What the dance cock is happening, all you oblivious night-clubbers who are bopping and grooving and raging through the night, only to luck into a hot-ass hookup who you start getting handsy with back in the apartment, as you peel off your stank-infused clothes and expose your musk-rotted wiener you forget it’s been tainted by hours of bad moves and it hits your hookup full in the face, their nose wrinkles in disgust, their eyes widen in horror, they start coughing and gagging, clutching at their throat and groaning in pain like a goddamn endboss reaching final fucking form, eyes and veins bug out from their head, their orifices glow toxic green as demonic appendages begin breaking through their torso, blood erupts from their lips and hellish cracked armor bulges and splits their red-sloughing skin—

And THAT, my friends, is why you take a shower before you engage in some post-nightclub sex!  Why in the HELL would you risk a scum-cock apocalypse???  Jesus Christ, man!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

What the whiskey dick is happening, all you tempters of fate who’ve thrown back a few too many, now you’re slobber-kissing a late-night hookup but after you pull out your wiener it refuses to comply—it lolls and flaps, coughs out a weak puff of dust, states, “Not today bro,” which elicits a disgusted scoff from your makeout companion who promptly leaves so now you’re raging at your disobedient phallus, asking what the fuck is wrong with it but as you draw your hand back to slap the shit out of the glans, it suddenly shoots upright and points at your face, dribbling with a bit of precum and says, “As soon as you hit me, I’mma drown you in sperm.  What are we doing here, bud? WHAT ARE WE DOING???”  Now you’re in a Tarantino-style standoff, how the fuck did it come to this—

Come on, man!  All you had to do was dial back on the booze!  You don’t need to get in a Han/Greedo-type conundrum with your own fucking wiener!  Jesus Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

What the barbarian shit is happening, all you rough-edged adventurers who birth a poop-loaf in the great outdoors, wipe your ass with something less than ideal, then revel in a flood of wilderness-derived strength which inspires you to cast off the meaningless constructs of civilization and science and break into a sprint on all four limbs, if this were a movie the camera would track alongside you in a sideways blur as twigs snapped and branches rustled; a primitive, driving drumbeat would sound in the background—BOM ba-duh-duh-dum BOM ba-duh-duh-dum—upon which your boss would lean out from their window and scream “HEY! What the hell are you DOING???” stopping you dead in your tracks and causing you to look around the office complex lawn with a mortified look, holy shit you just shat in public and streaked around on all fours without pants or undies—

Too much, man, WAY too much!  If you’re about to get crazy, start with shitting in the urinal, or cumming in your boss’s coffee!  Don’t go straight to outdoors feces!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀