Jerking it…jerking it…jerking it…
HO-ACHI-MAMA!
Just as a bunch of finger-length tadpoles erupt from my wiener, I realize 2020 has struck again—they immediately aerosolize into a black-tinged mist, sweeping out of my condo with a demonic “OOH-HOO-HA-HA!”
Damn you, 2020!
THREE SECONDS LATER, KENT WAYNE’S SPERM HAS WREAKED HAVOC ACROSS THE WESTERN SEABOARD, REDUCING ENTIRE FORESTS TO CRUMBLY DUST AND MELTING THE FACES OFF MILLIONS OF CITIZENS…
No! NO!
I run outside, grabbing my hair with both hands. Neighbors and friends drop to their knees, struggling to breathe as they claw at their necks.
Ted Yari locks eyes with me, fighting to inhale through a cloud of my swimmers. “Fuck…YOU. Kent…Wayne…”
Then he collapses onto his side, eyes rolling back as he breathes his last.
FUCK!
As I run through a field of corpses, the sky turns hellscape red. Sporadic gunfire sounds in the distance. Above the skyline, a chopper spins out, leaving a trail of smoke hanging in the air before disappearing behind a hill and blossoming into a bright orange fireball.
What am I gonna do? WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I keep running, trying to think of some way to reverse this madness. A dying Karen points at me and snarls like Gollum as her face turns to ash.
(Whoop, ’scuse me a second…)
I stop in front of her and piss on her corpse.
HEH heh heh!
Sorry—couldn’t resist. I zip up and keep running.
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
A giant vortex forms before me, swirling round and round in a furious gyre. What the FUCK, man??? My magic eReader is supposed to save me!
Then a beautiful woman forms inside the vortex: a hot-ass Soccer Mom with pointy ears, clad in a diaphanous gown that clings to the curves of her beautiful figure.
“ Join us inside the Enchanted Booty Forest.” She reaches out and gives me a smile.
Enchanted Booty Forest??? Don’t have to ask me twice! Hot damn!
I break into a sprint, taking a flying leap into the vortex. I glimpse Earth going to absolute shit before I’m teleported into a wonderland of Elven Soccer Moms who spend most of their day in scanty lingerie, hitting each other with pillows and laughing sexily before they settle down and start making out.
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
😀
Has 2020 turned your beat-off sesh into an apocalyptic deathstorm? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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