Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Fucking hell!  Never should have said that dogs are cuter than kids!

An hour prior, I was strolling through San Francisco’s suburbs; bopping, scatting, blurting nonsense words (I never really grew up, in case you haven’t guessed).  As I passed a handful of alpha-female Soccer Moms—all running hill sprints, hoisting quinoa-fed babies at an extended-arm carry—I uttered the truth that man has known since the dawn of time:

“Dogs are cuter.”

And now I’m being chased!  FUCK!

AhGodPlease!  I gasp and flail as I sprint down the street, ugly-crying like Will Ferrell at his comedic best.  Behind me, a horde of Soccer Moms follow relentlessly, T-1000 style.  Most of them strap their kids to their backs, but the toughest among them continue holding their babies overhead, cheering each other on as they set a jaw-dropping PR for “extended-arm baby-sprint.”

There’s so many…and they’re all so STRONG…

I trip on my dickhead and tumble ass over teakettle.  I hug my enormous wiener to my chest and sob into its folds.  “This is it, Wiener!  You were the best friend I ever had!”  Tears and snot run down my face.

And then it happens:  my eReader plops out of my pocket, opening to Echo and activating its reality distortion powers.

He-Man-esque swirls of brilliant energy swirl up and down Wiener, waking the god within its slumbering glans.  Veins bulge as he expands and lengthens, towering dozens of feet into the sunny blue sky.

“RUAAAAAAHHH!!!!!”

I scream in tandem with his giant dicklips, pounding my chest like King fucking Kong.  At this point, I’m nothing more than a human ornament affixed to the end of a giant phallus.

He screams again, then we worm our way toward the ocean, off to fight fire-breathing dinosaurs and robots from space.  As we make our escape, Soccer Moms stop and stare, transfixed by Wiener’s breathtaking presence.

“Go with our blessing, Man Whore,” the lead mom whispers.  “You magnificent bastard.”

And that, my friends, is the origin story of Kent Wayne:  sci-fi author and perennial Man Whore.  Ha HA!

😀

 

 

Have you angered a mob of Crossfit-strong, tear-yo-face-off MILFS (or DILFS)?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

The Internet.  Everyone thought it was a force for good.  Slowly but surely, it morphed from a nerd-driven curio into a less nerdy (but still nerdy) guerilla-ish cyberstructure, then into a full-on pillar of modern society.  People thought it would advance our development.  Ironically, it has done the exact opposite…

 

 

IT IS THE YEAR 2050.  THE INTERNET HAS GAINED CONSCIOUSNESS AND NEUTERED OUR BRAINS.  TROLLS, CLICKBAIT, TWITTER, AND INSTAGRAM HAVE DROWNED OUR PSYCHES IN AN EVER-RISING TIDE OF MENTAL SMEGMA…

 

Oh no!  I drive through the streets of San Francisco, avoiding the flash of random phone screens.  Everywhere I look, people gape vacantly at their glowing idiot boxes, caught in a storm of collective id.  I manage to resist through sheer force of will, but godDAMN do I wanna sneek a peek at some Instagram booty…

NO!

I take a hard right, toward my girlfriend’s.  Soccer Mom Prime lives in a suburban McMansion, a seven-bedroom monster where she boffs me silly.  I’ll let her pack a couple essentials, then we’ll flee into the desert.  Get away from this hellish technopolis.  Pull in her driveway, shift into park, get out of the car.  Run to her office, where…

CURSES!

SMP’s beautiful eyes are dull and vacant, transfixed by a barrage of online ads.  The devices around her—holo-tablet, holo-phone, haptic interlink—are assaulting her mind with discordant colors and cacophonous sounds.

Damn you, Internet!  DAMN YOU!!!

One option left.  I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The quantum restraints around my wiener and balls break free, allowing my genitals to assume their true, heavenly glory.  Girthy shaft, pulsing veins, diamond-hard upcurve…

I take a pic of it and upload it to the cloud.  BAKOOM!  Just broke the Internet!

Nearby machines fritz and spark.  Acrid smoke wafts from their consoles as they crack and darken.  SMP’s eyes go from vacant and dull to clear and knowing.

“Kent Wayne—Man Whore Extraordinaire.  I knew you’d save me.  Let’s make out.  Time to put that wiener to good use.”

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

 

 

Has an evil eDemon hypnotized your soulmate?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition are $0.99!

Beatosaurus Dick!!!  Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition are $0.99!  Scare your lover with your best demon-gasm—RUAAAAH!!!  RUKH TAK ASHIKTA!!!—and go tell everybody!  WHOOO!!!

I’ll be posting a variant of this ad until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.   Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for today and tomorrow!

Sperm on a sandwich!!!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for today and tomorrow!  Laugh uproariously with your fellow CEOs at those lowly proles, then Batman the shit out of them by presenting them with 51% ownership in all their companies, which you’ve just converted into dildo-selling charities!  Now go tell everybody about the sale!  WHOOO!!!

I’ll be posting a variant of this ad until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.   Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Today is the LAST day that Echo 1 is FREE!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for three more days!

By the lotioned-up genitals!!!  Today is the LAST day that Echo 1 is FREE!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for three more days!  Stop clicking that piece of chalk across your calculus-filled chalkboard, straining to figure out how to slide a finger into your lover’s poopchute, and go tell everybody!  WHOOO!!!

I’ll be posting a variant of this ad until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.   Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo 1 is FREE for today and tomorrow!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for four more days!

Mushroom stamp with cheese!!!  Echo 1 is FREE for today and tomorrow!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for four more days!  Take a giant steamer on your unsuspecting neighbor’s lawn as he lets his dog take a dook on yours and fails to pick it up, then go tell everybody!  WHOOO!!!

I’ll be posting a variant of this ad until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.   Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo 1 is FREE for three days!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for five more days!

Smeg-dicked dongs from Dirius Five!!!  Echo 1 is FREE for three days!  Echo 2, 3, 4, and Echo 1 & 2 Combined Edition will be $0.99 for five more days!  Trundle into your bathroom as your friends unsuspectingly play X-box, then let loose with a protracted scream while playing the crescendo from Requiem for a Dream!  They’ll think you’ve given birth to a dimension-crossing anus-monster!  After you do all that, go tell everybody!  WHOOO!!!

I’ll be posting a variant of this ad until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.   Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜