Give my books a read and a review!

What the gray-balls is happening, my fellow meatslingers who chance a look down only to see a bit of scraggly white hair on your aging yambag, which causes you to hyperventilate and stagger through the house in a panicked daze, looking for ball-hair dye no you should trim it anyway holy shit there’s LIVER SPOTS ON YOUR TESTICLES YOU LOOK LIKE METHUSELAH LADIES DON’T EXTEND THEIR SILVER FOX THIRST TO YOUR GODDAMN NOGGERBOGGINS I NEED AN ADULT I NEED AN ADULT—

Whoa whoa WHOA!  Easy there, frosty-balls!  There’s benefits to having an old-ass pair of well-groomed chin-ticklers!  What benefits, you say?  Well, now that they hang halfway down to your ancient-as-fuck knees, they can hammer ladies’ clits when you’re hitting it from behind!  Calm the fuck down!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

This is my first venture into YA fantasy!  It’s got wizards and Wayfarers, Wolven and Whisper Folk, a magic revolver and a SyCajister sorcerer!  All that and more in A Door into Evermoor!

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get The Unbound Realm here:  The Unbound Realm, Volume 1  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

“WAKE UP, KENT WAYNE!” Jeff Bezos hollers.  “PREPARE TO BE HARVESTED FOR YOUR EXQUISITE PUBIC HAIR!”

What the hell?  I try to stand up, but my limbs are spread-eagled, shackled to a steel operating table. 

Bezos adjusts the surgical light, exposing my unzipped crotch and my enormous unshaven balls, and twiddles his fingers like a roided-out version of Montgomery Burns.  “Yes…Yeeeesss…the hair from these award-winning genitals shall serve as a worthy replacement for my once-luscious locks!”

“Just get a transplant like everyone else!” I rage.  “This is completely unnecessary!”

“So are my daily infusions of pureed infant,” Bezos chuckles.  “I hope you’ve been eating pineapple—most people think it does nothing aside from enhancing seminal flavor, but my chief necromancer assures me that it boosts the health of a man’s pubic hair.”

“WHAT?” I sputter.  “That’s INSANE!  And no—I don’t like pineapple!  Whenever I see a pineapple pizza, I take a giant shit on it to improve the taste!”

“That’s a shame,” Jeff sighs.  “Ah, well.  Let’s trim those hairs, shall we?”

Absolute rage surges through me.  “FUCK YOU AND YOUR OVERLORD WAYS!”  And simultaneously rip my arms free in a display of Kent-smash Hulk-strength.  Then I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its untapped reality-distortion potential.  Magic flash.

My wrinkled balls begin quivering and twitching.  “WHO DARES SUMMON ME?”  They expand in size, eclipsing Bezos with their ponderous shadow. 

Bezos falls onto his butt, scootching back on his hands until he hits the wall.  “Please!” he wails.  “Spare me!”

My balls respond with a thunderous laugh.  “NOT LIKELY, FLESHLING!  YOU FUCK WITH THE BULL, YOU GET THE ASS-WRECKING HORNS!  YOU’RE TALKING TO AN ENTITY WHO USED TO BULLY CTHULU ON A REGULAR BASIS—PREPARE TO SPIRAL INTO THE DEPTHS OF MADNESS!”

“No!” Bezos shrieks.  “NO!”

My testicles flex, unleashing a maelstrom of unholy smegma.  Bezos screams and writhes, clutching the air with his shaking hands as the skin melts off his bones and sinew.  I turn away and cover my mouth, tears of horror running down my cheeks. 

I’ve won, yes, but at what cost?

AT.  WHAT.  COST????

 

Have you been abducted by a Lex Luthor analogue who’s too damn fancy to stick with Rogaine and transplants?  Never fear—buy Kent’s books and escape his clutches!  Get A Door into Evermoor here:  A Door into Evermoor Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Give my books a read and a review!

What the scatter-piss is happening, my fellow big-dick-slitted folk who have tried and tried to explain your plight, agonizing over each urinary debacle to the point where you’re sumo-squatting over the toilet and forming a little pee-shield with your hand between your wiener and your thighs while you’re saying the Lord’s Prayer with tears of frustration streaming down your cheeks, when what you REALLY wanna do is corner every fucker with a prejudice against your piss, steal a big bite of their burger and a big gulp of their sprite and rattle off that Pulp Fiction shit where Sam Jackson puts the fear of God into their wormlike souls before you show them firsthand how the piss goes everywhere and now it’s about to go in their motherfucking FACE—

Whoa whoa WHOA!  Easy there, asshole!  Don’t chomp down on other peoples’ burgers, and don’t take your piss-hate out on innocent bystanders—they know not the burden of a giant dick slit! 

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

Have a gander at my first venture into YA fantasy!  It’s got Witches and Wolven, magic revolvers, a half-Elf Princess, and the last Wayfarer!  All that and more in A Door into Evermoor!

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get The Unbound Realm here:  The Unbound Realm, Volume 1  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

Have a gander at my first venture into YA fantasy!  This is the first book where I felt I “settled into my authorhood,” since I wasn’t relying on violence/profanity to drive the pace and hit the high notes.  It’s got Elerican Witches and Wolven royalty, a half-Elf Princess and the last Wayfarer!  All that and more in A Door into Evermoor!

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get The Unbound Realm here:  The Unbound Realm, Volume 1  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

A Door into Evermoor gets a Four-Star on Goodreads!!

My YA fantasy, a Door into Evermoor, just got a four-star on Goodreads! Big Thank You if you’ve bought and reviewed it! 🙂 🙂 😀

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

My first venture into YA fantasy!  This is my first book where I felt I “settled into my authorhood,” since I wasn’t relying on violence and profanity to drive the pace and hit the high notes.  It’s got Elerican Witches and Wolven royalty, magic revolvers and the last Wayfarer!  All that and more in A Door into Evermoor!

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get The Unbound Realm here:  The Unbound Realm, Volume 1  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Give my books a read and a review!

What the 80s sex is happening, all my fellow fogies who remember the times of 3 dates before smashing, often accompanied by evocative sax solos (as well as some drifting fadeouts of said sax player, a mulleted dude wearing a jacket no tie) whilst you throw your head back against the moonlit background, gasping and closing your eyes in super-slo mo, then writhing against your partner in liquid undulations as the blankets tastefully drape over anything x-rated—

BLASPHEMY!!! Come on, man, get with the times!  At the very least, foreplay should end up sounding like squishy mac n’ cheese, and pound-town should have some slappa-slap, slappa-SLAP!  Even with that, the kids nowadays would be bored as hell—those fresh-faced perverts are all about blumpkins and fishhooks and stinkfinger yerberts!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

My first venture into YA fantasy!  Instead of a metric shit-ton of Fuck you, World (check out my other books for that) I’ve focused on world-building, pacing, dialogue, adventure…in short, all the stuff that comes with my growth as an author.  It’s got wyverns and wizards, Wolven and Wayfarers, a half-Elf Princess and a charming thief!  All this and more in A Door into Evermoor!

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get The Unbound Realm here:  The Unbound Realm, Volume 1  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀