Chapter 18 of the Unbound Realm is UP!

Chapter 18 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series, is UP!  Jon fights his way through a nightmarish dream, caught in a false life woven by the evil Whisper Folk!  Here’s the link:  Chapter 18 of the Unbound Realm

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the dick-flick is happening, all you frolicking man-children who’ve run up to your buddy and given them a quick wh’PAP to the sack or the tip, just so you can see the puzzlement in their eyes turn to horror and betrayal as they’re overcome by wave after wave of penis-induced agon—

Amateur!  Never, EVER sack-flick your buddy unless you distract them by pointing off in the distance or they’re sound asleep on your cum-coated couch!  Sack-flick etiquette, mofo!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

 

Musings

I no longer believe in a purely transactional, tit-for-tat existence.  I no longer believe there needs to be a fall before a rise.  Regardless of whatever hardship I’m facing, I believe it is opportunity in an unpleasant costume.  Time has proven this to me over and over again through personal experience.

But I could go back to believing everything has a cost.  And then I would prime my perception to seek out a payment for every good event, no matter how large or small.  I would be caught in an infinite ledger of red and black ink, spending my entire focus on trying to balance an unmeasurable set of scales.  No thanks.

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Check out my podcast: Strained Brains!

BerGubbaTop NerYoobenFuss!  Check out my podcast:  Strained Brains!  I interview my best buddies, alternative medicine practitioners, military “elite,” a massage therapist who grew up in the third world and started a thriving business in America, along with a whole lot more!  Give it a listen by following the links on this page: Strained Brains Podcast.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Just won the lottery!  Woohoo! 

Gonna donate to charity, start a foundation for renewable energy, gonna—

 

ONE YEAR LATER…

Ugh…must have jerked it at least six or seven times and it’s not even noon…

You’d think with millions of dollars, I’d be knee-deep in women and questionable substances, but I’m a basic simpleton at heart—I’ve spent money on OnlyFans, pizzas from various restaurants with all manner of topping and crust, AAAaaand…

An army of gold robots.

Ahhh…this is the life.  Infinite pizza, copious porn, and an arena-style robo-duel whenever I want.  Never thought I’d say this, but I think I’m goo—

“WAYNE!  WAAAAAAYYYYNE!”

Oh shit—it’s Elon Musk!

“WHERE ARE YOU WAYNE???”  I can hear him tearing around outside, destroying my compound with the armaments built into his Mars-capable exosuit.  “NO ONE BUILDS AN ARMY OF GOLD ROBOTS WITHOUT MY SAY-SO!  YOU HEAR ME???  NO ONE!!!”

Fuck this asshole!  I’ve dreamt of a gold robot army since goddamn middle school!  Ain’t no way he’s gonna—

I rush outside and survey my yard.  My jaw drops in horror. 

He’s destroyed my robots.  Every single one.

“YOU’RE NEXT, WAYNE!”  He levels a gatling-laser arm right at my face.  Light spills from its barrels as it spins into a blur.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My pork sword unwinds from around my ankle and rips through my pants, shearing through Elon’s directed-energy barrage.  It’s magic-limned glans swell with power as weaponized force blast off its surface.  Under normal circumstances, I’d be reduced to a smoking ember.   But this is anything but normal—I’ve been imbued with otherworldly voltage. 

I run toward the billionaire, slipping through dimensions thanks to my quantum-charged body.

“WAIT…WHA—”  Elon staggers and stumbles, holding onto his cock-sliced belly.

I rise from my crouch, a dozen yards past him, holding my wiener like a motherfucking samurai sword. 

Wait for it…wait for it…

“Damn you Kent Waaaayyy…”

He collapses in place, a bloody corpse inside a metallic husk.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Need to defeat a billionaire in a combat mecha with no other weapon aside from your drool-worthy genitals?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Chapter 18 of the Unbound Realm is UP!

Chapter 18 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series, is UP!  Jon fights his way through a nightmarish dream, caught in a false life woven by the evil Whisper Folk!  Here’s the link:  Chapter 18 of the Unbound Realm

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the spread-hole is going on, all you adventurous butt-lickers who are questioning your life choices as you stare into the back-end of your bent-over lover who’s grabbing their cheeks and waiting for you to jam your face in but now you’re having serious reservations as your brain resonates with the phrase I need an adult I NEED AN ADULT—

Goddamn, dude—get in there and toss that salad!  Everyone’s seen it, everyone’s done it!  This ain’t no 80s prom where you’re saving your butt-licking proclivities for the Right One during an erotically charged saxophone-filled makeout sesh after a romantic night of stuffed crust pizza and a couple hours of OG Voltron!  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

Long term, taking risk in the spirit of betterment is the safest thing I’ve ever done.  Avoiding risk to perpetuate comfort has led me into danger, restriction, and regret.

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Check out my podcast: Strained Brains!

BerGubbaTop NerYoobenFuss!  Check out my podcast:  Strained Brains!  I interview my best buddies, alternative medicine practitioners, military “elite,” a massage therapist who grew up in the third world and started a thriving business in America, along with a whole lot more!  Give it a listen by following the links on this page: Strained Brains Podcast.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“Soon, Kent Wayne—soon, you will give up your insipid dreams of fun and leisure!  So say the agents of Adulting!”

“Not a chance!” I hiss.  “I don’t give a good goddamn if you have me naked and bound in a musty-smelling sex swing—there’s no way I’m gonna go back to being an Adult!  You think I haven’t been in one of these before?”

“Oh this is just the appetizer, my dear boy.  Prepare for the entrée.” 

Chains clink and clank.  Due to the fact that I’m upside down and my legs are spread to either side, it’s hard for me to see what’s going on above me.  I think they’re lowering something down, looks like a big hairy dude…

“No!” I gasp.  “NO!  YOU SICK FUCKS!  THAT’S STEVEN SEAGAL!”

“Indeed it is.”  The Adult chuckles.  “In a matter of seconds, his rancid pubes will make contact with yours.  Tell me, Kent—have you ever scissored with a half-human freakshow?  Your mind will unravel from sheer horror and abject disgust.”

Tears stream down my face.  “YOU GUYS ARE MONSTERS!”

“The same could be said of you, my big-wienered friend.  Taunting us with your freewheeling ways and girthy, upcurved penis.  Turnabout’s fair play!”

Up above me, Steven Seagal groans and yawns.  “I haven’t showered in a couple of weeks.  Think there’s some old pizza hanging off my butt hairs…”

Oh God—no!  NO! 

I’m out of options.  So I reach deep in my mind and tap the essence of the epic sci-fi novel known as Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Steven Seagal halts in place, then the chain rips and clanks in the opposite direction, launching him back toward his evil taskmasters.  I can hear their panic over the loudspeakers:

“Wait, why isn’t he—OH DEAR GOD, HE’S HEADING RIGHT FOR US!  RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!”

I can’t see it happening (thank fuck for that) but I can still hear their anguished howls as one of the nastiest human beings on the face of the Earth steals their sanity with an unceasing barrage of pizza-pubed scissoring.  My harness unclicks and I climb out of the dungeon.

Ha HA!  Kent Wayne escapes again!

😀

 

Has a sinister syndicate of jealous Adults tried to torture you back into their fold?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited