Muuurrrgghh…I clutch my head and roll out of bed. I don’t feel right…something’s off…
Oh well. I perform my morning ablutions and go for a walk. I stroll past Jake, my next door neighbor, and he says, “Hey buddy, you should try the croissants up at that new bakery. They’re—”
I turn my nose up at him. “It’s CWOAH-SANH, Jake, not CRA-SSANT. Your dismal linguistic abilities veer me toward the belief that you live in mud and filth like a common street beggar, and drink the stagnant slop from a janitor’s mop bucket. Have some class.”
Jake’s mouth drops open, and his eyes reflect genuine hurt. As I scurry away, I conceal the fact that I’m just as shocked as he is.
Kent—what is WRONG with you???
Another friendly neighbor of mine, Mr. Helming, nods as I pass him on the sidewalk. “Mornin’ Kent.”
And before I can stop myself, I say: “I’m sorry—I don’t wish people good morning unless they clear a certain tax bracket.”
Helming’s mouth drops open just like Jake’s, then his face twists with anger. “Well fuck YOU, asshole!”
I deserved that—what the hell is going ON?
I rush into a nearby coffee shop and into their bathroom. Something’s wrong with my mind, and until I figure out what, I’m going to avoid talking with people.
I stare into the bathroom mirror, hands on the sink, sifting through my memories. Did I just get brained? No…not only have I ensured that I don’t possess the Alzheimer’s-prone genotype APOE 4/4, I’ve restricted my physical activities to lifting, biking, and grappling to ensure my cognitive functions are as at little risk as possible. This is something different…
I lean close to the mirror, and stretch my right eye open with one finger on top, one finger on bottom. If everything is functioning correctly, I should be able to glimpse the source of my brainpower within the center of my pupil. My brain isn’t structured like a regular human’s; it’s mostly hollow, and accommodates a hamster wheel which is continuously in motion—turned by a tiny barbarian warrior who rides a velociraptor. The motion of the wheel generates energy, powering my brain and allowing me to—
What in the FUCK! The little barbarian is gone! Instead, I see a disembodied cat’s head, laughing at me from the glassy surface of my pupil.
I stumble back from the mirror, horrified. It all makes sense! I’ve been taken by over by a cat! An aloof piece of shit that’ll eat its owner’s face as soon as he or she dies!
I lift up my shirt and the skin on my belly ripples and roils. The cat’s head is briefly outlined on the surface of my stomach, and yarks out a harsh series of laughs. I give it the finger and swear vehemently at it, then begin punching my own belly.
OOF! OW! FUCK!
Urrrghh…I curl up on the floor, clutching my stomach. I think I hit my liver with that last one…
Then I feel the cat growing stronger in my mind, urging me to hire a Butler named Harkins, urging me to don formal wear and a monocle, urging me to swear off pizza and mountain dew and instead eat pheasant with a robust glass of Vacqueyras…
NO! Not happening!
I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The barbarian and the cat begin fighting within me, and I careen back and forth in a cold sweat, dry-heaving and screaming. Electric pain crashes through my body as one gets the upper hand…then the other. It goes back and forth from a long while, then I fall to my knees and clutch my stomach. My mouth yaws open and I gasp once…twice…then a long stream of vomit flows past my lips. When it’s all out of me, I see the villainous cat lying in its center like a modern-day version of Rosemary’s baby. It yowls and hisses, then leaps off the toilet and out the window.
I can hear the barbarian and his velociraptor howling their triumph from the depths of my brain and I rise to my feet, a steely look shining from my eye, reassured that all is right with the world. I beat my chest like King Kong.
Yes! YES! Ain’t no room in my head for cats, or—PFFFF—white fucking wine! All hail the monkey king Kent Wayne! Ook ook AWK!
Has some diabolical feline invaded your body and turned you into an arrogant, chinless piece of upper class trash? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book