It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

BerBiggerFoo McBarglenarg, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

After I suffered a heart-attack-by-orgasm (BEST way to die, HEH heh heh!) and ditched my human meat body, I reincarnated as a Labrador puppy.  Right now I’m zoomin’ and chewin’, humping up a storm.  GodDAMN is it good to be a canine!

Hump the owner’s leg!  Ha HA!  Hump the neighbor’s cat!  Ho HO!  Lick all my gross-holes!  Nyahaha!

“KENT WAYNE!  GET YOUR FURRY ASS OVER HERE!” my owner screams.

Not on your hairless LIFE, human!  Gonna insert my disgusting, lipstick-looking wiener into a hundred more orifices, then—

“We have him surrounded!  Box him in and bite the crap out of him!”

Oh no!  I look wildly around; the neighborhood chihuahua gang has sprung an ambush!  They’re gonna fuck me up with their small dog fury!

So I reach deep into my past life mind and tap the sci fi epic called Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My owner’s cup of kickass Go Juice floats toward me, its logo glowing with otherworldly power (in my later years, I would learn to associate this logo with the sound STAHR-BUKKS).  Angelic voices rise in the background, filling the air with ecstatic melody.  I tilt my doggy head back and open my little maw.

Galumph GALUMPH GALUMPH!

So THIS is what they call “coffee!”  Ye GODS!

My nubby little paws fly into a frenzy, beating the balls off my chihuahua foes.  They flee like the not-dogs they are, yelping and crying for their Cat friends.  Ha!  I knew they were aligned with those feline fuck-faces!  Labradors Eternus!

Ha HA!  😀

Have you taken an oath to protect Dog and all that is Dog, against all enemies feline and chihuahua?  Never fear!

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

One beer, two beer, three beer, four beer…

DEVIANCE ENSUES!

 

 

Huh?  What the fuck?  Last thing I remember was chugging beers with a gang of rowdy soccer moms, screaming at me to whip it out and twirl it over my head like a fleshy lasso, but then I started drinking, and…

“Murrrgh…”  I clutch my head and squint through my fingers, looking around slowly so as not to exacerbate my aching brain.

The harsh light of a naked bulb floods the room.  My legs are bound to a chair, which is bolted to the floor in front of a plain, steely table.  I’m in an interrogation room.

“SCUMBAG!”  The door swings open and bangs against the wall.  A pencil-necked Beta Male strides angrily into the room, slamming both hands against the table.  “STEALING ALL THE WOMEN THROUGH THE USE OF YOUR ANKLE-LENGTH WOMB-HAMMER!  HOW DARE YOU!!!”

“Hey pal, it’s not all sunshine and roses for me,” I snap.  “Do you have any idea how much I have to hydrate to produce semen by the gallon on a daily basis?  I spend a goddamn fortune on Gatorade!”

“Well you’ll be glad to know we’re gonna relieve you of your problem.”  The Beta Male draws a wicked, back-curving knife from a thigh-strapped sheath.  “Your obscenely large wiener will make an excellent prosthetic.”

“AAAHHH!!!  NO!  FUCK YOU!”  No options left.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A fistful of protein powder materializes in my hand.  I fling it into the Beta Male’s face, and he immediately bursts into flames, writhing and screaming like Harvey Dent in the Dark Knight.  His knife lands within reach and I snatch it up, sawing quickly through my bindings.

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

 

Have you been spirited away into a jealous Hater’s dungeon of Hate?  Never fear!!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

The Weekly Update: Echo, Kor’Thank, Musings Volume 2, and the Strained Brains Podcast

Kor’Thank:  Drafting is done (you can read the entire book on this website until I put it up for sale on Amazon), currently editing  Musings, Volume 2:  Musing 437 (out of 700; Musings Volume 2 is musings 350-700), first pass (out of 4).  Thanks to All Who Bought Echo, Musings, or downloaded my podcast!  And BIG THANKS to those who posted positive reviews on Amazon or Goodreads!!!

News:  Kor’Thank is still being ironed out; there’s a big spot in the middle, starting around chapter 25, where it needs a lot more attention due to the flow.  No worries–it’ll be finished when it needs to be.

That’s it for now!  If you’re a writer, then I wish you inspired drafting and insightful editing!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

NerBoggerSnock McBoogerSnoo, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

You know, normally I enjoy living in the suburbs.  I make fun of dad-bods, boff soccer moms, and chuckle to myself whenever a new Whole Foods or Starbucks springs up (happens on a biweekly basis).  But one day a year, everything goes topsy-turvy.  Up is down and black is white.

Today is that day.  It’s Black Friday.

“Oh God,” I mutter, jiggling the handle on my car door.  “What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck!”  I told my buddy I’d give him a ride to the mall, but it was up to him to uber home.  So I’m at the mall.  On Black Friday.  I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!

As the sun crests the horizon, cars pour into the parking lot.  They’re driven by the soccer moms who’re usually bugging me for a shot of my pork sword.  But they’ve been fully taken by Black Friday Fever.  Instead of ogling me and throwing much-welcomed catcalls at my juicy buttocks, they’re snarling and hissing, filling the lot with uncanny speed.  In a matter of seconds, five SUVs are circling around me, honking their horns, keeping me in place like a Mad Max motorbike gang.

“We’re gonna rip your nuts off!” one of them hollers.  “Two-for-one deal—it’s Black Fucking Friday, bitch!”

I cover my imperiled balls with both hands.  “No!” I squeal.  “You’re not yourselves!  Think about what you’re saying!  Think about—”

“No more talk!  Let the sack-cutting commence!”  They cut their engines and hop out of their cars.

Shit!  There’s no way I can outrun these beast-ass moms; some of them Crossfit four times a day!  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The skies overhead flash with thunder.  A rain of quinoa, scented candles, and gift cards for Target, Pier One Imports, and The Container Store rain down from above, flooding the parking lot with Soccer Mom swag.  The effect is immediate; they turn on each other like wild honey badgers, ripping each others’ limbs off and tearing through organs so they can try and get at the yuppified bounty.

I make a break for my car, which finally responds to my damn key fob.  Hop in, gun the engine, and I’m driving away, ugly-crying like Will Ferrell at his mid-2000s best.  Never again shall I emerge from my house on Black Friday!  NEVER AGAIN!

*quiet, desperate sobs*

 

 

Have you been caught in the commercial rush of holiday madness?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Where am I?  Last thing I remember was my family gathering ’round, ready to pull my plug after a long battle with terminal illness…

“Use the Force, Luke.”

I look to my right and gape in astonishment.  It’s Obi Wan Kenobi, in astral form!  I look down at my transparent, light-infused body and my eyes widen a notch further.  Oh shit—I’M in astral form!  We’re racing alongside Luke’s X-wing, free from the bounds of time and space.  My death on Earth must have launched me into this immaterial realm.

“Hey man,” I grin at Kenobi and extend my hand.  “Huge fan.  This part is so clutch; whenever I was a kid I’d get up and cheer as Luke—”

“Not now, imbecile.”  Obi Wan throws me an irritated glance as our thought-forms flit through space, tracking side-by-side with Luke’s starfighter.  “Don’t you dare fuck this up for me—I’ve been coaching this Tattooine redneck for the last several months, trying to get him to sack the hell up.  You wouldn’t even be here if not for a cosmic glitch.  I’ll send you on your way soon enough.”

Luke shoots his proton torpedoes and they slip into the exhaust vent.  Obi Wan pumps his fist.  “YES!  Eat my ass, Darkside cockbiters!”  Then he turns to me.  “Now it’s your turn.  Gonna send you to the lowest hell in the Dyriddian Hierarchy.”

“No, wait!”  I hold both hands out.  “You forgot one crucial thing!  If you don’t—”

SEEYA, smell-scrote!”  He gives me the finger, and I go spiraling into the acausal reaches.

“FUUUUUUUUCK!”  Countless realms swirl by, enveloping me in a blast of nonsensical concepts.  If I don’t do something soon, I’m gonna be sitting on a thorny demon cock for the rest of eternity.

So I reach in my mind, tapping the concept for an epic sci-fi novel called Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The reach of my psyche expands across the multiverse.  For a single, exhilarating instant, I’m spread across the entirety of existence.

I have to do this now, before the entire Star Wars saga gets irreparably fucked.

“LUKE!” I holler.  “LEIA’S YOUR SISTER!  DON’T FUCK YOUR SISTER!”

I can feel his subconscious taking in this oh-so-important piece of information.  When the time comes, his cock will stay where it rightfully belongs:  in his goddamn pants.  Whew!  You’re welcome.

As for me, I ain’t gonna spend the rest of my days in some bunk-ass hell.  Nah, bitch, Imma head over to the Enchanted Booty Forest!  Elven Soccer Moms, here I come!

😀

 

 

Are you the last line of defense against the Star Wars franchise becoming even more fucked than it already is?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜