What the unintended facial is happening, all you meatbeaters who are reveling in a weed-pizza-and-Netflix-induced haze, flogging your wiener without a care in the world whilst lounging around in a Big Lebowski-style robe when suddenly your nemesis from work crashes into your bedroom, grabs your shaft right as you bust, points it at your eyes, and—
“No don’t HRRRGGGLLHHHGPP—”
—deluges your mug with your own gross load, coating your features in a barrage of testicular glue, under normal circumstances you would beat their fucking ass but not when you’re blinded by a Spiderman-worthy glob of nut-spawned cement, dear God in heaven it smells like WET SOCKS AND ASSHOLE MARINADE—
And THAT, my friends, is why you never let your guard down and when you’re beating your meat! Stay in that samurai masturbatory Mushin, so that as soon as you’re attacked, you’ll throw a no-thought backsweep, pin em with a knee on belly, and blow your load into their treacherous face!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
🙂 🙂 😀
Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
I thought a lot about whether I should like this or not. But I support you and deem you an incredible writer – so nonetheless..⭐.
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Thanks! No worries if you don’t like it, I won’t be offended if you don’t give it a star.
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Oh it wasn’t that I didn’t like it. Quite frankly, until the nemesis walked in I was thinking “what a quaint + romantic time..” and then it got crazy up in there 🤣🤣 just a lil shocked but nonetheless – Creative, and Original!! Which is rare in any writing 😄 entertainment is to enjoy amirite 😎🤙🏼
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Good to know! And yes, entertainment is my main priority. It’s cool to be all deep and intellectual, but there’s a reason I prefer fiction over existentialist philosophy
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More common gonna find a time for fiction and comedy than otherwise, I feel that
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What the???? I’m not voicing it over here 😀. You’re a nut. 😋
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😏🤣
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What will I get for promoting your books? 😋…. I never knew my niece likes sci-fi and she’s said she’ll tell her friends too…
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Well I can’t bribe you with pics! 🤣 Maybe IOUs for specific actions I perform in the future…😏
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Yeah pics won’t do it 😉. Come up with better stuff.
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Well I don’t know if you could handle my voice, much less a strip-tease! 🤣
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You’re all talk no action 😉. I’m still waiting for the last one. Knitted socks, Righteous Brothers and Mr.Big. 😅
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You need to help me knit these socks! Come take my measurements! Slowly! By hand! 🤣
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🤣🤣…. I need to know the instruments available are in perfect condition so the socks come out the way they should. But slow?
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You can only use body parts to measure–hands and lips 🤣 Go slow and steady so everything stays consistent and you can stabilize the measurements–my measurements change too fast with a faster pace! 😂
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Oh my gosh, you crazy nut.. you didn’t just say that here 🤣🤦♀️. A little subtlety ? 🤭. 2 body parts is too restrictive isn’t it?
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I would’ve settled for two. Sounds like you’re demanding more! 😏🤣
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Just an observation… depends on the design you want.
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Whatever design involves the most body parts! 🤣
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I don’t have that much of an imagination 😉..
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Somehow I doubt that! 😏
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Why would you think so?
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A feeling in my…gut 😉🤣
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🙄🫣
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😏😂
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This is the power of emojis… we’re communicating without words. You got to top this with yours 🤔
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You asked for it…🍆💦😂
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This is not original, it’s borrowed. It has to be an original 🫣😅
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🍒🦴💦💦 🌊 Hope you can figure that one out! 🌊
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🙈🙉🙊… waves, seriously?
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There’s always a lot of moisture involved 😏🤣
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You nut bag 😱😋… ehhhh I doubt… bragging won’t get you anywhere 🤭
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I guess I’ll just have to prove it to you! Be careful what you wish for, the universe might just arrange it! 😉🤣
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I’ve been wishing for a private island for so long, the universe has not delivered yet 😉. Doubt it can grant wishes.
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A private island would be pretty awesome! White sand beaches, soothing waves, and tons of sock measurements! 😂
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Yeah.. in your dreams 😅. I’m still waiting for the universe to make it happen. 😎
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Maybe you should vigorously measure yourself! You know…for practice. 🤣
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I don’t understand how that can make the universe deliver my greatest wish.. 😋
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Some believe the physical release comes with a burst of spiritual energy that helps bring about your desires. Measure vigorously, measure often! 🤣
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Oh my 😱🤦♀️…. measuring is not happening though 🤣🤣
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Oh it’s going to happen 😏 Just a matter of time! 🤣
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So confident 🤨. I wonder if you deliver wishes now 😅.
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I’m working on expanding the delivery radius 😁
🤣
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Hmmm that is interesting. What are you using, snail mail? 😂
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I mean, I do leave trails of slime…🤣
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🤣🤣🤣🤣 that is so gross? Please help me unsee 🫣. When is that delivery reaching?
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You sure you don’t want to feel me get all slimy? 😂🤣
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I don’t like slime 🤭
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My slime might change your mind! 🤣
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Oooh why? How unusual are the contents? 😂🤭
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I eat a lot of pineapple 😏🤣
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That’s why it pokes so much, because of the pineapple? 😂
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I was going for sweetness, but you’re right, a lot of poking is involved! 🤣
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Ohhhh, I didn’t think of that 🤣🤣… I wonder how sweet now, if plenty of poking is involved. It should not sour up😂 😉
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You could help me out by volunteering for some taste tests…🤣
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That is a thought 😅. I’ve always wanted to do some volunteering 🤣. It better not be sour 🤭
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You’ll have to be quality control–make sure you get every last drop! 🤣
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Oh my gosh 🤣🤣🤣🤣 🫣🫣. You can’t say that. I’m super clumsy so I think quality control may not be accurate or could hurt 😂 🤭
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I’m willing to risk it! I’ll give you instructions. 😏🤣
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Paper or email instructions 🤣.
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Mostly through grunts and gestures 🤣
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Are they supposed to help? They could be more of a distraction 🤣.
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It’s kind of what I’m counting on. I’m pretty good at distracting ladies 😁
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Tooting your own horn too much aren’t we? 😅. That distraction could just work against you 😂
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I don’t see how. I’m happy to be distracted. 😏
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Oh yeah? Too much distraction should not lead to pain 😅.
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Shouldn’t it? I don’t know…😏🤣
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I thought you were the expert 😅. No ‘s’ here 🤭.
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I need to do some more experimentation to confirm my knowledge and expertise. 😉🤣
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So you believe in ‘if at once you don’t succeed’ 😅. How much is too much though 😂. I’m afraid to offer my services, to be your assistant I mean🤭.
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I don’t believe that at all. I think you’d be jumping for joy at the chance to offer your services. 🤣
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Assuming much are we? 😅. That depends on what benefits come with it. An assistants job is not easy 🤣. Specially if there’s going to be plenty of jumping. Rest is important you know 🤭😂
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Jumping, bouncing and bucking! Plenty of rest in between though 🤣
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Oh I thought more like running around 🤣
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No running, but you’ll certainly get your cardio in 😏🤣
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I can’t afford to do anymore cardio. I’d lose everything 🤣
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Cardio is essential! Gotta get it in! 🤣
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Then I’d need plenty of feeding too for that energy 🤣
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I’ve got plenty for you to eat! 🤣
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Again the bragging 🤣. I can’t afford to lose more weight so consumption and proportion is essential 😂.
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I’ve got great proportions 😏🤣
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🤣🤣🤣 I’m not going to question or doubt you. I’ll take your word for it. I have to watch what I consume 😅.
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In my experience, the consumer tends to close their eyes and enjoy the flavor, but some of them insist on meeting my eyes 🤣
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Hmmm, I’m not sure what consumer I am in that sense but I’m particular with flavor and texture 🤣.
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Maybe I can spray a little whipped cream beforehand, so you can enjoy a little sweetness with the cream 🤣
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Oh I forgot to mention, I’m not a sweet person either, you’ll have to rethink that whipped cream 🤣.
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I can provide salty cream as well 🤣
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Oh my goodness 🤣. You’ve covered the flavor, what about the texture? 😂
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Definitely chewy. Thick and viscous. 🤣
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Whoever likes chewy 🤔🤣. That’ll be exhausting than enjoyable. You better step up with this delicacy 😂
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Just swallow it whole. No chewing necessary! 🤣
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Oh you…. 🤣🤣🤣. I’ll need plenty of fluids in case I choke 😂
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I have a ton of fluid, not just to drink, but enough to coat you with 🤣
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That’s good to know, I don’t have to prepare anything 🤣.. I’ll have to find some use for any extras 😅
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You’re funny! And I will, I promise.
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Thanks! I hope it entertains!
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I was like what the hell am I reading, then I was like that’s clever 😅
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