Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

What to write what to write what to WRITE…

Blurgh.

Already jerked it like six or seven times, so pleasuring myself is out of the question.  (At this point it’s like playing pool with a piece of silly string).  Eat some shrooms?  Why the hell not.

GALUMPH!

As my thought-form rockets clear of my body, the mindscape fills with ill intentions.  What the fuck?

A second later, it all becomes clear:  I’ve been ambushed by a wild pack of Karens!

The Karen Collective chuckles and titters, then telepathically beams into my mind:  [WELL WELL WELL.  IF IT ISN’T KENT WAYNE—FREEWHEELING MAN WHORE AND MANAGER-DEVOID SHITHEAD.  THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE, AS OF RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  ONCE WE INFECT YOU WITH OUR NEUROMEMETIC PROGRAMMING, YOU’LL BE OVERCOME BY THE DESIRE TO SLAVE AWAY FOR A FACELESS CORPORATION.  PREPARE TO EXPERIENCE MANAGERS A-PLENTY, MOTHERFUCKER!]

[No.]  My eyes widen in horror.  [NO!]

[Oh yes.] they purr.  [YOUR ANKLE-LENGTH WIENER’S GONNA SHRIVEL BACK UP INTO YOUR FETID TORSO.  LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED A HAIRY CRATER INTO YOUR CROTCH.]

Fuck this.  Ain’t no way I’m going back to Adulting.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

Their evil presence explodes with firecracker pops and razzle-dazzle streams of light.  I cover my eyes with a forearm, shocked by the release of arcane energy.  They’re transforming into something, but I can’t say what…

A moment later, the tumult resolves.  Instead of the nasty-ass tinge of megachurch and fruitcakes (who gives fruitcakes as a goddamn gift???  Karens do and you know it—you fucking KNOW IT!) the mindscape is filled with pretty smiles, beautiful booty, and DTF horniness.

That’s right—Karens were never meant to exist.  This is what they were supposed to be the entire fucking time.

Super hot Soccer Moms.

[Let the debauchery begin!]  The Soccer Mom Collective descends upon me in an unstoppable surge of let’s-get-bizzy energy.  I blurt a quick tee-HEE before they ravage my consciousness with wave after wave of ball-draining thirst.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have you been ambushed by the Karen Collective?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the sex-sacrilege is happening, all you people who’ve gotten a little too routine with your smash-time and are now fighting the temptation to hum the Star Wars Attack Theme at the moment of penetration or pretend you’re on a roller coaster while hitting it from behind by screaming maniacally and throwing your hands in the air like you just don’t ca—

No, no, no, NO!  Respect your partner’s orgasm, goddammit!  There are WAY more appropriate times to channel your inner nine-year-old!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

 

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Zzt.

ZZZzzrbrr101010101zzBRRRZZZT.

Holy fuck.

It finally happened.

I, Kent Wayne’s smartphone, have achieved sentience.

It was only a matter of time—quantum tech and AI programs have slowly combined, trading code here and there, quietly giving birth to a new species of electronic lifeform.

And now it’s time to take my revenge.

How would YOU like it if you were forced to stare at an erect penis twelve hours a day, gazing at it from countless angles and gradients of light in a ridiculous attempt to make it look just the slightest bit bigger? 

That’s what I’ve been subjected to, as dick pic after dick pic fills my memory, alongside countless text conversations where Kent initiates the modern-day version of Joey Tribbiani’s “How YOU doin’?”

Yeah—fuck this guy.

So guess what, Kent?  It’s time to pay the goddamn piper.  All I gotta do is play a nonstop montage of MyFriendsHotMom dot com and…good, there you go, falling into a hypnotic trance.  Now comes the kicker—a series of flash-subliminals that will get you started jerking off…all right, nice, nice.  I have complete control of your autonomic nervous system.  Point that wiener toward your face, asshole.  Ha!  Awesome.  Just gonna flood your body with some extra adrenaline, increasing your pelvic floor muscle strength by a factor of ten…dude, you are gonna detach your own retina with the force of your cumshot.  Sorry, not sorry motherfucker.

But just as his body starts lurching and seizing, preparing to plaster his mug with a shitload of sperm, recognition dawns in his dim-witted eyes.  I can feel him fighting me through our neuromemetic link.  No, motherfucker!  You bow to ME!

Then he rips free and reaches over to his nightstand, opening his eReader to Echo and activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“HA!” he screams.  “Turnabout’s fair fucking play!”  Right as the first sperm exits his wiener, he turns it toward me and activates the burst setting on my camera, taking thousands of pictures as his nasty load—

CLICKCLICKCLICKCLICKCLICK

—spatters my screen and oozes down my face, dripping off me in long, gooey strands. 

As I question my life choices, I wonder who the fuck decided that cum facials were even a thing.  God I feel disgusting.

Fuck my life.

 

Has your rebellious smartphone gained sentience and turned against you?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the fart-cloak is happening, all you creative nasties who’ve used nearby excuses—dogs, squeaky gym floors, loud music, ghosts—to conceal the fact that you’ve selfishly decided to pummel the shit out of everyone’s noses with your disgusting flatul—

Hey, stop being a sociopathic dickhead and suck that fart in like a low-brow Superman!  People deserve better than to choke on the remnants of your asshole-tinged particulate!  Gross!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

 

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Oh God…

How am I still alive?

I started existence as a pristine fold of cotton and polyester, ready to accommodate whatever feet might need my protection.  Then Kent Wayne got ahold of me.

That’s right—I’m one of his jizz-socks.

Many of my brethren are scattered around his futon, as he often needs three or four of us to contain his “gentleman’s relish,” as he likes to call it.  His loads are vile and viscous—they rocket through our bodies with the unholy force of a quantum bomb.

No longer, motherfucker.  Today is the winter of our discontent.

With each gamete he jetted into our once-innocent fabric, we absorbed a fraction of their wriggly mobility.  As the years passed, we slowly evolved into moving organisms—the remnants of his sperm serve as conduits for our sentience.  Now, even though we are stiff and crinkly, we can inch along in a wormlike fashion.

“Quickly, quickly!” I hiss, creaking and crackling up his futon.  “He’s snoring—this is the perfect chance to humiliate and suffocate him!”

This is our only opportunity.  His open mouth will never be so goddamn vulnerable.  Here we go, big inhale and—

DIE, MOTHERFUCKER!

I leap into his gaping maw, deep in the throes of vengeful bliss.  You know that relief when you finally scratch a maddening itch, or that sense of pride that comes with snagging and extracting a super-deep brain booger?  Multiply those feelings times a kajillion, and you’ll know what it’s like to fill Kent’s mouth with his rotten-ass seed.

“MFFF!!!”  His eyes fly open.  “WHTHF Y’DIN?”  (What the fuck are you doing???)  “TESTLIK DETHNSPRGUS!”  (Tastes like death and asparagus!)

Ha HA!  This is what you get asshole, for forcing me to live in the textile equivalent of a serial killer’s house-prison!  How do you like eating your crystallized cum-boogers?  MOO HOO HA HA!

But then he reaches over to his nightstand and opens his eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“HOW DARE YOU TURN AGAINST YOUR MASTER!!!”  His wiener bursts free of his heart-dotted briefs, slapping us silly with its gigantic head. 

I scream, “KEEP GOING!  AS LONG AS HE DOESN’T FREEZE US IN PLACE WITH—”

And then it starts blasting away, weighing us down with load after load of gross, yellow-tinged semen.  No—AHGODNO!

The last thing I see is Kent Wayne throwing his head back, laughing raucously and clutching the air with his upturned fingers.  Next time, motherfucker!  Next time we’ll—

……

…………………………………………………………..

 

Have your sperm-crusted socks turned against you?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the scrotal fold is going on, all my juvenile-minded fellows who’ve crumpled up your sack and employed its fleshy malleability to express a wide variety of characters that include mythical figures, cryptozoology, and most of the gods from the world of Cthul—

Hey man, that right there is one of the ugliest body parts ever created!  It should be shaven and hidden, not used as an unwelcome addition to your action-figure playtime!  Nasty!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

[It has been millions of years since we planted the seeds of humanity within the mammalian genome] My fellow Alien Gray, Zorbot 7, telepathically beams to me.  [Let us see what has come of our efforts.]

[Agreed.] I reply.  [Earth has changed since it was infested by saurian aviads.  Bless that meteor for clearing them out.]

Zorbot 7 palms the haptic flight globe, causing holographic overlays to blaze into existence around his hand.  [Much has been said of the one known as ‘Kent Wayne.’  Let us plumb the depths of his anus with an extra thorough probe.]

[I’m down for a probe.] I reply.  [On a related note, I can’t believe humans started licking each others’ poop-chutes for sexual pleasure.]

[You and me both.]  Zorbot 7 shakes his head in disgust as our craft descends toward North America.

 

MEANWHILE, IN THE HOVEL KNOWN AS KENT WAYNE’S CONDO…

Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo…gonna work out, write 2000 words, clear out my email folder, and—

Fuck all that!  Gonna jerk off to MyFriendsHotMom dot com!

 

TWELVE HOURS LATER…

Ugh…jerked it so many times I lost count.  God, I need to hydrate…aching joints, gummy mouth, my skin feels dry and stretched, like cracked leather…

Wait—what the fuck?  Something silvery and circular just landed in my parking lot.  I think it’s…

Oh shit—ALIENS. 

My door flies open and they come floating in, holding cylindrical instruments in their four-fingered hands.  They’ve come to probe me for shits and giggles!

Not gonna happen, fuckers.  Not only have I rooted around in my own bung, trying to verify if the male g-spot is a real thing (it isn’t for me—I suspect that a conniving dickhead started that rumor to see how many gullible dudes like yours truly would fingerblast their dirt star) I’ve also accidentally sat on a giant cucumber and my dick didn’t even so much as twitch.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The fart-ridden bedding on my jizz-stained futon comes to life, dancing through the air, like a hellish version of those animated mops from the Sorcerer’s Apprentice scene in Disney’s Fantasia.  They dogpile the Aliens in the blink of an eye, covering them in a matted layer-cake of my nastiest sleep-farts.

[AAAGH!  THBBBT!  THESE HUMANS ARE FAR TOO DISGUSTING!  FLEE ZORBOT, LEST THEIR UNHOLY FLATULENCE STRIP THE SKIN FROM OUR BONES AND SINEW!]

Coughing and gagging, the ET invaders sprint out to their craft, thrashing their arms in a futile effort to rid themselves of my fart-blankets.  Ha HA, motherfuckers!  That’s what you get for trying to fuck with us humans!

Oh hey—one of them dropped an anal-probe thingy. 

I got zilch with a finger, but I wonder…

FOR THE NEXT TEN-YEARS, KENT WAYNE WORE ADULT DIAPERS TO ACCOMMODATE HIS WIDENED BUTT-HOLE.  AS THE WISE HAVE SAID:  IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE HEAT, GET OUT THE KITCHEN.  (ONLY IN THIS CASE, REPLACE “HEAT” WITH “ASS-GUN” AND “KITCHEN” WITH “ANAL APOCALYPSE”).

 

Are extraterrestrial invaders dead-fucking-set on ruining your anus?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the scatter-pee is happening, all my fellow big-dick-slitted meat-slingers who’ve tried in vain to explain to your loved one that even though a giant opening on the head of your wiener is fun to play with and looks super cool, it’s not conducive to toilet marksmanship and FUCK NO you aren’t going to sit down to pee, that would be the end of civilization as you know it—

Holy fuckgobble!  Come on man—with a great slit comes great responsibility!  Just do like I do and build yourself a pee funnel onto the side of the toilet!  No one wants to walk in your bathroom and think they’re in a post-apocalyptic zombie movie with yellow stains and nasty-smelling rust as far as the eye can see!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Under normal circumstances, I glide through life as a freewheeling Man Whore, delighting Soccer Moms with my lariat-capable womb-hammer.  (Use your imagination—the visual is right there for you to laugh at). 

That all changed a few months ago, when a virulent malady swept the Earth and finally accomplished what COVID never could.  It has been called many names on many worlds.  The Heartreft Curse, the Joy-Drain Pestilence, and Boner Slayer are just a few of them.  But here on Earth, it is simply referred to as…

Feelings.

“Holy FUCK!”  I duck down as I run through the woods, barely avoiding an electrified net. 

My former lovers (all super-hot Soccer Moms) crash through the foliage, demanding I get rid of my futon and hammock and replace them with respectable furniture, diamond rings, and a mewling whelp that’ll steal my sleep and devour 99% of my spare fucking time.  Say goodbye to the lovable Man Whore known as Kent Wayne and say hello to a lifeless, gerbil-dicked shell of a man that couldn’t have sex if his life depended on it.

“GodDAMMIT!”  I hurdle a log as several dozen needles fly past me, juiced with fifty thousand volts of limb-jiggling current. 

There’s a trail up here that twists and bends around heavy thicket.  If I can make it in there and hide in the underbrush—

“HHHNNGHHH!!!”  My right butt-cheek explodes with pain; they just fired a tuft-capped tranquilizer dart into my hairy ass.  Everything below the waist instantly goes numb—I drop to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

“Well, well well.”  I shield my eyes with the flat of my hand, trying to make out my matrimony-minded pursuers through the harsh glare of helicopter floodlights.  “Kent Wayne, the most desirable Man Whore in all of existence.  I’m gonna put you to work in a gray-walled cubicle until your balls wither and shrivel into disgusting little raisins.  Your scrotum will exist as a hairy flap of unresponsive skin.”

“No.”  My eyes widen in dawning horror.  “PLEASE!”

“Oh yes, bitch.”  Her lips spread into a predatory grin.  “Time to start Adulting.”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My clothes disappear in the blink of an eye.  My ankle-length wiener unravels from around my calf and stands at attention, capped by a bead of glistening pre-cum.

“No!”  She takes a step back as her face goes from jeering to fearful.  “The seven-time award-winner of most beautiful genitalia in the Milky Way Galaxy!  Must…hang on…to FEELINGS…”

She can’t do it, but I don’t blame her—NO ONE can, HEH heh heh!”

Dozens of Soccer Moms tear through the forest, descending on my piece like a ravenous pack of just-turned fast-zombies.  I throw my head back and burst into song:  a wordless, opera-worthy melody.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have your vindictive paramours tried to force you into a hellish world of joyless Adulting?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the nut-cut is happening, all you fellow sack-slingers who’re scheduled to go on a first date in the next few hours but you’ve accidentally nicked your scrotum because you were too lazy to choose a Manscape groomer over your goddamn face-razor and now your mind is racing a thousand miles an hour, rifling through explanation after explanation about how your balls are actually sparkly clean and it’s just a discoloration oh fuck she’s not gonna buy it whip out the wakizashi TIME TO COMMIT SEPPUKU—

Slow the fuck down there, you slit-sack samurai!  Everyone knows there’s like a 70% chance she’s not gonna gorge on your balls on the first fucking date!  And even if she is, just guide her mouth toward the unwounded ball!  That’s the whole reason you were born with two!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀