Give my books a read and a review!

What the ass-bush is happening, all your horndogs who’ve stumbled upon the horror of an unkempt b-hole, as you part the legs it lunges at your face like an airbag with an afro—fuh-FOOMP—causing you to gag and retch and scream I need an adult I NEED AN ADULT, it’s too fucking late it’s entangled your arms and it’s drawing you in, the theme from Requiem for a Dream starts blasting through the air for no good reason other than it fits the occasion, if only you had a bunch of grenades on your body so you could pull the pins and go out in a blaze of motherfucking glory but that’s not an option ’cause there’s nothing but unkempt b-hole and the ceaseless despair of the long cold dark NYAAAAARRGGHHHHH—

And THAT, my friends, is why you always neaten up your b-hole before you smash nethers with a stranger!  Why would you sentence someone to your Cthulu-rivaling anus where nameless horrors lurk and spawn?  Goddamn!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

12 thoughts on “Give my books a read and a review!

  1. Your book intro was interesting. A good taste of what was to come. Very well written with your humour stamp in it too. Be good to see how you handle action scenes.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Dig it. Lol. Appropriate term for someone who writes YA books 📚 How about you bury one somewhere, send me a cryptic map, and I’ll see if I can find it. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha! I’ve been listening to this magic/occult researcher named Mitch Horowitz and he always starts sentences with “dig this: ” I’m gonna try and bring back seventies lingo, right after I re-popularize old-timey detective noir talk! 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

  3. It’s a pretty cool catch line. Not sure if you’re a Star Trek fan, but I find their catch phrases funny for when they captain orders them to get the ship going.
    What were they . . . Engage, Take Us Out . . . And the latest one . . . Hit it. Lol. The last one sounds awkward, but amusing.

    What do they say in Noir times? 🤔

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    • Well, at the risk of being politically incorrect, they called ladies dames, skirts, and broads in detective noirs. They also used “blotto” as a drunk, which is still sometimes used as a verb on the east coast, as in “blotto’d” Bruno was used as a term for tough guy. Bull was a prison guard, which I think is still in use. Cabbage meant money, galoot meant oaf, speakeasies were illegal in that time, stiffs were corpses, Chicago lightning was gunfire, gams were legs. A lot of these are still in use here and there, but I like the overall feel of the world in general. Fedoras, trenchcoats, seedy sax music, dirty-lit alleys and smoky bars, that kind of thing.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, what a great reply. I really enjoyed reading that.
    I’ve heard of blotto’d as in drunk.
    Cabbage for the term money, really? Strange word to choose for it never heard of it.
    I’ve heard of using dough for the term money . . . So there’s some imaginative cooks or chefs out there 🤔

    I don’t know what a speakeasie is. I’m assuming you’re American? UK here.

    Lighting for gunfire. Did you see the spray of lightning last night on the docks?!

    Just looked up gun in cockney rhyming slang and it’s Llama. This animal spits in your face if you get too close like a gun spitting hollow tips when it fires. Interesting!

    I agree about the tone and atmosphere of the world. Nothing quite like it.

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    • Cabbage might be an Irish-American thing. I remember they used it in Rescue Me, a show about largely Irish-American New York firefighters.

      A speakeasy is an illegal bar during early 1900s Prohibition Era. Nowadays, speakeasies exist, but I’m not sure what makes them speakeasies versus regular bars.

      Yep, I’m American!

      I think I’ve heard llama as slang before, but I can’t remember where. My brain wants to say an old Tintin comic…

      Yes, I’ve always enjoyed the noir vibe! It’s got a smooth dark romance to it.

      Like

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