What the fart-clench is happening, all you folks who are doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-ing in a crowded elevator while ascending toward an all-hands meeting where you intend to put a shitload of time into leveling up some farms on your favorite phone game, when suddenly your butthole clenches in reflexive terror as burble-gurbles rock your colon and sweat springs out across your brow, if this were a movie the camera would zoom into your eye and show desperately clashing groups of synapses as the war to hold it erupts throughout your body, the theme from Requiem for a Dream starts playing at full fucking blast, the forces of good—those law-abiding church-going muscles in your anal sphincter—tremble and quiver, then scream in eighties slo-mo as they fall before the gases spawned from that evil-ass burrito you ate for breakfast, the music stops and the camera zooms onto your sweaty lips, there’s a hanging silence as you whisper a plea—

“No.”

—before it rushes out your dilated asshole, the music kicks in as your fellow elevator-riders burst into slo-mo chaos, spasming and flailing like they’ve been riddled with tommy guns, their eyes roll back, blood fountains out their mouths, their veins turn black and they implode into unrecognizable wads of ruined slimy flesh—

What in the FUCK!  Save that burrito for some nighttime munchies, so you can roast your own face in an ethically self-administered, Dutch fucking Oven!  Don’t unleash it on the innocent masses!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀