What the Dracula Dick is happening, all you broody handsome mofos who manage to honey-dick legions of folks with your broody handsome sexiness, only to be interrupted by a run-down Chuck Norris who’s desperate for attention and subsequently breaks into sobs while pumping out naked bicep curls, then switches to slugging a heavy bag while chanting, “I’m an American…ICON!  I’m an American…ICON!” with each resounding strike, you’re thinking how in the fuck do you get this washed-up karate champion out of your fucking house, he’s ruining your Dracula-style honey-dicking there’s no fucking way you’re ever gonna get laid this is SO UNFAIR—

And THAT, my friends, is why you don’t flaunt Dracula Dick in people’s fucking faces!  Pretty soon, some broken-down icon is gonna scare everyone away with a sorrow-filled breakdown!  Regular dudes can’t compete against broody-ass sexpots!  You know this—you KNOW this!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀