IN THE IMAGINAL REALM KNOWN AS THE BLOOM, A VARIETY OF ENTITIES CAVORT AND LOITER…
[Hey Kent,] Asmodel telepathically projects to me. [Haven’t seen you in a while. What’re you doing here?]
[Oh, you know…] I stretch my hand out, instantiating an array of sixth-dimensional constructs. [Just chilling. Had to take a break from being a Man Whore. Cocoa butter gets ridiculously expensive, but the alternative is unthinkable—no one can survive that much chafing, know w’um sayin’?] I glance over at a floating cloud of staticky lightning, then back at Asmodel. [Which is why I’m taking a break. Gonna use this time to rest up and think up a couple a’ stories. I’m working on one called The Unbound Realm, but after that, I’m thinking of a detective noir set in the—]
Suddenly, a voice booms through the aether: [THERE YOU ARE WAYNE! STAY RIGHT THERE—I GOT SOMETHING FUH YO ASS!]
I look wildly around as the Bloom fills with the most horrid, nitpicky psyche in all of existence, bent on picking apart wordplay to serve its finger-wagging, wrist-slapping manifesto.
[Oh SHIT!] Asmodel screams. [IT’S GRAMMAR NAZI PRIME! HE OF THE RED-INK CORRECTIONS AND CHANNELER OF SMALL DICK-ITIS! YOU’RE ON YOUR OWN, KENT!]
[Wait!] I protest. [If we both take a stand, then—]
Asmodel disappears in a puff of multicolored smoke. Anger rushes through me, but then it’s replaced by resignation—can’t blame him for not wanting to fend off a shit-ton of grammarian bullshit or be cursed with a super-small gerbil-dick.
[SO IT HAS COME TO THIS.] Grammar Nazi Prime chuckles maliciously as his foul presence infects the Bloom with a gangrenous mix of green-black stasis and toxic negativity. [PREPARE TO HAVE THE CREATIVITY STRIPPED AND FLAYED FROM YOUR PUNY MIND.]
Fuck it. No options left. So I reach in my mind and tap the epic sci-fi story known as Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
[You want my creativity?] I hiss. [You got it, bitch.]
My eyes and hair glow with otherworldly light. A rush of energy explodes beneath me, streaming upward and limning me in supernatural power, like an astral version of a Super Saiyan. I put my fists together and spread my legs.
[BLAZING SWORD?] Grammar Nazi Prime scoffs. [HARDLY ORIGINAL—PERHAPS YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE UMPTEENTH INCARNATION OF VOLTRON, BUT—]
[Nah, son. That was just a head fake.] My lips spread wide in a smug smile. [Blazing COCK.]
And then my discarnate wiener leaps from my legs, ramming it straight up into his mind’s asshole.
[NO!] he howls. [NOOOO!!!! WITHOUT SO MUCH AS A DROP OF COCOA BUTTER—HOW COULD YOU???]
[Cocoa butter’s for the soccer moms.] I snarl. [You red-ink FUCK.]
[NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!]
No cocoa butter for you! Kent Wayne wins again! HEH heh heh!
😀
Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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