Society’s breaking down. Viruses. Riots. Hornets.
I click open my computer, my face heavy with worry and fear. As I browse through the news, my eyes widen.
THEY’VE JUST BANNED CHEESE!!!
I run from my home, gasping and panicking. A look down the street at my local 7-11 confirms my suspicions; people are fighting and scrapping, vying for gobs of their plastic-ass nacho cheese. A crazy-eyed vegan is wandering the road, laughing maniacally and hoisting a sign that says, “NOW YE SHALL REAP THE RUIN OF FOOD, ALL YE WHO PARTAKE IN THE MOST DELICIOUS OF DAIRY!”
“Hghhh!” I clutch my chest, trying to hold back tears. “HHHGHHH!!!”
HOW WILL WE GET PIZZA???
Fuck this fucked-in-the-ass world. I’ve HAD it! So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My gigantic wiener bursts from my pants, shooting miles into the distance and lassoing its girth around Elon Musk’s star-hopping spaceship.
“DO NOT WORRY,” my penis booms. “I AM A HYPER-REALIZED LIFE-FORM, CAPABLE OF SUPPORTING MY HOST IN THE MOST HOSTILE OF ENVIRONMENTS. YOU WILL NEVER LACK FOR OXYGEN OR FOOD, AND YOU WILL ALWAYS REMAIN AT A COMFORTABLE TEMPERATURE.”
“Soccer moms!” I look anxiously at my rippling womb-hammer. “Are there hot alien soccer moms out there?”
As the spaceship counts down toward blastoff, I can’t help but grin. “Then let’s go find em! Earth can have its hornets and viruses and lack of cheese!”
The rockets ignite. Kent Wayne escapes again!
Are you as sick as I am of this karmic shit sandwich that apparently comes with several extra sides of corn-speckled turd? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀