“We found it,” Darth Maul hisses.  “Your little black client book—it’s FUCKING FILTHY!”  Darth Maul extends a hand, freezing me in place with his Dark Side energy. 

“HRRGH.”  I try and fight it, but there’s nothing there for me to grab.  Headrush-sparkles dance through my vision—pretty soon, it’s gonna start closing in at the edges.

“MY MOTHER!”  Darth Vader busts through a wall and levels his lightsaber at my face.  “YOU GAPED HER OUT LIKE A THANKSGIVING TURKEY!’

“What…did…you…expect.”  My eyes tick over to him.  “I’m…an…award-winning…Man Whore.”

“Not for long,” Maul rasps.  “In less than a minute, you’ll be a lifeless piece of—”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

“I’ve gained access to power…that dwarfs your ridiculous kid-party parlor tricks.”  I extend a hand toward Maul, mirroring his finger-curled gesture.

“Have you?”  He chuckles sardonically and tightens his Force-choke.  “I assure you that—”

I flex my will and tense my fingers, causing him to double at the waist and clutch his belly.

“OH DEAR JESUS!”  Even though he’s got a robot butt, my poop-yourself-powers don’t have limits—motor oil, organs, and foul-smelling liquids erupt out his backend.  “AH-GOD-PLEASE!”  Tears leak down his red-and-black cheeks.  “MERCY—I BEG OF YOU!”

I swivel left, pointing my curl-fingered hand at Darth Vader’s helmet.  He deactivates his saber, raises his hands, and quavers, “Whoa—hey now.  I was kidding around, you know?”  He shakes with a nervous, don’t-hurt-me giggle.  “Um…my mom’s hot, everyone knows that.  I don’t blame you for—”

I flex my will and rasp, “You’re making this weird.”

“AAAHHHHH!!!”  He clutches his gut as hamsters, beer bottles, and half-digested food shoot out his dirt-star. 

“What’s going on here?!?”  Leia comes stomping in.  Her face lights up as she lasers in on me.  “My favorite Man Whore!”

I glance down at my upcurve, then shoot her a weighted, wink-wink look.  “It’s here if you want it.”

She wipes drool off her mouth with the back of her wrist.  “Hot damn!  The Widener cometh!”  (Everyone’s got a nickname for it).

As she slips a hand into the crook of my elbow, Vader reaches out with a trembling arm.  “Fuck…no…NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!”

Music to my ears!  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Have you been accosted by a couple of jealous-ass Sith lords?  Never fear!  Buy my books, make ’em shit out their organs, then widen their family members for money, prestige, and/or sheer petty vengeance! 

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

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