Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the squeaker-fart is happening, all my fellow transgressors who’ve been called to do a presentation while your butthole is lurching and trembling, but you think you’ve got it under control, just gonna let go with a silent hisser and then it turns into an unmistakable cheek-clapper—pa-POP!—now you’re sweating bullets, talking louder and faster, hoping that God will strike everyone down with a well-placed lightning bolt Jesus Christ you need to kill them all because they’ll tell their friends no jump out the window flee into the woods WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO—

Fuck man, do what I do—just blame it on an invisible horse that ripple its lips extra loud!  Goddamn ghost-horses!  No need to go postal, motherfucker!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the birth-horror is happening, all you fathers who’ve struggled to resist peeing yourself as you wait by the bedside and witness your child coming out of your spouse like an alien chest-burster that ravages the precious vajeen you’ve cherished and cavorted with, but now you gotta force a smile and mutter something-something-something about the beauty of life and—

Suck it up!  This was part of the deal man!  And SHE’S getting the short end of the stick—ain’t no tiny person forcing its way out of you and leaving a swath of destruction in its nasty-ass wake!  Closest you’ll ever come is taking a Goliath-size shit after eating too much hot sauce!  Damn!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the whore-hole is happening, my fellow whores of all genders, shapes, and occupations who’ve brazenly offered up your holes for plundering yet time and age have degraded their firmness and now you sob quietly at night as you contemplate how they went from beautiful, tight orifices into yawning caves full of horror and possibly also tentacles—

Come ON, man!  Get busy with the kegels!  Ain’t got time for that woe-is-me-my-holes-are-destroyed nonsense!  Get the fuck out of here!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl gets five stars on Amazon!!!

Big thanks goes out to Kirsten, who just threw Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl a five star rating on Amazon!  Nice to know that my R-rated, psychedelic-filled high school absurdical was able to entertain!  Thank ya muchly, Kirsten!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

It’s Free Sample Friday!

YerBoggerThog McYobbenThooben, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the dick-vein is happening, all you lifters who’ve suddenly realized with dawning horror that society has fooled you into working your muscles until they’re huge and bulbous, popping with vascularity like the veiniest of wieners and holy shit they’ve fooled you into MAKING YOUR LIMBS INTO PENISES—

Christ Almighty—People like a little penis-y-ness to their limbs to go with their muscle-plump booty and flat abs!  Get with the times, fool!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“Just one of these testicles will sate our Shadow Demon overlord for the next thousand eons!”  Jeff Bezos unzips my pants, wagging a meat cleaver as he meets the gazes of his fellow billionaire-nerds.  “Can you believe our luck?”

“No!”  I struggle frantically against my restraints, but it’s no use—they’ve tied me securely to their pentagram-shaped dais.  “I need both of them, goddammit!  Together, they form an orgasm-amplifier when I’m hitting it from behind, the likes of which have never been seen !  You’re going to ruin a goddamn masterpiece!”

“Well we’re fresh out of albino virgins.”  Bezos shrugs.  “Say goodbye to your balls, Kent Wayne.”  The cleaver rises high, reflecting light off its wicked edge.

NggghhhhRAH!  I rip an arm free and reach in my pocket, opening my eReader to Kor’Thank and activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The ground starts to quake, the doors start to shake.

“What have you done?” Elon whispers, eyes wide with terror.

“Given sentience and life to your very first girlfriends, nerd.”  My lips curve up in a twisted smile.

“No—NO!”  Bezos swings from side to side, mouth opening and closing in shit-your-pants terror.”

A second later, an army of sex-dolls comes crashing in, roaring and snarling with undiluted hate.

“PREPARE TO BE DESCRATED, YOU WHO DESECRATED US!”

I undo my other restraint and flee from the premises, cackling like the cat that got the cream.  Enjoy getting torn limb from limb, you unholy passel of doll-fucking geeks!

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Are billionaire demon-worshippers trying to sacrifice your beautiful genitals?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the cum-shield is happening, all my fellow laze-holes who never bother changing your sheets and make a habit of blasting them with jizz, causing them to harden into impenetrable armor that you use as a barrier when some asshole burglar runs into your home and tries to plug you but surprise, motherfucker, can’t get past the cum-shield, now look who’s fucke—

Wash your sheets, you nasty heathen!  Christ alive, they’re not meant to serve as burglar protection!  That’s why they invented shotguns, ADT, and the Home Alone series!  Fuck!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

It’s Free Sample Friday!

ArJumberYums NerScobberBoobs, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the terror-cock is happening, all my fellow meat-packers who are slinging so much sausage that you gotta spray it with ice water and put a bow-tie on it to make it look as small and respectable as possible before showing it to a potential mate because otherwise they’ll go make a run for the nearest weapon in a desperate attempt to fend off your—

Christ on a stick!  Lube up and lights off, you damn barbarian!  Us big-wienered folk know better than to show off our gigantimongus vajeen-wideners!  Arrogant fool!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀