What the hell?  What is this place?

I’m standing on a floating crag of rock.  Its craggy surface is lit by sparkling veins of inconstant light.

I look around, taking in a panoramic view of etherial glimmer.  Holographic panels drift past my perch, displaying nonsensical rants from pages with names like Hippocockamus384, and SexReckoning68.  In between the mess of personalized data, I see ads for health stuff, political solicitations, and trailers for movies about to hit the theaters. 

And then it dawns on me:

I’ve been sucked into my Facebook page.

Fuckshit!  I’m in mortal danger!  When I’m online, I carouse with soccer moms and shut down trolls, but that’s not what concerns me…

An ominous rumble shakes the aether.  I snap my head to the left, scanning the dreamscape with widened eyes.

What concerns me is the army of fictional selves I’ve written into my daily Echo ads.

A great cracking sound split the air.  I spin to the left, watching a gleaming rip bisect the aether.  Thousands of Kents come pouring out of it—Zombie Kent, Robot Kent, Ninja Kent, Pirate Kent…they charge toward me, snarling in fury…

And of course, they’re all sporting an obscenely large, upcurved wiener.

No options left.  I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

It triggers a mass-ejaculation.  Every Kent lurches and stiffens.  Their glans erupt with torrents of thick, smelly, asparagus-tainted jism.  Arcing ropes of curdled white blast across the internet, flooding it with my digitized Attack Sperm.  The pressure…it’s too much—the fabric of my electronic reality begins to

—fzzbzztFZZPSSSHHHZZZZZZTTTT—

B’KOOM!

I rocket out from my computer, back into my San Francisco studio, and drop into the seat of my ergonomic Capisco chair.

Jeez-holes McDildos!  Maybe it’s time to back off the sosh meeds.  Maybe the magic mushrooms as well.

(Thinking about it…THINKING about it…)

…Nah!  😀

 

Have you been sucked into your fucked up online environment?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com!  Go check out his computer-based wizardry  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜