Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

As I munch happily away on a slice of pizza, I cue up the latest episode of Adventure Time and take a puff off that California super-weed that directs your mind’s eye straight into the center of Iluvatar’s butthole.  Man, could life get ANY better?

But then, from several rooms away, Irma Horfendorff (now my ex) perforates my eardrums with a shrill scream:  “KENT FUCKING WAYNE!  WHERE THE HELL ARE MY DIAMONDS???  YOU BETTER PRESENT THEM TO ME ON BENDED KNEE, IN THE MIDDLE OF A HOT AIR BALLOON RIDE OVER A PASTORAL COUNTRYSIDE!  AND GOD HELP YOU IF THE WEATHER’S BAD—IF THERE’S SO MUCH AS A SINGLE DROP OF RAIN, I’M GONNA LOP OFF YOUR NUTS WITH A DULL SPOON!”

I leap up from my comfy chair, whimpering and sniveling like a level 99 man-bitch, looking frantically from side to side.  My pendulous nuts instantly retract; they turn from low-hanging ankle-knockers into a flat patch of skin that seamlessly merges with my taint and my pelvis.  My seeming lack of ball-sticles is cold comfort and I’ll tell you why:  Irma Horfendorff’s a consummate sadist—if she can’t lop off some nut-meat, she’s gonna take a couple feet off my award-winning salami.

“KENT WAYNE!”  Irma storms into the room, clutching a wooden spoon in her right hand.  “YOU DIDN’T ANSWER ME IN THE REQUIRED TIMEFRAME!  IT’S BEEN A HELLUVA LOT LONGER THAN TWO SECONDS, AND YOU DAMN WELL KNOW IT!”

“AhGodPlease!”  I extend my arms in a halting gesture.  “Don’t chop off my clit-hammers!  Just leave me alone—for the love of GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE!”

“Too late.”  As she advances toward me, shadows draw long across her malicious grin.  With each step, she slaps the bowl of the spoon against her open palm.

Shit.  No options left.  So I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The device’s screen explodes with dazzling holograms—screenshots of texts, properly cited academic articles, logically sound proofs…Irma stumbles back, shielding her eyes and screaming bloody murder.

“NO!” she hollers.  “MY ONE WEAKNESS—VERIFIABLE FACTS!!!  ARRRRRRHHHHH!!!!”

I throw an elbow into the window and crash through the pane.  As I flow up from my roll and flee the scene, my lips spread wide in a cheese-eating grin.  I can hear Irma cursing me in between shrieks:

“DAMN YOU KENT WAYNE!  DAAAAAAMMMMNNN YOOOOOOUUuuuuuu…”

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

 

Need a quick dose of The Facts to repel your evil Ex?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

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Thank You Recent Echo Readers/Purchasers!!!

SkunJibbleGonkers!  Thank ya muchly to those awesome-blossom face-beaters who bought Echo on Kindle or read it on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Whoever you people are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

It’s Free Sample Friday!

LUGGPOCALYPSE YONDOOBIESMASHERS, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

 

Thank You Recent Echo Purchasers/Readers!!!

Sker’BungerSlib!  BIG Thanks McBanks to those amaze-balled dudes and dudettes who bought Echo on Kindle or read it on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Whoever you folks are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, and 4 will be $0.99 !!!

LugDonkleSnoggle EnThooginPorgey!  Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, and 4 will be $0.99 !  Stop humming along to eighties synth music, stabbing that voodoo effigy you made out of chunks of lip gloss and expired sausage, and go tell everybody!  (Where would you GET such an idea???  Weirdo!)  BunDizzleSnonk!  🙂 🙂 😀

I’ll be posting a variant of this message once (sometimes twice) a day until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Musings

If someone is better than me at something, then that means they can teach me a lesson.  If someone is a screw-up, they can serve as a cautionary tale.  Either way they can still help me, and I get to improve no matter what.

There’s no need to hold a grudge or be vindictive; there’s too much to learn, too much to accomplish.

Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, and 4 will be $0.99 !!!

ElDooleyFace NarBonkleTonkle!  Today is the LAST day that Echo 2, 3, and 4 will be $0.99 !  Quit hemming and hawing, wondering if your smegma is gonna smell good this time as opposed to all those others (trust me–it isn’t), get your fingers out of your pants, and go tell everybody!  DogFOGGLEyonkers!  🙂 🙂 😀

I’ll be posting a variant of this message once (sometimes twice) a day until the sale ends on February 22.  Apologies if it gets repetitive.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜