What the sex-toy-malfunction is happening, all you enterprising shlorp machines who have gotten a little too carried away with your shlorping and shlorped some new-fangled, multi-armed, AI-powered construct right into your butthole, before you can head to the ER to get it removed, floodlights dart through your darkened bedroom, followed by authoritative voices invoking a mouthful of national security-related legalese, apparently they’re gonna whisk you away to a hidden black site where they’ll separate your ass from the sentient fuck-bot, but they’re gonna have to tear off the roof and airlift you out, all while you stay absolutely still and keep your legs spread so you don’t set off a robosex apocalypse, as they lift you out on a chopper-rigged stretcher, your tech-boosted rectum begins thundering out diatribe that would make Alex Jones sound as tame as Ferris Bueller’s teacher, tears leak down your face as the entire neighborhood gathers to watch and snap pictures of your Skynet-jacked dirt star, why God WHY—

And THAT, my friends, is why you keep them goddamn machines away from your unprotected asshole!  ChatGPT is creepy enough, there’s no need to let it speak through your unshaven anus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

What the ass-munch is happening, all you sex-warrior posers who’ve talked a good game but now find yourself staring into the puckered butthole of your one-night-stand, realizing they expect you to eat it but now you’re breaking out in a cold sweat and questioning your life choices because you’re not the down-ass fuck-machine you thought you were, as they toss you an irritable look over their shoulder at you you start wailing, “I need an adult!  I NEED AN ADULT!”  Then you tumble off the bed in a mess of comforter and sheets, scramble klutzily to your feet and wrestle with the door, god-fucking-dammit it was working just a second ago, why the fuck won’t it open, fuck it just jump out the window and escape this mind-boggling, human-centipede-style lunacy—

Goddamn—JUST EAT IT!  It’s 2023, mofo!  It won’t be long before you’re banging a robot and fucking via brain-linking techno-tentacles!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

What the boner-break is happening, all you horned-up fools who’ve gotten back into bed with your scheming ex, suddenly, while plundering their holes with zest and aplomb, they snap your wiener with a flex of their orifice, then run out the door while cackling with glee, you stare down in horror at your once-mighty womb-hammer, tears streaming from your eyes as you beg it to stay with you, it coughs weakly as you call 911 but the connection sucks, so they don’t know what you’re saying and out of an abundance of caution they summon the fire department, a SWAT team, and—as a ridiculously nonsensical cherry on top—Chuck fucking Norris, you try and argue with the dispatcher but your door blows in, they rip half your house off the studs and beams, then Chuck runs up to your bed clad in 80s-style denim (with a requisite pair of ripped-off sleeves), pointing and laughing at yer no-good, weak-sauce, commie-loving worm-penis causing everyone and their mother to burst into raucous guffaws—

And THAT, my friends, is why you never hook up with your low-down ex!  Believe you me, they’ve planned on destroying your boner for at least a year!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

What the glory-trap is happening, all you kink-expressing folk who decide to roleplay a random sex hole in the middle of nowhere, but unbeknownst to you your beloved partner has been choked out, dragged into a closet, then replaced by your vengeful ex, so instead of a warm orifice closing around your wiener, they throw a handful of pissed-off bullet ants onto your shaft, followed by a sprinkling of tarantula hawks and giant Japanese hornets, you start screaming your safe word-phrase “LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER!” but all you get in response is evil laughter, holy FUCK it feels like Cthulu is eating your fucking cock-and-balls—

And THAT, my friends, is why you get some verbal confirmation from your hole-tending partner!  Otherwise, you never know what could happen to your peen!  Hell, there could be a coked-out honey badger on the other side!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀