OhmygodohmygodohmyGOOOODDDD—I’m at square C freaking 6!  So damn close!

I, Kent Wayne, am a chess piece.  The Gods of Games has shit all over my pathetic, phallic form and made me into a pawn.  (Big surprise, I know.)

The Hands of Eternity make some moves.  I sit there sweating and shaking.  After another minute or so, I feel a massive set of fingers clamp around my head.

C fucking SEVEN!  SWEET!

At the end of the board, I see a soft, shimmering light-form floating in the air.  “COME TO US KENT,” it booms.  “WE SHALL GIFT YOU WITH POWER BEYOND IMAGINING.”

Batman in Gotham—no more micro-penis body, no more restrictions to dumbass, one-square attacks on diagonal axes…FINALLY!

Fingers grasp the back of my head, and I start crying.  Yes Lord, YES!  Make me into an unstoppable instrument of your holy vengeance!  I swear that I’ll—

As I touch down, the Light at the End of the Board envelops my body.  I can feel its celestial energies coursing through me.  I close my eyes in sheer ecstasy.

“JUST ONE THING KENT…”

Huh?  My eyes pop open.

“WE’RE GONNA MAKE YOU A QUEEN—MEANING WE’LL HAVE TO CHOP OFF THAT AWARD-WINNING PENIS OF YOURS.  THE ONE THAT YOU HIDE IN YOUR TORSO AND MAKES UP 95% OF YOUR BODY MASS.”

AAAAAHHHH!!!  I start struggling, but it’s no use; the Light at the End of the Board lifts me up with its reality-bending powers, laughing gleefully as I begin to transform.

“HA HA HA!  MOO HOO HA HA!”

FUCK!  No options left.  Through sheer force of will, I grow tiny arms and reach under my base, where I’ve stowed a miniature eReader.  I open it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My body continues to transform, erupting into a heavily muscled, Bigfoot-looking ape-monster—kinda like the one Chewie uses in that super cool board game they play on the Falcon.  I jump back onto the board, collapsing into a rolling ball of muscle and sinew, then spring to my feet, roaring in triumph as I start beating chess pieces’ faces.

“RUAAAAHHHH!!!!”

I run through an entire row of pawns, then chase a rook across a straight-line axis.  He screams in terror; I don’t just run diagonals—I move in CIRCLES, bitch!  I corner him at the end of the board, pick him up by the torso, then use him like a battering ram, spearing his spiky crown into my enemies’ assholes.  I am no longer the pathetic pawn known as Kent Wayne; I am his prehistoric incarnation—Kunt Wog!

All hail the monkey king Kunt Wog!  Ook ook AWK!

 

Are you a beaten-down chess piece, sick of moving in prearranged patterns, subject to the whims of your evil human gods?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Echo is now available in paperback:  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined edition in paperback #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book