โUgh okayโฆjust one more slice.โ
My trembling fingers close around another piece of NY pizza.ย I take a deep breath and bring it to my lips, exhaling in small, controlled shudders.
Can I do it?ย Do I have the willpower?
A sliver of pie passes my lips…then I bite down and moan.ย MmmmMMMMRROHGODDDD.ย Cheesy Goodness floods my mouth, accented with the just-right hint of sauce.ย It all comes together in a glorious folding of crust and topping, mashing into delicious gooification within my chompers.
I shouldnโt have doubted myself.
I finish the slice and groan in delight.ย I look down at my food-baby and run greasy fingers over its bulbous outline.ย Ahhhโฆ.magnificent.
I fear its birth, but for now, I revel in its glory.
I look over at Bitefighterโmy 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire whoโs also the smartest being in a 30-galaxy radiusโand watch as he scratches out giant strings of equations on his personal whiteboard.ย Heโs wearing a tiny labcoat and spectaclesโheโs a professional Doggy Scientist.
โWhatcha doing there, buddy?โ
โRoof arf mc bark.โย (Translation:ย Reconciling gauge symmetry with an acausal, existential substrate which gave birth to an adjacent Universe where intention becomes the determining force behind all material phenomena.)ย He turns to me and drops his marker, his eyes widening in shock behind his spectacles.
โARFO ARFSKIES MCARF!โย (Translation:ย What the fucking FUCK???ย That food baby will kill us all!!!)
โReally?โย I look at it, give it another rub, and look back up at him.ย โI know itโs the biggest one Iโve had, butโโ
GrrrrrRRRRRUMMBLE.
โOh God!โ I gasp.ย โBitefighter, I donโt have an insurance policy!ย I need to birth this food baby into a toilet or itโs gonna destroy our house and weโll get nothing!ย HELP ME!โ
He scrambles over and begins dragging me across the floor by my right arm.ย My left arm cradles my belly, trying to calm the storm within.ย โAAAGGHH!โ I scream as he lurches me toward the bathroom.ย โNYAAAAAAHHHGODITHURTS!โ
Sweat springs out across my skin.ย Electric pain crashes through me, eclipsing my vision with buzzing colors.ย A horrid cramp seizes my body and I shriek in pain.ย I black out for a second, and when I come to, Iโm still screaming.
โLeave me!โ I gasp.ย โGET OUT OF HERE, BITEFIGHTER!โ
He shakes his head, grim and determined.ย โRowf aroof roofarfarf.โย (Translation:ย Not an option.ย Iโve done some quick calculations.ย That food baby wonโt just destroy the houseโitโll destabilize the Earthโs core, and all will end in fire and lightning.)
โSo what do we do?โ I whine, tears leaking down my face.ย โWhat the FUCK DO WE DO???โ
He lowers his gaze, brow furrowed, as his unmatchable mind processes billions of scenarios.ย Suddenly, his head snaps up, a gleam lighting in his eye.
He runs over to my eReader and opens it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.ย Magic flash.
Our souls are ejected from our bodies and flung into a multiversal bleed.ย Entire existences flash before us, and Bitefighter points at a passing construct comprised of luminous angles; if I had to describe it, Iโd say it looks like a conscious polyhedron made from intelligent light.
โArfo?โย (Translation:ย Wanna be a robot?)
I shake my head.ย โNah.โ
He points to another one.ย โRoosky?โย (Vampires?)
I snort.ย โPleaseโIโm not gonna pull a Twilight and hook up with a high school girl even though Iโm like a thousand years old.ย Fucking low-life pedo.โ
He points to a third one.ย โArfarfaroo?โย (Translation:ย Barbarians and dinosaurs?)
โOh HELLS yeah!โ
He reaches out and touches it, and right before Iโm about to reincarnate as a yoked-ass barbarian and heโs about to reincarnate as a war-trained velociraptor, I look back and check on Earth, where our bodies are still lying limp and lifeless.ย I shudder in horror as I see the planetโs surface engulfed by the horror of Food Babyโs birth.
Sorry Earthโyour pizza was just too damn good!
Are you about to induce an apocalypse through a food baby birth?ย Never fear!ย Getย Echo Vol. 1 on Kindleย here: ย Vol. 1 on Kindle. ย Vol. 2 on Kindle here: ย Vol.2 on Kindleย Vol. 3 on Kindle here: ย Vol. 3 on Kindleย #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book


Leave a reply to DirtySciFiBuddha Cancel reply