What the birth-horror is happening, all you fathers who’ve struggled to resist peeing yourself as you wait by the bedside and witness your child coming out of your spouse like an alien chest-burster that ravages the precious vajeen you’ve cherished and cavorted with, but now you gotta force a smile and mutter something-something-something about the beauty of life and—
Suck it up! This was part of the deal man! And SHE’S getting the short end of the stick—ain’t no tiny person forcing its way out of you and leaving a swath of destruction in its nasty-ass wake! Closest you’ll ever come is taking a Goliath-size shit after eating too much hot sauce! Damn!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast! If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!
🙂 🙂 😀