in a position to have to alter some of what they want as there are very real impacts to my health. There is and should be I think some sort of give in the relationship…because if one or both sides are only taking, well, that’s not healthy for anybody. But life changes people, and I don’t necessarily feel that it’s overcompensating for me personally to make adjustments if life brings a challenge to someone that makes things harder me. When I love someone, I don’t want to be a fairweather lover. Of course, I think it also depends on the nature of the challenge…we all have our lines in the sand I think.

    Liked by 1 person

    • There’s definitely a line. Which is why I don’t think relationships shouldn’t be framed in terms of success and failure; if someone doesn’t like the other for a consistently long period of time, then why not separate and be happier for it? Kids make things trickier, but I guess that’s where opening the relationship can become useful, although my friend who’s into that stuff says there’s a LOT of stigma that falls on people who do that. I theorize because relationships are seen in a possessive sense; once someone lets their possession become someone else’s, they are seen as weak and unworthy of having that relationship. Never really made sense to me.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Well…that could be a very long conversation. So, yes, kids can make things trickier…they can also make open relationships trickier for couples who decide to go that route. I think those are individual matters. So, I think there’s stigma for a lot of things that there shouldn’t be. Our concept of marriage and relationships is often very territorial in this society, and heavily influenced by Judeo-Christian values. You’re talking to someone with a very different moral compass on that, my heart doesn’t have a contained concept of love. But, I am also capable of authentic monogamy if it matters to my mate. So…I think those are matters for the couple to decide. I think opening a marriage isn’t always an easy solution, if communication is a challenge before that happens, doing so will become a time bomb, because the communication and the trust need to be immaculate I think for that to work.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I agree. I dunno why, but me and my brother are weird in that regard. I remember my ex asking what I’d feel if she was with someone else, and I told her just don’t leave any physical traces where I have to smell someone’s socks or see their underwear around. Then my brother actually got cheated on with a serious girlfriend, who confessed while crying, and he shrugged it off and didn’t see what the big deal was, which pissed her off. I feel like I’d react the same way because of the way we both view relationships, but I don’t know. My thing is they’re supposed to bring you pleasure and fulfillment, so I don’t really see a point to structuring them where someone’s always infringing on your peace and space. Obligation is one thing, and obviously there needs to be some experimentation early on to see if live-in monogamy is the way for someone to go, but other than that, I feel like people are just asking for trouble if they know it’s not their thing.

        Liked by 1 person

      • For me, I think life often brings us situations that aren’t pleasurable…even in relationships. And it is about the balance of the good and the bad. Because there will be bad of some kind…in every situation. It is about determining what are my boundaries, how much am I willing to invest, how much do I want to see invested in me. I don’t view my relationships as being something that should only benefit me. I want to see that my mate is also benefited.
        And I would say for me, my personal view of love is comfortable having multiple sustained romantic relationships at the same time (though obviously I can and do also abide by and respect the boundaries of my partner, who does not have that same comfort level). So, multiple someone else’s socks and underwear really wouldn’t be triggering for me, lol. I think for many people there are insecurities. People want to be seen as *the* choice, and especially for women, historically in this culture and many others they have been viewed as property for men, and double standards were employed as to what was seen as acceptable. Boys will be boys and can be fucking whoever they want even if married…but if the woman does it, well, she’s a whore and we need to shame her and destroy her ability to be socially viable and respectably employed. And to a certain extent, even in our modern society there is that bias where punitive social consequences aren’t meted out the same to both genders.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I agree. From the outside looking in, I was always puzzled by it, and even more puzzled by responses whenever I questioned convention. I feel like I was born a couple centuries too early–it still boggles my mind that people are still alive who couldn’t get interracially married or that same-sex marriage is a hot button issue. I want to be born when the idea of controversy around that stuff is ancient, dammit. But I have hope–progress seems to be rocky, but overall trending in a good direction.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, I am not quite so sanguine about the state of progress. The progress we perceive now can be a fragile thing, easily popped like a bubble because of a well-played chess-like game over power. But, I am a woman and I am bi, so perhaps I have a different view of how this looks. I have already seen one area of progress vanish for women and I have begun to see story after story of other women who are now suffering because of it. And I have already noticed the chatter for those who want to roll back the laws which granted marriage equality and contraception access. The logic, as always, is Cherry picked. If you look at how Clarence Thomas, for example, wants to apply the logic with which ROE V. Wade was struck down, he wants to use it to strike down every other law that was based on the same reasoning as roe v Wade… Except for interracial marriage protections, something he personally benefits from.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s definitely fragile and reversible, but I guess history to me seems like things are getting better over time, even though there are setbacks. It’s not much comfort in the moment, because it usually takes a generation of people for things to change, but I try and be foolishly optimistic. Although maybe I’m a hypocrite in that regard, because a secondary reason for me not having kids for me is I’d rather not hand off environmental problems to them. I’m glad I’m going to die before that’s projected to become an existential threat.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Well, color me a touch more cynical I guess…it seems to me that perhaps we just reframe some of our uglier tendencies in ways that make them seem more palatable. Here in the great state of Arizona, a prison official was recently talking about how communities here would collapse without the free or ultra cheap pennies on the hour (depending on the type of work detail) labor of prison inmates. Most people don’t really think about that, I mean those are criminals in there right? But if you think about how many people with mental illness or developmental disabilities are in there, or if you examine what some of the sentences are for some of the drug convictions just for possession… Not for committing a crime while being on the drug, but just possession for your own personal use. Sure, some crimes definitely justify a prison sentence, but seems like some of our laws unnecessarily favor having a large prison population… Which we then exploit for free labor. And once they have been convicted, they have trouble getting legitimate work that could support them and often end up on the cycle that puts them back in prison. As I said, a wee bit more cynical… When I find things to be optimistic about, sometimes it is not the nature of my fellow humans, who are often bent towards greed and self-destruction.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Humans and society can definitely be disappointing. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you look elsewhere for optimism; I think it’s pretty astute that you know it’s not your thing and you have to look in another direction instead of forcing it. No judgment, but I do sense irony here, in that I’m adamantly unwilling to engage in the one act that requires a measure of faith in humanity and the future (having a kid), but you’ve done it multiple times. Like I said, no judgment. If I had a story involving parenting, I’d definitely set that up as a juxtaposition. Us authors love irony…😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • For example, those shrooms you like? Possession of those in Arizona is a felony. Non-addictive, users aren’t really harming anybody else while under the influence, and at this point known to have positive mental health benefits that are starting to reach mainstream media awareness…but in this state, it’ll land you in jail dude, with a spot on the prison workforce.

        Liked by 1 person

      • That’s true, but in the last three years they’ve been decriminalized in seven cities and the entire state of Oregon. I’m not trying to rack up points to boost an argument one way or the other, but I will say that I’d rather not keep score, because there’s always ways to make more pros and cons. I’d rather focus on being positive in the moment. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’ve come to believe positivity (or at least choosing to focus in that direction) is a choice, evidenced by the times I’ve been miserable in “great” circumstances, and happy in “bad” ones. Also, my friends who got into conspiracies clearly have a negative bent–whenever something positive happens, they say something along the lines of, “Yeah, but how long until the other shoe drops?” Or “Don’t jinx it! It could still turn bad at any second!” Or, “Yeah it outwardly looks good, but maybe the evil powers that be planned it this way to get us to let down our guard.” Not only do I think that’s detrimental for health, but it closes my mind to the next positive opportunity, because I’m too busy looking over my shoulder or railing against injustice. That’s just my view, though. I think everyone has the right to focus on being positive or negative; I don’t think that’s a civil or lawful right either. I think it’s an existential right that can only be determined by that specific individual and no one and nothing else.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. 😂 I don’t imagine I could begin to make myself make sense to another person… I am as much a jumble of contradictions as anyone else can be 😂 But, I think my choice about children really boiled down to the fact that I love to nurture and care for others and I wanted to be a safe place -at least for someone- who was going to be born onto this planet. I cannot be a safe place for everyone, nobody can.
    I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories 🤷‍♀️ and, I think the shrooms should be decriminalized everywhere. I don’t do them personally (mother Earth has been too busy trying to kill me for the last 46 years for me to even be comfortable trying it in case it landed me in the ER with an allergic reaction), it’s simply that I don’t view it as a substance that warrants being criminalized.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think they should be legal as well (obviously). It’s kind of cool to see…I feel like they’re going through the same thing weed did 10-20 years ago. That’s great about the kids! Not to get into doom porn, but I feel like I would be obsessing over environmental problems if I had a kid. In my heart of hearts, though, I think we’ll find a way to mitigate those problems. I’ve seen cool innovations that clean up plastic in the pacific ocean, and in my HEART of heart of hearts, I’m convinced aliens will step in with super-advanced tech if we’re really about to shit the bed. 😅

      Liked by 1 person

    • My husband thinks the aliens are waiting for us to kill ourselves off with our own greed and lack of self-preservation (ok, he says stupidity)…
      And then they are going to step in and take over the planet. 🤔 I do suppose that’s a more efficient and cost-effective way of handling things then combat, but it does allow us to create a lot of collateral damage to the planet and coexisting species in the process. Well, that particular theory of his is definitely above my pay grade when it comes to things I should be worrying about 🤷‍♀️ But yes, it is concerning what we are doing to the environment. When I was younger and I watched how much changed to try and heal the holes around the ozone, I didn’t really imagine people would take it this far before they chose to make changes…. And then I remember places like Easter Island and I think my husband has a point 😅

      Liked by 1 person

      • I remember the ozone hole. I remember thinking we were all going to be fried. I guess that may still happen, only we might get roasted instead of zapped. I don’t think long-term survivability is an issue in that there will be many species that adapt if that happens, including humans, but we can really screw up things in the short term and do a lot of damage to our civilization. But I’m still convinced aliens might be the answer. I love hearing stories about how sightings of their craft defy known physics, and how they supposedly shut down nuclear missile defenses a couple times. It reminds me that there’s a bunch of stuff we haven’t yet learned, and to ease off the negativity because I have limited knowledge about how everything works.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I think you are right there are a great many things we do not know. I do not spend time thinking about life forms from other planets and what their intentions are because my hear and now needs dominate everything I am doing mentally and physically. The past few weeks have been pretty happy ones for me, so I’d rather not spend too much time thinking about the fact that we are on a self-destructive path as a species, though of course it merits thought. I am in circumstances where it is very difficult for me to do anything that could even begin to be relevant to such a massive problem. Of course, as individuals we could all choose to do things and the cumulative of that would be enough. But probably far too many people are stuck in survival mode….and people in survival mode don’t have time to spare thinking about how to save the environment, they’re too busy trying to save themselves in the here and now. We shall all see what happens though, I suppose…take good care of yourself! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I actually think in your circumstance, it doesn’t merit thought and you’re doing the right thing. Keep that happiness going–not only will it provide you with energy and perspective, which will lead to better opportunities and the drive to take advantage of them, but as I said before, I think it’s our reason for being! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • Hmmm… Well, I think things that could impact one’s survivability always merit thought. And some of what is going to come could impact where we end up needing to live, so… Filtering around somewhere in the back of the brain it will remain, despite my limited capacity to impact anything other than what pertains to me and mine. And, I plan on doing everything I can to keep that happiness thing going 😌

        Liked by 1 person

      • I think maybe sometimes it does, if it feels sensible and natural and you’re guided into that arena. But if not, I think thinking too much about surviving can defeat the purpose of life, which in my opinion is to enjoy each moment as much as I can. It’s why I can’t be a prepper. 😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • Dude, I can’t be a prepper either…at least based on my limited exposure it involves too much catastrophizing, more than I mentally want to do. Failure to plan and prepare some though can lead to a great deal of unhappiness in the moment, so there is a fine line.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I agree, though, it’s not as fine a line for me, I think. I don’t have people relying on me, and I’ve become better at making my peace with death (I’m not one of those people who says they’re ready to die and imply that means I’m ready to die from here on out; sometimes I’m ready, sometimes I’m not).

        Liked by 1 person

      • For example, albeit on a significantly less life-altering kind of scale, I know what time of year it is and I still walked out the door yesterday without any skin so soft mosquito deflecting lotion… Just wasn’t thinking about it and I should have been. And now I have a bite that is swollen to the size of a 50 cent piece on the inside of my right thigh… And that is after the oral antihistamines 😱

        Liked by 1 person

      • I see your point, but since I believe my purpose is to enjoy life to the fullest, I’d say that it’s kind of a gut feeling call as to what to do in that kind of a circumstance. Is always ensuring I’m wearing lotion an easy, no-stress habit? Or is it a nagging burden I always have to focus on that becomes more annoying than getting bitten? I’ve sucked the joy out of my life before with paralysis through analysis, and also realized that a lot of the time things don’t turn out the way I want them to anyway, despite stressing out over the planning. There’s a sweet spot where planning enhances my life, but it can’t be overdone and it has to be paired with intuition and being connected to the present moment for me. Sometimes I’m meant to get bitten. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Ok, I’m totally going to try and sound coherent, but I have Emily showing up here for tea any second now, then I have to rush across town, somewhere in there I need to finish my smoothie and my decaf coffee and get my makeup on-squeak! Ok, so I do have people who rely on me, and it is every present in my mind that Tony is not likely to ever be fully independent. I know I could die at any minute now, but I am hoping to make it a few decades more so that I can continue to be his safe space. So…in terms of the mosquitoes, dude. That I only got one bite was lucky…nothing is more motivating than the thought of having several hives that size to make one put on lotion. But I usually favor prettier smelling stuff, so when it’s not mosquito season…sigh. So, I kind of have to switch my habits back and forth. And not everybody gets a chance to be in circumstances where happiness is possible for them. I am blessed that I am. Take good care of yourself, Em is here and I need to go…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I phrase things differently (obviously) but I’m pretty sure it’s the same as what you’re saying, maybe a few degrees different. Our lives, as you implied, seems to be objectively meaningless (even though science and evidence has light years to go before they can reach true objectivity, and that may not be a possibility). Since that’s the case, we make our own meaning, and a personal guideline of “whatever works,” is a valid way to go about it. Also, didn’t you say a while ago you were in the Southwest? I thought with the dry heat, there wouldn’t be mosquitos…guess I was wrong. I’ve lived in the Midwest and DC metro area, which, when it gets hot and humid, they come at you like a zerg-swarm. I remember running outside for a few seconds at my friend’s house to grab a toy in his yard, and you could feel hordes of bodies and bites in just a few seconds. 😅

      Liked by 1 person

  5. And, while I’m chucking down the carbs, I’m going to add that I agree being connected to the present moment is important, and I do involve my intuition in my decision making process. But, I am also a planner (not a prepper). Planning is something that helps my mind stay calmer in the face of total shit circumstances…it gives me hope, because it allows me to identify what I can control, to what degree I can tweak it, which allows me to envision better circumstances, which keeps me calmer and more relaxed…I think there are a lot of different ways to arrive at good outcomes sometimes. Yours works for you, mine is usually pretty engaged in trouble-shooting one crisis after another but it’s been keeping me sane and my head above water in all of that, so…it has value to me. I don’t think there necessarily needs to be one approach to everything.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Not only necessarily, but I think it’s healthier to have multiple approaches that achieve positive outcomes in different ways. Otherwise, it’s a tyranny of choice, and there’d be One Ring (religion?) to rule them all.

      Liked by 1 person

      • 🤣🤣🤣 Indeed…and I am not into being ruled at all, though obviously I have to give some level of obeisance to some things in theory and practice. And dude, sometimes of year we have way more mosquitoes than I want. If we have any sort of active monsoon season, they are all over the place. They grow in people’s fountains and pools that aren’t well maintained… West Nile virus is a thing out here, so some municipalities will try to spray to kill them… But it’s definitely a problem a couple times a year. One year it was so bad I even had citronella candles to burn in the house because everyone was getting eaten alive…

        Liked by 1 person

      • I just googled monsoon season in the southwest. Wow! Never knew it was even a thing! Kind of defeats any desire of mine to live in the southwest. Part of the reason I don’t like the east coast or midwest is because of the bugs…😅

        Liked by 1 person

      • And, I should probably add I’m not really into ruling either. I have held managerial positions, and that is a separate thing. It’s a job, and sometimes if there’s not some kind of pecking order there can be total chaos. But really even in the workforce I was happiest when I didn’t have to oversee what other people were doing. In terms of my personal relationships and the way people think and the way people interact, I prefer everything to just be a meeting of equals.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I feel like there should be a new phrase besides pecking order, because as you said, it really is just a job. Directing info, ensuring things are efficiently serving the overarching vision…it does require a hierarchical flow of task and information, but I think all too often that’s confused with a hierarchy of personal worth.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I like what you said about the pecking order phrase… It is expedient to use sometimes, but I think you are correct and I think far too often it comes with people literally pecking at the people they feel are beneath them because they feel they are entitled to do that because of their position which they have then equated to their value and use to diminish the value of anyone with a lesser title. And, in regards to monsoon season, sometimes you can see some very dramatic storms out here. We were driving back from woods canyon lake again this last Saturday and the storm that burst as we were approaching fountain hills… Holy crap it was scary to drive in! The mosquitoes are variable here. Last year was a whole lot worse than this year, my son’s support service coordinator and I were discussing that yesterday in a meeting (we were talking about my lotion). I think there is some sort of bug in many places, this coming from a person who is allergic to a lot of the venoms etc… You kind of have to pick your poison. There’s a better balance here than in many places for me personally, but…my happy spot bug and allergy-wise I think was actually Prescott, I just emotionally can’t ever live there again because that’s where my brother was killed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • How big do they get? Do you drive through clouds of them and see them splatting against your windshield? It’s kind of funny–mosquitos have been a small subconscious driver in choosing where I live. I never tried simply putting on repellent, because I lazily branded them all in my mind as deet-filled poison, but obviously, there’s better choices. Maybe I should just stop being stubborn and put on some repellent. 😅

      Liked by 1 person

  7. And, just for me personally, I love the rain and wish we had more… I’m definitely willing to put up with a few mosquitoes for some rain😊 It started raining during our hike on Saturday and I loved it…of course, we got a little muddy because Tony slipped, but…🤷‍♀️ Dirt washes…

    Liked by 1 person

      • The way rainstorms and Monsoon storms in Arizona can present are so varied. While we were at Woods Canyon lake during the return part of the hike, the rain came down like soft, feathery strokes…and filtering down through the pine branches it was just really gentle, pleasant, and enjoyable. The next storm that followed it, the one that had the weather service sending out warnings not to drive in it because it was a life threatening situation…I looked at those clouds as they advanced onward while we were driving back from the Payson area and it was like boiling waves of grey intensity. I just looked at them and knew the storm coming out of them would be intense, and visibility was close to zero once the rain started coming down, and the winds were forceful. I wouldn’t have wanted to be walking in that, it would have hurt like hell…and breathing might have been difficult, that’s how thick the downpour was. Those of us on the roadways slowed, put on our hazards (because that’s how we could see the people ahead of us) and did our best to stay on the damn road. Haboobs and dust storms can also be pretty dangerous to drive in, but those present more like walls of moving dust and don’t have as much rain, though what little comes with them can just make things harder because it coats the windshield in mud.

        Mosquitos…you know, I love Avon’s skin so soft lotion because it really does deter them minus the deet and it doesn’t smell as bad as other repellents. Now, it’s not as pretty smelling as my other lotions (pout!) which is why I don’t wear it all year long and have to switch out my habits based on the season, but honestly, sometimes I’m too damn vain for my own good. Really, it would be more accurate to say I like to smell nice (as in, I don’t want to smell like I’ve been chasing Tony around for 13 hours by the end of the day), have fabulous makeup, and maintain what I have as well as I can. Varicose veins and pregnancy ravaged tummy skin aside. Of course, that is all relative because by many people’s standards I’m still a wreck and there’s no saving it, lol! Those are just the things that make me happy personally. If I wasn’t such a peacock about wanting to smell nice I might suck it up and use repellent if it weren’t for the DEET. I think there are some sort of pest anywhere really, and I’d be surprised if Hawaii didn’t have mosquitos.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Smell’s a big thing! I think for humans, it’s tied tightly into operant conditioning–I don’t smoke, but I like the smell of cigarettes, even on someone’s breath, because my dad smoked when I was a kid. I also like cheap stripper perfume, from my early twenties when I paid some dancers’ way through college! 😅 And, of course, who doesn’t like the smell of fresh-baked bread?

        Hard rain combined with dust storms…definitely not my thing! I live in San Diego and it might hail once or twice very early in the morning during the winter, and that irritates me. My unenjoyable times in extreme climates has made me picky about the immediate weather. San Diego’s nice, but it’s chaparral, so it’s got a desert vibe, especially inland. Plus the ocean sucks. It’s cold and dirty and dark. That’s why I’d like to try Hawaii, because of the clear water and warm rains. I’d also like to stay in an overwater bungalow in the Maldives and see how I like it. The only complaint about Hawaii (aside from the high living cost) seems to be the big centipedes, but I imagine I’d get used to those, especially if I was living in the beachfront condo of my dreams. 😊

        Liked by 2 people

      • Mmmm…fresh baked bread😋 my carb-loving self just might wear that if it were a perfume 🤣 although really, I prefer floral and spicy smelling scents, but I have to be careful because my allergies cause also a lot of fragrance sensitivities… I have been a lot better since I developed mast cell activation syndrome about picking things that didn’t cause my system to feel a little grumpier.

        Well, usually I’m a big fan of the rain in most of the ways it comes. This morning however, the monsoon storm came with really loud thunder which woke up Tony🤬🤬🤬 🤷‍♀️ I had been hoping to sleep another hour, so as they say the best laid plans of mice and men 💨. Most of the time when it’s raining hard here it doesn’t hurt to walk in it unless there’s a lot of really strong wind. We will even do Tony’s community safety in the rain because he also likes the rain (or hail, because we sometimes do get that)…I hope you are you able to get yourself to the place you want to be… I personally love just about anywhere that isn’t the desert, but my heart is buried in the pines…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Very unusual! Not a bad thing at all, but I have yet to meet people who really like the rain. When I lived in Madison Wisconsin it was pretty hated, especially freezing rain.

        I hope you get where you want to be as well, both with your family and your personal stuff! You deserve to live around pines, and be surrounded by excellent bakers who are constantly making fresh crusty bread! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ok ,we don’t walk in the hail…my brain totally edited that into the wrong place because it needed that extra hour of sleep 😫🤣

        Liked by 1 person

  8. 😂 I do, actually, really love the rain-even the freezing rain! Being in hail isn’t so bad if it’s very small hail… While it doesn’t hail often out here, when it does the hail can get golf ball size or bigger, so… Typically I wouldn’t want to be caught out in that. I don’t know what will happen in regards to living in pines. For right now, there are reasons we need to live where we are that relate to both Tony and Hannah. At some point those reasons might be less relevant and a move into a snowier area could be more feasible, but by then I could be old enough that slipping in the snow would break a hip 🤣 it’s a pity really, because I’ve always been of the opinion that you can always put more clothes on, but there’s only so many you can take off before people will call the cops on you…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know there’s people like you that enjoy the snow and the rain, but I think you’re the first I’ve met that says you like those things exclusively, rather than the trees and whatnot that usually go along with them. I guess I like that stuff under certain conditions, warm rain of course, and first snow before everything turns brown and piss yellow. Also, I love seeing dogs romp through snow. I think every dog I’ve met has loved it, but my dogs have been of the same mind as me regarding the rain. I had a cairn terrier who hated going to the bathroom in the rain, so he’d trot toward the door as soon as he could. I’d pick him up, carry him a few yards back into the rain, and he’d trot toward the door again. This happened six or seven times before he would pee, but eventually he just accepted the rain. It was cute and funny though, to see him protest as much as he could. As far as cops and clothes, if they see me naked I just grab hold of my blanket-sized scrotum, jump off the nearest cliff, then glide-sail away. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

  9. 🤣🤣🤣 literally, made me laugh and giggle and I appreciate that. I did not have the best of nights last night, so I appreciate the laugh 🤣 well, if we’re being honest, you can get a lot farther with taking things off than I can before people are calling cops. The shirt comes off for me and someone will be on their phone… Either taking pictures to troll my middle-aged ass online or calling 911 😂 And there is nothing I can glide sail away with me on this body, not even the small flap I have from the emergency C-section and the preeclampsia. And, I actually love the trees and everything that goes along with the snowier, colder climate. I just feel overheaty and melty a lot here in the desert, so I tend to fantasize about the weather elements more sometimes, especially during the summer 😅

    Liked by 1 person

    • Don’t discount the middle age; it’s been proven by search engine data that the most popular genre of adult entertainment is MILFS! 🤣

      I’d probably be the same if I lived in the southwest. I remember the times I’ve been in the desert, all I felt like doing was lounging around in the shade.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Oh, I don’t discount me, but I’m not laboring under any illusions or delusions. Surveys and studies also show that at *any* age, a woman of my frame size are not seen as the most desirable. I give zero fucks these days, because I don’t need to be found attractive to have value. That being said, the internet can be a cruel, cruel place where former supermodels and Baywatch Babes with a figure that is much more prized in this society than mine and minus the skin issues have hurtful words thrown at them for posting bikini pics or semi-nudes as women above a certain age. And, I’d like to lounge around in the shade, but even with a UTI and the heat and the monsoons, the therapy show must go on…ugh. I thought about our conversation when I was waiting in a Walgreens last night for my abx to be filled and the weather service sent out a warning that Nickle size hail was possible from the storm that was blowing in….

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s