Hey guys, you know when someone’s tickling your b-hole with the tip of their pinkie and you’re acting all innocent, then they suddenly go three knuckles deep, four fingers wide and you burst into angelic song that quickly transforms into a demon-voiced roar of full-throated pleasure because you’re gasming so hard that you’re gonna need a motherfucking MOP after you’re—

JUST KIDDING!  That is DISGUSTING—I would NEVER do that!  Not only do I drive five miles under the speed limit, I only watch shows with a TV-G rating!  Geez—that was just a test!  Get your mind out of the gutter! 

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #WritingCommunity

🙂 🙂 😀