Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Ahh…flaming hots are the best.  Why even bother making regular Cheetos?  Fools!  All of them!

I lick dust off my chemically reddened fingers, savoring the ommynom burn that spreads across my tongue.  GOD, that’s good…

And then my stomach gives a warning lurch.

My face goes pale.  Color drains from my cheeks.  I leap up from the couch and run to the bathroom door, turning the knob and throwing my shoulder into it.  WHOOF!

Instead of flying open like it’s supposed to, the door remains closed.  No, dear God—NO!  I give it a few kicks but it doesn’t budge.

Sweat springs out across my forehead.  If I release my protein-poop into the open air, people will die.  Not just people—ENTIRE CITIES.  Gotta do something–gotta do it FAST.

I scramble through the living room, trying to find something—ANYTHING—that can stifle the apocalypse brewing in my colon.  Jesus Christ, please let there be—

My causality-warping eReader.  Lying on the coffee table.

I flip it open, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

I’m teleported onto an open football field, holding a springy pole-vaulting stick in both hands.  Levitating at the other end in front of the goal post is a single porta-potty.

Its door opens.  Angelic song fills the air.

I explode like a sprinter from the goddamn starting block, grit and determination etched on my face.  Due to my clenched sphincter, everything below my waist has gone completely numb, but it doesn’t matter—my legs have gained life of their own; they’re pumping and churning like runaway steam engines.

50 yards.  30.  20.  Jam the pole into the ground and—

ALLEY-FUCKING-OOP!

—fly through the air while twisting around, pulling my shorts down before I PLUNK on the toilet.  An electric chill runs through my torso before—

PHHHBBBBT!  OHHHHHHhhhhh man–MANohmanohman.

Feels better than cumming—if anyone disagrees, I have two words for you:  Fight Me!

😀

Have you eaten one too many flaming Cheetos, putting your entire county at risk of an unimaginably horrific death?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

In one week—December 7—all four Echo books will be FREE on Kindle for five days!

Yog-Sothoth’s tentacle-coated yib-yobs!!!  In one week—December 7—all four Echo books will be FREE on Kindle for five days!  Finish rubbing your genitals up on the car window of that guy/gal you like (yes, of COURSE you can take a moment to savor their horrified expression) and go tell everybody!  WHOOO!!!

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Thank You Recent Kor’Thank Purchasers!!!

NerGobberBlippers!  Thank Ya Big Big to all who bought Kor’Thank on Kindle yesterday!  Whoever you all are, Thank You Very Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

It’s Free Sample Friday!

Yerbernots, GerThoppenSchlong, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the fuckgobble is happening, all you go-for-broke oral warriors who like to make loud-ass noises while you’re pleasuring your partner (OMMANOMGLKGLKGLKMRRRUUUUAAAAHHH!) so they have some audio stimulation to go along with their tactile—

Jesus Christ, man!  Never, EVER go full-on demon-gasm!  Save that shit for when you’re decapitating a Demogorgon or mowing through an army of Blood Moon Orcs!  Fuck!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Ahh…another day in paradise.  Roll out of bed, uncoil the wiener from around my ankle, give it a quick scratch n’ sniff (don’t judge—I know plenty of you do it), fix a cup of coffee and sit down to write.

I knock out a few hundred words, relax into the rhythm and flow, letting my mind drift along the roads of potential and possibility.  No better therapy than a microdose and writing, lemme tell ya.  Add in some Soccer Mom sex and an episode of Adventure Time…man, there’s no comparison.

Suddenly, my screen goes black.

Huh?  Whafuh?  I tap the keys, irritated as hell.  All I’m doing is running a goddamn word processor, how the fuck does it crap out on me when all it has to do is—

“HEH heh heh!”

What the—I tap the speakers.  Did someone hack me?

“Hello, Kent.”

I straighten up, fighting the dread that boils in my gut.  I know that voice.

“It’s me:  Grammar Nazi Prime.”  The screen fills with a chinless visage, defined by receding hair and a complete lack of jawline.

“What do you want?”  I try to keep my voice from shaking.  “GET OUT OF MY COMPUTER!”

“We Grammar Nazis have had enough of your freewheeling writing, not to mention your ridiculous good looks and visibly giant dick-print.  You wear sweatpants almost every day, you insipid show-off.  Time to put you in your place.”

Before I can respond, a laser shoots from the screen directly into my forehead, intensifying rapidly with white-cored brilliance.  Holy shit!  I can feel my features shifting, my thoughts changing…

The laser cuts off.  Staring back at me from the faint reflection of the now-black screen is a horrific visage.

MOTHER OF BALLS HE TURNED ME INTO A KAREN!!!

“Oh ho ho ho…HEH heh heh…”  My chuckles turn to sobs before abruptly switching into belly-shaking laughs.  Tears stream down my cheeks as I fight the transformation.

“Nuh…NUH…NOOOO!!!”  I cover my face and flail blindly around, swiping my desk clean with a violent swing of my outstretched arm.  Oh God—I can feel the urge to watch televised megachurch building within me…the overwhelming impulse to buy nasty-ass fruitcakes for all and sundry…(who buys fruitcakes as a goddamn gift?  Karens do and you know it—you fucking KNOW IT!)

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Ropy white stems erupt through my condo’s floor and walls, blossoming into man-sized psychedelic mushrooms.  One of them wraps me up tight.  Another forces its way into my mouth like a blessed, mind-expanding cock.

“MRRF!  MRRF!  OM-NOM-NOMMY-MCNOMSKIES!”  I maow down a pound of shroom in less than a second.  The body buzz hits me like a mack fucking truck.  Oh shit I’m coming up—

YIBYOB-MCGOOBER-CUNT!

……..

…………………

Slowly, ever so slowly—after I spend untold eons staring into the Unnamable’s asshole—I reintegrate back into the physical world…

As Kent Wayne, sci-fi writer and accomplished he-slut, thank God!  Ain’t no Karen-energy in this big-penised Man Whore!  Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

Has your mortal enemy neuromemetically transformed you into a finger-wagging Karen?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the dick-slip is happening, all my fellow well-endowed hole-wideners who’ve strategically placed the tip of your wiener above your waistband so it pokes out like a curious amphibian that’s emerged from the deep so it can sniff around for food and friendsh—

Oh my GOD!  Your nasty, leaky tip isn’t NEARLY as attractive as a celebrity nip, so gtfo with that dick-slip nonsense!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Yar har, matey!  Kent Wayne be sailing the seven seas!

This is the life!  Plundering booty of both kinds (treasure and butthole), fighting off sea serpents, and peeing over the deck whenever I want!

Only thing missing is a beautiful lady-friend, one who can appreciate my thick, veiny phallus and copious blasts of viscous sper—

NO, Kent!  I thud my palm against my head.  Stupid, stupid, STUPID!  Keep it romantic!  They like candles, man!  Picnics with fancy cheese and tiny sandwiches!  Don’t let them see your wiener until they start groping it!

“Ra-KAWK!”

What the—I look over my shoulder and glimpse a horrifying sight.  My ex-wife Irma Horfendorff, manifested in her true form:  a human-harpy hybrid!

“Ra-KAWK!  Where are my fancy cheeses and tiny sandwiches, Kent???  I WANT DIAMOND RINGS!”

Fuck me in the goat ass!

I grab the wheel, spinning it hard to starboard.  “I told you:  the Kimber Process doesn’t do a good job filtering out conflict diamonds, and even if a diamond happens to be clean, it gets processed in Surat, where sweatshop conditions ruin the lungs and eyes of the local workfor—”

“FUCK YOU!”  She opens her maw and spits out a fireball.  I see its shadow grow large on the wooden deck, right before it hits.

PKKKKEEEWWWW!!!  OH SHIIIIIIIII—

I go flying through the air, cycling my arms and legs and screaming my balls off like an eighties action hero.

She blew up my ship!  She blew up my ship!  I’VE DREAMT OF BEING A HORNY PIRATE FOR OVER HALF MY LIFE AND NOW SHE’S FUCKED IT ALL UP FOR ME!

Fuck it.  No options left.  Before I splash down, I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A giant wad of my skidmarked undies streaks through the sky, like the evilest, most foul-smelling comet you could possibly imagine.  Irma turns toward it, but before she can register what it is—

FWOOP!

—it covers her face in unspeakable Gross.

“AHGOD!” she shrieks.  “IT SMELLS LIKE DEATH AND UNDIGESTED PROTEIN!”  She flaps away, howling like a banshee in the throes of birth.

Not the most dignified victory, but I’ll take it!  Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

Are you a happy-go-lucky pirate, minding your own biz, but then your ex wants to harry you into spending three months’ salary on a torture-infused bauble whose value has been derived from a DeBeers-crafted scam?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

It’s Free Sample Friday!

Yerbernots, GerThoppenSchlong, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  And here’s the first few chapters of my YA fantasy series:  The Unbound Realm.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

What the self-suck is happening, all you flexible hopefuls who’ve tried to fellate yourself and holy shit you’ve managed to get THE TIP IN YOUR MOUTH—

No dude, NO!  Haven’t you seen or smelt the nasty goopiness that comes outta that thing???  It’s like bleach mixed with snot!  GROSS!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited