Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

Gunslobbernobs McCogginBorgen!  Turgid, erect Thank Yous to all those amaze-o-faced folk who were reading Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Whoever you people are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

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It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

JigThobbleNop GerKooberStoobies, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

Persnibbibity HigYIBBITY!  Girthy-veiny Thank Yous to all those slap-dat-ass people who were reading Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  May you slap many a booty whilst gargling the finest champagne and snorting the most outrageous substances!  Whoever you people are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“As part of Third Leg Thursday, please welcome the man you’ve all been waiting for, our hottest draw and biggest Whorebag, sci-fi author and perennial Man Child, KEEeeeeeeeeEEENT WAYNE!”

KC and the Sunshine Band’s “Get Down Tonight” blares over the speakers as I make my way onstage, my big ol’ piece swaying between my knees.  Soccer moms go wild and start throwing panties and dollas at my nekkid body, littering the stage with garments and bills.  I shake up two cans of whipped cream, throw my head back, fill my mouth with delicious white froth—PSSHHHH—and rub the excess all over my body.  The ladies go wild.

“STOP!”

The doors burst open.  A flood of indignant husbands and their angry douche-jock children flood into the club.  Chaos erupts amongst the moms.

“Gotta get the fuck outta here—”

“Let me at that last line of coke—”

“Too much DMT—I’m merging with All That Was and All That Is!”

“LADIES!”  I pat the air with my hands, trying to restore order.  “If you could please just—”

“You’re dead, Kent—DEAD!”  Husbands and douche-sons come surging toward me, making chopping motions down by their crotches.  Holy Fuckles—they’re gonna cut off my award-winning salami!

Can’t let that happen.  So I reach into my [CENSORED], pull out my eReader, and open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“RAAAAAAHHHH!!!”  I throw my arms back and roar at the sky.  My wiener launches up from between my kneecaps straight up through the roof, hundreds of feet into the air.  For dozens of miles around, my enormous phallus becomes strikingly visible, punching past the cloud layer and poking through the atmosphere.

It is a sign of solidarity, a beacon of fellowship amongst the Thick.  A signal that one of their own is in dire straits, and requires the aid of his fellow womb-hammers.

And so they come.  They come en masse.

Winged cocks descend from above.  Every one of them qualifies as premium penis—girthy, veiny but not TOO veiny, and curved up.  They zip through the club, battering my would-be murderers with glans and frenulum.

“AHHH!  FLYING COCKS!  WHAT THE FUCK!”

“OH GOD IT’S COMING RIGHT AT MY MOUT—GLOMPF!”

“THEY SMELL LIKE CHEESY SOCKS!  THE HORROR!  THE HORROR!”

I run out of the club, cackling like the cat that got the cream.  Trynna stifle my Man Whore madness?  Not a chance assholes, not a chance.

HEH heh heh!

😀

 

 

Are you trying to slang that dick, but haters be hating on your big ol’ piece?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

GerLabberYabber SnerGOO!  Fragrant-perineumed Thank Yous to all those awesome-genitaled folk who were reading Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  May you never work as a sperm bank janitor!  Whoever you people are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

JingBoggerSnopps YerKibberDibbers!  Juggle-Scrotumed Thank Yous to all those 25th level warrior/mage/pimps who were reading Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Whoever you people are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“YOUR BRAIN IS TOO BIG, KENT!  HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE UTTERLY HELPLESS, LIKE THE REST OF US DOUCHE-JOCKS WHEN WE’RE FLUMMOXED BY BASIC ARITHMETIC???”

Blake Turner, my high-school nemesis, pummels my belly as his idiot hench-minions pull back on my arms.  I grimace and wince like a fucking action hero.

“Not too big for your mom,” I rasp.

“The fuck did you say?”  He leans in and gives me a menacing stare.  Gross—the pimples on his nose look like goddamn Christmas ornaments.

“Oh I’m sorry—I thought we were talking about cocks.  Your mom loves the taste of mine—I’ll let you guys in on a trade secret:  smear some lemon juice right beneath the head, and—”

“You FUCKER!”  Blake socks me in the belly and I double over, cough-laughing like a movie badass who secretly knows he’s about to turn the tables.

“I’ve got an ace up my sleeve,” I rasp.  “Imma bout to destroy you, cockface.”

And before he can respond, I rip an arm free, reach into my pocket, and open my eReader to Echo.

Time slows down.  A sheet of paper materializes in my hand, and—fwip-fwip-FWIP—I fold it into a paper airplane.  I launch it into the air and little thrusters materialize on its backside.  A cockpit bubbles up from its front, and tiny gatling cannons form on its flanks.  The cannons spin into overdrive, peppering my enemies with a disgusting blend of feces, piss, and overcooked sperm.

“AAAAHHH!!”  Blake and his cronies shield their faces, screaming and yelping like the cocksmears they are.  “WHAT THE FUCK!”

I clench my fists and grin maniacally.  Perfect time to start singing Ride of the Valkyries.  “Daah dah-dah DAH dah, Daah dah-dah DAH dah…”

Blake and his bung-lickers run out the door, gibbering frantically.  My airplane from hell follows close behind, keeping them pinned with an unrelenting barrage of Gross.  HEH heh heh!

😀

 

 

Are you being bullied by some unevolved teenagers?  Need to beat them back with a magic paper airplane that’ll coat their faces in week-old poop?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜