What the testicular insecurity is going on, all my fellow meat-slingers who’re packing a juicy thick womb-hammer but your nuts fail to measure up, so you die a little more inside whenever you see a porn where the sack is clapping stoutly against the clit or the butthole, and this haunts you to the point where you force a grin day after day, until your partner complements you on your piece and you scream, “So what you’re saying is that my balls look like pop rocks—aren’t you? AREN’T YOU?!?!?!?” Then you sprint out the door ugly-crying harder than Will fucking Ferrell, shoveling giant spoonfuls of melty ice-cream into your gob, swearing that you’ll make them all pay for making fun of your wrinkled little sack that’s so damn tiny it doesn’t even look like two separate balls, but more like a stunted peach pit that gets ridiculed at recess by all the other normal-sized peach pits—
What the FUCK!?!? Hey man, do you have any idea how many men have been driven to sports cars, backwards baseball caps, and cringey-ass bro-code because their wiener could double as a frightened light switch? And you have the nerve to complain about your goddamn BALLS??? Get the fuck out of here!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy: A Door into Evermoor. If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #WritingCommunity
🙂 🙂 😀