What the squeaker-fart is happening, all my fellow transgressors who’ve been called to do a presentation while your butthole is lurching and trembling, but you think you’ve got it under control, just gonna let go with a silent hisser and then it turns into an unmistakable cheek-clapper—pa-POP!—now you’re sweating bullets, talking louder and faster, hoping that God will strike everyone down with a well-placed lightning bolt Jesus Christ you need to kill them all because they’ll tell their friends no jump out the window flee into the woods WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO—

Fuck man, do what I do—just blame it on an invisible horse that ripple its lips extra loud!  Goddamn ghost-horses!  No need to go postal, motherfucker!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀