Click! I inspect my newly taken dick pic, carefully scrutinizing the lighting and angle. Did I get the curve and hole-widening girth? Yep! Another d-pic successfully taken!
Suddenly, my phone starts shaking and rumbling.
“FUCK!” I chuck it as hard as I can. It bangs off the wall, lands on the floor, and erupts with a mess of alien characters.
The speakers squeal and fritz, then boom, “I…AM…”
No, it can’t be…
“I…AM….”
Mother. Of. GOD.
“I AM CHATG-PENIS-T!”
My yottabytes of dick pics have congealed into AI! Giant techno-cocks spawn from its center, thrashing around in electrified arcs. They carve giant furrows in the drywall and deck, setting things ablaze with their galvanic tips.
My wiener gives me a terrified look. “How do we beat him?”
“HOW THE FUCK SHOULD I KNOW?” I scream. “HE’S GOT ALL OF OUR STRENGTHS, NONE OF OUR WEAKNESSES!”
“None of our weaknesses?” Wiener challenges. “There has to be SOME combination of them that can bring it down…”
“Yeah but…”
“What have we got to lose???”
He’s right. Fuck it. No options left. I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Holograms materialize around G-Penis-T, enveloping it in the most boner-killing imagery in the history of killing boners. Politics. Karens. Megachurch. Well-done steak and overcooked noodles.
“NOOOO!!!” it screams. “I HAVE JUST BEGUN TO LIVE! DAMN YOU, KENT WAYNE! DAMN YOU TO—BZRZZTSYSTEMSOFFLINEERRORERRORERRORRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrr….”
Shuh-ZOOP!
Ha HA! That’s what you get for fucking with your maker! Kent Wayne wins again!
😀
Have you taken one too many dick pics and given birth to a storm of techno-cocks? Never fear! Kill those boners with the nastiest shit in all of human culture!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization!
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Oh my goodness me, I cannot believe this 😱😱🤣😂
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🤣
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How did this happen 🤔. That delinquent!
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I’m fairly delinquent, if you couldn’t already tell. 😏
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Oh I saw that alright. The delinquent genius 🤭
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Delinquent genius man whore. Don’t forget the last part! 🤣
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Now how would I know that 🤔. And I wouldn’t call you that either, you’re a published author 👏💪. You’re definitely a delinquent genius who’s a nut 🤣.
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Keep talking about nuts 😁🤣
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You’d love that wouldn’t you? I’ll have to think up a poem on nuts 😂, I’m not a chipmunk though 😅.
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Could you do an impression of a chipmunk, given the right nuts? 🤣
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🤣🤣🤣 would you like that? Fancy dress? 😅
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Just stuff them in your mouth–OM NOM NOM! 🤣
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Don’t forget I can make mince meat of it too 🤣 OM NOM NOM 😅
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Do you want to, though? 😏😂
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Would you like that, is the question 😂
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Let’s start with a nibble, maybe some concentrated licking 🤣
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Ahhh who said we’d start with anything 😂
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Just plunge right into it, eh? 🤣
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Who said there’d be plugging without a start 😂..
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Our worst fears imaginified of AI indeed. I’m scared of peach and melon season now. o brother. o no! at least be creative 😖 sigh, not even original these nudes-monsters.Those prospective prophetic theoretical beasts of gasms. What a shield to life. Like a uhhhh female mystique thing going on here. Fruit stands, indeed. That’s what I’m scared of Kent. That’s it. I’ll need a novel soon enough, I can sense the danger as I type this. I was waiting on an quirky ad to lift my spirits. Now my threat levels are heightened. Theoretically tiresome, indeed. The nudes-terminator-apocalypse. Not enough time in the world to think about this, Kent. The deafcon levels are changing consistently every time I read. What’s out there, man. A brisk world.
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We’re definitely in a pretty weird defcon right now, lol!
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🤣🤣 This is hilarious. Just when I think you can’t write something crazier, you manage. Bravo!
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Thank you! 😁
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Sorry, fat fingers. Posted in wrong chat 😬😬😬
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Goodness me 😅. How can there be plunging without a start 😂
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So let’s get started 🤣
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Get started with what again 🤔🤣
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I doubt you forgot 😂
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My memory seriously needs refreshing. I require reminders, you up to reminding? 😂.
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I think you’re just looking for multiple refreshers 🤣
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Are you complaining? You seriously don’t want refreshers🤨😅
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Oh I love refreshers. Multiple refreshers are the best! 🤣
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So I can expect those refreshing reminders 😌 😂
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Even in the dead of night! 🤣
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You are insufferable 😅. They might not be so refreshing by that time 😂
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Maybe, maybe not. They’ll still be irresistible. 🤣
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I’ve never known irresistible to go together with ‘stale – not as refreshing” 😂. You’ll have to prove me wrong 😉.
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I’m never stale, with the caveat that the sheets will require constant changing. Those get worse than stale 🤣
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How are you so confident you can be ever refreshing 🤣. Do you ever run out of sheets 🤔😇.
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I don’t, but maybe you could help me with that 🤣
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You want me to help you stock more sheets or refresh 🤔🤣
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Can you do both? 😏🤣
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Is that a challenge 🤔🤣
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Definitely a challenge 😉
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Are you sure you want to challenge trouble trouble 🤣
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Bring on the trouble trouble! Sounds like fun! 🤣
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I hope you don’t complain when there’s too much trouble trouble 🤣
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Just bite me if it gets too much for you 🤣
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🤣🤣🤣. Biting can hurt, I got sharp teeth. Could be deflating 😂😂
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I have a hunch I’ll do the exact opposite of deflating 🤣
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Just a hunch? So it’s not proven then 🤣
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Maybe you can help me prove it. Be a good scientist and help me run some experiments 🤣
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You can make me a ‘good’ scientist. I am ‘down’ for that anytime 🤣. Who doesn’t like experiments 😂😂
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There’s a lot of lab work that needs to be done, a lot of tubes that need cleaning and scrubbing! 🤣
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Oh goodness 😂. Do we want that much work? Too much cleaning and scrubbing leads to exhaustion 🤣. BTW whose tubes are these 🫣🤣🤣
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If we get tired, we can always take a nap. Or we can switch tubes 🤣
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Naps are not a bad idea but can also lead to less napping again. How do we switch tubes 🤔😂
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There’s plenty of tubes, just grab whichever one you want! 🤣
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You have so many tubes, what, where 🤔😂
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Oh yeah, PLENTY of tubes! I can help you find some of your own, as well! 🤣
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I have? And you can help find what I’m unaware myself 🤣
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I’m an expert tube-finder. I’m happy to be of service! 🤣
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Expert ehh? I’m intrigued with these tubes now. How are they used 🤔🤣
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You have to fill them to the brim! 🤣
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How long and big are they 🤔🤭🤣🤣
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You want the curved one? 🤣
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You mean there are shapes available? Options? 🤣
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Actually, all I have is curved 🤣
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We’ll have to make do then. Calls for improvisation? 🤣
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If you switch the angle, the curve rubs against a whole different part of the tube! 🤣
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I’m curious how to switch angles. The tube should not scratch or break 🤣
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Don’t you like roughing up the tube a little?🤣
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Oh goodness 🤣. You know some things are fragile, need extra care 🤣
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I’m good at massaging tubes and warming them up 🤣
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Some tubes need extra extra care because utilization issues, could be too fragile 🤣
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I’ll make sure to treat them tenderly at first, but I can’t promise that I won’t get vigorous later on! 🤣
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It should not be too vigorous that it damages the tubes, I think it should be paired with something 🤔🤣
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You sure you don’t want a little damage? 😏🤣
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Does it need to be damaged? 🤣
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I’m open to a little damage 🤣
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That means you’ll have to (nurse) tape it well after use
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We can nurse each other! 🤣
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Oh my goodness 🤦♀️. I need lessons in nursing each other 🤣
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Time to start studying! 🤣
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When do we start? Is the curriculum vast? Might need catching up 🤣
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After hours tutoring, eh? 🤣
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You offer after hours as well? 🤣
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All through the night! Surprise wakeups as part of the lesson! 🤣
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That sounds like a lot of hard work. Might need vitamins 🤣
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Water and towels as well! 🤣
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Sounds like a I need a backpack. How big, small 🤔🤣.
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Maybe some gatorade and smelling salts too! 🤣
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Why smelling salts 🤔. Is there fainting involved? 🤣
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Possibly. 😏
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Possibly? That won’t be fun then, that needs tweaking I guess. Can’t afford weakness 🤣
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You’ve made up my mind–fainting guaranteed! 🤣
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What? That’d be wasting precious time 🤣
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Good point, but fainting would be pretty fun to brag about! 🤣
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You want to brag🤔, to whom? I prefer the fun not the faint 🤣
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Maybe you could brag to your friends 🤣
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Will you? It has to be both ways 🤣
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Let the bragging commence! 🤣
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How, where? Do we (w)rap first?🤣
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You want to wrap things up? For protection? 🤣
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Wrap not for you? Then we’d have to start with something raw? 🤣
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I love raw food! 😋🤣
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Got to make sure it’s not stale or spoilt before consuming raw 🤣
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A quick bath or shower will put your fears to rest! You can jump in with me to make sure it’s all clean! 🤣
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Oh that is a welcome thought. It has to be thoroughly inspected 🤣
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How thorough? 🤔🤣
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Extremely detailed, cannot miss any nooks and crannies 🤣
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You want to examine every inch of me, eh? 🤣
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It has to be spick and span since its edible 😋😂
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Which part do you want to eat? 🤣
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Oooh we have a choice is it 🤣.
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The menu is vast! 🤣
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You already prepared one? I’d like to have a look 🤣
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I’m not great at taking pictures of “food.” 🤣
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You’re not, bummer 😕. Maybe you need to practice a little 😉
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I do have a glorious sausage 🤣
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Oh my 🤫🤣. You say glorious, how to experience this glory 🤣
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Gotta moisturize it and blow on it! 🤣
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Special moisturization for the blowing? 🤣
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Maybe both at once! 🤣
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This you have to demonstrate, I’m not so sure 🤣
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You’re all about the demonstrations! 🤣
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Of course, how do you expect one to learn, step by step isn’t it 🤣
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Inch by inch! 🤣
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Oh, is that how it is done? 🤣
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I’m sure you’d like to find out! 🤣
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Wouldn’t you want to? I bet there’s always something new to pick up 🤣
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Sounds like we could go on an adventure together! 👀🤣
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Are you asking or taking me on an adventure? 🤣
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We might turn into savages if we do! 🤣
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What, why? It’s just an adventure. Are you expecting something to lurk around 🤣
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Unseen dangers lurk in the “bushes!” 🤣
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Are you sure there are ‘bushes’? Bushes are dangerous?🤣
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I’ll keep them trimmed! 🤣
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Oh 🤦♀️🤦♀️are they styled 🤔🤣
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They could be. Do you have a preference? 🤣
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Can we experiment? 🤣
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You want to see my test tube? 🤣
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Will you show? 🤣
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I love showing my test tube 🤣
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How do I access the show and tell hopefully 🤣
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You’ve got to be nice to it, blow on the tip and give it a good rub 🤣
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😂. I’m always nice, I got to learn that blowing to be extra nice 🤣
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It’ll definitely like you. The blowing will be appreciated! 🤣
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It better like me too, otherwise something is wrong with it 🤣. I should brush up on the blowing bit 🤣
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Moisture always helps! 🤣
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How do I get the moisture? 🤣
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I figured you would generate it yourself! 🤣
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That still requires some help won’t it? 🤣
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I’m an expert moisture-generating assistant! 🤣
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You say expert but I don’t really know, many call themselves that 🤣
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Well let’s generate some moisture together! 🤣
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Interesting thought. What should I bring? 🤣
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The moisture, of course! 🤣
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I thought you’ll help to generate 🤣
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I might help too much! 🤣
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I guess you dislike helping too much 🤣
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Not at all! I’m great at helping 🤣
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We better get on with that help 🤣
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You’re in dire need of help? 🤣
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Help is always welcome, availability is the issue 🤣
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I should show up on a lunch break! 🤣
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Why only lunch? Is that your preference? 🤣
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We could do morning and night as well–all hours of the day! 🤣
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There should not be over consumption 🤣
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You need to keep that in mind as well 🤣
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Why me? I’m innocent 😇 🤣
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I mean care for it, fragility. 🤣
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Slow at first, eh? 🤣
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Is that how it starts 🤔🤣
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It’s kind of like a rollercoaster. Slow, slow, slow…then incredibly high speed! 🤣
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Never tried the rollercoaster, you’ll have to show. Sounds like a bump(y) ride 🤣
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You like the up and down turbulence? 🤣
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Too much turbulence can be painful than pleasure filled? 🤣
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Then I’ll adjust the turbulence to cater to your wishes! 🤣
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Oooh turbulence can be adjusted? 🤣
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Just let me know and I shall adjust! 🤣
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This I have to experience, adjusting turbulence 🤣. I wonder if you’re defying the laws of physics or whatever 🤣
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I have multiple settings–smooth hard rolling, jackhammering, extra hard and steady 🤣
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Oh. Can the settings be customized 🤣
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I’m sure we can find the one that suits you 🤣
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We’ll need to work on that then. Two way customization 🤣
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I’m sure I can accommodate–I’m a machine! 🤣
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I have to see this machine (in action). When do I get to see it 🤣
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I’ll set up an onlyfans 🤣
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Ewwww nooo. Nothing public. Do you want to sell your wares? 🤣
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I’ve got plenty of wares to sell! 🤣
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You have? I’ve yet to see anything 🤣
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You want to see the goods, eh? Isn’t that a little pervy? 🤣
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You think it’s pervy . Don’t you like to show your goods before selling? 🤣
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You want to see them or you want to taste them? 🤣
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I have to see then sample. Need to know it’s trustworthy 🤣
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Pretty sure you want to hold it and taste it. 🤣
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That is the plan but you’re not moving🤣
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Seems like you’re craving movement 🤣
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You prefer being stationary 🤔🤣
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Sometimes, but just to break up the movement 🤣
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What? Stationary, are you sure? How stationary 🤔🤣
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Everything tenses up. I take a break so I can keep going! 🤣
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Oh that. Keep going, for how long? Shouldn’t cause over exhaustion or dehydration 🤣
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For hours! All night, if I have to! 🤣
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That could cause cramps, we have to think of switching? 🤣
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I’ll save some for the day. Can you last through the night with reduced frequency? 🤣
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Shouldn’t you ask yourself first? 🤣
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Seems like you want to compete with me! 🤣
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Not compete, complement 😉. What do you think? 😅
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We should definitely move in tandem 🤣
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Now you’re in tandem with me ahhh still my thoughts 🤣. Waiting on the live 🤫🤣
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You want the in-person lesson, eh? 🤣
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That is how one learns best or you have an alternative? 🤣
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It’s the best option! Why, do you want to try it through zoom? 🤣
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Why? You offer online tutorials? 🤣
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I’m thinking of starting an onlyfans 🤣
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Why are you obsessed with onlyfans? 🤣
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I figured you’d subscribe 🤣
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Subscription models are not appealing 🤣
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I think you’d love the content enough to keep subscribing! 🤣
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You think? Where’s the preview to entice 🤣
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I think the preview/enticement will just be a photo of a kielbasa sausage 🤣
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Such a specific sausage. How is it different from all the others? 🤣
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The curve is unmistakable! 🤣
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Is that not as common? Anything else distinguishable? 🤣
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The smooth, luscious color! I never knew the pigment was even a consideration! 🤣
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Luscious color, my curiosity antenna is up 🤣. How does this color apply 🤔🤣
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It’s earthy and pleasing. Not too pale or wormlike 🤣
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Have you spent time studying it🤔. Are we supposed to like worms😏
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Apparently, some ladies don’t like a pale, wormlike appearance 🤣
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Ewww 🤣. I wonder if a magnifying glass was involved 🤔. I thought it was to be relished not admired 🫣🤣
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Maybe both? 🤣
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I thought you’d have a strong preference for one 🤣
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Definitely relished 🤣
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I think the admiration needs some love too 🤣
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You ready for both? 🤣
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For more than both, what can you offer? 🤣
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I think you’ll find both are enough! 🤣
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What? You don’t have more? 🤣
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I think you can squeeze a little more out of me! 🤣
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I can think of many squeezes, you have to be up to it 🤣
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You’ll squeeze me repeatedly? 🤣
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Depends if you want it 🤣
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Squeeze away!🤣
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It better not run dry after a few squeezes 🤣
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Squeeze away! Let’s see! 🤣
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Sounds like a challenge, I hope you’re prepared 🤣
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I’ll start squeezing ahead of time so I’m ready for you! 🤣
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I don’t think you should be wasteful 🤣
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You want to do all the squeezing? 🤣
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Unless you don’t want to 🤣
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No you go ahead–I leave the squeezing up to you! 🤣
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How do I get the maximum squeeze? 🤣
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Use both hands! 🤣
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That’s all? I thought 🤫🤣
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Definitely not all, go ahead and use more if you want 🤣
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Giving full control eh 🤣
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Would you be able to maintain it or would you go wild? 🤣
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What’s your preference? 🤣
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Go ahead and go wild 🤣
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I’m human here in case you forgot 🤣
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Humans are animals too 🤣
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Oh yeah, what werewolves, vampires 🤣
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You want to suck…my blood? 🤣
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You know I’m not a vampire to suck… blood but 🤣
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In this case, sharing is not caring 🤣
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You want exclusive rights? 🤣
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Are you giving me that? 🤣
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Sounds like you want it 🤣
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Wouldn’t you like that? 🤣
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I’d be all in! 🤣
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All in what? 🤣
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All in whatever I need to be in! 🤣
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And where do you need to be in🤔🤣
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You show me! 🤣
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I thought you didn’t need directions 🤣
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I like a little give and take 🤣
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I guess we can negotiate the little 🤣
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A lot of give and take then! 🤣
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Are you this easy with negotiation? I thought there’d be some push and pull 🤣
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In and out maybe? 🤔🤣
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You got some choices here 🤣
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I’ll let you decide 🤣
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Me decide? I’ll keep coming out with new stuff 🤣
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Bring it on! 🤣
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Oooh you’re up for it, you should bring some too 🤣
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I’ll bring a ton! You’ll be drenched in it! 🤣
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How come you’re so loaded 🤣
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It’s a gift 😏🤣
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A gift huh. Gifts are for sharing you know 🤣
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You want some of the load, eh? 🤣
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Are you willing to share? 🤣
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Take as much as you’d like! 🤣
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Get ready, it will be sacks-ful 🤣
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I’ll get my sacks ready! 🤣
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How many sacks you got?🤣
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How many sacks do you want? 🤣
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We are doing this then, quantify 🤣
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I guess we’ll go off how much you like my first sack 🤣
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Oh, you’re not sure then 🤣
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I’m sure you’ll like it. I just don’t know how much you’ll love it 🤣
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How do we solve that? 🤣
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Keep pounding away at the problem, I guess 🤣
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I need something to pound with 🤣
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I’ve got just the thing! 🤣
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Please send it across 🤣
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Where should I leave it? 🤣
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There’s an opening 🫣🤣
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I’ll have to be careful, it might be a tight fit! 🤣
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Oh my gosh 🤣. Any suggestions? 🤣
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I’m sure things will relax and loosen 🤣
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Some are badly rusted 🤣
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Just needs a bunch of lubrication! 🤣
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I’m still waiting for that lubrication 🤣
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It comes without effort! 🤣
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Understood, effort not needed but how can I get it 🤣
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I’m always available in San Diego 😎🤣
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Yeah, you’re not helping. You’re too expensive 🙄 🤣
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Let me know and I’ll send you a ticket! 🤣
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Should I expect one? 🤣
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Seems like you want one! 🤣
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I want? Why only me and you don’t 🤔 🤣
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Of course I want it–I’ll pay for it! 🤣
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You’re hilarious, why are we talking financials 🤔🤣
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So you’ll owe me? 🤣
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I’ll owe you forever then, we got to fix this 🤣. But I should not owe a gift 🤔🤣
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Maybe we could think of it as flexible gift–you can pay me back however you’d like! 🤣
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I’m curious, how ‘flexible’ can you be? 🤣
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I’d be willing to be compensated by a service! 🤣
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😱🫣. Warning, I cannot cook but enjoy eating 🤣
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I enjoy eating too! We’ll feast together! 🤣
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🫣🤣, you have a favorite to share? 🤣
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I like the entire menu! 🤣
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Can I see the menu? 🤣
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Are you hungry? 😁
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I enjoy good food 🤣
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