After I suffered a heart-attack-by-orgasm (BEST way to die, HEH heh heh!) and ditched my human meat body, I reincarnated as a Labrador puppy.  Right now I’m zoomin’ and chewin’, humping up a storm.  GodDAMN is it good to be a canine!

Hump the owner’s leg!  Ha HA!  Hump the neighbor’s cat!  Ho HO!  Lick all my gross-holes!  Nyahaha!

“KENT WAYNE!  GET YOUR FURRY ASS OVER HERE!” my owner screams.

Not on your hairless LIFE, human!  Gonna insert my disgusting, lipstick-looking wiener into a hundred more orifices, then—

“We have him surrounded!  Box him in and bite the crap out of him!”

Oh no!  I look wildly around; the neighborhood chihuahua gang has sprung an ambush!  They’re gonna fuck me up with their small dog fury!

So I reach deep into my past life mind and tap the sci fi epic called Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My owner’s cup of kickass Go Juice floats toward me, its logo glowing with otherworldly power (in my later years, I would learn to associate this logo with the sound STAHR-BUKKS).  Angelic voices rise in the background, filling the air with ecstatic melody.  I tilt my doggy head back and open my little maw.

Galumph GALUMPH GALUMPH!

So THIS is what they call “coffee!”  Ye GODS!

My nubby little paws fly into a frenzy, beating the balls off my chihuahua foes.  They flee like the not-dogs they are, yelping and crying for their Cat friends.  Ha!  I knew they were aligned with those feline fuck-faces!  Labradors Eternus!

Ha HA!  😀

Have you taken an oath to protect Dog and all that is Dog, against all enemies feline and chihuahua?  Never fear!

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

One beer, two beer, three beer, four beer…

DEVIANCE ENSUES!

 

 

Huh?  What the fuck?  Last thing I remember was chugging beers with a gang of rowdy soccer moms, screaming at me to whip it out and twirl it over my head like a fleshy lasso, but then I started drinking, and…

“Murrrgh…”  I clutch my head and squint through my fingers, looking around slowly so as not to exacerbate my aching brain.

The harsh light of a naked bulb floods the room.  My legs are bound to a chair, which is bolted to the floor in front of a plain, steely table.  I’m in an interrogation room.

“SCUMBAG!”  The door swings open and bangs against the wall.  A pencil-necked Beta Male strides angrily into the room, slamming both hands against the table.  “STEALING ALL THE WOMEN THROUGH THE USE OF YOUR ANKLE-LENGTH WOMB-HAMMER!  HOW DARE YOU!!!”

“Hey pal, it’s not all sunshine and roses for me,” I snap.  “Do you have any idea how much I have to hydrate to produce semen by the gallon on a daily basis?  I spend a goddamn fortune on Gatorade!”

“Well you’ll be glad to know we’re gonna relieve you of your problem.”  The Beta Male draws a wicked, back-curving knife from a thigh-strapped sheath.  “Your obscenely large wiener will make an excellent prosthetic.”

“AAAHHH!!!  NO!  FUCK YOU!”  No options left.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A fistful of protein powder materializes in my hand.  I fling it into the Beta Male’s face, and he immediately bursts into flames, writhing and screaming like Harvey Dent in the Dark Knight.  His knife lands within reach and I snatch it up, sawing quickly through my bindings.

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

 

Have you been spirited away into a jealous Hater’s dungeon of Hate?  Never fear!!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜