“REMOVE THE BAG.”

Someone yanks the bag off my head, blitzing me with a wash of overhead glare.  I squint and blink, trying to bring the world into sharper focus.  It resolves from a fuzzy white blob into a chain of silhouettes—I’m surrounded by masked, blond-bobbed women.

“Who are you?” I croak.  “Why are you doing this?”

A modulated voice answers, “THE KAREN COLLECTIVE WILL NOT STAND FOR YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT SUBVERSIVE HUMOR.  YOUR MANAGER-LESS LIFESTYLE IS AN INSULT TO SOCIETY.”

“What?”  I give her a skeptical look.  “I write ridiculous stories and romp with soccer moms.  None of which warrants a…whatever this is.  What is this, anyway?”

“FAREWELL, KENT WAYNE—PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED.”  She draws closer, brandishing a blond-bobbed wig fitted with neuromemetic circuits and diodes.

“Wait—no.  Think about this!”  My voice rises to a fever pitch.  “THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A SEC—”

The wig slips on, flooding my brain with its poisonous tech.  My taste in clothing climbs to new heights of tackiness, while my desire to fuck around in other peoples’ business ratchets up to an uncontrollable degree.  

THIS is what means to be a Karen???  I’d rather bleed out in a medieval sewer!

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My unwashed wiener slides out of my pants-leg (that’s right—through the ankle-hole, HEH heh heh!) and flops wildly around, releasing several gallons of toxic smegma from its horrid folds.  The effects vary—several Karens burst into flames, screaming like dying hyenas as they’re burnt to a crisp.  Others stumble back, coughing and gagging as the skin melts off their pock-marked skulls.  Some cry tears of blood, kneeling in despair before they unsheathe wakizashis and commit ritual suicide.

My God…the humanity…

Welp—that’s what you get for trying to turn me into a Karen!  Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Has the Karen Collective come for your unsuspecting ass?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

“Farewell, Kent Wayne!”  Grammar Nazi Prime, my long-time nemesis, cackles over the airplane speaker system.  “Remember—it isn’t the fall that kills you…it’s the sudden stop!”

His goons grab hold and shove me out the door.  I scream like a beeyotch as I plummet into the howling wind.

My wiener pokes out from my waistband, looking me dead in the eye.  “What are we gonna do, Kent?  WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?”

“I don’t know, Wiener!  We’re completely fucked unless…”

UnLESS…

I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

FOOMP!  Wiener’s foreskin reappears, stretching out above us into a disgusting, fleshy parachute.  I grab onto the sides and guide us through the air.

“What the…”  My fear drops away, replaced by wonderment and joy.  “This is AMAZING!”

“A dream come true,” Wiener murmurs.  “A dream come true.”

“Hey…”  I scan the ground and spot Grammar Nazi Prime standing in a field, peering up at us with a pair of binoculars.  “Let’s get some revenge.”

“What are you—oh.”  By the tone of his voice, I can tell Wiener is smiling.  “Let’s do it!”

I bank our foreskin-chute, arrowing in on Grammar Nazi Prime.  He must have realized what we intend to do, because he stops looking and starts running.  As we get closer, I can hear him screaming.

“No—NO!  DEAR GOD N—”

Then we descend on his head, smothering his pitiful cries for help in a giant blanket of smelly dickskin.

That’s what you get for throwing me out of a plane!  Ha HA!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

 

Has your mortal enemy tried to give you an action-movie death?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited