Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

IN THE IMAGINAL REALM KNOWN AS THE BLOOM, A VARIETY OF ENTITIES CAVORT AND LOITER…

[Hey Kent,] Asmodel telepathically projects to me.  [Haven’t seen you in a while.  What’re you doing here?]

[Oh, you know…]  I stretch my hand out, instantiating an array of sixth-dimensional constructs.  [Just chilling.  Had to take a break from being a Man Whore.  Cocoa butter gets ridiculously expensive, but the alternative is unthinkable—no one can survive that much chafing, know w’um sayin’?]  I glance over at a floating cloud of staticky lightning, then back at Asmodel.  [Which is why I’m taking a break.  Gonna use this time to rest up and think up a couple a’ stories.  I’m working on one called The Unbound Realm, but after that, I’m thinking of a detective noir set in the—]

Suddenly, a voice booms through the aether:  [THERE YOU ARE WAYNE!  STAY RIGHT THERE—I GOT SOMETHING FUH YO ASS!]

I look wildly around as the Bloom fills with the most horrid, nitpicky psyche in all of existence, bent on picking apart wordplay to serve its finger-wagging, wrist-slapping manifesto.

[Oh SHIT!] Asmodel screams.  [IT’S GRAMMAR NAZI PRIME!  HE OF THE RED-INK CORRECTIONS AND CHANNELER OF SMALL DICK-ITIS!  YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, KENT!]

[Wait!] I protest.  [If we both take a stand, then—]

Asmodel disappears in a puff of multicolored smoke.  Anger rushes through me, but then it’s replaced by resignation—can’t blame him for not wanting to fend off a shit-ton of grammarian bullshit or be cursed with a super-small gerbil-dick.

[SO IT HAS COME TO THIS.]  Grammar Nazi Prime chuckles maliciously as his foul presence infects the Bloom with a gangrenous mix of green-black stasis and toxic negativity.  [PREPARE TO HAVE THE CREATIVITY STRIPPED AND FLAYED FROM YOUR PUNY MIND.]

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I reach in my mind and tap the epic sci-fi story known as Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

[You want my creativity?] I hiss.  [You got it, bitch.] 

My eyes and hair glow with otherworldly light.  A rush of energy explodes beneath me, streaming upward and limning me in supernatural power, like an astral version of a Super Saiyan.  I put my fists together and spread my legs.

[BLAZING SWORD?] Grammar Nazi Prime scoffs.  [HARDLY ORIGINAL—PERHAPS YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE UMPTEENTH INCARNATION OF VOLTRON, BUT—]

[Nah, son.  That was just a head fake.]  My lips spread wide in a smug smile.  [Blazing COCK.]

And then my discarnate wiener leaps from my legs, ramming it straight up into his mind’s asshole.

[NO!] he howls.  [NOOOO!!!!  WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A DROP OF COCOA BUTTER—HOW COULD YOU???]

[Cocoa butter’s for the soccer moms.] I snarl.  [You red-ink FUCK.]

[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!]

No cocoa butter for you!  Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!  

😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the O-face is happening, all my fellow fuckers (literally) who’ve held back laughter as your lover gasms all up on you because their face has twisted into a monstrous caricature of their comely self, all twitchy eyelids and zombie-ish slackjaw, accented by guttural, unthinking moans that could’ve come straight from the maw of Cthul—

DON’T.  LAUGH.  I don’t care how funny their derp-face is, pay some goddamn respect and let them MUUUUUHHH! to their heart’s content!  Learn some bedroom etiquette!  Geez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Man, I thought 2021 would be better than 2020, but apparently, that isn’t in the cards.  A whole new crazy seems to have made its way onto the stage.  Shit—even my porn searches come up with COVID scenes. 

Gotta get back to the days of yore—when I was a freewheeling Man Whore and nothing more.  (Didn’t mean to rhyme, but that would make a good mantra, wouldn’t it?)  To that end, I’m gonna eat a handful of magic mushies—

OMMERNOMPF MCGLOMPF!

—and send my psyche into a parallel universe, one where I can escape the terrors of pandemics, civil unrest, and rabid Karens.

Oh shit I’m coming up—

YIB-YOB MCGOOBERCUNT!

…….

…………….

 

Huh?  Dafuq?  I shade my eyes with the flat of my hand, squinting up at an adjustable doctor’s lamp.

“Where…where am I?”

A doctor’s face—surgical mask and cap—resolves into view.  “You’re in an underground bunker, where we perform cutting-edge nanotech surgery.  Relax, Kent—your body is now immune to K-VID.”

“Huh?”  My forehead crinkles in puzzlement.  “Don’t you mean COVID?”

He cocks his head, returning my expression.  “No, K-VID:  the Karen Virus.  You know—the one that swept the Earth and made 10% of the population into manager-hungry oxygen thieves.”

Ah—I’ve wandered into a parallel dimension.  Well, as long as they have a vaccine for K-VID, it’s all gravy.

“Oh, that’s good.”  I relax back onto the bed and close my eyes.  “Wouldn’t want to be a Karen…”

“Unfortunately, it had the unpleasant side effect of shrinking your wiener.”

My eyes fly open.

“What?  Wait—” I frantically feel around my ankle and calf, which is where I usually tie my award-winning piece.  “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!?”

“Come on, Kent.”  The doctor scoffs.  “It’s not like you didn’t have a couple feet to spare.”

“No, you don’t understand!”  I clutch my head and stumble off the table. 

“Security?”  The doctor takes a couple steps back, arms raised in a fearful warding gesture.  “SECURITY!”

“I have enough blood in just my dickhead to feed Blade, his enemies, and the vampires in the United States Congress for several dozen years!  IT CAN’T BE STORED IN AN AVERAGE-SIZED COCK!!!”

My vision goes red as excess blood pours from my tear ducts.  I can feel my organs bloating and distending—threatening to rupture like overfilled balloons.  Can’t…HOLD ON…MUCH LONGER…

So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

YERGLE MURGLE BER-DRIPPY-DICK!

I go rocketing back to my homeworld, complete with viruses, unrest, and Karens.  I instinctively feel between my legs, and…

WHEW!

The world may be ending, but at least I’ve got an unstoppable Death Cock!  Sk’DOO!

😀

 

Have you inadvertently risked death and destruction by fleeing this world’s woes at the expensive of your unimaginably beautiful genitalia?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the piss-target is happening, all my fellow wiener-wielders who’ve pledged vehemently to get a higher-flow toilet but until then have decided to wage war against the errant pieces of feces sticking to the sides of your toilet with a steady stream of golden urin—

Oh God–GROSS!  For fuck’s sake man, if there’s nastiness plastered on the sides of your toilet, whip out the cleanser and scrubber and get that shit (literally) off!  Don’t take after me—I’m an animal, man, a fucking ANIMAL!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“My loyal and faithful Dark Side agent,” Emperor Palpatine hisses.  “You have served me well over these last two years.”

“Yes milord,” I rise from my one-kneed crouch.  “It is an honor to lay waste to those Rebel cuntpunters.”

My remark is met by stone cold silence.

Then:  “Kent, you know I do not appreciate your profane speech.  Mind your tongue whilst you speak to your master.”

(Asshole.  You’d swear we were in a PG-13 movie or something.  Dude’s asked me to slaughter entire battalions, yet he’s all up in my ass for dropping an F-bomb here and there?  Fucker.)

“Yes master.  My apologies.”

“Good.  Now complete the tasks I have set before you.  Dismissed.”

Man, fuck this guy.  Always ordering me to kill this Rebel, kill that Rebel.  I joined the Dark Side because I figured there’d be some hot Dark Side groupies, but that’s a solid no, dawg.  I thought with a cool black cloak and awesome red saber, I’d attract some tatted up emo-chicks that’d be down for some no-holds-barred powerfucking.  Sad to say, that isn’t the case—everyone regards me with fear and disgust, hot emo-chicks included.

“Hey you know what?”  I undo the clasp on my stupid black robe.  “I’m done with this shit.  Good luck with your whole conquering the galaxy thing.  I’m gon’ get LAID, muhfuh.”

Palaptine turns, his rage-narrowed eye peeking out from his hood.  “So it has come to this.  You’ve betrayed me earlier than I thought you would, but very well—ready yourself to beg and scream.”  He raises his hands, crooking his fingers into Dark Side lightning position.

Oh shit—totally out of my league here.  So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Martha Stewart materializes behind him, grabs both of his arms, then rips them off with a bloodcurdling shriek.  “PRISON STRENGTH, BITCH!”

JEEzus!  Her stint in the big house changed her from beloved Food Network icon into a horror-movie demon-beast!  I cover my mouth with a hand–oh my GOD–as she rips out Palpatine’s throat with a savage bite, then rams an arm up his ass and hoists him up, turning him into the most gruesome hand puppet ever.

“LOOK AT ME!” she shrieks, shaking his dying, armless body through his fisted asshole.  “I’M A DARK SIDE TYRANT!  BLAH-BLIBBITY BLAH BLAH BLAH!”

I start edging toward the door.  Maybe if I keep quiet, she won’t—

Then she zooms toward me, grabs the back of my head, and jams it into her crotch.

“START LICKING, KENT!  I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOUR MAN WHORE WAYS!”

I mean…there’s really no choice at this point, is there?

In for a penny, in for a pound, HEH heh heh!

OMNOMPF MCGLOMPF!

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

Has your Dark Side master defeated the main reason for being a bad guy and deprived you of your inalienable right to sizzling hot hate-sex?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the terror cum is happening, alla you fate-tempters who’ve forgone sex for over a year and then decided to fuck with the strength of a thousand suns, enjoying the hell out of yourself until you feel your amplified orgasm building into an unstoppable roil, threatening to make you poop, pee, or go Super Fucking Saiyan all at the same fucking tim—

NEVER subject your date to a terror-cum!  You shouldn’t go more than three days without jerking it or flicking it—otherwise the LEAST that’ll happen is your eyes roll back while you foam at the mouth and your right leg jiggles like a dog’s after you hit that scratch-reflex sweet spot!  JEEZ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the pubic coughing fit is going on, all you unfortunate oral warriors who’ve suddenly been caught in the terrible-ass conundrum of having to admit you’ve maowed down a rogue bdussy hair or pretend you have COVI—

TELL THE FUCKING TRUTH!  Ain’t nobody gonna judge you for going to town on some poorly trimmed butthole, wiener, or vajeen!  This is 2021, man—people got worse things to worry about, like hornets, viruses, or Karens!  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“The fuck are you doing here?”  Brad Pitt shoves my chest as he walks by me on the ultra-luxurious, infinity pool deck we’ve all been invited to as part of the WhoreCon 7 intercontinental cruise.  “You’re no Man Whore!”

Ryan Gosling glances over—he’s sitting on an indoor/outdoor crocodile-hide sofa—and laughs incredulously.  “THIS motherfucker?  Hey check it out guys—” he jerks a thumb at me and swivels in place, catching peoples’ attention, “this idiot thinks he can hang with US!”

“Booooo!”  George Clooney throws a crumpled wad of paper at me.  I flinch and yelp as it bounces off my forehead.  “BOO THIS MAN!  BOOOOOO!!!”

Seconds later, I’m being pelted with half-eaten food, paper wrappers, and various other forms of debris and detritus.  Tears stream down my cheeks.  My face quivers with rage. FUCK these guys!  All I wanted was a little acceptance—a little camaraderie and brotherly love!

I’ll show them.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My penis bursts from my pants in a rippling mass of veins and dickskin.  Energy pours off its magnificent head, marking the starry night sky with brilliant flashes of color and light.  Holy shit—it’s like a phallocentric version of Dragonball Z!

“WHO DARES TAUNT MY MASTER?!?  YE SHALL KNOW THE WRATH OF A FULLY UNLEASHED DEATH COCK!”

Pandemonium erupts throughout the cruise ship.  Gosling tries to dive over the side, but Death Cock wraps him in its coils, squeezing his torso with ungodly strength.  Gosling’s eyes go completely red, then burst from his sockets.  Organs and poops squirt out from both ends.

“No!” Brad Pitt screams.  “NO!”  He runs for the bow, but Death Cock rises high, eclipsing the moon, then slams him flat against the deck.  K’CHOOM!  As Death cock peels away, I see that Brad has been transformed from a recognizable human being into a faceless smear of blood and guts.

“Wait a second!”  George Clooney raises both hands in a hold-on-just-a-moment gesture.  “We can talk, Kent!  I have money!  I have—”

“TOO LATE!” Death Cock thunders.  It shoots into his mouth, bursting through the back of his skull like a .50 caliber bullet.  For a brief instant, his eyes cross inward before they pop from their sockets and roll across the deck.

And so it goes—yeah, you can make fun of me, but you can’t make fun of Death Cock!  Ha HA!

😀

Have a bunch of elitist whores rejected you from their elitist whore club?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the taint-tickle is happening, all you closet freaks who’ve experienced a pleasurable brush on your nerve-rich strip of No Man’s Land and bitten your lip, unsure of whether to encourage your paramour or flagellate yourself with a nine-tailed scou—

Come ON, dude!  It’s 2020!  Civilization’s on the brink of collapse!  Forget the taint-play—you should be comfortable with a string of apple-sized anal-beads!  Quit being a prude!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

I end my day like any other:  by maowing down some magic mushies, then falling asleep to a K-drama.  (Yes—they are the BEST!)

Zzzzzz…..

Huh?  I try to jerk awake, but I can’t move.  Sleep paralysis.  Goddammit—it happened a few times when I was a kid.  Didn’t think it’d happen again…

Wait.  There’s something in my yard.  What the—

A FLYING SAUCER???

A ramp lowers down from its silver-gray belly.  Four hot-as-balls women walk out and head for my door.  They’re not human—they’ve got green skin and little antenna-pods sprouting from their foreheads—but…dat ASS!  I said CotDAMN!

The door swings wide and they walk inside.  Still can’t move.  As they lean over me, they telepathically converse.  Amazingly enough, I’m able to understand them.

[He bears the penis of legend.] the first one states.  [Witness its perfect girth, its undeniable upcurve.]

[Hazzok’s Breath,] the second murmurs.  [I’ve seen it in holo-pics, but to feel its presence right before me…]

The third one closes her eyes, her features relaxing into momentary bliss.  [I know what you mean.  I feel…transported.]

[Load him up.] the fourth one says.  [Our Soccer Mom planet needs his wall-widening thicky.]

Yes—YES!  Magic mushrooms and K-dramas are awesome, but an ENTIRE PLANET FULL OF HOT ALIEN SOCCER MOMS???  ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

And then my asshole betrays me.  It dilates wide—PHHHHBBBTTT!!!

Oh no!  Sleep fart!  This is why I can’t be in a relationship—mine are the WORST!

The alien Soccer Moms bend at the waist, vomiting forcefully and clawing at their necks.  Blood runs freely down from their eyes, coating their faces in gory red strands.  Black, necrotic veins begin appearing on their skin, crawling across them like a zombie infection.

No—AHGODNO!!!  I still can’t move!  My sorrow manifests as a single tear that trickles down my right cheek.

Gotta…save…the HOTTIES…

I channel all my willpower into my right hand, forcing it to open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The Soccer Moms—now reduced to puddles of bones and slop—reconstitute their bodies.  Muscle weaves back onto their skeletons.  Fresh skin stretches across their frames.

[We can’t take him with us!] the first one gasps.  [His gastrointestinal discharge is far too dangerous.]

[AGREED!] the other three say in perfect unison.

As they walk back to their saucer, my sleep paralysis breaks.  I run over to the window, pressing my face against the glass like a heartbroken kid saying goodbye.

“Fly free, hot alien Soccer Moms,” I whisper.  “Fly free.”

 

Have you accidentally stripped the flesh off an intrepid team of space-faring hotties with your disgusting-ass flatulence?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited