There’s positive things about sexual dry streaks: you don’t have to clean, you can fart all you want, and you can let your boosh grow into an unkempt jungle. Speaking of which…I lift up my blanket and examine the thicket. As long as there aren’t any bitey little bugs—
A reptilian head pokes out, glances cagily around, and screams, “Ruh-KAWK!” before darting back into the cheesy forest.
What the fuck? I part the wilds, searching for intruders. I’ve heard of crabs, but DICK LIZARDS??? I don’t see anything, so I leap out of bed, grab a magnifying glass, and inspect my junk.
Whoa—this is amazing! My nuts have been colonized by prehistoric fauna! T-rexes, brachiosaurs, pterodactyls…
I’m gonna leave them be and see comes of it.
MONTHS LATER, AFTER A MINI-CIVILIZATION HAS FLOURISHED ON MY COCK AND MY BALLS…
A booted foot kicks in the door, followed by a stream of gun-toting operators.
“Hey!” I yell. “Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?”
The lead guy, a bloodless goon who resembles Agent Smith, strides up to me and flashes a badge. “Your pubes has been annexed by the federal government.”
“What?” I sputter. “They’re MY pubes, fuckface! You don’t get a say in—”
Agent Smith turns to the side. “Hawkins, prep for reduction.” One of his minions unsnaps a briefcase and powers up a hologram-ringed platform. “We’re going to make contact,” he informs me. “Our team will sample flora and fauna, and attempt to liaise with the local authorities.” He signals the operators, four of whom surround me and sight in on my noggin. “Interfere with our op, and these men will liquidate you.”
Hawkins says, “We’re ready, sir.”
The agent nods, cuing the rest of his goons to file onto the platform. One by one, they shrink down into itty bitty specks. Hawkins collects them on a petri dish, shakes them onto my nuts, then types a command onto the platform’s interface, bringing up an image of the shrunken team.
“Jesus Christ.” A soldier curls his lip in outright disgust. “Smells like a hunk of rotten limburger.”
“Can it, Johnson,” the squad leader snaps. “Form up and start walking.”
They begin patrolling toward my wiener. It’s clear they’re jumpy; their posture is hunched and they keep sighting in, as if they’re afraid something is gonna pounce. Suddenly, the point man shoots up a hand. Everyone takes a knee and faces outboard.
The squad leader shuffles to the front of the column. “What is it, Miller?” he whispers.
“I don’t know,” the point man whispers back. “I thought I saw—”
Someone in the middle yells, “Holy fucking SHIT!” and cuts loose with his rifle. A flurry of shouts erupt from the speakers: “Contact left! Contact right! Game over, man—game fucking over! Mary mother of God, they’re fucking EVERYWHERE—” accompanied by the lively chatter of 5.56. My guards look back and forth between my futon and the hologram. “We need to get in there!” the nearest one yells. “We need to—”
The hologram fritzes, resolving into an image of a cheese-formed humanoid, then it lapses into a mess of snowy static.
Agent Smith throws on a vest and racks the slide on his pistol, checking to ensure there’s a round in the chamber. “We’re going in. Hawkins, stay enlarged and run the holo.”
Seconds later, Smith and his guys are on my balls, standing above the remains of their decimated team. “God DAMMIT!” Smith hisses. “This is a total and utter clusterfu—”
He’s cut off by shouts, screams and gunfire. The holo displays another cheese-person; it’s holding Smith by the hair, brandishing his bloody face for the miniaturized camera.
“Do not come back. Do not attempt rescue. This man is our slave.”
The holo goes dark.
“Fuck!” I scream. “FUCK!” I turn to Hawkins. “What do we do?”
“I’m just a tech!” he mewls. “I don’t know!”
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“Someone call fer me?” Chuck Norris steps through the door, putting his fists on his hips. He’s clad head to toe in eighties-tight denim: jeans and a vest with cut-off sleeves.
Hawkins explains the situation in a trembly voice. Chuck nods and says, “Shrink me down, four-eyes! Put me on his goddamn pecker!”
Hawkins grabs his hair with both hands. “Are you INSANE? I just told you that—”
Chuck throws a roundhouse kick, stopping short of the scientist’s face. Despite the fact that he pulled the kick, it’s so damn strong that the wind from its passage sends Hawkins stumbling. “Spared yer life, nancy-boy! Now put me on that hog! Ain’t no problem that karate can’t solve!” (he pronounces it super American: kuh-RATty). Chuck gives me a knowing look. “Yer people taught me that.”
My brow wrinkles in puzzlement. “ ‘My people?’ Korean-Americans?”
“You know what I mean!” he snaps. “Stop trynna mess with my damn intellectual!”
“Uh…” I raise a half-bent hand. “You got anything besides karate? Maybe some grappling, like jiu-jitsu or wrestling?”
“That’s heathen talk—ain’t no reason for a man to lay on top of another man’s body! All you need is a goddamn roundhouse!” He starts hopping in place, throwing roundhouse kicks, accompanying each one with a violent exclamation: “Hyah! Hyah! Fuck your mother in the ass! Then in the mouth!”
Me and Hawkins exchange a look, followed by a what-the-hell shrug. Might as well.
Minutes later, Chuck is walking through my forest of pubes. Howls erupt all around him, but he remains unfazed. He postures sideways in an eighties-martial arts stance—left hand close and high, right hand out and low—and screams, “Come and get some, ya filthy cheese-people!”
Much to my astonishment, Chuck mows through the legion of cheese-anoids, blasting them apart with a stunning variety of flying kicks. Splits-kicks, tornado kicks, triple-twist roundhouses…holy fuck, this guy is a one-man army!
A short while later, Chuck stares in the camera, an unconscious Agent Smith draped onto his shoulder. “Get me outta here, you science-brained pussy! I’m thirstin’ for a cold one!”
After Chuck is enlarged, he drops Smith and dusts off his hands. “Karate saves the day!” He shoots me a pistol-finger. “You and yer people are a shitfire godsend!”
I tilt my head in a puzzled squint. “Um…thanks?”
He puts his fists on his hips, giving me and Hawkins a steely-eyed once-over. “How ’bout we down a couple brews, then do a buncha bicep curls while staring at our nekkid glistening bodies in a full-length mirror?”
We shake our heads, muttering, “No thanks,” and, “Maybe next time.”
Chuck snorts in derision. “Figures! Pair a’ communist pussies, that’s what you are!” He runs out the door, humming an out-of-tune rendition of the A-team score: “”DAH de-dah-daah, dah dah DAAAH…”
Me and Hawkins exchange another glance, wordlessly communicating the exact same thing:
Weirdest day of my fucking life.
Need to rescue soldiers from your cheese-infested pubes? Never fear! Buy my books and summon Chuck Norris!
Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
Another great one, you should make it into a full story. Never, ever someone came up with a story like that 🙂
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Haha! Thank you! Maybe someday I will, lol!
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You should invest your royalties into a shower and a visit to someone with blue gloves before you come out of quarantine!
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Haha! I agree with you! Showers seem to be the easier of the two, lol.
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written a fictional travel novel 60,00 words the end, i love your energy and enthusiasm… its hilarious!
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Thank you! I just try and have fun and make myself laugh. Awesome to know I’m passing it along to others! 😊
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I am too busy mediating to be myself, they should all grow up and realise Mary’s scrolls have already killed them! lol
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Disgusting! They don’t call you Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha for nothing. I shouldn’t find this so funny but I do!!!
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Best compliment ever! 😂
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!!!
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😏
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HEH heh heh! Yes! 😂😁
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Thank you!! 😊 In another life, I’d try and be a comedian, but it’s kind of like being a pro chef–you have to go ALL IN, bombing (get little to no laughs) for close to a decade before you have a chance at being considered proficient. Also, I’m not nearly as funny in person, although when I focused on it in my earlier years, I noticed I could consistently make people laugh. It’s definitely a skill I can improve at, but I’m not naturally a fun goofy guy unless it’s with doggos. 😄
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Haha! I always thought I wouldn’t do well if I had kids and they got to that phase…I’d probably overcompensate and be the dorky dad that tried to be cool and ended up embarrassing them. 😅
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I’d probably lean into it at some point and try to embarrass them in the funniest way possible. 😅
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I’m definitely better off as a dorky uncle, then. 😅
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I’m glad! I have this sneaking suspicion that there’s a bunch of parents who–if they were speaking totally honestly–would rather have not had kids.
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Interesting! I don’t think I could even fathom the idea of having kids when I was seven. I think at that point, I was salty about going to school, lol! I remember early on, though, that I really didn’t want to work a regular job, and looking back on it, I didn’t want to work for anyone at all. Self-fulfilling prophecies…🤷♂️
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I was also told I acted old for my age, but the idea of adults wanting to hang out with kids is still beyond me, because I really have no desire to hang around any kids myself. Outside of sinister stuff, it still seems weird to me because there might be a watered-down version of a misguided parent’s desire to shape and mold a kid in order to vicariously live out the adult’s desire. A lot of times, that’s the vibe I got.
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I mean, I barely hang out with the people I like, so I’m sure I wouldn’t be good around kids for awhile unless there were dogs around. 😂 I think I had a similar issue as you when I was a kid. I was always reading adult fiction. I remember telling people in elementary school I wanted to be a “quantum mechanic.” I didn’t even know what that was, but I was interested in the philosophical implications of advanced physics. 😅
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Good philosophy! I didn’t come to something similar until much later in life, ironically in the military. I’d tried being too nice, too harsh, and then someone bought it to my attention that if you lay out the rules with subordinates, everyone agrees to them, then any given person is willing to pay the price once they break them. If there’s a bad outcome the rules don’t cover, recraft the rules and try again. Pretty much the verbal equivalent of signing a contract, I guess. No one’s being arbitrarily punished or rewarded, everyone knows what’s happening and for what reason and they’ve already agreed to it.
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Yeah that’s pretty much why I won’t have em. Can’t just bail out of having a kid. Plus every dog I’d gotten, my ex had been tempted to return a couple weeks in, when the reality sets in that puppies may be cute but they’re a ton of work.
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Definitely. I like to take risks and work hard for longshot dreams, and I also have a very strong obsessive aspect which naturally translates to routine and discipline. Honestly, I don’t think my ways of approaching things are suitable for most adults, much less children.
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Absolutely. One of the caveats I have added to that with myself, however, is that it’s not my responsibility to induce or trigger that rebirth.
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That’s a good way to go about it! I used to have a bit of a savior complex that landed me in situations where I realized I was just butting in or overcompensating, though, so I usually just leave people be unless I have a nagging urge to interact with them, or, of course, they’re active in asking me for help.
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There’s definitely a line. Which is why I don’t think relationships shouldn’t be framed in terms of success and failure; if someone doesn’t like the other for a consistently long period of time, then why not separate and be happier for it? Kids make things trickier, but I guess that’s where opening the relationship can become useful, although my friend who’s into that stuff says there’s a LOT of stigma that falls on people who do that. I theorize because relationships are seen in a possessive sense; once someone lets their possession become someone else’s, they are seen as weak and unworthy of having that relationship. Never really made sense to me.
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Yeah, I agree. I dunno why, but me and my brother are weird in that regard. I remember my ex asking what I’d feel if she was with someone else, and I told her just don’t leave any physical traces where I have to smell someone’s socks or see their underwear around. Then my brother actually got cheated on with a serious girlfriend, who confessed while crying, and he shrugged it off and didn’t see what the big deal was, which pissed her off. I feel like I’d react the same way because of the way we both view relationships, but I don’t know. My thing is they’re supposed to bring you pleasure and fulfillment, so I don’t really see a point to structuring them where someone’s always infringing on your peace and space. Obligation is one thing, and obviously there needs to be some experimentation early on to see if live-in monogamy is the way for someone to go, but other than that, I feel like people are just asking for trouble if they know it’s not their thing.
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Yeah, I agree. From the outside looking in, I was always puzzled by it, and even more puzzled by responses whenever I questioned convention. I feel like I was born a couple centuries too early–it still boggles my mind that people are still alive who couldn’t get interracially married or that same-sex marriage is a hot button issue. I want to be born when the idea of controversy around that stuff is ancient, dammit. But I have hope–progress seems to be rocky, but overall trending in a good direction.
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It’s definitely fragile and reversible, but I guess history to me seems like things are getting better over time, even though there are setbacks. It’s not much comfort in the moment, because it usually takes a generation of people for things to change, but I try and be foolishly optimistic. Although maybe I’m a hypocrite in that regard, because a secondary reason for me not having kids for me is I’d rather not hand off environmental problems to them. I’m glad I’m going to die before that’s projected to become an existential threat.
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Humans and society can definitely be disappointing. I don’t think it’s a bad thing that you look elsewhere for optimism; I think it’s pretty astute that you know it’s not your thing and you have to look in another direction instead of forcing it. No judgment, but I do sense irony here, in that I’m adamantly unwilling to engage in the one act that requires a measure of faith in humanity and the future (having a kid), but you’ve done it multiple times. Like I said, no judgment. If I had a story involving parenting, I’d definitely set that up as a juxtaposition. Us authors love irony…😅
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That’s true, but in the last three years they’ve been decriminalized in seven cities and the entire state of Oregon. I’m not trying to rack up points to boost an argument one way or the other, but I will say that I’d rather not keep score, because there’s always ways to make more pros and cons. I’d rather focus on being positive in the moment. As I’ve mentioned in the past, I’ve come to believe positivity (or at least choosing to focus in that direction) is a choice, evidenced by the times I’ve been miserable in “great” circumstances, and happy in “bad” ones. Also, my friends who got into conspiracies clearly have a negative bent–whenever something positive happens, they say something along the lines of, “Yeah, but how long until the other shoe drops?” Or “Don’t jinx it! It could still turn bad at any second!” Or, “Yeah it outwardly looks good, but maybe the evil powers that be planned it this way to get us to let down our guard.” Not only do I think that’s detrimental for health, but it closes my mind to the next positive opportunity, because I’m too busy looking over my shoulder or railing against injustice. That’s just my view, though. I think everyone has the right to focus on being positive or negative; I don’t think that’s a civil or lawful right either. I think it’s an existential right that can only be determined by that specific individual and no one and nothing else.
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I think they should be legal as well (obviously). It’s kind of cool to see…I feel like they’re going through the same thing weed did 10-20 years ago. That’s great about the kids! Not to get into doom porn, but I feel like I would be obsessing over environmental problems if I had a kid. In my heart of hearts, though, I think we’ll find a way to mitigate those problems. I’ve seen cool innovations that clean up plastic in the pacific ocean, and in my HEART of heart of hearts, I’m convinced aliens will step in with super-advanced tech if we’re really about to shit the bed. 😅
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I remember the ozone hole. I remember thinking we were all going to be fried. I guess that may still happen, only we might get roasted instead of zapped. I don’t think long-term survivability is an issue in that there will be many species that adapt if that happens, including humans, but we can really screw up things in the short term and do a lot of damage to our civilization. But I’m still convinced aliens might be the answer. I love hearing stories about how sightings of their craft defy known physics, and how they supposedly shut down nuclear missile defenses a couple times. It reminds me that there’s a bunch of stuff we haven’t yet learned, and to ease off the negativity because I have limited knowledge about how everything works.
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I actually think in your circumstance, it doesn’t merit thought and you’re doing the right thing. Keep that happiness going–not only will it provide you with energy and perspective, which will lead to better opportunities and the drive to take advantage of them, but as I said before, I think it’s our reason for being! 😊
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I think maybe sometimes it does, if it feels sensible and natural and you’re guided into that arena. But if not, I think thinking too much about surviving can defeat the purpose of life, which in my opinion is to enjoy each moment as much as I can. It’s why I can’t be a prepper. 😅
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I agree, though, it’s not as fine a line for me, I think. I don’t have people relying on me, and I’ve become better at making my peace with death (I’m not one of those people who says they’re ready to die and imply that means I’m ready to die from here on out; sometimes I’m ready, sometimes I’m not).
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I see your point, but since I believe my purpose is to enjoy life to the fullest, I’d say that it’s kind of a gut feeling call as to what to do in that kind of a circumstance. Is always ensuring I’m wearing lotion an easy, no-stress habit? Or is it a nagging burden I always have to focus on that becomes more annoying than getting bitten? I’ve sucked the joy out of my life before with paralysis through analysis, and also realized that a lot of the time things don’t turn out the way I want them to anyway, despite stressing out over the planning. There’s a sweet spot where planning enhances my life, but it can’t be overdone and it has to be paired with intuition and being connected to the present moment for me. Sometimes I’m meant to get bitten. 😊
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I phrase things differently (obviously) but I’m pretty sure it’s the same as what you’re saying, maybe a few degrees different. Our lives, as you implied, seems to be objectively meaningless (even though science and evidence has light years to go before they can reach true objectivity, and that may not be a possibility). Since that’s the case, we make our own meaning, and a personal guideline of “whatever works,” is a valid way to go about it. Also, didn’t you say a while ago you were in the Southwest? I thought with the dry heat, there wouldn’t be mosquitos…guess I was wrong. I’ve lived in the Midwest and DC metro area, which, when it gets hot and humid, they come at you like a zerg-swarm. I remember running outside for a few seconds at my friend’s house to grab a toy in his yard, and you could feel hordes of bodies and bites in just a few seconds. 😅
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Not only necessarily, but I think it’s healthier to have multiple approaches that achieve positive outcomes in different ways. Otherwise, it’s a tyranny of choice, and there’d be One Ring (religion?) to rule them all.
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I just googled monsoon season in the southwest. Wow! Never knew it was even a thing! Kind of defeats any desire of mine to live in the southwest. Part of the reason I don’t like the east coast or midwest is because of the bugs…😅
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I feel like there should be a new phrase besides pecking order, because as you said, it really is just a job. Directing info, ensuring things are efficiently serving the overarching vision…it does require a hierarchical flow of task and information, but I think all too often that’s confused with a hierarchy of personal worth.
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How big do they get? Do you drive through clouds of them and see them splatting against your windshield? It’s kind of funny–mosquitos have been a small subconscious driver in choosing where I live. I never tried simply putting on repellent, because I lazily branded them all in my mind as deet-filled poison, but obviously, there’s better choices. Maybe I should just stop being stubborn and put on some repellent. 😅
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I’m a big fan of warm summer rain, but not so much the other stuff. It’s why I’d like to try living in Hawaii. Apparently, they have short bursts of warm rain! 😁
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Smell’s a big thing! I think for humans, it’s tied tightly into operant conditioning–I don’t smoke, but I like the smell of cigarettes, even on someone’s breath, because my dad smoked when I was a kid. I also like cheap stripper perfume, from my early twenties when I paid some dancers’ way through college! 😅 And, of course, who doesn’t like the smell of fresh-baked bread?
Hard rain combined with dust storms…definitely not my thing! I live in San Diego and it might hail once or twice very early in the morning during the winter, and that irritates me. My unenjoyable times in extreme climates has made me picky about the immediate weather. San Diego’s nice, but it’s chaparral, so it’s got a desert vibe, especially inland. Plus the ocean sucks. It’s cold and dirty and dark. That’s why I’d like to try Hawaii, because of the clear water and warm rains. I’d also like to stay in an overwater bungalow in the Maldives and see how I like it. The only complaint about Hawaii (aside from the high living cost) seems to be the big centipedes, but I imagine I’d get used to those, especially if I was living in the beachfront condo of my dreams. 😊
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Very unusual! Not a bad thing at all, but I have yet to meet people who really like the rain. When I lived in Madison Wisconsin it was pretty hated, especially freezing rain.
I hope you get where you want to be as well, both with your family and your personal stuff! You deserve to live around pines, and be surrounded by excellent bakers who are constantly making fresh crusty bread! 😊
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I was wondering about that…I was like they REALLY love the rain! 🤣
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I know there’s people like you that enjoy the snow and the rain, but I think you’re the first I’ve met that says you like those things exclusively, rather than the trees and whatnot that usually go along with them. I guess I like that stuff under certain conditions, warm rain of course, and first snow before everything turns brown and piss yellow. Also, I love seeing dogs romp through snow. I think every dog I’ve met has loved it, but my dogs have been of the same mind as me regarding the rain. I had a cairn terrier who hated going to the bathroom in the rain, so he’d trot toward the door as soon as he could. I’d pick him up, carry him a few yards back into the rain, and he’d trot toward the door again. This happened six or seven times before he would pee, but eventually he just accepted the rain. It was cute and funny though, to see him protest as much as he could. As far as cops and clothes, if they see me naked I just grab hold of my blanket-sized scrotum, jump off the nearest cliff, then glide-sail away. 🤣
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Don’t discount the middle age; it’s been proven by search engine data that the most popular genre of adult entertainment is MILFS! 🤣
I’d probably be the same if I lived in the southwest. I remember the times I’ve been in the desert, all I felt like doing was lounging around in the shade.
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A zero fucks attitude is probably the healthiest. Sometimes it’s a bit of a shock if someone insults me out of the blue, but I usually do well with telling myself it’s okay to be pissed, where I used to try and rationalize my way into why I was right and they were wrong, pushing against them which just made me more angry. Telling myself it’s okay to be angry directs my focus on the okayness over the anger, which ironically allows me to let go of the anger sooner.
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I don’t think it’s ever out of line, honestly. Sometimes it doesn’t make sense to outwardly express it, but feelings are often irrational and in order to move on to the next feeling, I find it’s helpful to acknowledge the feeling regardless of its validity, which frees me up from trying to stuff it down or wrestle it into being something different, and it settles back into apathy or optimism much more quickly. That’s just me, though–may not work for anyone else.
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It’s interesting–I grew up in the nineties, when all advice was basically just suck it up. Being able to perceive emotional imbalance and get back to equilibrium, however, seems to be one of the most important skills someone could ever learn. Otherwise, if negativity is constant and rampant, it cripples someone’s perception by altering their self-image into that of a doomed loser, to the point where they’ll subconsciously find ways to lose, and they’ll always find an excuse to skip out on an opportunity. I don’t look down on them; many of my friends fit this bill, but it does emphasize how important emotional intelligence is for me.
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I can relate, as my body is riddled with VA disabilities, and keep me from doing what I used to do. For years, I vacillated between anger and depression as I researched countless ways to try and heal myself so I could be what I used to be, then I started posing the question, “Do I really WANT to do all that all the time?” It took me awhile, but I no longer have this perverse urge to physically smash myself and “earn my sleep,” whatever that means.
As far as risk, even as a kid, I always thought of it as more risky to not take a shot at realizing my dreams, and possibly reflect on my death bed about how I wished I had taken a chance with this or that. That’s not a judgment from an objective perspective; that’s purely my own opinion, and I know others are more fulfilled playing things safer and letting dreams stew on the back burner, or stuffing them into the closet and forgetting about their existence altogether. I really do fall into that cliche of regret being my original aversion, and up until the last few years, fear of regret was probably one of my main driving motives. There’s no judgment in whether others see it that way or not. It’s why I can accept the existence of reincarnation. Aside from the fascinating anecdotal evidence of past lives, I think it brings justice and fairness into our existence. Given that premise, it would be perfectly fine to err and regret, and truly clarify what someone wants, because they would be given a chance to reset and do it again. Otherwise, it’s you have this life and that’s it, where circumstances are unfair from birth and genetics, and you better perform or you’ve wasted your chance. It’s kind of Christian in the idea you only have one shot regardless of where you stand on the court, then you either go down in flames (literally) or soar and triumph. A nonsensical, unfair, and cruel existence, if you stop and think about it.
What’s funny is that all of my adversities, once I stopped obsessing over how to fix them, somehow became solutions that helped me along. It took over a decade in some cases, but it really does feel like I’m in a no-lose game. Once again, that’s purely anecdotal, but it does hammer home the importance for me of focusing on internal ease and positivity. Rather than constantly focus on what can be done, or obsess over how I need to fix it, I focus more on what I can enjoy in the moment, because I’ve done the problem-oriented way and only found more problems. Now, when I’m not obsessing or justifying or trying to fix others, it seems that things fix themselves and sometimes I physically take part in that process. As crazy as my younger self would have thought it to be, I am starting to have visceral faith that there is benevolence underlying existence, and that things don’t need to be so hard and brutal, if only I let them. It all depends on my focus; I have lasered in on hardness and brutality all too often, and they have inflicted themselves on me with consistency in the past.
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“Could have walked through a unicorn fart.” 🤣
You make a good point, which is that the point of dreams is to make you happy. A couple years ago, I fulfilled some dreams regarding real estate that I had when I was in my early twenties which I thought I wouldn’t even be able to start until I was in my sixties, but I found myself stressing and agonizing over unexpected outcomes and disappointments with properties. There should be no pity here for me whatsoever; I realize I’m very lucky to own property, but my point is that a physically realized dream doesn’t necessarily bring happiness, and even if it does, it’s fleeting. Jim Carrey said I wish everyone could be rich, so they could realize it doesn’t make you happy. Conversely, I’ve been much happier when I had nothing.
Ironically, when I give up the internal need and desperation to achieve a dream, it seems like it manifests a lot easier. So that’s what I go for. The cliche about enjoying the journey really is true, in my opinion. Working toward dreams (while, of course, making sure the immediate needs are covered first), is still important, in my opinion. Not working toward them in an obsessive or desperate way, but dedicating easy work toward them every day, focusing on enjoyment. I think it’s important for me, personally, because my dreams have come true, and it’s the most empowering and uplifting thing to see that unfold. The physical realization is cool, yes, but for me, who has spent so much of life looking over my shoulder and waiting for the other shoe to drop, it enhances my sense of control, faith in an underlying benevolence, and “pro-noia.” That’s the opposite of paranoia; instead of the universe conspiring to harm you, it’s conspiring to help you.
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Absolutely. And if I was thinking about it from a metaphysical standpoint, my property issues were simply a manifestation of my desire to run away from the last thing. Most of my life, I have made decisions out of aversion, not truly out of desire. I even joined the military in large part to get away from college and the 9-5. To me, it has become clear that my internal state of mind is first and foremost in importance, since I have gotten many “good” things that turned sour and that has correlated with my internal state. Correlation isn’t causation, I know, but I think I mentioned in a previous comment that if something like this could be statistically proven, then it would muffle our ability to go off the beaten path and form more desires from a variety of experiences.
As far as the benevolent universe, that too is unprovable, but if I find myself in a debate on it, I’ll always default to the easily arguable premise that an individual who fosters a positive outlook tends to enjoy more health, capability, and opportunity. I have friends who have gone down the conspiracy theory, evil world rabbit hole, and I realized a few years ago that not only do they constantly regurgitate their negative experiences whenever I talk to them, but when I suggest small steps toward a solution or talk about positives, they get angry, brush it off, or double down on the negativity, and then if they manage to get negativity out of me, they offer positive reinforcement. I used to be like that, and that’s when my life was a reflection of my views–it was a cruel, random adversary that held all the cards and I had to constantly guard against its machinations. After I got to the point where I was paranoid and exhausted way more than I wasn’t, I said it’s either kill myself or give this positive thinking stuff a try. So in the spirit of giving up the fight, I decided to be positive when I could, and things started changing for me. All of that’s anecdotal, I know, but it’s also personal, so I can’t discount it as the one who experienced it. I don’t blame anyone who makes a case for a negative outlook–since not only was I also negative, I also felt triumph when I argued others into accepting the validity of my negative points of view–but to me, from a purely personal standpoint, and also from the practical (where it affects health, self-image, opportunity and all that other stuff) it just doesn’t lead me where I want to go.
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Different perspective, but same emphasis, it seems like. I think a focus on positivity is why I like to be largely alone. Most folks I’ve been around seemed to base their validation off how much I agree with their emotional state, and also get offended if I don’t get negative with them. From a manifestation perspective, it’s probably why I swapped out my old vet friends for some new ones with healthy boundaries and no desire to impose their beliefs on me. Conversely, it’s the first time I’ve felt no desire to impose my beliefs on them. When I was younger, I fell into that same trap I now find distasteful, where I was chasing validation by trying to get others to feel like I did or agree with me.
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I’m inclined to agree with the importance of social connections. It’s weird, but I feel like writing, blogging, martial arts, and the once-every-three-week hang with one of my buddies (we watch fights together) is enough for me, even though that little socialization would probably produce a ton of dubious looks if I described it to a bunch of people. Some of my friends are pretty isolated, and it’s pretty unsettling to interact with them sometimes because they’ve lost a lot of empathy and ability to trace cause and effect, because nothing engages their mental faculties. They just watch the world from afar and render judgment. Then again, I might be describing myself; it’s not like I took a survey of peoples’ impressions of me versus my isolated friends, and many would say I’m isolated myself. 🤷♂️
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I get what you’re talking about. I used to miss stuff like that as well. I’m not sure if I’m being elitist, but I truly feel what I’m about to say in that I just don’t vibe with most of my old friends anymore. To be honest, we were all raised in the nineties and grew up in the military and there’s a lot of toxic outdated thinking that some are holding to. At the same time, it’s hard for me to hang out with people who share my beliefs because I’m not progressive, judgmental, and outraged enough for them. The one guy I made friends with in the last few years has, as I said, probably the healthiest sense of boundaries and nonjudgment I’ve seen. That’s what I want to be like now, and those are the folks I want to hang around with now as well (my dream scenario is having a property with a rooftop patio, an ocean view, and hanging out cooking steaks, ribs, and smoking cigars while getting mildly high and enjoying conversation with chill-minded folks).
Probably why I’d want to get an older dog once the time is right. Puppies are cute, but it’s so much work to raise em. 😅
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I used to be much the same way, judging the judgy. But I realized when I’m in a good mood, I’m either not thinking about them, judging them lightly with good-natured humor, or actually wishing them the best in the long run. For me, if someone wrongs me or pisses me off, I believe it’s healthy to internally express and acknowledge that feeling, as long as it gives me relief. But when it no longer gives me relief, then it’s time to move on. Many times, I also realized, I was angry at something unrelated, and I was looking to be angrier by focusing on topics that would piss me off.
I agree with the relationship thing, but in my case the folks who I interacted with constantly began reverting to the underlying theme of negativity, paranoia, and shooting down whatever attempt at positivity I brought forth. At that point, I realized it was fully my problem; sure, I mentioned my preference and rationale to them, but at the end of the day, it was either acknowledge that I didn’t want to hang around in that vibe, or hang around in it and deal with it. I spent ten years in a marriage trying to compromise and deal, so after that experience, I realized I’d prefer to let go of whoever I need to let go of, as there are always new folks that I’ll find my way to. I don’t necessarily look for the same viewpoint, but I do look for a similar focus on positivity and optimism. I realize some people are designed to thrive in negativity, but that’s not me anymore. I think I’ll always have room for someone new, but I didn’t always think that way; I felt I had to cling to my friends and keep them around because no one else would like me, but that’s definitely a scarcity mentality.
As far as what you’ve gone through, it sounds tough, even now, but it also sounds like you’ve gotten over the most grueling parts and that you are finding balance and harmony little by little. I’m rooting for you! I’m sure it would be valid to say you’ve earned your peace, but I think it’s much more accurate to say that you always deserved it. 😊
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First off, whatever works for you is undisputable. I just want to be clear that I’m not arguing with it, because you have a right to your perspective no matter what’s happening around you, to you, or whatever others say. So with that as my base of reasoning, I’m not discounting your approach of being grateful for having basic needs met, but personally speaking, it’s hard for me to use. When I use that on myself, it has too much of a suck it up vibe. Purely from a personal perspective, I don’t think I should feel shame for having more than others, because in my opinion (just my opinion, not an argument against your view) I have a right to my negative emotions. Even though we both agree they’re not the best place to stay, I personally believe it’s important to acknowledge negativity in order to start working back to positivity. But if the focus on having basic needs met works for you, then it’s undisputable.
I tend to view it like this: the hardest thing someone has been through is still hard for that person; it is still the hardest thing they have ever experienced. I was judgy and negative for a long time, and this view helps keep that at bay (for me). It helps me deal with people person by person, instead of fitting them onto my own hierarchy of suffering and deserving.
Sounds like you have a very healthy attitude with people! I have the same philosophy of me not being for everyone (for most people, seems like). When I hang out with people, I tend to worry about how to not offend them, because my mind explores a lot of possibilities and it’s hard for me to filter them for appropriateness or fit them to what I think the person before me will feel comfortable with. When I made an effort to be around people, I got pretty good at socializing, but even when I was good at it, it was still draining. That’s when I realized I really am an introvert. 😅
I wish you happiness and positivity as well! You deserve it!
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In that case, I’m fully on board with your approach, as it sounds like the path of least resistance, the one that offers the most relief. If things don’t need to be processed (if they don’t keep popping up or interfering with positivity and performance) I don’t really see the point of wallowing in them. There’s always a reason to feel terrible for someone out there somewhere, which includes your past self. If you’re feeling lucky and not stoic/defensive, then I’d say that’s a healthy vibe, regardless of whatever your therapist, me, or anyone says about your specific approach.
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I should clarify–the path of least resistance to me is what brings me back toward joy, and it’s characterized by a feeling of rightness, of belief in what I’m doing. So working out, as outwardly uncomfortable as it may be, inwardly evokes peace and fulfillment for me.
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It’s kind of a blend of introspection, psychedelics, and exploring law of attraction philosophy. Basically it stems from the acceptance that my natural state is positivity, and I can reach it by milking existing positivity or turning down the volume on internal static. I remember the specific instance I became viscerally convinced of this, when I ran my own experiment in 2019. I was walking some dogs, it was raining lightly, and things weren’t going the way I wanted. I’d been in this situation time and again, and I’d used the same approach effort-oriented approach time and again with undesirable results. I thought “Let’s see if a neutral inward state will truly lead to positivity.” So I did my best to appreciate the mist and the dogs and the lack of internal effort. Sure enough, it led to an inexplicable good-feeling state. Previously, I had dealt with problems by obsessing over them, researching them to death, only to have unexpected twists lead to an undesirable outcome, which would only make me more obsessive. During the dog walk, I validated my beliefs with my own experimentation, and began to have faith that positivity is the default state, and that I don’t have to always strive for it, I can just let it blossom on its own. All anecdotal, but it fits with everything I have experienced, as well as the rationale for existence that I find both acceptable and functional. For me, anyway.
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I think it’s fairly common to come across as preachy in trying to explain a position, since I have done it many a-time myself. Personally speaking, I have resonated with something so strongly that I have felt obligated to make others feel the same way, so I would try and talk their ear off or fool them into agreeing with me. It was only later (when I realized that everyone resonated with different things and that it would defeat the purpose of individuality if that wasn’t the case) that I realized that I should express myself for the personal joy of doing so. Folks will come to their joy through their own path, and if they don’t, in my view of things, they will come to it when they die, as we’re all stuck in a no-lose game. The best I can do in that vein is to realize my own happiness and fulfillment as much as I can, and that will attract others who are willing to pursue their own fulfillment and happiness. But if not, that’s okay, I believe they and I are doomed to happiness.
My take on minimizing preachiness is this: the obvious way is to just state that I don’t mean to come across that way in the beginning, or to state I’m fine being interrupted and being told I’m being preachy, the less obvious way is to pair that with reading someone’s silence or body language, trying to figure out if they’re seeing me as preachy but they’re too shy to speak up, in which case I could ask and preemptively apologize.
But in the end, everyone has a right to think what they think. Some people enjoy being preached to. I’ll just go with my gut, put out some feelers here and there if it feels right, and pursue my own joy and fulfillment. I think that’s the best argument I could ever make, when I forget all about arguing and realize my purpose in life, or what I see it to be, anyway.
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Haha! I wish you the same such day, even though I already feel you’re doomed to a long-run existence where you have no choice but to be happy.
Talk away! In my view, you can’t get it wrong in the long run, you can only make it temporarily unpleasant in the short run. And to that I say, if engaging with people is stressing you out, give yourself a break and ease up on yourself. But if you don’t, I believe that’s fine as well, because as I’ve said, I believe you’re doomed in the best way possible. 😊
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Breakfast is hard to screw up (unless you let it get cold), the perfect meal to share with a friend!
I had to work awhile with the communication stuff, and it’s still something I’m learning. It used to piss me off when I got cut off, but I’m pretty indifferent about it now. I think it was a result of not taking things so personally. When I was emotionally invested in peoples’ responses, I took things as indications they liked me or didn’t, or they thought I was smart or they didn’t. Eventually, I realized I should relax into the knowledge I’m sufficient as is, and a lot of the time I can’t tell what they’re thinking (ironically, I’m better at guessing it when I’m not invested in figuring it out). Probably just an outgrowth of my gravitation towards letting people think however they want to think. That doesn’t necessarily mean they can behave or even speak however they want to, but I’ve learned to my exhaustion and detriment that if someone doesn’t want to change their mind, I’m not going to convince them otherwise. That’s brought me a lot of a peace over the years.
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It’s kind of tracked with my changing values. Back when I obsessed with problems and believed I desperately needed to have a positive influence on society, and convince others to do so as well, I didn’t like being interrupted for 2 reasons. The high-handed one was I felt like it was destroying the dialogue, disallowing full expression of context, which would have an adverse effect on whatever positive result the debate might achieve or work towards. The personal one was perceived disrespect. If someone didn’t value my full expression of thought, and already believed they knew what I was thinking so they could jump in and start fleshing out their own perspective, then I felt they were being condescending, dismissing the full scope of what I was trying to say.
I used to wait in silence, then stifle my anger and switch subjects to whatever had taken center stage, but now with the trust and faith I’ve built over time, I relax into the knowledge that it’s all good in the end. I’m there to enjoy the pleasure of conversing, along with the company of whoever I’m talking to. Society doesn’t need me to larp as a philosophical savior and enforce some nebulous idea of how a conversation is supposed to go. Also, as an occasional interrupter myself, I realized that interruption almost never comes from a disrespectful place. It’s as you said: people get excited and want to express their thought before they forget it, or they want to ride the energy of their excitement and say what they’re thinking right at that moment.
Still, when I interrupt nowadays, I make it a point to finish my assertion with, “I’m sorry, I interrupted you–you were talking about [whatever subject I interrupted]?” It’s an homage to my old self, just in case someone else feels like I once did. 😅
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It’s not a true apology; there’s nothing to feel guilty about, in my opinion. I think it’s more of an expression that I had to get something out, but there was no intent to dismiss or railroad the other person. It’s why I combine the sorry with a mention of the specific point they were talking about; I feel like that shows I was mentally engaged with them while they were talking and I wasn’t just biding my time to cut them off so I could speak. That’s just my opinion though. As you said, the only perspective I truly live is mine, so I try to treat them how my past prickly self would have wanted to be treated. 😅
In the end, I feel like it really depends on who you’re talking to. If someone responds positively to getting cut off (they may trail off and give you a hesitant look or some other sort of nonverbal prompt), they may just enjoy starting a thread or establishing a premise, then letting you take the reins and flesh things out. I try to read the room, but once again, this is my life, so not at the expense of my peace of mind.
At the end of the day, you deserve to feel peace, fulfillment, and positivity. You can’t please everyone, as you quickly find out in anything that has a large audience.
And as I said, I believe it’s your natural state! You don’t have to earn it or have others validate it; it’s your existential right! 😊
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Sounds like you’ve got it figured out! Conversely, it sounds like they were similar to me in values regarding interruptions. I’m sure they’ll soften up on it, especially since they know you value their opinion and expression. 😊
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I’ve resigned myself to being a perpetual work in progress myself. However, I do believe that there is perfection in that ever-expanding imperfection. 😊
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It’s kind of a paradoxical riddle, my way of saying “It is what it is” and releasing internal resistance. By not condemning the imperfection, it has shown me that the bad stuff that’s happened to me has planted the seeds for good stuff and bloomed when I finally allowed it to. It’s also opened my eyes to new opportunities and positive growth. Not saying that I don’t rail against the circumstances, but that’s where the emotional intelligence kicks in–there’s a point where it becomes counterproductive and I’m just wallowing in unnecessary negativity. But as I’ve mentioned, it doesn’t work that way for everyone. We all have our own way of getting the most out of life.
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No worries. As far as bad things having a beneficial outcome later down the line, I can only say that that has been my personal anecdotal experience. I also get the mentality where the bad must be called out loudly and passionately. For a long while, I would do my best to deconstruct every optimistic take of bad events, with the underlying philosophy that the best we can do is prepare for and guard against malicious forces, occasionally eking out victory but always remaining vigilant. I’m aware that taking on a belief that all bad things can lead to good presents a giant ethical dilemma in the form of possible implied victim-blaming and case-supported evidence where people do good and encounter bad luck until they die. It really only works when paired with my other beliefs, the law of attraction and the no-lose game. What I say to those who are inspired to vociferously condemn is that they shouldn’t try to adopt my approach unless it resonates. In most of their cases, it’s probably better to try and distract themselves from bad stuff they can’t do anything about or have no inclination to change, or at least spare it a passing glance for reference and do other stuff besides wallowing in it. But it’s their choice. In some cases, you just gotta go negative because it’s as positive as you can be, then abide in it until you can abide in a more positive/slightly less negative state. The trick is realizing the difference between release/relief and wallowing in negativity. I think that’s where emotional intelligence and self-awareness comes in. But ultimately, everyone in my opinion has the right to choose their own outlook, and I’m not trying to convince anybody to change it.
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I definitely didn’t mean you in that statement! 😅 I was referring to my older self as well as some of my friends. It’s a big pet peeve of mine when someone speaks critically of someone else but doesn’t outright call them out, which gives them an excuse to avoid confrontation and still get a cheap shot in. I responded that way to you because I was seeing my older self as an egregious amplification of what you were saying and an easy example to speak of, but I should have made that clear and stated that outright and made sure you knew I wasn’t judging you or being touchy about what you said. Also, even if you decided to vociferously condemn what happened to you, who the hell am I to tell you how to think about it, especially since they’re your experiences? While people may have to watch what they say, the way they think and feel about life is their existential right, and no one can dictate that for them. In the case of my friends who I had to drift away from, I didn’t bicker with them (even though sometimes I wanted to), I told them that they and I saw things too differently, and I didn’t want to constantly argue or debate. Then when they kept trying to press their view on me, even when I’d just fall silent, I eventually told them I loved and respected them, but that I would have to get some distance, because I just don’t vibe with them anymore as far as being constantly negative. I’d say something similar to you if I didn’t feel comfortable with talking to you. I wouldn’t snipe at you with veiled criticism.
I’ve been on both sides of the trauma Olympics you speak of, where I judged others for not enduring enough, and where I criticized myself for the same, which put me in the mindset of seeking out damage so I could prove myself worthy. It’s not good for me, nor anyone I interact with if I fall into that mentality. I definitely don’t think you’re judging me. I find you inspiring for the stuff you’ve mentioned, the attitude you’ve chosen, and I’m happy to have entertained you with my stories. I hope you get the happiness you deserve, regardless of the outlook you choose to adopt! 😊 It’s something I believe is your innate birthright!
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It’s interesting, I used to feel the same as far as criticism, but I’ve changed toward being more sedate and relaxed. If someone criticizes me, I may give them a listen, but typically my response is to ensure that I’m in a good mental state rather than chew over their points. If anything in their critique catches my attention, I might let it percolate in my brain, but I’m different now in that I won’t obsess over its deeper meaning and try to fix or understand it. It may be ostrich in the sand, but I’m not looking to fix anything, I’m just letting the clues arise and seeing if they ping my intuition, in which case they might warrant follow-up. Similarly, I usually don’t give criticism unless someone asks for it, and I try not to give advice unless someone seems to be pressing me for it. If I give a review, it’s going to be positive, and if I don’t like the product, I’m just not going to leave a review. I think this is part of my evolution where I’m not trying to influence the world into my standards, which also means that I’m not going to dig too deep into other peoples’ standards for me. My standards now are purely relegated to my personal state of mind. Once I start being invested in other metrics, which I have done ad nauseum in the past, I know I’m going down a road that I’d rather not take.
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That sounds like a frustrating mess! I’m with you on taking the high road. It’s the same reason I don’t want to talk politics with people—don’t have the energy for it. There’s too many of them that make it their whole identity and want you to do the same.
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I feel that’s pretty high road-ish. Work with what you can, then relax and see what other opportunities start opening up. I always refer to Nelson Mandela when it comes to one person versus giant systems. He started with little things in prison, won over his fellow prisoners, the guards, and eventually his constituency.
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I think that’s a good way to be, to focus on what’s in your sphere of positive influence and exercise your power for change. Much like people who don’t want advice, bullies are pretty resistant. Sometimes you may be the person to put them in their place, sometimes you may even be the person that correlates with them seeing the error of their ways, but I think that’s where emotional intelligence comes in–you’ll know it through what your gut tells you. I saw a Netflix doc about a probable sociopath named Hunter Moore titled the most hated man on the internet. This guy was a revenge porn pioneer and had a cult-like following in the early 2010s. Eventually, he messed with the wrong mom (he hacked into her daughter’s email and got nude pics) and the mom mounted a campaign against him. She was stymied at almost every turn, even to where Hunter’s hacker-minions locked her out of her blog a few days after she started it, but eventually she triggered a chain of events that led to an FBI investigation, Anonymous cyber retaliation against Hunter, and eventually his imprisonment, followed by laws against revenge porn. At first, even her husband was kind of against her efforts. I believe that everyone can do something similar at some point in their lives, but they have to be in touch with their intuition to be able to recognize when to push and when to back off. Not everyone can stand up the way the mom did, but I wouldn’t discount yourself–your instance may come, but I also don’t think it’s good to force it, and that some part of you will know when it’s time and urge you on regardless of how bad the odds are against you. Then again, you may also be happier not stepping in to that role, and it might not come because it’s not what you’re built for and it isn’t what would fulfill you. This is kind of devolving into ambiguous word salad… 😅 I guess I’m trying to say don’t be hard on yourself and just be open to opportunities that open before you. A lot of my friends have decided they will never experience good fortune, that they have been screwed over and that’s just how it is and that’s how it will continue to be, even when I point out easy immediate steps they could take in the general direction of what they want. My advice, which I’m fully aware is just my opinion and comes with no obligation to uphold, is to feel justified in feeling your anger, but also be easy with yourself and enjoy what you can as much as possible. That enjoyment, I believe, makes you into your most positive and powerful self, and who knows where that could lead?
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I think that’s the best way to be, honestly. My opinion is that timing is the basis for the pleasure or frustration resulting from effort. The same action can either be pleasant or hellish depending on where and when it’s applied, and timing in my opinion comes with an easy, open attitude. Trying to force things into place is inefficient and takes the pleasure out of life. At least for me, anyway.
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In those instances, I like to pretend and stay open to new opportunities and unexpected twists, because I’ve been surprised in both positive and negative directions, so sometimes the most soothing thought is reminding myself I don’t know for certain what’s going to happen next. That’s just me, though. It may not work for others.
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I’m of the opinion that it’s ultimately about what nets you the most fulfillment. We can’t help but be self-centered, and I think it’s important to honor that. By that I mean we don’t have to abuse or step on others, but it’s impossible to view the world with any lens that isn’t influenced by our specific values, specific background, and specific vantage in space and time. So if the plan is what makes you feel good, then that’s what you should do! Ironically, I’d go so far as to say even if the plan works 100%, it’s missing something crucial if it doesn’t make you feel good. If someone’s perfect at their tasks and doesn’t feel fulfilled, then it’s time to get a hobby, move on to something else, or introduce additional challenges to whatever they’re doing. Otherwise, it seems they tend to start acting out in unhealthy ways in order to introduce some kind of novelty into their life. I’ve seen it with top performers who end up doing illegal stuff on the side because they’re bored.
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I’m on board with what you’re saying. It’s why I use the phrase fulfillment instead of gratification, and also why I add the qualifier “net” onto fulfillment. Sometimes fulfillment has to take a hit in the short-term to maximize the long-term. I guess another way of saying it would be a focus on long-term gain, or playing the long game. In my experience, that kind of view allows me to weave successes together and leverage them one on top of the other, instead of trying to grab whatever’s in front of me and clutch it as tightly as I can.
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I think it’s a bit of a balancing act. Sometimes, I have been served well and throwing my hands up in the air and giving up; it unexpectedly led to a good outcome, or some much needed rest where I could gain some perspective and reassess things through a clear lens. Typically, though, I’m with you on doing things more for long-term benefit. Once again, it boils down to emotional intelligence imo. Intuition plays a big part of it for me.
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I hear you–I used to have a thing for nutella! No matter how far I stuck it back in the fridge, I’d find myself waking up in the middle of the night and eating spoonfuls of it! 😅
As far as the breaks, I think when we do stuff out of necessity, our body is willing, even though it is uncomfortable. On the other hand, when I have forced myself to keep going out of ideals or something unnecessary, my body only tolerates it for so long before it forces a break.
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Not that I’m rushing to get there, but I feel like it’ll be a relief, from what I’ve heard about near-death experiences. To me it makes sense–why go through the slog of life, most likely taking on more and more infirmity and damage, only to perpetuate that afterward? I like to think it’s like dropping a heavy pack after a long hike.
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That’s a good way to be! I’m kind of in the opposite circumstance, where I’m focused on making sure my mother has everything she needs and I’m always looking for ways to get more to her. It’s an interesting consideration from both perspectives…I’m actually kind of glad I outlived my dogs because I don’t think I’d want them to feel the sorrow I felt when they passed away. If I was a ghost and I saw my dog moping around my grave, I’d try and shoo him off and tell him to forget about me. 😅
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That’s great! In my pattern-seeking mind, I can’t help but remember that you mentioned you wanted to be a mother ever since you were little. It sounds grueling, but it also sounds like you’re doing a great job, and also experiencing progress and some fulfillment!
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Yes absolutely ABSOLUTELY good things can come of bad stuff. There’s a bit of a fine line to walk, because that can be used as an excuse to stifle negative emotions when they need to be expressed, but my opinion is after that initial negativity there’s going to be a lessening in intensity followed by a choice between acceptance and more negativity. That’s where people can choose to start moving back into positivity and hidden/unexpected opportunities, or keep things negative and close off their perception.
My friend, a sales manager (different world than the much-publicized warehouse) was telling me he was investing a lot of time in coaching an employee at the company that shan’t be named. This is an easygoing office environment, but the employee is constantly down on himself (I suspect he is using public, unironic self-deprecation as a possible defense) and when given direct instruction, comes back with something completely different every time. My friend is fine with him being slow, but not with justifying a completely different course of action after direct, explicit instruction. He’s starting to initiate the process that leads to firing (it actually sounds pretty sweet–once they pass a certain line, they are offered 20k to be let go or they can try and improve in a month’s time). I told him some of the best days of my life are when I have gotten fired and divorced. With the offer to divorce, I knew it was a great thing right then and there, but with the firing, it took a little bit. So anecdotally, yes, I’ll definitely say that good things can happen from bad things, but it’s also important to allow that negativity to pass through and move into acceptance without weighing everything down with expectations. I’m rooting for you and your family!
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Yes I agree. I have made the repeated mistake, however, of trying to force acceptance if that makes any sense. I logically knew that moving into acceptance was necessary, and the sooner the better, but it was simply a surface realization. I believe emotions are like muscles, and if they’re not moving in tune with your thoughts, then it just creates more tension and injury. So I would try to force myself into acceptance because it was logically the best place to be, but I would only get more negative because I wasn’t allowing my emotions enough room to naturally expand into it, if that makes sense..
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Not to get too philosophical, but as I’ve stated before, I’m of the opinion that our divergent subjectivity is a giant part of objective reality, so I would go so far as to say that everything is authentic, but–not trying to lose the plot–I would say it’s preferable that your experience FEELS authentic. That’s not a correction, it’s the way I filter what you’re saying through my perception. TLDR:
Just my opinion! 😅 And bottom line: I think you’re on the right track! Your life was meant to be lived by you, experienced by you, and enjoyed by you. Sounds common-sensical, I know, but I’ve all too often forgotten that for myself. 😅
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I’m constantly boning up on my lingo as well, lol! TikTok is the biggest channel for pop culture material, but I’m still not on it. 😅
No worries on the mother stuff–it sounds like you care incredibly deeply, and that leads me to believe it truly is your calling for now. Not everyone finds a calling–I know people who have kids just because they don’t know what to do with their lives.
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That’s one of the truest blessings you could ask for! I know people who have had more time and money than they knew what to do with, and they ended up wishing something bad would happen so they could have a purpose again. I get where they’re coming from, but I don’t believe folks need to be punished so they can enjoy a purpose.
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Not to be arbitrarily contrarian, but I get it. When I’ve had good fortune dumped in my lap, I’ve made the mistake of not appreciating it and instead getting worked up about how I could configure it for more good fortune. More more more! The most striking anecdote I read was from hundreds of years ago, when a middle-aged king, fully acknowledging he’d had the best of everything, was saying he’d kept track of exactly how many days he’d been happy. I think it was something crazy like 14. Wish I could remember the name of that guy.
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Very true. I’m recovering from some skin stuff right now, and it definitely is a giant annoyance. With the moments where I feel no happiness, I try to daydream about things I like, or just be as easy as possible in whatever negativity I’m feeling. That eyeshadow sounds fun. I wonder what I’d look like in it! 😆
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It’d be fun letting more knowledgeable people mess with my looks. I’m too lazy to figure out what might be fashionable or how lines and colors work, but I do recognize it’s an in-depth art. I’m happy to offer my face–on with the eyeshadow! 🤣
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I’d totally let a lady glam me up, LOL! 😂
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I’m historically lazy about Halloween, so I think that would be a pretty fun time, LOL! Let the lady go nuts on my costume. Speaking of which, there’s a mile-long haunted house in Balboa Park that I might go to this year…I went almost ten years ago and it was pretty intense. One of the actors had to break character because some middle schoolers broke down. I managed to keep composed almost the whole way through until this ghoul-lady jumped out in front of me and went “BAH!” I recoiled and went “GAH!” then started laughing…😂
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We’ll see, I could take it or leave it, but if I go, it’ll have to be with some friends. Last time I went, it was with my ex and her friend and they were both screaming their heads off the entire time, which was half the fun. Also, it’s fun to get shit for succumbing to a jump-scare. 😅
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Never been to a corn maze…sounds fun, though! I used to live in Wisconsin, and I remember driving through what seemed like endless miles of corn. Do they decorate it with monsters or something?
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Sounds super fun! I remember when I went to a home-made haunted house and my friend’s mom passed around a bowl of peeled grapes and we all had to feel the “eyeballs.” As a kid, I was kinda unnerved. 🤣 Also, when I was a dogwalker, I knew a part-time actor who would take on seasonal work for haunted houses. She said people like me bring down the vibe because I don’t jump/scare easy. I thought I would be like a fun challenge, but I guess I can see that side of it too. 😅 What did you dress up as?
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I feel like Puritans could be ultra-scary! 🤣 Whenever horror movies start using religious stuff or babies it adds to the creepy! Still, I’m sure they wouldn’t have wanted you to make your eyes haggard and haunted and your face all sunken under a blood-stained bonnet, or start waving a rusty, old-school scythe around.
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If I had your old job, I would dress like a Gollum-faced Puritan and scramble around on all fours…🤔 I bet kids would love it! 🤣
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Well it sounds like you enjoyed it…maybe it could be on your list of things to try once your schedule opens up. They should have haunted campgrounds…I went down a reddit rabbit hole on r/nosleep last night, reading about a search and rescue forest service officer who detailed all this crazy stuff they supposedly encountered out in the wild. Supposedly, there’s random sets of staircases built in the deep woods and they’re always clean like someone just dusted them. He said his supervisor was like “You’ll see a lot of those.” and “Don’t touch them or ascend them.” But then never explain why. One time, he ascended one and at the top, all background noise went strangely silent and he felt an intense feeling of him transgressing where he shouldn’t. When he went back to base, his superior gave him a dirty look and asked why he went up the steps. He was baffled as to how the superior knew, and was told that an ongoing search and rescue went wrong. Apparently, every time someone ascends the staircase, something terrible happens, the most dramatic was someone else said that they saw an ascender get their hand lopped off from something invisible, and then another ascender die on the spot from a burst blood vessel in their brain. I have no idea if it’s true or not, but it was imaginative enough to give me the creeps, and the nine-part reddit post is pretty popular. There’s other encounters with something humanoid that took “an impossibly long step” and started screaming at the officers when told to leave, as well as a humanoid made of meat and what looked like roadkill imitating sounds like zippers and other stuff. If I had to put money on it, I’d say it was made up, but like I said, it was imaginative enough to spark my imagination and give me the creeps. Anyway, haunted camp ground business–folks would love it! 😅
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I wonder if you would enjoy working for Disney, if they had their work-culture shit together. They have an actual Maleficent somewhere in there I believe. I enjoyed working for a dog-walking company, but only for the dogs. I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to human organization at this point. 😅
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I think it might be fun as well. I wouldn’t mind being a Stormtrooper telling kids to move it along, then hitting on their hot mom. 🤣 Also, it would be fun to exercise the witty repartee muscle. When I was younger and I wanted to talk with people, I got good at casual banter, but it’s kind of restrictive. It’d be nice to try it in a goofier, fun-oriented environment.
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Make your own character, or protest their Maleficents! 🤣
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I think it would be fun to troll them with a Dark Disney lineup of costumes outside the park. Like have Mickey in black magic robes hunched over in the parking lot feasting on roadkill. 🤣
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Get the kids in on it! Appoint one of them as Zombie Lord Mickey, then have them bite the others and transform them into a horde of rotting monsters and arcane liches! 😂
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I think I can relate. When I was little, I remember my dad watching the Incredible Hulk on TV, and it scared the crap out of me. I hid behind the recliner and peered at the Hulk from around the edge. 😅
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That’s a lot of pressure for a “vacation…” 😅 Good food, though, from what I remember. I visited in the early nineties and then later with my ex in the 2010s.
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Well I’m glad you got some pleasant memories out of it! I remember being astonished by how tasty a churro was when I was a kid, then I remember faux-gourmet stuff making the rounds when I was older. The turkey legs looked and tasted pretty good! I’m pretty sure it’s changed a lot since I’ve gone. I only remember one star wars ride both times, but since then, they’ve acquired lucasfilm and marvel. I have a feeling I’ll eventually make my way back there some day.
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I dunno…I used to have some stupid macho thing about crazy rides, but I don’t think I would enjoy those anymore. However, it seems like they’ve built ones with more narrative and special effects, and I would be interested in those. It also might be one of the few times I could stand being around kids (I love when people get excited, which is the only reason I’d go to opening night of a nerdy movie in a theater) but I’d probably get super tired, super fast. 😅
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Sounds like things are on the right track! Also sounds like a lot of work. One step at a time–for now, I’ll cheer for you with each hard-won nap. Before you know it, it’ll be a return trip to Disney!
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I predict deep-sleep naps are in your future. Glorious daytime crisp-sheet naps! 😁
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I know it might seem counterintuitive, but it sounds like you’ve taken all the necessary steps. At those types of junctures, I believe it’s important to realize that and regulate stress as the process continues. You got this!
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I’m with you on the bed-making. Nothing better than plopping down in a big mess o’ softness. For some reason, I appreciate the neatness of hotel beds, but I promptly rumple everything up and I refuse maid service. 😅
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You deserve a reward as well! The finest of eyeliners and colorful makeups should serve as a start! 😁
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I can somewhat relate, I think. My books haven’t yielded millions like I originally hoped for, but I gradually realized that writing them gave me a sense of fulfillment, adventure, and unfolding possibility. Sometimes, I even like to read them. 😅
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Yeah, I remember when people got all excited when the lottery hit one billion dollars. I was thinking why is that different than tens of millions? What lifestyle change would be so significant that a billion dollars would be that much more exciting than the typical jackpot?
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I believe it’s the idea that everything can drastically change in a positive direction in an incredibly short period of time. Knowing that kind of thing is possible can be pretty uplifting; people love stories about folks who beat the odds.
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I try not to keep score and focus more on whether it’s fulfilling and/or enjoyable, simply because our lives don’t seem based on a quantifiable measure. By that I mean that our most rigorous measurements seem to reach no conclusion other than we’re pretty insignificant in the vastness of existence, and that uncertainty reigns when we study the fundamental building blocks of reality. Lottery or eyeshadow, I say if it gives you a nonsensical sense of fulfillment in our seemingly nonsensical existence, then go for it!
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I think you came to the right conclusion: it’s not a question of deserving. It’s there, it brings you enjoyment, and it doesn’t hurt anybody. 😊
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There’s a philosophical balance that arises, for sure. By default I’m killing microbes and whatnot just by existing, but at what point does it cross into cruelty? That’s the question that needs to be constantly explored with each new development.
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I’ve seen the videos of bot flies hatching from mice. No thank you! But to further expand the philosophical rabbit hole, maybe the bot fly wanted to die. I’ve often thought about conditions where I would easily pick death over life, one of them being if I was attracted to children. I just want to point out that cruelty may not equate to death. As far as horrible work conditions, I hope those resolve in the future, and that anyone stuck in them finds their way into something better.
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Even bot flies have allies—compassion can be found for all forms of life! 😊
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It makes me wonder how weird and gross things would look at a microscopic level in our bodies. I just saw a cool computer animation of sperm getting attacked by a woman’s immune system on reddit, which was pretty riveting.
The term Enhancile came from an early 2000s comic named Global Frequency from one of my favorite comic authors Warren Ellis. It didn’t mean anything crazy in the comic, it simply described a woman with a bionic arm, but it did go into cool detail about how they had to reinforce her spine and whatnot in order to hold up the arm and keep her body functional. In Echo, a predominant theme is the inner versus outer and how extremism leads to suffering, so while Atriya and the Crusaders are piling stuff onto their outer bodies like linkups, armor, and Exos, the Enhanciles are going the other way and surgically destroying themselves.
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I was still pretty new at writing when I wrote the about the wolf-enhancile, so it’s hard to remember the nuances of what I wanted. However, I do remember I wanted it to give off the feel of unstoppable physical brutality. Thanks to the first Matrix being seared into my brain from when I saw it in a mostly empty theater on opening day at 17 years old, I always try to create an escalation in action–Atriya goes from a knife fight to linkups to enhanciles to (no spoilers). Kinda like Neo went from martial arts to gun-fu to helicopter gatling guns to going one on one against Agent Smith.
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Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. You may be experiencing richer entertainment through books than people who watch a ton of movies. Or maybe you could sharpen up your dance skills while singing along to veggie tales! I would definitely do that if I was in your position.
😁 I’ve started gravitating toward tamer stuff lately. The Great British Baking Show has been a daily thing. Their propaganda is working–one of these days I’m going to learn how to make a tasty dessert roulade. 😅
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That’s super sweet! You could probably tease a good story out of that if you wanted to.
I think the hardest part of baking for me would be all the kneading and gripwork, to include the delicate decorations. I already wear carpal tunnel braces while I’m writing, baking would have to be carefully integrated. But it would be fun dropping random baked goods off for people to enjoy. I just finished the season with Ruhul and it had a brief shot of him leaving a cake for a security guard and it stuck with me. Cakes and pasta for me are usually disappointing–most restaurants overcook pasta and throw al dente out the window, and most cakes are too moist, I’m always looking for a cake that will measure up to the slices at whole foods or a safeway birthday cake–so it’d be nice to get it done to my satisfaction and drop them off as random gifts.
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I tried for a while to learn how to do a planche (eventual goal was planche push up), but it was just too hard on my wrists. I got up to a thirty second tuck planche without my knees on my elbows with a thirty pound weight vest on, but no further. Can’t imagine using my wrists to cushion full-body impact and whatnot, gymnastics sounds brutal!
I’m a big fan of the natural flavor that comes from dough, so I like my pasta to be al dente with the salt boiled in beforehand. It’s like a good piece of bread that already has enough butter and salt and is cooked to the just-right texture of crispy on the outside, airy and chewy on the inside. You don’t need extra butter, or if you do, very little. It’s the same with noodles for me–I like to enjoy the noodle first, then have olive oil and very little sauce to go along with it. I’ll also throw in a smatter of sauteed vegetables to complement the noodle flavor. Too many places drown their pasta in sauces and lose the flavor of their noodles.
Six years ago, I experimented with a raw egg phase, where I was drinking eighteen raw eggs a day for awhile. You probably wouldn’t have wanted to see me do it. 😅
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I used to be able to do an aerial cartwheel as a teenager, and I had nailed the b-twist a few times before I joined the military. I wish I had been a breakdancer; it’s on my list of to-dos after I get some stem cell shots for my joints.
The vinegar in pasta is interesting…I’ve never had that, but I can see how it makes sense. I’ll have to try it one of these days!
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Martha’s department scares me! 😂 That mix sounds savory and delicious; I’m a big fan of basil and oregano. But once again, I feel like only a little bit of sauce, because otherwise the sugary tomato sour drowns everything out.
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My uniform of the day is a ballgag, assless chaps, and a helicopter beanie hat. 🤣 I hear you. Nothing worse than when a fancy-pants restaurant lets you down. At the same time, if I find a delicious restaurant, one of my greatest joys is hyping it up to my friends, bringing them there for a meal, and watching their expressions as they realize how delicious it is.
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One of my dreams in life is to be a year-round, random-strike Secret Santa. I just read about Lee Childs who does the charity thing and whatnot, but he also randomly does stuff like give 20 grand to an ex-con with health problems who can’t afford the treatment. Whether you like it or not, you’ve made my roster, and a big break from therapy Queen shall be at the top of the list!
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I think so too! Sounds like things have been gradually getting better for you, and it looks like you had fun trick or treating with your son. I haven’t been trick or treating since middle school! 😅
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Man, I loved that you got that! I’m a fan of random gifts, but I also love when people get unexpected relief as well and get to truly enjoy themselves for a while! What a great marker of progress!! 😊
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Well it was a welcome bit of good news. I love seeing others being able to enjoy the moment!
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🤗
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Nah, I get it. It’s really just a me-thing. I like seeing people unexpectedly surprised by a joyous development. There’s know way to know what happens to a gift after you give it, whether it lives up to the expectation you’ve built in your mind for its use, or whether the recipient feels the same sense of value from it as the giver. I think trying to control those things is kinda futile and ends up in frustration. I just like seeing the unexpected delight. I’m pretty sure that’s why I like Great British Bakeoff so much. They’re so happy to be there, so happy that their food tastes good. Probably a lot of editing that doesn’t reflect the reality, but I guess I’m trying to edit reality in my own way, if that makes sense. 😊
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That’s so heartwarming! I used to think I was the same way, but I realized my urge to serve others came more from my personal insecurity (gotta prove I’m a good person to others) than a true desire to serve. I still enjoy doing things for people, and I don’t think I’m sociopathic or selfish, but I do think that direct outward service is not my true calling; it doesn’t energize me at a soul-deep level. I think it’s awesome that it’s truly your thing!
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I agree. Writing is definitely my calling, but when I was first starting out, I was killing my wrists and night vision because I was glued to the monitor for way too long. I think even with a calling it should come with boundaries. Because I think ultimately, although it might sound a little weird, our highest calling is to net enjoyment and fulfillment out of this life, not to do a particular activity 24/7. The activity is simply a stepping stone.
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I think “good enough” is ironically “perfect.” To spin way off into a metaphysical standpoint, an omnipotent, omnipresent, omnitemporal being has no challenge, nowhere to go, and has nothing to look forward to (they’re unstoppable, everywhere, and every when all at once). “Good enough” is the attitude that allows Its self-limited fragments (us) to appreciate the journey, to work through the challenge and adventure given unto Itself, and to appreciate Its brief stint as a fragmented being. Often, metaphysical perspective applied to practical troubles can seem insensitive and silly, so I apologize if that’s how all that comes off. But I wanted to say (possibly in the most spacey way possible), that I think “good enough” is exactly right. I could also back it up with all the practical, hardcharger, the-world-isn’t-fair rationale that you’ve probably heard from a bunch of other folks, but it kind of wears on me after awhile. I think you’re doing great! 😊
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I might allegedly have been in a similar situation, where I actually did use that information against whoever was trying to gaslight me into thinking they had my best interests at heart, yet I was able to apply enough pressure for them to back off. People can be pretty mean. I think it’s maybe what planted the seed in me to want to be the opposite (an all-year, random-strike secret Santa). I feel it’s kind of a losing path to try and balance things out (there’s always going to be something worse you can’t make up for), but the most important thing, in my mind, is that the idea of it brings me happiness. I’m sure the doing of it would too, at least for awhile.
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I feel like ultimately you’re right, being mean is a choice. But I do think there’s some truth to the statement that hurt people hurt people. I remember doing things I didn’t necessarily want to do, but the urge was so strong at the time it was like an itch–it wouldn’t leave me alone, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it until the only relief I got was from doing something I knew was wrong. I’m not sure when that began to change, or why. The stock answer would be that I looked at and worked on myself because I was tired of feeding into undesirable outcomes, but nevertheless, I try to keep it in mind when dealing with others. A lot of folks seem to be like predictable computer programs sometimes in that their beliefs seem to have been solidified by their past misfortunes, and now they believe it is their right to pass that onto others. I’m not sure where the choice comes in or how to apply it. I do think you’re right, though, there is some component that is definitely a choice.
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Indeed! I definitely think it’s surmountable, but maybe not all at once in some cases. When I deal with someone who is clearly entrenched in a way of thinking I don’t like, I try to see if we can meet somewhere in the middle, and if it’s worth it to try.
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That’s where interaction starts to become an art, I think. At that point, intuition starts weighing in and it becomes a decision whether to just break off or keep engaging.
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I believe there’s a shift in approach that’s warranted at that point, where intuition plays perhaps an even greater role. When I deal with unconstructive people, it’s beneficial for me to cast all my feelers out and see how to apply pressure from unexpected angles, or entice them into softening their position.
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There’s a couple of ways I might proceed, depending on my mental state. If I was feeling resonance in a more stoic frame of mind, I would blithely accept that whatever I’m feeling doesn’t matter, then lay out my options and go for whatever happens to be the best one, regardless of its chances of success, because it still doesn’t change the fact that it’s the best one. If I was more in my feelings, I’d let myself feel negative until it opened up into something less restrictive, then I’d start exploring creative angles (who has influence over that person, and can I influence them? Can I play a long game and draw the person in where I appear more friendly and influential? Is the person who’s antagonizing me easier to influence under circumstances like after a meal? Is there a way to incrementalize my opinion so that it doesn’t get rejected outright?) The main thing with this approach is that I’d have to emotionally be in a place where I wasn’t constantly drawn to how powerless I was, and how every past attempt I’d made ended in failure. I would have to regard attempting solutions as real possibilities instead of just dutiful overtures. Because if I’m not in that emotional place, my perception is going to frame all of my attempts as inevitably failed endeavors, and my subconscious will guide me to act in ways that support that assumption. If I am in a more positive place, I’ll be able to interpret stoppages as guidance to adjust course or as functional data, and lukewarm results as progress made in an unexpected manner (didn’t turn out like I wanted or expected, but I’m in a new position and maybe I can leverage that, combine it with existing efforts or launch a new one which I didn’t have capabilities for before). Not sure if any of that makes sense, but that’s my personal take on how I’d deal with it.
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Of course! I respect that and I understand it’s also my responsibility not to view you as “wrong” for doing something I might not agree with, and to ensure that doesn’t come across in my tone.
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No problem! I wish you the best of luck in resolving those matters. You deserve some happy resolution! 😊
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I’m sure you can say at least it hasn’t been boring. But I’m also rooting for you to get that nap; first a nice Halloween, next a nice afternoon snooze!!
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I’m 100% behind the wing prostheses. Life would be a terrible construct if some of us were meant to be denied our flight and go to our graves envying others who can soar.
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I agree. I think that’s kind of the philosophical core behind the monkey’s paw. Enhanced access only leads to enhanced problems if the inner stuff isn’t in line.
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I’m not nearly so cultured as to have based my reference off that–it was the monkey’s paw in a Simpsons Halloween episode. 😅 But I did look it up and apparently they have the same premise–three wishes that go horribly wrong.
As far as fate, I believe this is where emotional intelligence comes in. If my entire being is giving me a nudge, then I feel like an inarticulate part of me knows something I don’t and it’s worth pursuing. I don’t think desire is bad, desire is natural. We desire oxygen, food, company, health, creative expression…none of those are bad. I think there is a focus on lack which can make desires seem bad. If I crave certain goals and refuse to be happy until they have materialized in the exact manner in which I want, no exceptions, then I’ve cut myself off from the unexpected boons and pleasant detours along the way. And also, maybe that goal was just to set me on a path where I could receive more input with which I could realize my actual goal was something entirely different, if that makes any sense.
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I used to think the same, but now I believe there can be separation behind desire and a feeling of lack. I love daydreaming about this or that, but if I’m getting bent out of shape because the daydream is out of reach, it’s time to focus on something else.
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I can get behind the more utilitarian viewpoint. Personally, I’m more of a daydreamer now, though. It definitely shows in conversations with friends; I’m usually always somewhat in my books or the possibilities I weave through them. Kind of ironic because as a kid I would always be reading when my parents had get-togethers with other parents and their kids. I think I’m really just an engagement junkie. Like I can do well enough at school but it’s only engaging if I’m taking a test. And it’s easy enough for me to do practical stuff, but it’s only really attractive to me when it demands my full attention. With writing or daydreaming, I don’t have to wait on other people or outside developments, I can immediately change things around and stay engaged.
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It is indeed a gray area. Dreams and practicality blend together much more than I initially thought, in my experience. I used to be a pretty strict utilitarian, but ironically, it failed to provide as much utility as I would have liked. 😅
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I definitely think some people lean more one way and then the other. I also think that over the course of life, it changes. Sometimes it’s better for us to explore the super utilitarian side of everything, and sometimes we should listen to an intuitive surety that urges us to do something that doesn’t make sense but feels absolutely right. The art of life!
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That’s a good skill to have. Perspective has definitely determined whether I’m inspired to rail against life or enjoy it as it unfolds.
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Hopefully, Alzheimer’s won’t be as big of a concern in the future. I’ve been reading a few headlines about a new drug with potential to treat some symptoms. It’s got some hairy possible side effects, but I’m optimistic they can work the bugs out over time.
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I’m honestly hoping a comet lands right on top of me. No real reason for it, but it’s always seemed like the most attractive way to go.
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I’ll put you at the bottom of the comet list. I’m staying right at the top! 😅
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Gonna have to fight my way to the top of the list (camera zooms in on my steely-eyed gaze) 😂
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🤣
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I genuflect before your genuflection! 🙇♂️ I had to look that one up, LOL!
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You and me both! I don’t mind being asked for advice, but I feel uneasy being looked up to.
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I can’t fault anything you find reliable; sounds like you’ve got some go-tos. I think wherever your belief lies, wherever you find results and hope is a good place to move towards.
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I think there’s definitely a balance that comes with that. Other people sometimes chime in just because they want to feel like they contributed. It’s kind of why I stopped asking for feedback before I finished editing my books. I realized if I edited the book to my satisfaction, I would know through and through why I wrote what I did, and that I would be at a point where I wouldn’t change a thing. I’ve seen writers pile on another writer simply because they perceived a theme that didn’t fit their ideology, even though (ironically), the writer they were piling on was using egregious description to criticize what the others didn’t agree with.
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Yeah, I agree. Bottom line is also that writing is a TERRIBLE way to try and make money. If I did stumble upon some formula that traded effort in writing for cash, it would have to be a quick way to fuck-you money, and even if it wasn’t, I would be formulating an exit strategy. It would be one of the biggest disappointments if writing slowly transformed into a job that I dreaded.
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It is pretty disappointing. I’ve started to change my view on those occurrences, in that they’re now an indication I should lay things out and reassess, see where I can tweak some stuff or if I need to change direction.
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Thank you! 😊
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I see it as I gotta do what I need to stay healthy and protect myself, but agonizing over others’ misguided ways is unhealthy and works against my own ends. Emotional intelligence!
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Well if I may, that seems to be a very well grounded attitude from which to develop emotional intelligence! 😊
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It’s definitely kind of a trendy phrase. I see it as the cognitive ability to guide emotions into a productive and fulfilling configuration, both in the short-term and the long-term. The meaning does kind of get lost in the churn, though.
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I may be a little strange from what I’m about to say, but I think every emotional response to external stimuli is productive and fulfilling, but ACTING on it may not be. Also, wallowing in certain emotions aren’t productive (as opposed to feeling them and transitioning into another one), but all that’s pretty abstract. Maybe I’m splitting hairs or engaging in semantics.
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True, sometimes it’s better not to feel in the middle of something. I think it’s definitely healthy to untangle it later, though, so it doesn’t sneak up on me when I least expect it.
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I think it’s definitely honest to state that sometimes I wish something hadn’t happened, but I would also say that acknowledging my feelings around it will be an eventuality that I can express constructively, destructively, or somewhere in between those extremes.
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I agree with the implication that arm chair critiquing isn’t so healthy. I just heard an interesting theory regarding ethnic cuisine when it comes to yelp: the best ones are actually 3.5 stars, because if you go above that, then it appeases obnoxious yelpers who don’t have an appreciation for flavor and instead obsess over the creases in their napkin or whatnot. I found that pretty amusing!
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I think I get it. I was very much a numbers and rankings guy for a while. I didn’t have time, inclination, or resources to do much exploring, so I depended heavily on data to guide my decisions. Later in life I became rewarded more by instinct and faith in good outcomes, so while I do still weigh that stuff, I don’t put as much emphasis on it anymore.
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Not to pull a switcheroo, but I actually prioritize the feel of the expectation. If it evokes dread and stress, then I’ll go for something that feels more free flowing, like apathy (oh well, fuck it). Sometimes, ironically, embracing a bad outcome makes me feel free and capable (looks like we’re fucked, but whatever). And sometimes, forcing a positive outlook will evoke more stress than I ever imagined. I’m really just hunting around for that free-flowing feel. In my anecdotal experience, if I resonate with that, it will open into something positive in a natural manner.
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Smart! Honoring your intuition!
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Sometimes it’s actually the path of least resistance, even though it’s not very smooth. In situations like that I just resign myself to the pain and inconvenience, since I’ve already decided I’m not going to do the alternative.
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I was similar, in that I would immediately chart out next steps to improvement. I think I’m a bit different now in that I try and enjoy where I’m at and let things unfold with more natural-feeling ease.
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Sleeping whenever and as much as you want without worrying about the downsides is indeed one of the greatest gifts one could attain, in my opinion. I think you’ll get there. Things seem to be improving for you, plus you seem to have done a lot of assessing of what is sustainable and what isn’t. Full night of sleep is coming! 😊
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Dream big! 9 hours of sleep plus an afternoon nap, in between the heaven of some perfectly cool, slidey silky blankets! 😊
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Well the 7 hours a night seem like a good step up! Before you know it, nine and a nap! 😁
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It’s definitely one of the pillars of well-being. I’m glad that people are finally starting to realize that it’s not a sign of weakness to get a good night’s rest. Nothing better than relaxing in bed under some cool slidey blankets!
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Well let it be known that I feel like your new ability to sleep longer is something to be celebrated! 😊 It must be pretty awesome to finally get something approaching close to normal after decades of being deprived.
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A good place to be, in my opinion. Little steps lead to big progress, and sometimes unexpectedly develop into quantum leaps. I hope when you get your first daytime nap, you have the most self-satisfied smile in all the world before you drift off!
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I wouldn’t beat myself up about it if I were you. It sounds like you’re already super committed and industrious beyond what’s expected. It could be your body’s way of telling you to slow down here and there and boosting overall productivity by adding some needed rest. I hope that smile is as self-satisfied as they come! 😊
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Recognizing they are unmeetable is an important step in meeting as many as you can. I’ve had to learn a similar lesson in that I would set expectations way too high after something good happened by calculating all the potential good that could happen afterward and having that be a new expectation that led to disappointment and anger. Sounds like you’re calibrating and optimizing your approach!
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For me, life seems to entail constant learning. It seems like that a big part of “enjoying the journey” is accepting and enjoying learning new stuff, but it sucks when there’s a lot of stress or angst involved in that.
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Absolutely agree. Sometimes I boggle my own mind when I reflect on how stressed I have been in the most peachy of circumstances. (Basically stressing over how to arrange and optimize luxuries). It’s why I try to feel my way through life more instead of spreadsheeting everything in my mind. But I also realize that for some people, they may need to do more of the spreadsheeting to find some harmony.
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I’m of a similar opinion, but different in the fact that I believe happy people don’t necessarily result from material conditions, but from enjoying the present moment and the unfolding of their proclivities. If someone can enjoy something born of consumerism without hangups, I believe that can be healthy and joyful. I actually believe it’s inevitable–as creative beings, we’re meant to enjoy creating new ways to produce and new possibilities to enjoy. It’s when personal worth is superimposed on that–or any dynamic, for that matter–that people start becoming miserable.
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I agree with you in that I don’t think they are either. But I also think that happiness isn’t the natural byproduct of outward activity, and that it’s possible that consumerist endeavors can be made happy and positive. (I truly enjoyed Zac Efron’s new series where he tackles a bunch of doom and gloom subjects, but presents them as exciting, positive opportunities to change and innovate rather than stark dichotomies of either start furiously protesting or watch the entire world die). I’ve seen unhappiness manifest in the way you’re talking about, by trying to compensate for inward lack by buying stuff, but I don’t think it’s a one-way street. Creativity can be boosted and amplified by commerce, and I would go so far as to say that creativity doesn’t necessarily bring happiness either. I’ve been miserable when I’ve imposed inadequacy, deadlines, and judgmental comparison onto my writing practice. It was something where I had to ask myself why I was doing what I was doing, and what I wanted to be focused on while I was doing it. I think happiness is a function of how we frame our experience, staying positive and solution-focused when we can, and also being open and proactive about integrating the negative so we can get back to being positive and implementing solutions. Everything is a mixed bag, in my opinion, and presents opportunities and pitfalls with each advance and development. I’m just trying not to live like I used to, where I defined everything as something to be angry at or afraid of (this would even be with good things, where I would fret and worry about how to leverage them into more good things or how to maintain their goodness). And in the end, this dynamic will continue long after I’m dead, so I’m going to do my best to enjoy my limited time as a happy…goof. 😉
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Indeed. Forced positivity is arguably worse than open negativity. Nothing more annoying than when someone tells me to smile when I don’t feel like it. It literally hurts my face! I think you’ve got a healthy perspective yourself; you’re honoring your boundaries from past experiences, but overall optimistic about still moving towards positivity. I just gave it a couple college tries and then asked myself if I want to keep doing things the way I’ve been doing them, or try some new stuff out to see if I like it better. 🙂
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It’s definitely individual. I think it’s somewhat related to the idea that we can’t help everybody at everything; we’re born with and coincide with certain inclinations where we can live our life fully and do the most good. Some people are designed to solve world hunger and climate stuff. The rest of us contribute in varying ways, in what I like to think of as indirect ripple effects (aside from the area we are directly contributing in). Similarly, I think certain traumas are meant to be confronted at certain times; if that weren’t the case, it would turn into an obsessive game of trauma whack-a-mole and constant block-by-block searches in your own mind. My unprovable suspicion is that after we pass on, we leave whatever baggage we had behind, unless we get stuck as ghosts, in which we just do it a little slower.
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I like to think we’re in a no-lose game, where we’re playing parts as actors who can eventually take off the costume and hang out together. So I guess in that model of reality, anyone that hangs around too long is like Daniel Day Lewis about whatever role they’re playing. I think with enough time, though, they drop the act and move on to another role. No one wants to hear Shakespearean monologues at the drive-thru at Wendy’s. 😅
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I was actually thinking that as I was writing the response. I had a mental impression of Daniel Day Lewis delivering a monologue at the window while a line of cars behind him were honking and yelling and telling him to hurry the fuck up. 🤣
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I’d love to see it! 😆
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No worries on the brain cell thing. Yesterday I had to rewrite a check and screwed it up the second time as well (put the cents below a double 0, instead of putting the cents above a 100. I honestly think that my brainpower has become increasingly weighted toward writing stories and receiving ideas in the last few years). I agree with the scary and unpleasant stuff. It’s something I’m still learning to navigate. I think my attitude has shifted more toward one of trust in those situations, whereas it used to be an empty, logical expression of faith. I would have to talk myself into trying to feel like it would all be okay, and while I could logically make that case, I couldn’t feel it. For a while, I would just exhaust myself with logical effort, then that would give way to apathy, which would finally allow me to get back to positivity. Now, with anecdotal experiences where things have actually worked out, I’m learning more to trust that things will work out even while my present circumstances are not ideal. But even the anecdotes fall short, because they’re just a more personal form of logical assurance. The trust I’m talking about really doesn’t have any apparent cause, but it is visceral. I think it’s related to the idea of being a happy goof, of being in the present moment and opening up to intuition, even though I’ve had years of conditioning that says I should be looping elevated alarm through my brain and making contingencies for everything that seems threatening.
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I actually think my focus is on not working, as far as the internal perspective. From a negative reinforcement standpoint, I’ve seen what happens to myself if I just perpetuate negativity, urgency, and continual stress over time and I don’t like it. I’m relatively new to the positive thinking stuff, lol! The assurance of poop coming down is pretty discouraging. Depending on the situation, I’ll use different approaches depending on their level of resonance. I can go with the anecdotal (it always worked out, even if it took some time to do so), resignation (let the poop fall wherever it wills), or the tough-guy (I’ve moved largely away from this, but it’s basically just gonna power through this poop come hell or high water). I feel like you’ve explored a bunch of your own approaches, though, and you’ve developed some go-tos of your own which you are also refining. I’m not sure if this makes sense, but as time goes on and I’ve go through more rounds of poop and things work out over time, I end up having more trust in the process. I’d like to think I live more of a trust-based life, than a faith-based one, if that makes any sense.
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Maybe part of being positive is constantly referring to it as poop! 😂 It certainly lessens a bit of the dread of those things in my mind. I’m half-in, half-out of the reframing technique. If I’m way off-base emotionally, the reframing seems fraudulent, so I have to massage my emotions back into place first, if that makes any sense. Lately, the phrase that resonates with me is “Let the chips fall where they may.” Once I’m anywhere between mildly negative to neutral to mildly positive, reframing comes within reach for me.
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I believe there’s a lot of validity in taking away the emotion, but I think having too little (or too much) emotion can shut off the intuitive process. That’s why I think emotional intelligence is pretty important (I know it’s a catchy phrase nowadays, so I define that as being able to acknowledge emotional imbalance, then using whatever tools work to get back to a desirable place). I think we can all be fallible and weak. It’s kind of a fact of life. I was fallible and weak as an infant for sure. Also, I heard a guy sum up his military experience in a profane yet profound manner, when he said the military has seen me at my most badass, and it’s also seen me when I’ve been the biggest bitch. I just try and enjoy what’s coming next, and if I can’t, then I’ll try and keep in mind it’ll eventually pass. 😊
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The timing in your statement is fortuitous–I’ve struck some first-world problems yesterday that caused me to dip into the frustrated/I’m cursed/things never get better mindset, lol! I’m mostly out of it, but got a little more relaxing and reframing to go. There’s definitely validity in your approach; I use it more for fast-moving situations where I don’t have time to process feelings.
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It’s more frustration at a lack of expected progress than anything that truly sucks. Nevertheless, it’s a reminder to massage my emotions back into place; ten years ago, I would have loved to have had this problem, lol! For me, it’s most important to get into that existential acceptance where not only do I know everything will be okay, but I feel it and that feeling guides my follow-on thoughts. I’m pretty close to being there right now, I’m sure I’ll be there soon. Thank you for the positivity and kind words! 😊
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Exactly! I like your grandma’s attitude. It was basically a series of seemingly inarguable home runs that ended up as little if no tangible progress. But that whole time, I was looking to that stuff as a savior, as a reason to rationalize how I would get to a certain financial position, and it is indeed a blessing in a more tangible sense, because if it had all worked out and I had kept that attitude, then I would have believed I could just pour more maniacal do-more conviction into that approach, and I would have ended up like those unhappy but productive business-folk that become a cliché. (Seemingly coincidentally, I watched Paris Hilton’s documentary recently and she was talking about how she lived in constant fear of not having enough money and being in a position where she was powerless like in her youth when her parents sent her to an abusive prep school. She was unable to take a break, and constantly moved goalposts for the amount of money she said would make her feel safe). Anyway, the fact is no one’s safe from death and I’ve started recently feeling that it ends up being one of our nicest experiences, one where we realize all the stuff we stressed and fought over was kind of silly in the grand scheme of things. Regardless of what happens, it’s clear to me that I’m meant to enjoy the moment and let life happen at its own pace, in its own way. I consistently get reminded of that.
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I think it’ll happen, one way or the other (as your grandma might say). In the meantime, I hope you feel as safe as possible and enjoy some fun and relaxation! I have to take that advice as well; if I go down the rabbit hole of trying to protect myself, I probably won’t stop until I can guarantee a spot at the top of the meteor list, with enough warning so I can get high and have sex and time my demise right at climax.
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Those are all key milestones, it sounds like. I’ve checked off a bunch of my own, and now it’s up to me to stop worry about checking them off and reach for the feeling of safety and fulfillment without any justification whatsoever (not saying you should do that, but it’s where I’ve ended up). I think that ties in with your statement that nothing is guaranteed to anyone. Ironically, my greatest feeling of safety comes from moving beyond the justifications and rationale and settling into a more visceral, unjustifiable, irrational state of trust.
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Faith usually comes with a bunch of justifications in my opinion. Trust is a visceral sensation for me, a wordless optimism that manifests into feeling rather than originating from a bunch of verbal declarations. I think it’s where my intuition is the strongest–where I’m not guided by fear or threat, but more of a sensation of what leads to my preferences and ease.
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I know that I’m kind of defining these with personal semantics, but I’m trying to explain how these words resonate to me; definitely don’t take them over webster’s! 😅 Hope to me is largely conditional; people hope FOR something. Optimism is a feeling that outcomes will be positive. It’s stronger than hope, in my opinion, because it isn’t tied to justification FOR optimism, necessarily, and it’s a foundation from which hope can spring.
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Absolutely! Personally, I’ve kind of given up trying to communicate exactly what I think (who knows if the green I see is the same green others see?) I know it may sound like philosophical nonsense, but I really try to focus on the tone that I FEEL like I’m conveying, rather than trying to wrangle someone else’s perception. Of course, when I work with others, we need to meet on some middle ground, but I used to think that meant they were perceiving what I thought they were perceiving and feeling. Now I realize everyone’s authentic or true self is theirs and theirs alone.
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I agree, and that’s why I’m not made to be around others for extended periods of time. I can achieve common ground in job-related communications, and I can actually be pretty good at it, but it’s definitely tiring and not my calling.
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I had a pretty relaxed celebration, ate some ribeye cooked sous vis and pan seared with garlic and thyme, then got some monster desserts at extraordinary desserts and finished things off with a couple of cigars. I hope you had a fun holiday yourself! 😊
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It only sounds fancy, lol! Sous vid is basically boiling the meat in a plastic bag so it heats evenly without getting water in it. For steak folks, it’s a precision way to render the fat and keep it medium rare before you throw it in a pan and sear the outside. I’d actually prefer your get-together because you have dogs! I’d probably just end up snoozing with them, though. 😴 I also, don’t get the big deal about holidays. I feel like it’s another sign I’m a true introvert. I know a lot of people get depressed around the holidays, especially if they don’t have people to hang out with, but I was always good with it. There’s been many a holiday where I ate a spicy hotdog feast from seven-eleven. 😅
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Love that! Yeah, I think holidays are more impactful as a kid, so it’s nice you got to have some good ones before they went sour. My family long ago decided not to give gifts, which I’m fully on board with, because it allows me to enjoy the lights and vibe without any of the hassle of gift-buying. For kids, though, I think it can be a super fun experience. They should make holidays more oriented around dogs, though. 🤔😁
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I know it’s going to happen in the future, I just don’t know when. Also, my mind isn’t made up as far as whether I want an old chill rescue dog or 2+ puppies that I wrassle and nap with. 😁
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I’ll definitely be happy. It’s easy to imagine warm dogs next to me when I’m lying in bed, and I get happy just from that. 😊
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I’m a wiggler myself. After years of wiggling, my dogs finally decided to sleep by my legs and feet. I just about shit myself with fear when I squeezed my legs together in a sleep-hazed stretch and my 10 lb. cairn terrier squeaked in pain because he had settled between my thighs and I hadn’t noticed. 😬 Luckily, he wasn’t hurt. He had some weird instinct to act like it, though–when we first got him, he jumped onto the floor, screamed in pain, then couldn’t walk without limping so we rushed him to the emergency vet. Right as we park, before we walk through the doors, we test him by letting him onto the ground and he’s running around like nothing happened. Little guy just loved attention. 😅
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That’s pretty cool! I used to have a cat, but she never developed a taste for pajamas…🤔 I’m pretty sure Catzilla is doing fine, though. It’s one of the reasons I’m interested in trying astral travel one day, to go see how well my former pets are doing. Mine would be fine being petted, then suddenly attack/play with me, then when I squirmed my fingers and played back, she’d get overworked (angry?) and jump out of my lap. I had no idea what her thought process was, but I’d like to know. I’m still confused. 😅
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Mine were definitely great at that. One time my ex reprimanded our dog and he slow-moped/sighed over to the corner, and, while continuing to face it, sighed and settled into a sad puddle of lying down dog. She instantly broke into a mix of laughter and sad aww. 🤣
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I hear you. When I was a dogwalker, I had two of them bolt through San Francisco, a traffic-maze of one-way streets, parallel parking, and danger all around. I had to run around asking people have you seen a dog running through here, like I was in a damn chase movie scene. 😅
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It was SUPER stressful! One of those same dogs took off under another walker. When that happened, I gladly came in on my day off and hunted around the parks. In retrospect, it was kind of funny. The dog hadn’t eaten for like a full day, and we’re following him around collecting reports of him running along with the rocking horse motion (indicates playfulness), then he ended up chilling in someone’s backyard after he finally got tired of his adventure. 😅
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It’s crazy that the owner laughed about it the first time it happened. The dog ran several miles back to the owner’s house and waited until they got home.
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Yeah, he definitely raised the alert level around the daycare. Everyone rolled their eyes and sighed in frustration/disgust when they were talking about him. 😅
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Yeah, with time and life, it’s definitely not a big a deal that he ran off. I mean, there’s probably a gajillion times I could have died as a baby through some random stroke of fate, but it didn’t happen and I ended up in a decent place. There was probably a gajillion potential tragedies that could have happened with that dog, but they didn’t happen and he’s being loved.
Sometimes I get that stress boil-over as well. A few times it takes me by surprise and it just happens, or someone takes something i said the wrong way and it might as well have happened despite what I intended. I like to surrender to the idea those instances are kind of fated and move everything forward in a good way I can’t yet perceive.
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I’ve been listening to podcasts from remote viewers (for 20 years, the army ran a psychic spying program called project stargate that used an intuition-based technique called remote viewing; unlike astral projection, you don’t leave your body and interview your subconscious and are subject to a series of controls that doesn’t allow prior knowledge of the target–frontloading–other than a series of associated numbers). They have a statistically significant success rate, but nowhere near 100%, and they can attempt to view backwards and forwards in time. Interestingly, some events appear fated while some appear to be malleable. It’d be premature to draw conclusions on any of that, including the mechanisms through which remote viewing is possible, but I resonate with that assumption. I do believe it’s a mix of fate and choice. I’m not sure if that applies to your situation, but it sounds like you’re navigating it all as best you can. Not to get too morbid, but I heard a story about a couple that were just hanging out by the pool, then a strong wind came along, blew the umbrella over, and one of the spokes pierced the guy’s eye and brain and killed him. Obviously, that couldn’t be helped, or if it could, it would require a level of alertness that would render life hellish. I realized I wrote all this and I’m not really sure how to weave into a definitive statement, other than to say I think you should be nice to yourself. 😅
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Absolutely. People who insist on imposing theory on reality usually have a hard time dealing with the dynamics that allowed for that theory in the first place.
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True. When I’ve been in the 80% it often hasn’t been by choice, and I found myself wishing I had whatever talent or x-factor that allowed the 20% to produce more than me. I’ve actually been happy being in the 20%, because I’ve felt it made me better than others. A more positive way to have seen it would been to make ascending out of the 80% a game to network with mentors and see how I could improve, and to have been more appreciative for the times I have been in the 20% and reached out more in a mentor capacity.
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I get that there should be fairness and equity in regards to workload, and perhaps pay differences can mitigate some of that, but unless I’m part of structural management, there’s not too much I can do about that aside from aim to be part of higher management, start my own company, or go to another job where I feel things are fair. I’ve come to realize the workload will fluctuate depending on where I’m at and life circumstances, but the principle factor for me is whether I find it enjoyable and/or fulfilling. Trying to finagle things into fairness is not my calling, which is why I’m not involved in politics, management, or discussion/study about either subject. I do think it energizes some people, though, and those people should definitely innovate and expand the subject matter for those of us with different callings.
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I’ve actually kind of given up on it. There have been so many times when I’ve thought that I explained myself, what I was going through, why I was doing what I was doing…then the other person completely misinterprets it. It led me to realize I have no idea what they’re going through, and I have no idea whether they’re contributing to the best of their ability or not. So I just try to strike agreements where standards should be met, benefit of the doubt given with second and maybe third chances, but if it doesn’t work out, I’d rather just part ways or start cutting ties. I’ve gone down too many rabbit holes trying to make subjective justifications of who’s putting forth more effort, only to find that someone’s hierarchy of values is completely different from mine.
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Sounds healthy. I’ve come to possibly ruthless realization that if something doesn’t work out after mercy or the benefit of a doubt, I’m not meant to force it into working out. I’ve distanced from some friends and family because of this (also reconnected with some), and while it can definitely go overboard with the underlying intent of pushing people away at the smallest sign of friction, I’ve realized for me it’s simply about staying focused on harmony and intuition. And if life is giving me overt signals that I need to let someone go and go my own way for a bit, then that also helps me to decide.
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i agree with your position, especially the part where people gotta do what works for them. I think I spent so long trying to get others to think like me or agree with me I realized that they’ll think however they want regardless, and I have to just find people who I vibe with and enjoy their company. If someone consistently has a problem with me, that’s their problem, and that’s an indication for me to leave them be (give them the benefit of the doubt a few times, of course, just to make sure) I also have a completely unprovable belief that when people die, they let go of the petty stuff. Occasionally, I believe it takes them a while to process and they end up as ghosts for a while, but I think everyone gets back to an expanded perspective and moves on to the next adventure.
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I recently saw a netflix show called 28 days haunted, where three groups of ghost hunters stuck around for 28 days in haunted locations (supposedly 28 days of occupation opens the floodgates for ghosts). They filmed stuff moving on its own, which, if they weren’t faking, is pretty neat. But it also seemed like they were focusing on a lot of misery from the past and it took an emotional toll. I’d like to think I’d have the presence of mind to tell ghosts it was okay and they could move on, but I also think they’ll find their own way to do so eventually. Not really interested in hunting them down and finding out, though.
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Interesting! I used to muck around trying to astrally project when I was a teenager, and then I ended up getting sleep paralysis in a couple of those instants. In one of them, I got this dread that something was about to enter the room (could have been the hag from sleep paralysis lore, the one that sits on your chest and makes it hard to breathe), and that scared me off from anything else. After I joined the military, I kind of adopted the hard-line persona and scoffed at all that stuff. Nowadays, though, I just kind of accept it as a part of reality. Nothing to chase or goggle over, but nothing to scoff at out of hand and rationalize away.
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Definitely better not to force stuff! Of course we have to outwardly strain sometimes (working out or burning the candle at both ends) but I don’t think that should ever be accompanied by an intuitive conviction that it’s the wrong thing to do.
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Yep! For me it goes hand in hand with not taking things too seriously, so I don’t feel guilt if I don’t do “what I’m supposed to do.” Pretty much without exception, I’ll do what I’m supposed to do on bigger stuff, with smaller stuff I’m learning to become more flighty (I’m routine-heavy by default, so this may not be the right way to be for other folks). I’m learning to not take the big stuff so seriously, though. Now that I’ve been anecdotally rewarded by refining my approach, I’m trying to live a life of trust that it’ll all be good.
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I’m working to that point. In the past, I’ve basically cut off all input from intuition unless it was something minor or 50/50. Nowadays, I try to go with my feelings on anything small. I see it as practice, somewhat, in an inconsequential environment.
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I think if we were constantly guided by intuition, it would start undermining free will (I think free will is debatable, but we should act as if we have it until it’s 100% disproven, because if we have even a smidgen, we shouldn’t let it go to waste). I think it’s fine to bumble around and not have strong feelings about what to do–that’s how we advance the choose-your-own-adventure of our lives. But there’s definitely a balance because listening to intuition can serve as a general guide into making it a nicer adventure, in my opinion.
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Absolutely! (Not the crazy part, lol!) I firmly believe that we co-star in each other’s productions. As time passes, I’ve been able to look back at things that sucked or didn’t make sense and seen clear-cut benefits or at least less suckage that came from them. In living a life based more on trust than faith, I’m happy assuming that some of those things were so that other folks could advance their own adventure in some way, some how. My personal belief is we’ll get more details after we pass, but I don’t think we need the details, necessarily; I believe we can feel the seemingly nonsensical rightness of it while we’re alive.
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Nah, that isn’t crazy. It’s one of the most sanest things I’ve ever heard! I know folks who’ve checked all the right boxes and unlocked the right achievements, but they’re not very happy with it. Using society as the definitive measure of life has been frowned on for thousands of years, going all the way back to Buddha and probably further. As for talking to you, it’s a no-brainer! You’re positive and accepting; if you weren’t, I would have blocked you a while back. (done it a few times now). The beauty of the internet is it’s very easy to leave people be.
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It is what it is–relaxed acceptance vibes! I wouldn’t fret over anyone you annoy. My theory is, as long as you’re settled in your own serenity, that’s their bad day or mood swing, not yours.
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I’m kind of going through something similar. This may sound weird, but I’ve just now realized that I’ve started to see people as their own independent entity. By that I mean I realized that when I was younger, I would discount people’s worth if they didn’t share my values and pursue them as passionately as I did. As I grew older, I rationalized peoples’ worth by trying to equate their values into equivalents of mine. I thought I was being open-minded, but I was still basing other people off my personal values. It’s only now, after watching that medium show and seeing people care so much about something besides themselves, that I really started people as completely separate and unequivocally entitled to their own thoughts and feelings. I don’t have to change them, rationalize them, or make them into equivalents of mine. They’re all going through their own process and I can dip in and share experiences with them, but I can’t dictate their perspective for them. I knew it before, but I never really FELT it, if that makes any sense.
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No worries about the rant! Not to be contrarian and woo-woo, but for me open-mindedness is more of a deep state of feeling than a specific set of actions. It’s something you can intuit from someone, not necessarily something you can define around words and actions (although many times you can). I’ve known people who joke around with racist or intolerant stuff but I would be willing to bet aren’t racist in the least, and would happily help people of other races, although I’m not condoning that. Especially nowadays, when I think general culture is shifting towards being careful about words and implications. I also think there’s people who say all the right things and express surface tolerance but they deep-down think of other people as lesser. Maybe it sounds weird, but for me open-mindedness and acceptance is kind of a relaxed relationship with existence, comfort with my own existential ignorance and the willingness to let others be at an existential level. That doesn’t mean let people get away with disrespect or don’t fight back, but for me a marker would be not holding grudges once things are settled, realizing some people are just choosing to go down a silly path during their life and it’s best to just leave them be unless they start invading my space, and even then don’t take it personally. I don’t know if that makes sense, but I see it as more of a vibe than anything else. Outwardly, I’m definitely not open-minded about sharing space with bugs, lol! But let’s get those bees healthy and prosperous! We need them around!
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I have a weird view on these things, in that I believe that yes, everyone has a right to be indignant and angry at that kind of stuff, a lot of times that’s the appropriate response, but once we expand our perspectives a little (through death, experience, or psychedelics, I saw an interesting forum where a racist took DMT and he was torn because it ripped away his ability to be racist and he was experiencing an existential crisis because everyone he loved was racist and he had to bite his tongue around them), all that stuff is revealed to be silly. As vague and feel-good as it seems, I think if someone’s focus is on being good to others and being positive, I think their racism tends to fall away, especially if they know the person. I met plenty of racists in the military who had this weird selective attention where they were racist in theory but when they worked with a solid person who happened to be a minority, they wouldn’t see them as a minority, to the point where if I brought it up they would look puzzled and then be like, “Oh, but they’re not really [minority].” Yeah, their view was still screwed up, but I’m basically arguing that it naturally falls away as perspective expands and people focus on positivity. I would go so far as to guess that if your uncle did some traveling and experienced more diversity, his racism would dwindle and vanish as his good nature came to the fore. There’s going to be some ugly spots as humanity chugs along, but in the grand view of things, I think we’ll ditch old silliness for new, then at the end of it all just realize it was all silly and have a good laugh at ourselves.
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I actually saw an interesting rationale for it a while back, which was also warned as being obviously obsolete. When the world was more isolated and people were more homogenous, theoretically it might be advantageous to shun outsiders who looked different because they might be carrying a disease your population isn’t protected against (historically, I guess that would be like the diseases that sprung up with Native Americans.) I guess it could make sense in a certain evolutionary context, but I’m not one of those that tries to link everything to ancestral ways of life or evolutionary reasoning. If anything, the one common trait that seems to constantly spring up among humans is the individual variety.
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Coincidentally, I was talking to my mid-high level manager buddy yesterday and he was saying that other managers tend to build homogenous teams, but he has made a pointed effort to build a diverse team and his team outperforms the other five. Apparently there’s studies supporting the idea that diversity enhances team performance, according to him, because you have different perspectives that can offer a more well-rounded variety of strategies and solutions. I thought that was pretty heartening–where the rubber meets the road, diversity seems to be a plus.
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I think it’s also fun! There’s some pretty entertaining conversations that resulted when I worked around people from all over. I once saw a redneck bite the head off a stinkbug and chew it like it was nothing while everybody watched in horror. He was probably dying inside though. 😂
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It’s definitely inspiring to see people who are inclined to speak out. It doesn’t come naturally to me, and I usually have to weigh whether it’s worth the hassle to do it before I decide, but I’m glad it’s in some peoples’ nature. It’s important to move society forward, I think.
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It’s a pretty tricky position to be in, because there’s also the question of whether it’ll interfere with a slow-burn strategy you’re trying to pull off. I think intuition is an important factor in those situations.
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It says a lot about the person if you raise doubt and they’re willing to set their pride aside and consider it seriously. You can see where their head is, whether they’re just committed to appearing to be right or whether they’re committed to actually being right.
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I agree. Also, I’ve realized increasingly that it’s a big deal to let it go afterward, to let my body have relief from any frustration or resentment or rent-free presence in my mind from whatever might have happened. I never took that seriously until just a couple years ago. 😅
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It can get pretty tough, but in the end I think it’s inevitable. Recently I’ve started wondering about the times I’ve hurt someone and forgot all about it, while they might still remember it. I hope if that happened, they didn’t carry the weight around too long. Sleep and rest is definitely a big factor. I feel like there has to be a good reason behind our need for it. It’s why I don’t resonate with hustle culture. One of the greatest pleasures in life is relaxing in bed, and that’s a treat from infancy to old age!
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True, I was just listening to this youtube creator who rode the wave in the early 2010s to become a millionaire, then got divorced reoriented his focus away from money. It was pretty interesting–he was doing social work as a student, working a part time job, then took part in a weight loss challenge with some friends on a lark. He got a lot of views, then followed his gut and became a family content creator. But the thing was, when he was doing this with his wife, she mentioned they had the same mentality as when they were poor, as in they were always worried about money, if they were paying their employees too much or too little, if the budget was too big or too small, and they ended up just as overworked as before. I see a lot of wealthy people in the same conundrum, where their wealth is tied to a transactional mentality where they’re always unworthy unless they work themselves into the ground. As cliche as it is, the core spiritual figures seem to be right in that true wealth comes from being in touch with my perception and guiding it into the configuration I want.
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I’ve been tripped up a lot by expectation. But maybe that could be defined as comparison, in so far as I’m comparing my present reality with a possible future one. Dissatisfaction seems to be twisted into a virtue sometimes. I get wanting to improve, but shitting all over the fact that what we have right not isn’t “worthy” so we have to be sociopathically obsessive in our quest for improvement seems to be missing the point of life to me.
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I agree! I think there’s some constant perfectionists who always fret over the next thing and what to do, then suddenly they’re on the death bed wondering what it was all for. I used to be motivated by the desire to not live a dull life, then I realized I was unnecessarily stressing myself out. I think some shift in beliefs around the nature of reality and existence after death changed my perspective.
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I think I get that. But after seeing things fussed over and falling apart, I realized it doesn’t make the difference I’d like it to. That definitely may not be for everybody, since I’m a default worrier and think things out. For someone who’s too loosey-goosey, it may feel righter (when they’re settled down and mentally lined up) to be more meticulous.
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Absolutely! Paris Hilton was saying she’d be happy when she made 100 million in her movie, then she said she made it and now she’d be happy when she made a billion. The point was she would only feel happy when she felt she had enough money where no one could upend her life in the manner of her boarding school experience. I don’t think any physical circumstance can protect you from coincidence, though. She could get sick with something that made her feel like she was back in a prison of sorts, or some other occurrence out of the blue.
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Indeed. What you said may sound common-sense and straightforward/simple, but I believe it fulfills our existential reason for being where we are. I’m pretty convinced a less tangible part of us chose this existence, but if that’s not the case, then it’s still practical.
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It might get convoluted, because I’m still articulating/working through the idea in my own head, even though I’m comfortable with how it feels in my gut.
Choose your own life comes with a couple of problems, chief of those being victim-blaming. The scientific problems are actually pretty easily dealt with–this is a metaphysical enough issue so that you can’t scientifically decide on it one way or the other. I could pile up anecdotes in support, or in opposition, and nothing would get resolved. In regards to fact, this issue is up for grabs, so it really comes down to whether you choose to believe in it or not.
As far as victim-blaming, there needs to be some added mental gymnastics to make it work out as existentially benevolent. Here’s where it gets subjective. One, if we choose adverse origins, then it requires that we are also born with the ability to turn our life into something fulfilling and happy. Two, it requires that life transitions into fulfillment and happiness, so that if we forget to make our lives into something nice, we aren’t doomed (like a horror movie that eventually ends. Existence would be horrible if there was a possibility it could never end, so that also nixes the idea of hell).
As far as victim blaming, I think that’s stupid, because if I had forgotten how to make myself happy, I’d like a reminder, just like I’d like the ability to get up from a particularly unpleasant horror movie and shift over to a theater with an adventure movie. However, if someone says they want to watch a different movie and I assist them by ushering them into a different theater and they repeatedly find a way to go back to the horror movie theater, making excuses to stay there and eventually even straight-out fighting my efforts to help, then I can only conclude they want to stay in the horror movie and it’s not my business unless they ask again in hopefully a sincere spirit. Even if it isn’t sincere, I’d like to think I’d lend a hand, just to check the box. This situation gets tricky, because it’s easy to get overly invested in someone’s success or failure, but in the end, I believe it’s up to them, or else they truly would not be equal at an existential level, and I could Jesus my way through the powerless masses and do everything for them, and they in turn would have to listen to everything I wanted them to do and do it to a tee or they’d be damned. What’s the point in them having any power at all, in that case, if they ultimately have to cede it away or get smashed for their individual inclinations? They’d be happier as robots.
The biggest reason is personal bias. If the universe is truly random (if effect can happen without any cause whatsoever, a la a celestial monkey appears and eats the Earth without warning), then nothing we do has any guarantee of reaping any reward, as we could be punished just as easily, and I deem that universe cruel. If the universe is transactional (where you offer directed effort for specific reward), then I deem that universe cruel as well, because we’re born without knowing the details of how to enact these transactions (multiple belief symptoms that are unclear and unprovable), and we’re born in disparate circumstances, meaning if there is a transactional model, some are born with more knowledge of it and access to it than others.
If the universe is benevolent, then it’s all too clear that it can be cruel in the short-term, so the benevolence can only be consistently expressed in the long term. However, if we inadvertently sign on for guaranteed cruelty (even if it ends in benevolence), then that universe would also be cruel, because we’d still be stuck with short-term cruelty. The only thing that makes sense to me is that we sign on for interesting circumstances that inspire us to explore and develop a way to express the underlying benevolence in novel manners.
So in order for the universe not to be cruel, I feel like we would have to choose our origins (or it would be cruel because it would be a roll of the dice), we would have to have the ability to choose how it goes (and this is where the short-term cruelty might appear, if we were inclined to follow a punishing path for a bit), and it would have to end as a no-lose game where if we made some punishing choices amid a slew of uncertainty and confusion concerning how it all works, we would end up ultimately going back to a good place.
TLDR: I want the universe to be good. Otherwise, since we’re existentially ignorant, we might easily doom ourselves through our lack of knowledge. In that case, if the universe was cruel or unknowably transactional (also cruel), I feel like it would be pointless to even try.
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I also, not in the debating spirit but to flesh out the thought experiment, will say that the hypotheticals become tricky, in my opinion. Hypotheticals and theory are clear cut in discussion, academics, and models, but as seems to be self-evident to me when actually implemented, they aren’t so clear cut in real life, especially in social issues (which is why, in my opinion, people are endlessly arguing about how to shape society and why apparently societal p-values, or experimental margins for error, in experiments are much greater than in stem fields). So in the case of the abusive woman, I’d first say there’s no victim-blaming in any assumptions, because I truly don’t know what they’re going through, what’s going on in their perception, and why they’re alive in the first place. The next thing would be that if things seem logically hopeless, then I’m depending on coincidence to change the situation. Now whether coincidence is determined by consciousness (intention) or matter (random uncontrollable effect) is up for debate, but both these views merge in the view that having a positive and open mindset directed toward improvement will assist in bringing about favorable coincidence (in the woo-woo theory, it’s through what amounts to magic, in the psychological theory, it is through a shift and allowance in perception). To further assume, I doubt things would change all at once, but maybe they could. Maybe some relevant figure or support group would catch the wife’s eye, or inspire her to say something to a stranger at the just right time and he could help her out through some improbable mechanism (maybe he’s a billionaire/judge/lawyer/cop or whatever who’s having a good day who just happens to be willing to drop everything and help her with relevant assistance, I don’t know). In the existential sense, if everyone goes to a good place after they die, maybe she drops dead of a heart attack out of nowhere and is instantly relieved. Not trying to be morbid, but the way I’ve set up my beliefs allows for that. I guess my point is, without imposing judgment through my beliefs on others (because once again, I have no idea if any of it’s objectively true and I can’t be sure of the meaning behind someone else’s experience), I believe there’s always a choice for me in that I can choose what direction to point my perspective, whether it is for positive or negative, and that whether it’s science or magic, it has an effect. Personally, I just refuse to believe I’m powerless, even if that means I somehow induce a heart attack so I can get some relief and move on to something better. If I’m existentially powerless, I really don’t see much point in existing. Depending on my level of powerlessness, I could end up being a robot that serves the universe’s whims, scrabbling to implement what meager power I have. Or, if I had more power, I would still have to be afraid that it would be snatched away, and some fear and paranoia would always be warranted. Whatever the case, I would deem those scenarios ultimately cruel, and I’d rather not believe in them since I have the option.
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I feel like I can somewhat relate in that much of my childhood was defined by watching my mom struggle against her family and the world. I think that contributed to a deep insecurity about establishing stability and the need to try and become a savior. On the positive end, I strengthened my will, sharpened my thinking, and moved toward self-reliance because of that. On the negative end, I became very insecure about what others think (where am I on the savior scale in their mind?) and I didn’t work well with others and had a hard time reaching out for help (because saviors don’t do that).
It sounds like you have had some positive things come out of your experience as well, as well as some negative. You seem very committed to helping out others, being an asset rather than a liability, and not being someone who fails to rescue when rescue is needed. It seems like you’ve become a safe haven for your son. It also sounds like you’re working through some trust issues due to your past experience, and maybe some reframing of perspective and approach so that you don’t keep encountering people who let you down. Overall, it sounds like you’re doing great! You’re not letting the negativity define you, and it sounds like you’re constantly improving your position. I’m sure there are more happy Halloweens to come! 😊
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I was reconnecting with some old friends yesterday and it’s interesting how the topics of conversation were coinciding with this. All three of us have a savior complex, a warrior complex (wanting to demonize something so you have an excuse to fight), and a security complex (always watching out for danger). The thing is, we each have a different emphasis. I’m more savior, one of them is more warrior, and the other is more security. It’s interesting how those come from formative early experiences, and how they all come with benefits, and also with detriments. The savior stuff I’ve mentioned, but the warrior can feel lost without conflict and end up starting it for no good reason, and the security complex can lead to paranoia.
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At the end, I think we all forgive each other anyway. I suspect we’re all actors like Shakespeare said, and when we get off the stage of the world, then we can take a break before we have fun with next play.
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Forgiveness can be hard. What’s weird is that in many cases for me, I can’t see what the big deal was after I do it, why it felt so hard at all. It seems easy after the fact, or at least a lot easier. The alternative is definitely worse–where everyone is bound to an existential quickbooks where they’re consistently weighed for virtue or sin, with the added complication of not knowing how it all works when they’re first born, and also not even knowing for sure if they have free will, or if they do, how much they have or how to maximize it.
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I suspect that people have to work through knots in their own perception after they pass. I don’t necessarily think it’s punishment, although it could be interpreted that way. One interesting story I heard was from a guy who had an out of body experience and met his late dad in a maudlin realm. His dad was emotionally abusive, but after his mom died, his dad became super supportive. After he died though, he apparently couldn’t let go of his guilt for those earlier years, so it was keeping him from moving up into somewhere more pleasant. Kind of like a macrocosm of physical life, in my opinion, where perception determines subjective experience. If you’re struggling to forgive, I don’t think that’s bad, unnatural, or unconstructive. It’s just my personal stance that it’s preferable to focus on something else and revisit whatever you’re struggling with when it’s not such an intrusive or weighty thought.
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Absolutely. In those situations, I use to fight it and be like “Don’t think about that!” to myself. Nowadays, I end up saying screw it, think about it all you want, everyone dies anyway, which does a way better job of releasing the hold of an intrusive thought barrage. When I’m feeling good and light, that’s when I can say it’s probably not a good idea to think about that, but when I’m in a position to constantly berate myself for thinking about something, it usually means I’m taking the not thinking about it way too seriously.
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I like the approach! I used to just grind my teeth until I was calmer, and I remember literally timing how long it took. I remember that it could be up to a week or two, then I’d pat myself on the back when it went down to three days. Now I’m surprised if it goes for more than a few hours. I’m beginning to see life on Earth as kind of like high school, where there’s a lot of salacious stuff but it’s not worth getting crazy over. When I look at older folks it seems like there’s always a chance to go up another “grade” and complain about the lower grades, yearn for the higher grade, or just bemoan the whole school in general.
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I agree. I think it’s possible to fret until everyone is flat-out, absolutely the same in every aspect, but at that point there would be no point in being an individual. By definition, we would have no contrasting thought, we would not occupy separate spaces, and everyone would literally be one being with no differentiation whatsoever.
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I heard a neuroscientist a while ago that said we’re going to be astonished in a 100 years what we judged people for, and how we blithely settled on a judgment of malice with way too little consideration for a variety of influences.
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I’m pretty sure it’s inevitable. Not necessarily that specific path toward judging people less, but I do trust that over long spans of time, we end up being more compassionate and give more benefit of a doubt to someone.
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It’s why I’m a hesitant advocate of going full throttle toward what you believe in, because it’ll probably be exhausting and just end up with the realization that appreciating the present moment and not trying to contain everything through logical understanding will be the result. I don’t know, though, it worked for me, so I’m biased. It may not work for others.
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For me, when I do what has to be done, there’s an odd kind of peace that comes from it. I’m not sure if it’s the same with you, but even though things may have been hard, it becomes as simple as that was the best I could have done with what I was given. That makes it easy for me to mentally close the book on it, I think.
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I’ve been in both the eighty and the twenty. My take on it is to enjoy both as much as possible, and position myself to move into something else if it isn’t where I want to be. Some people enjoy being the superwork lynchpin, others don’t but it’s compulsive because it’s their way of coping (just saw Paris Hilton’s documentary, which presented an interesting case of what I think is something like that), others do it as a sacrificial bridge into something else. I think it’s a fluctuating dynamic with a lot of variables, but as long as you feel you’re on the right path, I think everything will even out in the long run.
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Well put. Anecdotally, it seems timing more than anything is the biggest contributor to good results. It’s why I’ve made a hard swerve away from aggressive action and overthinking to a focus on intuition and emotional intelligence.
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I really think it’s up to the individual, but I also think that there’s a reason/opportunity behind events. This may sound completely out of left field, but I was watching a show on netflix about a pretty convincing medium (un-googleable info, established reputation among celebrities and 300k waiting list) called life after death. He presents info in a way I find believable, similar to how my imagination offers ideas about writing. I like watching him because of the positivity he brings, and the consistent message that after we die, we look back on our struggles in life and realize they had greater reason behind them and a lot of the stuff we fought/quibbled over was shortsighted and/or silly (lines up with my psychedelic experiences). Anyways, one of the things he believes is that people are born with certain inclinations because they want to explore specific areas of life. That’s something I happen to believe as well. So long story short, I think you are finding your own way and that’s as it should be. My approach will definitely not fit for you 100% (otherwise, what would be the point of being separate humans if the exact same approaches worked exactly the same for different people?) but that’s also as it should be. It sounds like you’re feeling out what bits of my attitude can be incorporated and made your own. If that’s the case, I believe it’s a healthy way to regard whatever I say. 😊
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With me, I’ve typically burnt out checking boxes and fussing over strategies. That’s when I’d finally relax and I’d get an intuitive nudge. Now, however, I’m trying to listen to my intuition without having to exhaust myself first. 😅
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Not sure if it’ll work for you, but I meditate on those things as well and reassure myself they’re fine. Someone’s yelling? It’s fine. They make me feel tense and uncertain? That tension and uncertainty is fine. So on and so forth.
The other day, for some reason, I was lounging around and I got spooked by this intrusive impression of a lizard-man skittering toward me and I shifted over to the attitude of come and get me, lizard-guy, I’m fine with being eaten. Instantly stopped thinking about it. 🤣
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I don’t think it’s a flashback. I think it’s more like I was tuning into my old radio station where everything was out to get me and I had to always be on guard, and that resulted in a visual impression that was pretty on brand. My paranormal experiences are few and far between, and are all precognitive. I think I can somewhat relate to the energy thing, though. It’s why I moved away from the east coast, lol. Interestingly, when I toured Alcatraz it felt completely sterile, like a vacated office building. I was expecting more doom and gloom. However, I have heard that pretty much without exception, hospitals are haunted.
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It never even crossed my mind! I honestly didn’t realize you were asking about psychedelics, as I’ve never had flashbacks, and I think there’s a good case for the idea to be debunked (at least as far as the LSD being stored in spinal fluid theory), or at least debatable in regards to the science. I thought you were talking about a flashback that was paranormal or trauma related, lol! It’s interesting that you bring up the mining towns. As a kid, I was pretty interested in the paranormal and psychic stuff, and I really wanted to make sense out of it. Then when I grew older, I shut all that off and made a hard turn into logic, discipline, and all the quantifiable stuff. Now, after a few brief paranormal experiences and some observations of others, it’s not so much that I want to make sense out of it as it just makes sense to me. I view it as not a big deal, a natural part of existence, and something that doesn’t need to be nitpicked, figured out, or protected against (although that may change if I ever see another ghost!). I heard a medium say that hauntings seem to be tied to the place where events took place, rather than where bodies ended up, and that cemeteries are actually the most peaceful places in regards to ghosts. It made a weird kind of sense to me.
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Good on you for charting your own course! I feel like sometimes, people push all this trauma-healing stuff around as if it’s a cure-all, but I think it’s different for everyone and we all have to listen to our gut so we can set up some good timing. Things will happen in their own good time, and trying to tyrannize them into occurring never seems to end well.
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Absolutely. Anecdotal experience is giant. If we didn’t have a use for it, we wouldn’t have a use for being individual people/perspectives. If accounting for potential bad makes you feel safer and secure, then I can’t argue against it.
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Then I misspoke. If that approach makes you feel grounded, it’s absolutely warranted. The way we interact with the world is something we need to figure out on our own in the end. I’ve seen people hold to their beliefs under incredible duress and pressure to change em, and I’ve seen people hold to their beliefs despite being punished for them and having their hand held into demonstrably better ways of living. We’ve gotta find out what works for us as individuals.
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I totally resonate with you on the all possibilities thing. As an overthinker, I can easily logic myself into a dim or not so good outlook. But then I remind myself I’ve been in situations like that before, then I’ve been given unexpected boons from out of nowhere that completely derailed my logical projections. Sometimes, it’s as simple as well I know what to do next, just leave the rest alone because who knows what happens after that?
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Absolutely!
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I think I get it. Just for me personally, it would sometimes help to entertain ridiculous thought experiments to deal with that. Like reality could have been created a second ago, all evidence of a past intact, and no one would ever know. That’s me, though. I’m kind of an absurdist at heart so that resonates with me.
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True. With me, it can generate the same source of comfort that comes from a brief overview of quantum physics or astronomy. Life really is structured like a game, and our most rigorous methods of induction and deduction point out our insignificance. The fact that we can’t affirm fundamental metaphysical truths–whether we were created a second ago or not–simply hammers home the fact that I should focus more on enjoying the moment.
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The beanie scares me most…😰😂🤣
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Was it? 😅
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If I say no, Martha makes me sit on the sybian. 😢😂🤣🤣
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😅
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