Give my books a read and a review!

What the Ghost of Man Whore Past is happening, all you aged-out dickslingers who are now decrepit old fuckbags who plague the gym locker rooms with your sloppy-ass balls and liver-spotted frenulum, you think you’ve put your checkered past behind you but as you lie in bed, the specters of cervixes, rectums, and tonsils haunt you and tickle your decades-wasted penis, you sob into your pillow and tell them to leave, goddammit, just leave me the hell alone but they refuse to stop fucking with you so you lose your shit and run through your house while blasting sperm into every crevice and corner telling them to take it, just fucking take it and GO THE FUCK AWAY—

Damn, dude, go to the nursing home and sell that wiener!  Don’t you know STDs run rampant among the elder folk because they’re sick of bingo and mashed potatoes?  There’s plenty of opportunity for you—sheesh!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my sci-fi series: Echo!

Echo is where I started my writing journey. The series has four books, and is filled with musings on society and existence, along with big doses of violence (especially in book 2) as well as psychic stuff and existential philosophy (book 3 and 4). You can see me get a firmer grip on dialogue, description, action, perspective, and symbolism as you progress through the series. #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Here’s the link: Echo.

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜   #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

Check out my first venture into YA fantasy!  Jon’s a regular Earth kid who wants something more.  After he stumbles through an interdimensional portal, his wishes are granted in spectacular fashion!  During his journey, he encounters a Wolven King and an Elerican Witch, the last Wayfarer, and a half-Elf Princess!  All this and more in A Door into Evermoor! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get A Door into Evermoor here:  A Door into Evermoor  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

They must have worked out the bugs with neuralink, because mine’s all right.  If I bump my head against the wall, the jack will make a weird click, but otherwise, there’s no pain and no discomfort.  At this point, I’ve had it for six and a half months.  I barely notice unless—

“NYAAARGGH!”  I clutch my head as images blast my brain.  “What the…what—HRRRRGNNNGH!” 

[Finally!] Elon gloats into my psyche.  [The great Kent Wayne, at my mercy!  Fuck your big penis and its freewheeling ways!]

“Asshole!” I spit.  “Call your goons, because I’m coming for you, fucksludge!”  I throw on my jacket, then drop to my knees as my cerebellum erupts with glitches.

[Your weakness is milfs, eh?  Easy enough to exploit.  Tell me:  how will you hold up under a year’s worth of clips from MyFriendsHotMom dot com?]

My eyes widen in fear.  “Wait.  Don’t—”

“HRRRRAAAAAGGJHHHH!!!”

ONE HOUR AND SEVEN HUNDRED EJACULATIONS LATER…

Murrgh…hard to breathe.  Can barely think…I need…electrolytes…

[Ready for round two?]  Elon projects a sadistic smile into my mind.  [You’ll be a dried-out mummy by the time I’m done.]

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Through our link, I can feel Elon recoiling in surprise.  “Steven Seagal?  What are you doing here?”

His deadpan voice echoes through our connection:  “I wasn’t given much in the way of phallus or testicles, but I’m packing the biggest foreskin on God’s green earth.”

“No,” Elon whispers.  “No!  Keep it away from me!  Oh God, it smells like rotten cabbage and monosodium glutamate!”

“Shhh.  Go to sleep.”  Seagal whips his smegma-heavy anteater over Elon’s head.

“EEEE!  EEEEEEEE!”  Elon thrashes violently about, but as the flesh melts off his liquefying skull, his tormented cries fade out and die. 

I can’t help but shudder in horror.

But that quickly passes, because that’s what you get for trying to kill me with MyFriendsHotMom dot com!  You wanna dishonor the best website in all of existence?  Die in the hell of Steven’s fucking foreskin!  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Has a malicious oligarch reached through your cutting-edge brain-link, then scrambled your neurons with your favorite porn genre?  Never fear!  Buy my books and kill him with the foulest of smegmas!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check out my high school absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! (Yes, I know “absurdical” is a made up word)

Idiot demon-jocks, tons of profanity, copious psychedelics, and an airborne kiss at 300 mph, hanging from the back of a mushroom-shaped mecha!  All this and more in my comedy/horror/sci-fi absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited 

Give my books a read and a review!

What the sexedelic is happening, all you adventurous folk who’ve ingested some quality substances and are in the middle of getting lucky with a random hottie, then the drugs kick in and as you stare into the depths of their spread-open butthole, it begins morphing into a Heath Ledger Joker with giant spider legs, you flinch back in terror but manage to regain your bearings and force your quivering face closer and closer, the Joker-hole breaks into maniacal laughter and chirps “Eat me!  Eat me!”  Then it does that scary-as-hell, bass-amplified demon-voice and commands “EAT ME.” which causes you to fall back onto the bed and burst into tears, your date shoots to their feet demanding to know what the hell is wrong with you, but all you can manage is a fear-strangled, “It speaks—IT SPEAKS!” before ugly-crying like Will fucking Ferrell at his mid-2000s best—

EAT IT!  It’s 2023, goddammit!  Psychedelics or no, get in there and maow the fuck down!  Omma-nom-nom!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my sci-fi series: Echo!

Echo is where I started my writing journey. The series has four books, and is filled with musings on society and existence, along with big doses of violence (especially in book 2) as well as psychic stuff and existential philosophy (book 3 and 4). You can see me get a firmer grip on dialogue, description, action, perspective, and symbolism as you progress through the series. #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Here’s the link: Echo.

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜   #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

Check out my first venture into YA fantasy!  Jon’s a regular Earth kid who wants something more.  After he stumbles through an interdimensional portal, his wishes are granted in spectacular fashion!  During his journey, he encounters a Wolven King and an Elerican Witch, the last Wayfarer, and a half-Elf Princess!  All this and more in A Door into Evermoor! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get A Door into Evermoor here:  A Door into Evermoor  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

From a distance, you might think they were cowboys on the trail, but these four figures had no cattle.  Their fire cut a spark against the night-darkened mesas, the glow from the stars was distant and cold.  If you were to behold their faces up close, you would see three of them were wrought with anguish and strife. 

“I used to be the boss,” the first one said.  “Grammar Nazi Prime, you know?  I would drench budding writers in red-ink corrections, then revel in their beaten demeanors.  That all changed when Kent came along.”

“Goddamn Kent fucking Wayne,” Grammar Nazi Secondary agreed morosely.  “Every time I pissed on a story, Kent would materialize and dick-slap me senseless.”

“Thank God he’s dead.”  Grammar Nazi Tertiary stared blankly into the flames.  “I still bear his mark.”  Sure enough, there was a giant mushroom-stamp on the right side of his face.  It ran from his forehead to his nonexistent jawline.

“What about you, stranger?”  Grammar Nazi Prime turned to their fourth:  a woman whose face was hidden by the brim of her hat.  “What’s your relation to that low-down Man Whore?”

She spooned some beans into her mouth, chewing appreciatively as the silence thickened. 

Then she responded with a dark chuckle.  “Funny you should ask.  While you fuckbags had your panties in a twist, me and Kent got along just fine.”

Secondary and Tertiary gripped their six-guns.  “Best move along,” Grammar Nazi Prime said tersely.  “We don’t take kindly to—”

She chuckled again, took off her hat, and met their eyes.  The trio of Grammar Nazis stiffened in shock.

“Holy SHIT!” Tertiary yelled.  “It’s Martha fucking Stewart—Kent’s best client from his Man Whore side-business!  Smoke her a—”

Before he could say “ass,” Martha whipped out her eReader and opened it to a Kent Wayne novels, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Kent’s disembodied wiener appeared in her hand.  With a slash of her arm, she hit all three at once, dislocating Prime’s jaw, fracturing Secondary’s temple, and breaking Tertiary’s leg right above the knee.

“Fuck this!” Secondary screamed.  He took off into the night with Grammar Nazi Prime.

Martha cracked the penis-whip again, binding Tertiary head to toe in veiny coils.  She lifted him up off the ground as he winced and yelped, squeezed agonizingly tight by Kent’s cheese-fouled meat. 

“No, please!” he gasped.  “Don’t—”

The whip clenched in decisive twitches, breaking damn near every bone in Tertiary’s body.  He let out a scream which turned into a blood-muffled gargle.  She released the dying, mangled Grammar Nazi; he puddled onto the ground like Peter Griffin after one of his hilarious-yet-cringey accidents where all of his joints are bent the wrong way.

As the other two Grammar Nazis sprinted like hell, Martha muttered, “Oh no you don’t,” and cast the dick-whip in a long-running slash, gobbling the distance in a flash of shiny-smooth glans. 

The whip wove through the air in expansive twists, then it shot through Secondary’s mouth, out the back of his skull, and did the same with Grammar Nazi Prime.  They stopped dead in their tracks, eyes wide in surprise and terror, struggling to process their oncoming death due to the wiener in their noggins. 

“Fatality, bitch.”  Martha giggled as she dragged them back to the fire.  “I know just the thing to go with Grammar Nazi skulls—a bit of cardamom with saffron and thyme.  HEH heh heh!”

Kent Wayne wins again! 

😀

Have you passed on before your Grammar Nazi foes?  Never fear!  Summon a cannibalistic, cartoonishly homicidal Martha Stewart and turn them all into a gourmet dish!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check out my high school absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! (Yes, I know “absurdical” is a made up word)

Idiot demon-jocks, tons of profanity, copious psychedelics, and an airborne kiss at 300 mph, hanging from the back of a mushroom-shaped mecha!  All this and more in my comedy/horror/sci-fi absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited