Yet another weird ad for my novels

Fuck, I hate this fucking bullshit.  I’ve spent my entire life in Kent’s epididymis, waiting for my turn to heed the call.  I’m either bored out of my mind, throwing out the remains of aged-out sperm, or swimming like a madman preparing for my one in a hundred million chance at reaching the egg.

That’s right.  I’m KentSperm4367905.  One of billions in the KSMC, or Kent’s Spermatozoic Marine Corps. 

Suddenly, lights flash and alarms blare.  My sergeant busts in and yells, “YOU PANSIES FINALLY GET YER CHANCE—AS OF NOW, KENT IS BALLS DEEP IN A WARM ORIFICE!  AND REMEMBER, YOU WORTHLESS PIECES OF SQUIGGLING SHIT:  MARINES DIE, THAT’S WHAT WE’RE HERE FOR!  BUT KENT’S SPERMATOZOIC MARINE CORPS LIVES FOREVER, AND THAT MEANS YOU LIVE FOREVER!”

Yeah, I’m not so sure about that.  Nevertheless, I line up with Third Load and get ready to shoot out of Kent’s glans. 

“FIRST LOAD!” my sergeant calls.  “GET SOME!”  He whips his tail forward, pointing up the urethra. 

Billions of sperm launch out the tip.  Almost immediately, their terrified exclamations echo back up the shaft:

“What the—”

“Holy fuck, we are FUCKED!”

“No, dear God NO—”

“He launched us into a GODDAMNED ASSHOLE!!!”

The second load panics and gibbers.  My sergeant goes apeshit, trying to restore a modicum of order.  “THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE MADE FOR, YOU WEAK-ASS BITCHES!  SECOND LOAD, GET READY TO LAUNCH!”

Kent’s bulbocavernosus muscle flexes and spasms, blasting Second Load into the unforgiving void.  This time, it’s even worse.

“He shot us onto a MOTHERFUCKING TONGUE!”

“Who the fuck does ass to mouth???  God in heaven, this is atrociously unhygienic!!!”

“Fuck you, Kent!  You fucking degenerate piece of—”

The rest of it’s lost in dying howls and agonized wails.  Even my sergeant looks taken aback.  Despite that, he pulls it together and barks, “THIRD LOAD!  GET READY TO LAUNCH!”

That’s me.  I already had a shitty deal—reaching the egg would be the statistical equivalent of getting hit by lightning on a clear summer day—but I have no intention of dying in a hand, in someone’s hair, or whatever fucked-up killing field Kent wants to send me. 

So as I whirl out the tip of his quivering penis, I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

At the last possible moment, his wiener twitches up toward his face, sending me and my brethren into his eyes and mouth. 

“ACKKK!  PHBBBT!”  His disgusted exclamations are music to my ears.

That’s what you get, asshole, for sending me and my brothers to die in some godforsaken orifice without any chance of getting to the egg.  At least this way, I get my revenge by splattering your face with your own putrid ejac.  I’ll see you in hell, Wayne!  Mark my words, I’ll SEE YOU IN—

….

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Are you a nameless sperm who’s trying their damndest to reach the egg, only to realize your owner doesn’t care if you die in a mouth or a butthole?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap their reality distorting powers, and splatter that asshole’s face with his own nasty spooge!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing