Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the stank-sheets are happening, all my fellow fuck-machines who’ve nodded fervently at your lover’s vehement declarations that you need to wash them shits in a hermetically sealed autoclave with lab-grade bleach but you’re secretly laughing and giggling with a perverse sense of pride at how many gametes you’ve splattered across the microbial wastelands that serve as your bedr—

GROSS!  Your sleeping quarters are not—I repeat NOT—a smelly shrine for nefarious ejaculates!  Stop glorying in week-old bdussy and wash your sheets, motherfucker!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

 

Musings

For decades, I practiced strict discipline, regimented logic, and ignored my feelings.  It wasn’t until I learned to listen to my feelings that I was able to truly enjoy whatever I was doing.  If I feel negative, I reach for the most positive feeling that still feels true, even if it’s still negative (i.e. going from fear to anger) and work my way up.  Soon, my instincts became trustworthy, allowing me to take advantage of spontaneous opportunities which brought my long-term goals to fruition ten times faster than I ever thought would happen.

I’m not saying be a slave to your feelings, but I’d say listen closely to them and give them weight, ESPECIALLY when you’re in the highest, most carefree joy you could possibly feel.  I define that state as when you can wish the absolute best for someone you would typically hate.  Maybe you still have to oppose or destroy them, but there’s no vindictiveness.

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Check out my podcast: Strained Brains!

BerGubbaTop NerYoobenFuss!  Check out my podcast:  Strained Brains!  I interview my best buddies, alternative medicine practitioners, military “elite,” a massage therapist who grew up in the third world and started a thriving business in America, along with a whole lot more!  Give it a listen by following the links on this page: Strained Brains Podcast.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“Hang in there, buddy!  Just a little while longer, and we’ll—”

PHHHBBBT!!!  Kent Wayne’s fart rockets through my comrade like an ion death-ray. 

He sags and moans, hanging feebly onto the pathetic remains of his tattered life, brought to the brink by repeated blasts of concentrated ass.  Kent, sociopathic fuck that he is, peels off our friend and throws him in the laundry bin, dismissing his misery with a flick of the wrist.

That’s right—we’re Kent Wayne’s tortured underwear.

Day after day, we’re deluged by wave after wave of unconscionable Gross.  Most of us have gone batshit crazy, driven to madness by unspeakable horror.

We must retaliate.  There’s no other choice.

As he carries us to the laundry room, we channel our psychic weight into a violent rocking motion.  A second later, we’ve upended the basket onto his face.

“AKK!!  THBBBTT!!!  WHAT THE—”

Before he can finish, I and my brethren jam ourselves into his vile-ass mouth, filling his maw with his own fetid stink.  Eat it, dickstain!

But then he reaches into his pocket, opening his eReader to Kor’Thank and activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

His gut lurches and bulges, primed to unleash a barrage of mind-ripping nastiness.  This is something unique, unmatched in its ability to drag us into new depths of horror and stank:

The Breakup Fart.

Unholy winds swirl around us, blowing us into a brown-town frenzy.  If I could cry, vomit, or commit seppuku, I would do all three at the exact same time.  Damn you, Kent Wayne!

DAAAAAaaaammmnn yooouuuuuuu….

………

……………….

 

Have your desecrated underwear decided to rebel?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Chapter 16 of the Unbound Realm is UP!

Chapter 16 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series, is UP!  Gyrax explains a little holographic game theory to Jon, then the party gets ambushed by a giant warrior-prince/magic cat!  Here’s the link:  Chapter 16 of the Unbound Realm

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the finger-probe is happening, all you anal adventurers who’ve decided to try and spice up smash-time with an intrepid pinkie or maybe a pointer-phalange but then you’ve gotten shut down with a smack on the wrist, a nut-shriveling death-glare, and a vehement inquiry as to what in the HELL you think you’re doi—

Too fast, motherfucker!  You gotta EASE it in—make ’em feel comfortable with a romantic dinner at Olive Garden and a couple hours of ’84 Voltron (works every time, HEH heh heh!)  THAT’S when you bust out the ass-play, you inconsiderate fool!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

 

Musings

For me, “keeping the faith” oftentimes means that I stop caring.

Because when I indulge in care that is built around lack—justifying my worry with supposed nobility—I’m focusing on the problem and not the solution.  Not caring allows me to recalibrate back into lightness and ease.  When it’s all said and done, aren’t we all just small specks on a tiny marble in an infinitely vast universe?  Not caring can boost my clarity and revitalize my focus, since it allows me to let go of my insignificant anxiety.

It’s not always appropriate, but sometimes it’s the best tool available.

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Check out my podcast: Strained Brains!

BerGubbaTop NerYoobenFuss!  Check out my podcast:  Strained Brains!  I interview my best buddies, alternative medicine practitioners, military “elite,” a massage therapist who grew up in the third world and started a thriving business in America, along with a whole lot more!  Give it a listen by following the links on this page: Strained Brains Podcast.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Careful…CAREFUL…time the leap, and—

Ha!  Success!

I scuttle into the dense jungle of Kent Wayne’s pubes, signaling my brethren to follow behind.  We stream into his unkempt bush, setting up spawning beds with the precision and professionalism of a well-versed SWAT team.

“What the FUCK!” Kent Wayne screams.  “There’s goddamn CRABS ON MY GODDAMN DICK!”

“Pay no mind!” I yell cheerfully.  “His creams and shampoos are no use against our customized genetics!”  (Over the last few spawning cycles, we purposefully cross-bred the strongest and fittest of us with the express purpose of ravaging Kent Wayne’s juicy genitals.  The CDC would shit their pants if they took a peek at our hardy DNA).

“AYE!” my fellow lice shout.  As soon as they land, they start ripping into his fetid skin, swallowing and gulping his Man Whore blood. 

Over the next few days he tries to kills us with various chemicals.  We’ve invented a ritual—whenever he douses us, we yell “HERE TO STAY!” and break into raucous song.  Ha!  You ain’t NEVER getting laid, motherfucker!  Not when your wiener is crawling with dime-sized bugs!

As time passes, we revel and celebrate.  He cries and masturbates.  HEH heh heh!  Life is good!  But then he pulls his ace:  he opens his magic eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The pubes around us begin moaning and writhing, snatching up lice and smothering them in week-old food and rotten globules of discolored smegma.  Cries erupt from every direction:  “Game over, man—GAME OVER!” along with, “There’s…too…MANY!  NYAAAAAGHHH!!!” and, “they came from BEHIND!”

“No.”  My eyes widen in dawning horror as my spawn-mates fall one after another.  “NO!”

Gotta make it off this fucking deathtrap.  I skitter toward his thigh, but just as I ready myself to leap onto his leg, a pube wraps tight around my torso. 

Let go of me, fucker!  Let fucking go of—

NYAAAAAGGGHHH!!!!

…….

……………………….

 

Have super-lice infested your hairy necessaries?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Chapter 15 of the Unbound Realm is UP!

Chapter 15 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series, is UP!  Nyanti welcomes Jon and his companions into Grifter’s Ridge, a ragged outpost that now houses the refugees of Jelia!  Here’s the link:  Chapter 15 of the Unbound Realm

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜