Thank You Recent Kor’Thank Readers!!!

ErGobbenShtop NerGoobenTits!  BIG ol’ Thanks to whoever was reading Kor’Thank on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Thank ya lots!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

YerGoobleNoob, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Chapter 45 of Kor’Thank is UP!

Chapter 45 of Kor’Thank is UP!  Peter, Eun, and Kora ruminate about their upcoming battle, Holly continues with her soul-wasting trek across the Shattered Territories!  Check it out here:  Chapter 45 of Kor’Thank.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Where does Kent Wayne get his ideas, you ask?  Where do you THINK he gets his ideas?

OM-NOM-MCNOMMERSON-GOBBER-MUNCH!  Ten grams of magic mushrooms down the ol’ Kent Wayne hatch!  HEH heh heh!

 

 

A SHORT WHILE LATER…

I drift through the aether, smiling widely, arms by my sides like a fantasy-stricken Disney princess.  Tentacled lizards and sentient clouds float by, licking their lips with multicolored tongues.  I wave hi to a dog-headed cowboy riding atop an eight-legged Pegasus, and he waves amiably back.

“Mind the Reptosaurs and soul-gobblers, pard’.”

“No worries,” I reply cheerfully.  “I’ve woven a conceptual band of protection around my animus using a fragrant dream and a dash of quiescence.”

“Then you should be just fine, pilgrim.  HYAH!”  He takes his hat off and slaps the rump of his Pegasus with it.  The steed rears back, kicking all eight limbs.  It belts out an electrosynth whinny before it goes soaring off into the dreamscape.

Alrighty McBitey!  I clap my hands and rub them briskly together.  Time to harvest some ideas!  Got a YA fantasy to write (Kor’Thank is finished, if you didn’t know, just doing edits, and so I gotta start prepping for my next epic:  The Unbound Realm).  Where should I start…

Hmmm….

Suddenly, black fog roils across the horizon, brimming with symbols of corporate drudgery:  401ks, bright, false smiles mounted on colorless suits, passive-aggressive political correctness designed to worm its way under your psyche and slowly drive you mad with frustration…

“TIS I!” an unholy screech declares.  “BORED HOLE—BRINGER OF DESPAIR, BIRTHER OF RESIGNATION!”

I raise an eyebrow.  “Your name is…Bored Hole?”

“IT IS.  PREPARE TO BE REDUCED TO A WHIMPERING SHELL OF YOUR CURRENT SELF, DEVOID OF ALL CREATIVITY.  I SHALL INJECT YOU WITH AN OVERWHELMING DOSE OF WHAT I CALL, ‘YUPPIE FUCKTARD.’ ”

“NEVER!” I scream, horrified by the thought of it.  “I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU!”  (And THAT, my friends, is why you watch Empire Strikes back ad nauseum—so you know exactly what to say to a soul-devouring consciousness made of pure BLEH.  Ha HA!)

I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My astral wiener rises to the occasion, twitching upward and unleashing its full potential.  Rainbows, Voltrons, and giant blasts of Fuck You turbolasers come shooting out the tip, drenching Bored Hole with a vast sea of glimmering energy.  My discharge rips his mind apart, tearing his essence into a giant mess of glowing equations.  Never fuck with my creativity-imbued semen, biznotch!

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

 

Have your story-mining activities been interrupted by a dark, interdimensional force who’s trying to get you to rot in a nameless cubicle at a stoopid-ass company with a suffix like “tech,” “global,” “holdings,” or some other such nonsense?  Never fear!

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“This is our only option.”  Yoga Mom Prime grabs my cheeks, mashes my lips with a desperate kiss, then turns away and strides toward the overheated quantum space-fold engine.

“No!’ I scream, stretching a hand out.  “There’s another way—there has to be!”

She looks over her shoulder and throws me a faint smile.  “Your wiener was incredible, Kent.  Your lovemaking skills are nothing short of epic.”  Her nose crinkles.  “Your hygiene, though…” she shakes her head and her smile returns.  “But never mind all that.  Goodbye, Kent.”  She turns away and continues walking.

Tears leak down my cheeks.  I can’t believe she’s gonna sacrifice herself.  If there was only some way to save her and the rest of the Earth…

And then it comes to me.  There’s still a way.  I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

A blazing nexus of energy forms in front of me, materializing into the interdimensional beauty known as Soccer Mom Prime.  She grabs Yoga Mom Prime by the shoulder and yanks her back from the sparking engine.

“We need to have a threesome with Kent Wayne—NOW!  The resulting orgasms will counteract the engine and force reality back into its original shape!  Quick—hop onto his award-winning, upcurved wiener and make out with me!”

Yoga Mom Prime responds with a quick nod.  “Let’s do it!”

I’m still crying, but for a different reason this time:  out of pure effin’ joy.  Hot DAMN!

😀

Has your lover volunteered to bravely sacrifice themselves, leaving your genitals dry, untended, and screaming for attention?  Never fear!

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Thank You Recent Echo Readers!!!

SkerDungerBung McSnoobieGoo!  Slappa-slap Thank Yous to all those hard-sexing genital mashers who read Echo on Kindle Unlimited yesterday!  Whoever you people are…Thank You So Much!!!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Chapter 38 of Kor’Thank is UP!

Chapter 38 of Kor’Thank is UP!  Peter Eun and Kora finish their first magic sesh, then get ready to amp up their learning.  Check it out here:  Chapter 38 of Kor’Thank.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Episode #55 of Strained Brains Podcast is UP!

BligBlog ErStoobStock!  Episode #55 of Strained Brains Podcast is UP!  Here’s a bullshit sesh between me and Doc recorded on July 5!  Part 2 of 3.  Give it a listen by following the links on this page: Strained Brains Podcast.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Chapter 33 of Kor’Thank is UP!

Chapter 33 of Kor’Thank is UP!  Kora learns more about her birth weapons!  The three teen-heroes suddenly realize that one of their fellow students is a world-devouring evil in goth-chic disguise!  Check it out here:  Chapter 33 of Kor’Thank.

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“Kent Wayne.”  The HR rep—Tony—thumps a stack of papers, pushes his glasses up his nose, and folds his hands together on the table between us.  “Why do you want to work here?”

I need a paycheck for food and housing so I can I write stories.  Writing keeps my soul intact, unlike this hideous construct filled with cubicles and staplers and a giant, passive-aggressive helping of Fuck You. 

“I love the culture.”  I paste a bright, false smile on my face.  “Your company is environmentally conscious and politically progressive.  Yet your emphasis on professionalism and task accomplishment has secured a profit for you for the last twenty years.”

“That’s right.”  Tony returns my grin, upping the brightness and falseness.  “You seem on the level, Kent.  We’re looking for young, proactive go-getters that are eager to demonstrate leadership and take on responsibility.  At the same time, we need good followers—followership is just as important as leadership.”

I make my head nod up and down.  “Everyone needs to stay in their lane.  At the same time, we all need to expand our wheelhouse at a healthy rate.  What’s best for the company is best for the employee.”

We lock eyes for a high, sharp moment.  Now it’s a contest:  who can maintain the brightest, falsest smile.  My cheeks tremble with effort; red flashes of nerve-shredding pain slice through my brain.

Finally, a single tear leaks down Tony’s right cheek.  “AAH!” he gasps, swiping it quickly away.  “Obviously, you have what it takes to make it as an office worker.”  He slides a job offer across the table, uncaps a pen, and places it next to the offer.  “Sign and date at the bottom, please.”

The contract is composed of a single sentence:  YOUR ASS IS OURS.

I pick up the pen, my fingers quivering.  Why do people celebrate this?  This indoctrination into forty-some odd years of slowly wasting away, living for the weekends, saving money a bit at a time into a low-risk retirement account that you can’t touch until you’re sixty-fucking something?  Now it’s my turn to cry; twin trails of tears leak down my cheeks.

Tony taps the contract.  “Please initial each word, and if you could, make it extra prominent on ‘ass.’  We like to make sure that all our employees know exactly what they’re in for.”

No.  No fucking way.  I am NOT doing this shit for the rest of my LIFE!

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“What the FUCK IS THIS???”  Batman’s unmistakable growl thunders through the conference room.

An instant later, he busts through the ceiling and flings micro-explosives at the high-rise windowpanes.  They detonate in a series of poom poom pooms, eliciting screams and yelps from the surrounding office drones—sad, neutered folk who might as well be NPCs.  He grabs me around the waist with one arm, fires a grapnel with the other.  The claw-tipped line flies out the window and latches onto a bat-glider, which is playing Danny Elfman’s OG score from The Animated Series at full volume.  We go soaring out the window into the clear sunny blue.

“You’re too young for that shit, Kent,” he grumbles.  “Gonna teach you some face-punching.  Gonna teach you some dick-slinging.”

“I’m pretty good at seducing soccer moms,” I offer.

I swear I see him smile, even though it could just be a trick of the light.

“Then maybe you can teach me something as well.  Now that you’re a superhero, what do you want to call yourself?”

What else?  The answer’s as plain as the giant, upcurved wiener that hangs between my shins.

“Man Whore.”

Now he’s definitely smiling.

😀

 

 

Are you having second thoughts about the horrid, brain-draining cubicle-jail that threatens to reduce you into a withered husk?  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜