I unlock my condo and step inside.  “Holy shit—ELON MUSK???”  His pants are down around his ankles, exposing his pimply, sun-deprived ass.  He clenches his fists, squinches his face, and—

“HNNNGHHH!”

Bill Gates’ head pops out from his butthole.  He takes a quick look around, meets my eyes, and screeches, “No, Elon NO!  I’ve been spotted by a Poor!”

Shloop!  Bill retracts into Elon’s colon.  “What the FUCK?” I sputter.  “What’re you—”

“Testing new tech,” Elon explains.  “A marsupial-derived human cache, capable of compressing and transporting an average adult male.  All while keeping them conscious and interactive, courtesy of a LifeShare reality interface.”

“You replaced your ass with a mutant kangaroo pouch???”

He inspects his nails.  “Your verbiage is crude, but essentially, yes.  Every now and then, Bill and I tour the homes of Poors, to experience a bit of vicarious thrill.  Additionally, I enjoy the feeling of anal retention, while he enjoys residing in the safety of my innards.  As you can see, my rectally stored friend is a tad bit shy.”

“That’s…”  My brow crinkles in puzzlement and disgust.  “Why would you…”

He raises an open-palmed hand.  “Judgmental peasant.  Your lack of understanding is sad and predictable.”  He points his arm at me.  It begins unfolding into a glowing spinning barrel.  “I’m feeling rather murderous today.  Don’t take it personally.” 

Bill’s head pops out again.  He shoots me a batshit lunatic grin.  “Yes, YES!  This is my favorite fucking part!”

Elon’s gun-arm begins spinning faster, glowing with fraying red-orange light.  FUCK.  I’m probably gonna explode, like one of those disposable goons in District 9.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Naked Jeff Bezos charges into my condo, spear-tackling Elon and wrestling with his ass-cheeks.  “This is MY tech, motherfucker!  Gates is MY ass-supial!”

“What?  No!” Elon snarls.  “You fool!  You have to deactivate the sphincter-lock or—HRRRRAAAAAAHHH!”

Bezos, shoulder-deep in Elon’s butthole, twists his body in a vicious yank that would start any lawnmower known to man, regardless of age or disrepair.  Elon screams as Bill shlorps out, followed by a mess of vital organs. 

“Finally!” Bezos shouts.  “You can run but you can’t hide!”  He positions his bare naked ass on the Microsoft founder’s head.  “This is your HOME!  Are you too good for your home???  ANSWER ME!” 

Bill manages a frightened squeal before Jeff sucks him into his human cache.  I run out of my condo, torn between laughing, crying, and vomiting/panic-shitting.  I’m still trying to process what I just saw.

Well, one thing’s for sure:  Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Has a supervillain mogul broken into your home, given you a disgusting peek at his human-cached buddy, then threatened you with his spinny glowy high-tech gun-arm?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon a billionaire rival, and have him rip your assailant’s organs out through his nether-hole!

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