I sure as hell ain’t no Stephen Hawking, but I’ve earned many a smile and parted my fair share of legs with a drawn-out spiel about Jungian archetypes and golgi tendons. Here’s some of the shiz that keeps the hamster in my head churning away on its little wheel, making sure that the neurons in my noggin are firing at top speed:
Goddamn, if dicks weren’t so filthy, disgusting, and laughably sea-creature-like, I would get down on my knees and suck Joe Rogan’s. All the stuff from his supplement company Onnit has been vetted, researched, and quality-checked (supplements from less reputable sources aren’t as bioavailable, or they’re made in factories where they share mixing vats with crazy-ass steroid or viagra manufacturers). Onnit products are made by people who are 10x smarter, 20x stronger, and probably 30x longer and girthier than me. When you need a bunch of neurotrophic factor precursors made by people who actually like to dig into the data and stake their reputation on sound scientific principles, go with Onnit. This stuff has been proven to boost your cognition in legit studies. You can find it here: Alpha Brain.
Which brings me to my next telekinesis-inducing product: Onnit Krill Oil. We’ve all heard about omega-3s, right? Well apparently, people that make me look like about as smart as a booger-eating rhesus monkey (what’s up, Rhonda Patrick) have declared that the omega-3s in krill oil are way more bioavailable than the ones in regular old fish oil. Start growing that sexy-ass brain into a giant, pustulent, vaguely sexual-looking mass of mind-controlling gray matter and get you some Onnit Krill Oil.
From my idiotic, phallically-focused understanding, this shit will actually induce neurogenesis, or brain growth. (So will psilocybin, but I wouldn’t know anything about that, heh heh heh). Unlike magic mushrooms, lion’s mane won’t strap you into a hyperspace rocket where you use setential weaponry to duel with the Astral Wizards of Elothia. Oh yeah—it’s legal too. Get it here: Lion’s Mane Mushroom.
Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
LOL! I just can’t … “if dicks weren’t so filthy, disgusting, and laughably sea-creature-like” got my stomach hurting from laughing so hard! Dude! Like, seriously, dude! LOL!
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A couple years back, I fell pretty hard off the Joe Rogan bandwagon, but I think I’ll leave this up for its comedic value! 😅
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You’ve got my vote for leaving it up, this one is never getting old lol.
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Will do! 😁
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Too damn funny! But on a serious note, thanks for the information and I will certainly be following your blog! As part Neanderthal I believe I could use all the advice and good direction that’s out there!! Also thanks for checking out my preview of my three chapters, I appreciate anybody looking at it… feel free to knock it down and tear it up and send me some thoughts if you want to critique it a little bit, I’d appreciate it immensely. It’s chock full of technical errors and other mistakes, I’m totally aware of… but I really wanted to get some feedback on the content and storyline as well as the plot, the character development etc, so any feedback is appreciated, if you’re not too busy being super hilarious and awesome to read!!! Please keep posting because I’m going to be checking you on the regular! Thanks again!!
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Hello, I checked out your chapters, and first of all, I think you’re doing a good job with characterization and dialogue. Also, from my experience, writing critiques can easily become toxic, as I think a lot of writer-critics want to feel the power of tearing someone down, not necessarily trying to give any useful advice. I mention that just to advise you to take every critique with a grain of salt, and to also emphasize that at the end of the day, you write for yourself, not for your critics.
So that being said, my take is that there’s too much description that isn’t paired with your character’s perception. By that I mean that if you’re going to go in-depth about the house, the character should be doing something that pulls them into reminiscing about the house. Otherwise, it seems like the character is contemplating the house without any good reason (I was guilty of doing a lot of this in Echo 1). Third person narrative is still tied to a character’s perception–a phrase I’ve heard used to describe this is “third person intimate.” That’s why–as a general rule–it’s good to stick with describing things as a single character might perceive them, even though that rule gets broken from time to time. Telepathy provides a good reason to do it, because one character is sharing another’s perception, so they can perceive through a different worldview. Also, I’ve seen Stephen King do it occasionally as well, although even he doesn’t do it too egregiously. It’s all about the pacing–if it still feels smooth, it isn’t a problem.
Now keep in mind this is my personal advice, so you don’t need to follow it or give it the time of day. You write for you, not for me or anyone else!
TLDR: trim down your descriptions and pair them with whatever your character happens to be doing.
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This is absolutely hilarious. I haven’t been having the easiest time getting into writing mode which has been very stressful, so this laugh was desperately needed.
I also wanted to say a very belated thank you for being so supportive of my blog. I appreciate you for reading and liking so many of my posts. I’m looking forward to checking out your work. 🙂
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No worries! Glad I could get a laugh! I don’t really like Joe Rogan anymore, and I don’t use some of these products anymore, but people seem to chuckle at the ads so I decided to leave em up.
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