No one is stronger than Grammar Nazi—NO one!
I raise my red-ink club high above my head, drinking in the adulation of the roaring coliseum as my fifth opponent of the day—an author-warrior, just like the rest—kneels before me, blood trickling from his eyes and his ears.
“Mercy,” he whispers, extending a hand out toward me. “Please—I can’t stand more of your testosterone-devoid nitpicking. It hurts my will to live.”
My lips draw back in a cruel sneer. “Puny writer—grammar hurts EVERYONE’S will to live! That is why only the strong champion its lifeless, smegma-ridden essence! You thought you were different, but you’re the same as the rest…aren’t you? AREN’T YOU???”
The writer breaks down, sobbing into his cupped hands. “Yes…” he manages through his snot-mingled tears. “I’m just like the rest! AHGODPLEASEDON’TBRANDME!!!”
“Too late.” My evil smile grows a notch wider. “WAY too late.”
I charge up to him and trace a giant red “G” onto his bare-skinned back. He immediately seizes up, twitching like he’s deep in the throes of a grand mal seizure. Foam and blood fly from his lips as he writhes on the ground, howling in agony. I cross my arms on my chest, my Grammar-boner at full mast, quivering like an Olympic diving board.
A few seconds later, his hairline recedes, and his once-normal wiener shrinks down to a ridiculously small size; a baby acorn would laugh long and hard at this guy’s nonexistent package.
“Yes!” I clutch the air with both hands as predatory laughter rumbles up from my chest. “YES! NO ONE IS STRONGER THAN GRAMMAR NAZI!”
“I beg to differ.”
“WHAT???” I swivel in place and lock eyes with a hooded figure. As he approaches, he pulls back his hood, revealing his face.
My eyes narrow in hateful suspicion. “Who the fuck are you?”
The stranger throws me a rakish grin. “Kent Wayne. Prolific author and award-winning Man Whore.” He studies his nails. “I’d say it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance…but that’d be a lie.”
I point my red-ink club at him. “You think you can beat me? You want a piece of this? You’ll end up like every other writer I’ve ever fought…eunuchs, all of ’em. Last chance Man Whore—back off now, while you still have a single sperm left in your balls.”
Kent’s eyes steel over.
“I don’t want a piece of you,” he says quietly.
His voice rises. “I WANT THE WHOLE THING!” He charges toward me, chopping the air with straightened hands. I meet his charge, raising my red-ink club high above my head.
Then the bastard reaches into his pocket and opens his eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
His turgid penis flies out of his pants, parrying my club with a quick thwack of its three-foot shaft. It’s bathed in eldritch energies; symbols and glyphs line its length, floating a few inches up from the surface of the dickskin. Shit—his enchanted package is able to withstand my grammar-borne evil! I have to get past his cock and—
Then he spins in place, dodging my lunging slash. I stumble past him and turn around, just in time to see his massive dong arrowing straight in toward my eyeba—
Are you stuck in a grammar-ruled dystopia where you have to fight off a heinous thug who’s wielding a red-ink club? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜