MuuurrrgghhโฆI clutch my head and roll out of bed.ย I donโt feel rightโฆsomethingโs offโฆ
Oh well.ย I perform my morning ablutions and go for a walk.ย I stroll past Jake, my next door neighbor, and he says, โHey buddy, you should try the croissants up at that new bakery.ย Theyโreโโ
I turn my nose up at him.ย โItโs CWOAH-SANH, Jake, not CRA-SSANT.ย Your dismal linguistic abilities veer me toward theย belief that you live in mud and filth like a common street beggar, and drink the stagnant slop from a janitorโs mop bucket.ย Have some class.โ
Jakeโs mouth drops open, and his eyes reflect genuine hurt.ย As I scurry away, I conceal the fact that Iโm just as shocked as he is.
Kentโwhat is WRONG with you???
Another friendly neighbor of mine, Mr. Helming, nods as I pass him on the sidewalk.ย โMorninโ Kent.โ
And before I can stop myself, I say:ย โIโm sorryโI donโt wish people good morning unless they clear a certain tax bracket.โ
Helmingโs mouth drops open just like Jakeโs, then his face twists with anger.ย โWell fuck YOU, asshole!โ
I deserved thatโwhat the hell is going ON?
I rush into a nearby coffee shop and into their bathroom.ย Somethingโs wrong with my mind, and until I figure out what, Iโm going to avoid talking with people.
I stare into the bathroom mirror, hands on the sink, sifting through my memories.ย Did I just get brained?ย Noโฆnot only have I ensured that I donโt possess the Alzheimerโs-prone genotype APOE 4/4, Iโve restricted my physical activities to lifting, biking, and grappling to ensure my cognitive functions are as at little risk as possible.ย This is something differentโฆ
I lean close to the mirror, and stretch my right eye open with one finger on top, one finger on bottom.ย If everything is functioning correctly, I should be able to glimpse the source of my brainpower within the center of my pupil.ย My brain isnโt structured like a regular humanโs; itโs mostly hollow, and accommodates a hamster wheel which is continuously in motionโturned by a tiny barbarian warrior who rides a velociraptor.ย The motion of the wheel generates energy, powering my brain and allowing me toโ
What in the FUCK!ย The little barbarian is gone!ย Instead, I see a disembodied catโs head, laughing at me from the glassy surface of my pupil.
I stumble back from the mirror, horrified.ย It all makes sense!ย Iโve been taken by over by a cat!ย An aloof piece of shit thatโll eat its ownerโs face as soon as he or she dies!
I lift up my shirt and the skin on my belly ripples and roils.ย The catโs head is briefly outlined on the surface of my stomach, and yarks out a harsh series of laughs.ย I give it the finger and swear vehemently at it, then begin punching my own belly.
OOF!ย OW!ย FUCK!ย
UrrrghhโฆI curl up on the floor, clutching my stomach.ย I think I hit my liver with that last oneโฆ
Then I feel the cat growing stronger in my mind, urging me to hire a Butler named Harkins, urging me to don formal wear and a monocle, urging me to swear off pizza and mountain dew and instead eat pheasant with a robust glass of Vacqueyrasโฆ
NO!ย Not happening!
I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.ย Magic flash.
The barbarian and the cat begin fighting within me, and I careen back and forth in a cold sweat, dry-heaving and screaming.ย Electric pain crashes through my body as one gets the upper handโฆthen the other.ย It goes back and forth from a long while, then I fall to my knees and clutch my stomach.ย My mouth yaws open and I gasp onceโฆtwiceโฆthen a long stream of vomit flows past my lips.ย When itโs all out of me, I see the villainous cat lying in its center like a modern-day version of Rosemaryโs baby.ย It yowls and hisses, then leaps off the toilet and out the window.
I can hear the barbarian and his velociraptor howling their triumph from the depths of my brain and I rise to my feet, a steely look shining from my eye, reassured that all is right with the world.ย I beat my chest like King Kong.
Yes!ย YES!ย Ainโt no room in my head for cats, orโPFFFFโwhite fucking wine!ย All hail the monkey king Kent Wayne!ย Ook ook AWK!
Has some diabolical feline invaded your body and turned you into an arrogant, chinless piece of upper class trash?ย Never fear!ย ย Getย Echo Vol. 1 on Kindleย here: ย Vol. 1 on Kindle. ย Vol. 2 on Kindle here: ย Vol.2 on Kindleย Vol. 3 on Kindle here: ย Vol. 3 on Kindleย Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:ย Combined Editionย #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book


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