What the soul-killing karoake is going on, all my fellow pranksters who’ve gotten your friends to sing loudly along with an embarrassingly poppy song while driving around, then suddenly gone silent and turned the volume down, leaving your friend to continue bleating the words to a nonexistent melody with a voice that would make sheep in heat sound like the goddamn LA philharmonic? This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo and download you some episodes of the Strained Brains podcast! (And to leave a positive review for them as well! 🙂 ) Just to allay your fears: neither Echo nor my podcast are about the nut-shriveling, vajeen-drying wails that erupt from talentless shower-singers; fuck that! Echo’s all about cyborg super-soldiers, dark socioeconomic commentary, robo-beast monsters, and beautiful future wizards! Also, if you’ve read any of my books, please remember to leave a positive review for them on Amazon. Amazon reviews only takes a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to make them; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means). To give you an idea of how sonorously amazing positive Amazon reviews are to us indie authors, imagine this: you’re slogging through yet ANOTHER day at the goddamn office, concealing your desire to make ape-noises and tell dick jokes behind a painstakingly constructed facade of corporate non-speak and bullshit business casual. You somehow make it to lunch, feeling your sanity fraying at the edges. As you peruse the shitty, unoriginal offerings provided by your company on Free Lunch Friday, something catches your eye amidst the sandwiches, wraps, and Cobb salads.
A glowing ghost pepper.
“Eat me,” it whispers, pulsing gently in time with some unknowable yet transcendent rhythm. “Masticate me, you miserable fuck.”
You walk forward, entranced, and grasp the aurically charged pepper. Your eyes droop halfway shut—halfway in fear, halfway in anticipation—as you bite down and shred its skin with your trembling teeth.
For a long moment, nothing happens.
Then, a great rumbling arises in your belly and your asshole jerks in a warning lurch. Sweat beads from your forehead, and—
A stream of feces pours from your pants, propelling you up through the ceiling at Mach One Billion. AS you bust through floor after floor of your hated high-rise, the distant echoes of your coworkers’ screams trail behind you. You blast into the sky, accelerating into a light-speed blur, and then suddenly…
You’re riding atop a cybernetic pterodactyl, high above a magical, purple-treed jungle. Your clothes are completely free of poop. The pterodactyl turns its head, a gleam of sunlight reflecting off its eye as it meets your gaze.
“I am your guide, brave wanderer. Together, we shall explore the wilds of the Enchanted Booty Forest, and ye shall lose yourself in a glorious wash of filth and debauchery.”
YES! See, that rush of Holy-Shit-There-IS-a-God you’d feel at having pooped all over that damned corporate prison and being rocketed into a land of magical fornication is EXACTLY what we indie author/podcasters feel when we get a positive review on Amazon or iTunes! So do your favorite indie author/podcaster (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne a booty-ful favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons or the ’Tunes! Thank You All and have a Good and Chill Night!!! 🙂 🙂 😀
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜