I’m wandering around my beautiful, sunlit campus, munching on some eggs I cooked up as a snack, when my head is bagged, I’m cuffed, and hustled away.  Bag comes off:  I’m in a dark closet that’s only light is a single naked lightbulb.  A voice-modulated masked man says to me, “Your love of meat will not be tolerated, oppressor.”  I answer back, “Eggs aren’t alive unless they’re fertilized.  Plus your domination mask is made out of leather.  What’s with the white stain on the lip?  I’ll bet that’s a billion dead babies right there on your face.”  The man says nothing for a few seconds, then cracks me hard across the temple.  “SILENCE!”  I turn my head to the side, spit red, and respond with a savage, bloody grin.  He hits me again and my eReader falls out my pocket, open to Echo.  Magic flash.  Hick cannibals rush in the room and with the studious use of Bowie knives, gut my torturer from brains to butthole so quickly he doesn’t have time to scream.  They fall on him in a frenzy and start chowing down.  As they untie me I say, “You know, I think I stopped you guys from eating me a little while back with a hologram of Neil Degrasse Tyson.”  “A-yup,” he responds, whipping the last of the rope off my wrist.  “But you introduced us to Neil and for that we’re in your debt.”  He looks me in the eye and deadpans, ” ‘Cos that show ‘Cosmos’ is the shit.”

The proper response to food terrorism?  A squad of maniacal hick cannibals.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle.