Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

RugThoggleBoggle!  Thank ya Big Big to all those who read Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the jerk-chafe is happening, all you wiener-beaters who stroke with the intensity of a thousand suns, but deeply regret it after your sixth or seventh jerk within 24 hours and now you’re reaching with a trembling hand for your tattered penis, teeth gritted like a mortally wounded action hero who’s about to pull the pin on a grenade so he can die like a boss and take a dozen bad guys with hi—

GET A HOBBY!  Damn dude, you can’t spend the entire day milking your hog in hopes of distracting yourself from the giant hole in your withered soul!  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

SkerNozzerBongs!  Thank ya Muchly to all those who read Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Ugh.  I used to be at the top of my game, servicing the finest of ladies with my upcurved thicky. 

Now I’m just a nameless sewer whore.

If you haven’t heard that phrase, it describes a Man Whore who caters to Karens.  I wish there was some other way to survive, but after Elon found a way to shrink my wiener using his cursed Science, this is all I’m left with.  Foul wizard!

Day after day, I listen to their description of televised megachurch and all things manager-related. 

Day after day, my will to live slips away. 

“Here’s your money, fucker.”  My latest Karen client throws a crumpled dollar bill at my dead-eyed face, followed by a handful of exact change—99 pennies.

“No tip?”  I know what’s coming but I have to ask.

“Bon apetit, sewer whore.”  She reaches in her purse, withdraws a fruitcake, and places it on my nightstand. 

They always give me fruit cakes.  Only a Karen would think that fruitcakes qualify as an acceptable gift.

After she leaves, my composure breaks.  Tears roll down my cheeks.  My shoulders shake in silent sobs.

Fuck this.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

An interdimensional gateway opens in my bedroom, filling the air with dreamy swells of slow-drift energy.  A beautiful, radiant figure steps out from the portal.

“Soccer Mom Prime!” I gasp.  “Why are you here?”

She gives me a smile with her glimmer-sheened lips.  “We can’t have you servicing Karens, silly.”  She waves her arm, releasing sparkling motes from the tips of her fingers.  They alight on my wiener and—

OhhhHHHHH SHIIIITTT

—it flops to the floor and curls around my ankle, once again restored to its original size. 

“There you go.”  Her smile grows wider.  “Now let’s put that upcurved thicky to good use, shall we?”

Hot damn!  Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Has Elon musk turned you from a noble courtesan into a lowdown sewer whore?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

It’s Free Sample Friday!

BerYumberNubben GerShtoobenYob, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

YonDoggleFritzen!  Thank ya Muchly to all those who read Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  I hope you were entertained!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the dick-flick is happening, all you frolicking man-children who’ve run up to your buddy and given them a quick wh’PAP to the sack or the tip, just so you can see the puzzlement in their eyes turn to horror and betrayal as they’re overcome by wave after wave of penis-induced agon—

Amateur!  Never, EVER sack-flick your buddy unless you distract them by pointing off in the distance or they’re sound asleep on your cum-coated couch!  Sack-flick etiquette, mofo!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the spread-hole is going on, all you adventurous butt-lickers who are questioning your life choices as you stare into the back-end of your bent-over lover who’s grabbing their cheeks and waiting for you to jam your face in but now you’re having serious reservations as your brain resonates with the phrase I need an adult I NEED AN ADULT—

Goddamn, dude—get in there and toss that salad!  Everyone’s seen it, everyone’s done it!  This ain’t no 80s prom where you’re saving your butt-licking proclivities for the Right One during an erotically charged saxophone-filled makeout sesh after a romantic night of stuffed crust pizza and a couple hours of OG Voltron!  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“Soon, Kent Wayne—soon, you will give up your insipid dreams of fun and leisure!  So say the agents of Adulting!”

“Not a chance!” I hiss.  “I don’t give a good goddamn if you have me naked and bound in a musty-smelling sex swing—there’s no way I’m gonna go back to being an Adult!  You think I haven’t been in one of these before?”

“Oh this is just the appetizer, my dear boy.  Prepare for the entrée.” 

Chains clink and clank.  Due to the fact that I’m upside down and my legs are spread to either side, it’s hard for me to see what’s going on above me.  I think they’re lowering something down, looks like a big hairy dude…

“No!” I gasp.  “NO!  YOU SICK FUCKS!  THAT’S STEVEN SEAGAL!”

“Indeed it is.”  The Adult chuckles.  “In a matter of seconds, his rancid pubes will make contact with yours.  Tell me, Kent—have you ever scissored with a half-human freakshow?  Your mind will unravel from sheer horror and abject disgust.”

Tears stream down my face.  “YOU GUYS ARE MONSTERS!”

“The same could be said of you, my big-wienered friend.  Taunting us with your freewheeling ways and girthy, upcurved penis.  Turnabout’s fair play!”

Up above me, Steven Seagal groans and yawns.  “I haven’t showered in a couple of weeks.  Think there’s some old pizza hanging off my butt hairs…”

Oh God—no!  NO! 

I’m out of options.  So I reach deep in my mind and tap the essence of the epic sci-fi novel known as Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Steven Seagal halts in place, then the chain rips and clanks in the opposite direction, launching him back toward his evil taskmasters.  I can hear their panic over the loudspeakers:

“Wait, why isn’t he—OH DEAR GOD, HE’S HEADING RIGHT FOR US!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

I can’t see it happening (thank fuck for that) but I can still hear their anguished howls as one of the nastiest human beings on the face of the Earth steals their sanity with an unceasing barrage of pizza-pubed scissoring.  My harness unclicks and I climb out of the dungeon.

Ha HA!  Kent Wayne escapes again!

😀

 

Has a sinister syndicate of jealous Adults tried to torture you back into their fold?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

It’s Free Sample Friday!

YarBongen Thoog McYibbenTitties, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited