Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the bleeding tip is going on, my fellow super-hard fuckers who have stared in horror at your wounded wiener after an epic bang-sesh where you convinced your partner they were about to see through time and space and merge their essence with the Absolute, but at the horrible cost of your bloody pe—

Holy BALLS!  Stick to mish and cowgirl, and watch the goddamn angle if you have to do doggie, you uncultured savage!  (Yes—I learned this the hard way, no pun intended)  Gross!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the cock-odor is going on, you nasty fucks who gauge your dick-dirtiness by seeing if it smells when you whip it out to pee (had a friend who took that as a clue to shower—true story) but otherwise remain undisturbed by the Cthulu-like horror that’s festering between your le—

Jesus fucking CHRIST!  How the hell could you let that probably-smaller-than-mine, sea-creature-like appendage become so gross???  How about some soap and water, you disgusting philistine?  And don’t just wash the shaft and head, scrub up the balls and b-hole—someone’s gonna put their face down there!  Nasty!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

I am feeling…

Sneaky.

Sneaky McSneakerson Sneaky!  HEH heh heh!

I sneak through my apartment, tiptoeing and slinking through hallways and rooms (well, hallway and room is a better way to put it—I can’t really work with too much more, unless it’s a garage so I can build me a gym) peeking around corners and giggling shiftily.

Sneaky sneaky sneaky!  Sooooooo SNEAKY!

Love me some sneaking!  I twiddle my fingers and glance slyly to either side.  I can only do this in the comfort of my home; if I tried it in public, I’d be slapped with a restraining order.  Instead of begging me to whip out my womb-hammer, Soccer Moms would slap me silly and mace my face-holes.

So I do it in the comfort of my own home.  Sneak to the fridge.  HEH heh heh!  Sneak to the bedroom.  HEE hee hee!  Sneak out a shit!  Nyah ha ha! (Ker-SPLOOSH!)

Suddenly, kitted-up figures crash through the windows and my front door blows inward.  In less than a second, I’m surrounded by men with guns and body armor.

Oh no!  Agents from the worst government agency in the long-ass history of governments and agencies:  The Bureau of Adulting!

“FREEZE MOTHERFUCKER!  CEASE YOUR SNEAKING AND SHOW US YOUR HANDS!”

“Happy to comply!”  I punch my arms out, giving them all the double middle-finger.

“HARDEE-HAR HAR, ASSHOLE—WE’LL SEE HOW FUNNY YOU ARE IN AN ADULTING INTERNMENT CAMP!  YOU’LL BE WORKING ON SPREADSHEETS 9 HOURS A DAY, STRAPPED INTO A STRAITJACKET WE LIKE TO CALL ‘BUSINESS CASUAL!”

Panic flashes through me.  I can’t work in an office—I’d sooner drink a cup of stagnant piss!

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Chuck Norris busts through the wall, showering us all in powder and fragments.  He whips off his jeans, forces an agent down to his knees, then skullfucks his face with a massive boner.

“Holy SHIT!”  One of the agents shouts.  A couple others clutch their stomachs and barf in horror.

“Come on, Kent!”  Chuck grimaces in (pain?  Pleasure?  Can’t really tell) as he thrusts his penis into the agent’s eye socket.  “I know you’re packing some heat between yer legs—whip it out and get to skullfucking!”  He jizzes into the man’s cranium and roundhouse kicks a dude in his slack-jawed face, exploding the guy’s brain into a bloody mess.  The agents open fire but he shields his body with a Roundhouse Storm, kicking their bullets right back at them.

“Uh…I think I’m just gonna…” I gesture at the door as he rips a dude’s nuts off and scarfs em down.  “I think I’m gonna GO…”

“Cool beans!  More fer me!  Hey—you wanna get together later and do some naked bicep curls while we stare intently into a mirror and not at each other’s penises?”

“Um…sorry, man.  I’m kinda busy later.  Got a date with a Soccer Mom.”

“Suit yerself, ya communist pussy!”

I run through the door before he can hit me with another crazy-ass suggestion.  Sure he’s weird, but at least I got away from the Bureau of Adulting!  Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Are Serious Folks insisting you grow the hell up and become a Responsible Adult?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

Hey guys!  Have you ever played a cutthroat version of musical chairs, where you accidentally fart and your reptile brain immediately flicks on, scanning for any poor fuck who simply LOOKS like they fart a lot, then wrinkling your nose while shaking your head in disgust at them so you can direct a hive-mind of mob-mentality onto their poor, undeserving soul, mobilizing those around you into a throng of unthinking dimwits who castigate and ostracize your chosen victim because there’s no way in hell you’ll take the blame for—

What.  In.  The FUCK!  Never, EVER lay your gastronomic perfidy at others feet, you methane-slinging sociopath!  What’re you—a career politician or something?  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Quarantine, day gajillion times a ferbillion + 3…

It’s Friday.  How do I know that, when all sense of time slips and slides like an oooey-gooey turd?  Because I spend every Friday in a contest of wills, engaged in an arm-wrestling match with my seething penis.

“You…won’t…win…”  Its muscular head curls around my hand, reddening with effort and bulging with veins.  “I…will…be…FREE…”

“Not a chance,” I hiss, adjusting my fingers and tightening my grip.  “Last time you escaped, you knocked hundreds of g-spots several inches back beyond their natural resting place.  Those poor women couldn’t cum through penetration for six months or longer…you’re only fit for alpha-as-fuck soccer moms who can handle your girth and diamond-hard upcurve.”

“Not…fair…Kent…NOT…FAIR…”  Beads of sweat drip down his glans.  “You…know…those alpha moms are few…and far…BETWEEN…”

“You’ve endangered the alignment of thousands of g-spots.  I can’t have that.”  My eyes steel over.  “I WON’T.”

“Too bad!  I took steroids this time—I’m strong as fuck!  Ha HA!”  Wiener slams my arm to the surface of the table, winning the match and guaranteeing his freedom through our man-to-wiener pact (whosoever wins the Friday night arm-wrestling match shall earn the freedom to dictate movement throughout the following week).

“FREEDOM!”  He goes slithering for the door, dragging me across the hardwood floor.  I’m too stunned to resist or fight—steroids???  This sneaky, cheating motherfucker!

Well two can play at that game.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A storm of interdimensional lightning blasts through the door, sending us tumbling back into the wall.  It resolves into the most alpha of Alpha-moms:  Soccer Mom Prime.

“By the balls and the shaft,” I whisper.  Residual energy reflects off my pie-wide eyes.

“I second that,” Wiener murmurs.

“You need a special vajeen, Kent, and luckily enough, I’ve got one on me.”  She starts peeling off clothes.  “Chop chop, you he-slut fuck-pig—let’s get down to business!”

Who am I to argue with Soccer Mom Prime?  Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

*70s porn music*

 

 

Are you in a fight with your crazy-ass genitals, who are desperate to buck the confinement of quarantine?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the shriveled wiener is happening, all you penile perfectionists who’ve given your junk a couple of tugs and a bunch of flicks to lengthen it up before showing it to the doctor because his office is so goddamn cold and you’re not trying to hit on the guy, but at the same time you can’t stand the idea of him laughing about your tiny gerbil dick when it’s not tiny at all it’s just the GODDAMN AIR CONDITIONING—

Hey hey HEY!  Calm the hell down, man!  No one cares about your fun-size hamster dick!  (Snicker).  I mean, it’s the motion of the ocean and the size of the fight in the dog and all of that other motivational horseshit!  (Pffft—yeah RIGHT!  *eyeroll*)

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

I’ve hooked up with legions of eager soccer moms; each one has welcomed me into their bed with unabashed enthusiasm.  I’ve never had to hold down a steady job, on account of their cash tips and my constant hard-on.  (Man-Whores unite!)  But now, I’m reaping the consequences of my freewheeling lifestyle.

Their douche-bro sons have taken over the world.  Yeah—they’re not too happy with yours truly.

“HOLY HELL!” I scream, bicycling my arms and legs as I jump off the edge of an exploding oil tanker.  Giant machine-guns thunder and roar, pelting the water with big-ass rounds.

I land heavily on my escape jet-ski—piloted by Bitefighter, my best friend and 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire—and tap him twice on his little doggy shoulder.

“GET US OUT OF HERE!”

He responds by giving me the middle finger (he hates it when I yell) and cutting a bumpy J-turn on a ten-foot wave.  I cling to the side handles as we skip-skip-skip across the cresting water.

“FUUUUUUUCKKKK!!!”

He responds in kind:  “ARF BARK ROOF ROWF!”  (You and your stupid penis—why did you widen these douche-bros’ moms?  Open your magic eReader, you idiot, or we’ll never get out of here alive!)

What can I say?  You don’t argue with Bitefighter.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Just as a drone buzzes by and fires a trio of hellfire missiles—WHOOSH WHOOSH WHOOSH—Bitefighter arcs his little paws back and lets out a ferocious war cry.

“AAAAARRRFF!!!”  His eyes fill with electric blaze; his paws glow with unheralded power.

Holy shit.  He’s just tapped into the soul of Dog.  (Kinda like the guy humans worship, only way less arbitrary and a lot more fun).

“ROWF!”  Bitefighter flies off the jet-ski, an umbra of energy surrounding his body.  He collides with all three missiles, exploding them mid-air—BOOM BOOM BOOM—but they fail to hurt him; he’s gone full-on Dragonball.  He cuts a figure-eight in the blue ocean sky, then pauses in the air a hundred feet above, crackling with the fury of a thousand suns.

One of my douche-bro pursuers blurts a line from a shitty movie:  “FIRE EVERYTHING!”

Guns and launchers blast away, pelting my godling dog with every form of ordnance known to man.  It all explodes harmlessly on his quantum force-field.  OH yeah!

The douche-bros abruptly change from murderous derps into terrified jerkoffs.  Battleships turn their ponderous noses, bombers abandon their runs and fly off into the wide blue yonder.

Someone from the armada yells, “DAMN YOU KENT WAYNE—DAAAAAAMMMMNNN YOUUUU!!!”

Music to my ears!  No one stops me from romping with Soccer Moms!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

 

Are douche-bros trying to cockblock your sex-filled existence?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the sex-squelch is going on, all you Terrible People who’ve banged away with such intensity that it sounds like a fifty-foot Homer Simpson is ripping serious ass from whatever orifice you’ve chosen to plunder, to the point where you blame and ostracize your lover like the budding politician you are and cause them such embarrassment that they assume the seppuku position with tears streaming down their face and—

No no NO!  And oh yeah—NO!!!  You do NOT lay blame for your amorous failings at your poor lover’s feet—that’s how you cause pandemics, zombies, and nuclear winters, you selfish fuck-monsters!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Fascinating…I study my right index finger, globby with a nugget of my own snot.  Shall it go inside my toddler mouth?  Or should I adorn a chair with its gelatinous grace?  Perhaps I should go a different route, and anoint one of my fellow attendees with a green upper li—

Before I can decide on how to consecrate my surroundings, that thrice-damned daycare attendant snatches me up by my fleshy appendages.  AHHHH!!!  UNHAND ME, WOMAN!

That’s what I try to say.  But instead, what comes out is:  “GOO GA GABOO!”

“That’s not very nice,” she chides, using a hankie to pick the booger off my forefinger.  “You were trying to put that on Susie’s head, weren’t you?  That is NOT polite behavior, Kent!”

Fie on you, you hellspawn trollop!  When it comes to my finger and bodily secretions, I demand incontrovertible personal freedom!  How dare you—HOW DARE YOU!!!

“You’re getting a time out, Kenty-Kent.  Maybe if you’re good, I’ll get you a juice box and some graham crackers.  How does that sound, hmm?”

It sounds like bribery, you fascist gaslighter!  I rescind your offer!  Tell your imperialist wage-masters that I shan’t bow down to their sinister designs!  You hear me???  NEVER!!!!

Oh no!  She’s carrying me to the Time Out Pen!  Trying to indoctrinate me with her Gulag-enforced propaganda!

So I reach in my diaper and open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

All around me, Tonka trucks, speak-n-spells, and various components from toys and electronics begin to glow.  I stretch my tiny arms out as the light builds to a blinding peak, infusing each object with a vibratory hum.

“What the…”  My oppressor’s mouth drops open in utter astonishment.

Child-rearing apparatus fly toward me, linking together across my body.  In a matter of seconds, I’m clad in a fantastic shell of baby-proof plastics.  Thrusters jut from my calves and feet, a visor clunks down over my soft-haired skull.

I hiss, “Epsilon-phase Omega,” through gritted teeth, activating my war-suit’s white-hole core.

“Get me out of here.”

SHOOOOOOOMMM!!!!

I blast off in a glittery wash of quantum exhaust, giving my Karen caretaker the middle finger as I slingshot away.  I’ll be back to exact my tiny vengeance—‘Ware my wrath, you autocratic tyrant!

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Are authoritarian strongmen trying to punish you for exercising your god-given right to mucosal independence?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the gooch-sweat is happening, all you frivolous fuckers who like to weaponize the perspiration on your taint by using it to slip-n-slide across your passed-out friend’s unguarded face while throwing up devil horns for the laughing mofos who’re recording you on their phon—

Holy HELL, man!  You need some serious sensitivity training on why it is NOT OKAY to grind your stinky-ass strip of no-man’s-land into your poor bff’s nose, eyes and mouth, no matter how priceless or side-splitting the occasion!  EWW!  YUCK!  BARF!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited