Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Society’s breaking down.  Viruses.  Riots.  Hornets.

What’s next?

I click open my computer, my face heavy with worry and fear.  As I browse through the news, my eyes widen.

No.  NO!!!

THEY’VE JUST BANNED CHEESE!!!

I run from my home, gasping and panicking.  A look down the street at my local 7-11 confirms my suspicions; people are fighting and scrapping, vying for gobs of their plastic-ass nacho cheese.  A crazy-eyed vegan is wandering the road, laughing maniacally and hoisting a sign that says, “NOW YE SHALL REAP THE RUIN OF FOOD, ALL YE WHO PARTAKE IN THE MOST DELICIOUS OF DAIRY!”

“Hghhh!”  I clutch my chest, trying to hold back tears.  “HHHGHHH!!!”

HOW WILL WE GET PIZZA???

Fuck this fucked-in-the-ass world.  I’ve HAD it!  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My gigantic wiener bursts from my pants, shooting miles into the distance and lassoing its girth around Elon Musk’s star-hopping spaceship.

“DO NOT WORRY,” my penis booms.  “I AM A HYPER-REALIZED LIFE-FORM, CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING MY HOST IN THE MOST HOSTILE OF ENVIRONMENTS.  YOU WILL NEVER LACK FOR OXYGEN OR FOOD, AND YOU WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AT A COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE.”

“Soccer moms!”  I look anxiously at my rippling womb-hammer.  “Are there hot alien soccer moms out there?”

“MOST ASSUREDLY.”

As the spaceship counts down toward blastoff, I can’t help but grin.  “Then let’s go find em!  Earth can have its hornets and viruses and lack of cheese!”

The rockets ignite.  Kent Wayne escapes again!

😀

Are you as sick as I am of this karmic shit sandwich that apparently comes with several extra sides of corn-speckled turd?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀