I’ve finally attained Force Ghost status, but my traitorous peers have turned against me!  I thrash violently with my mind, trying to free my astral presence from their psionic lock, but they’ve pinned my ass to a space-time approximate.

“What the FUCK?!?” I fume.  “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???”

They avert their gazes.  Kenobi mutters, “You’ve been monopolizing the available astral women.  Once you transitioned into a spirit, we thought you would leave your Man-Whore days behind you.  I appreciate everything you’ve taught me, but—”

“Go FUCK YOURSELF!” I rage. 

Luke Skywalker’s bitch-ass screeches, “Fuck me yourself, you coward!”  Then he looks around in mortification.  “That came out wrong.  I meant—”

Mace Windu tears into him with, “I have had it with this motherfucking sister-kisser, in this motherfucking astral realm!  That shit you pulled on the Death Star and Hoth was straight-up disgu—”

Anakin holds up a hand.  “Enough.  Kent, we apologize.  While I find it regrettable, you need to be completely deconstructed.  Your luscious astral penis destroys our chances of attracting any potential mates.”

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I rip an arm free of their Force-powered freeze, reach into my astral robe, and open my astral eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Shmi Skywalker appears by my side and regards the Jedi with astonishment and fury.  “Why have you imprisoned this award-winning Man Whore?”

Anakin rubs his eyes with a thumb and a forefinger.  “Mom, you don’t understand.  Just step aside and—”

“Never!  This man deserves justice!”  She starts licking my face and grabbing my junk.

“Mom!”  Anakin extends a hand in protest.  “MOM!”

Padme materializes out of the aether and looks me up and down in surprise and delight.  “Holy shit!  An award-winning Man Whore!”  She gives my nuts an appreciative squeeze, then joins Shmi in the on-ramp to debauchery.

Anakin’s eyes widen in anguish.  “PADME?!?  No, don’t—”

“Hit it from the back!”  Shmi raises her skirt and I happily comply.  While I’m shlorping away, she makes eye contact with Anakin.  “Gonna shuffle up linearity, and give you a little psychic surprise:  I’ve made your unborn self aware of Kent’s girthy upcurve, thrusting toward your face while you’re still in the womb.  That should hop-skip across the temporal divide, and—”

Anakin drops to his knees and clutches his eyes.  “Agh!  Mom, no—I can smell his nasty-ass frenulum!  It kills, IT KILLS!”

The other Jedi exchange a panic-threaded glance.  “That’s right, assholes!” I gloat.  “Wanna see me widen out your moms and/or girlfriends?  No?  Then you’d best be on your merry fucking way!”

They all vanish in a sparkling twinkle.  All except for Anakin—I keep him there for a good five minutes, subject to the worst fate you can inflict on a hater.  The NOOOOO he unleashes puts the one he did at the end of the third shitty prequel to absolute, unequivocal shame. 

HEH heh heh!  Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Have uptight Jedi decided you’re a threat to their micropeens?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon their moms and girlfriends, and sex up some vajeens in front of their hating-ass faces! 

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

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