“Ugh okay…just one more slice.”
My trembling fingers close around another piece of NY pizza. I take a deep breath and bring it to my lips, exhaling in small, controlled shudders.
Can I do it? Do I have the willpower?
A sliver of pie passes my lips…then I bite down and moan. MmmmMMMMRROHGODDDD. Cheesy Goodness floods my mouth, accented with the just-right hint of sauce. It all comes together in a glorious folding of crust and topping, mashing into delicious gooification within my chompers.
I shouldn’t have doubted myself.
I finish the slice and groan in delight. I look down at my food-baby and run greasy fingers over its bulbous outline. Ahhh….magnificent.
I fear its birth, but for now, I revel in its glory.
I look over at Bitefighter—my 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire who’s also the smartest being in a 30-galaxy radius—and watch as he scratches out giant strings of equations on his personal whiteboard. He’s wearing a tiny labcoat and spectacles—he’s a professional Doggy Scientist.
“Whatcha doing there, buddy?”
“Roof arf mc bark.” (Translation: Reconciling gauge symmetry with an acausal, existential substrate which gave birth to an adjacent Universe where intention becomes the determining force behind all material phenomena.) He turns to me and drops his marker, his eyes widening in shock behind his spectacles.
“ARFO ARFSKIES MCARF!” (Translation: What the fucking FUCK??? That food baby will kill us all!!!)
“Really?” I look at it, give it another rub, and look back up at him. “I know it’s the biggest one I’ve had, but—”
“Oh God!” I gasp. “Bitefighter, I don’t have an insurance policy! I need to birth this food baby into a toilet or it’s gonna destroy our house and we’ll get nothing! HELP ME!”
He scrambles over and begins dragging me across the floor by my right arm. My left arm cradles my belly, trying to calm the storm within. “AAAGGHH!” I scream as he lurches me toward the bathroom. “NYAAAAAAHHHGODITHURTS!”
Sweat springs out across my skin. Electric pain crashes through me, eclipsing my vision with buzzing colors. A horrid cramp seizes my body and I shriek in pain. I black out for a second, and when I come to, I’m still screaming.
“Leave me!” I gasp. “GET OUT OF HERE, BITEFIGHTER!”
He shakes his head, grim and determined. “Rowf aroof roofarfarf.” (Translation: Not an option. I’ve done some quick calculations. That food baby won’t just destroy the house—it’ll destabilize the Earth’s core, and all will end in fire and lightning.)
“So what do we do?” I whine, tears leaking down my face. “What the FUCK DO WE DO???”
He lowers his gaze, brow furrowed, as his unmatchable mind processes billions of scenarios. Suddenly, his head snaps up, a gleam lighting in his eye.
He runs over to my eReader and opens it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Our souls are ejected from our bodies and flung into a multiversal bleed. Entire existences flash before us, and Bitefighter points at a passing construct comprised of luminous angles; if I had to describe it, I’d say it looks like a conscious polyhedron made from intelligent light.
“Arfo?” (Translation: Wanna be a robot?)
I shake my head. “Nah.”
He points to another one. “Roosky?” (Vampires?)
I snort. “Please—I’m not gonna pull a Twilight and hook up with a high school girl even though I’m like a thousand years old. Fucking low-life pedo.”
He points to a third one. “Arfarfaroo?” (Translation: Barbarians and dinosaurs?)
“Oh HELLS yeah!”
He reaches out and touches it, and right before I’m about to reincarnate as a yoked-ass barbarian and he’s about to reincarnate as a war-trained velociraptor, I look back and check on Earth, where our bodies are still lying limp and lifeless. I shudder in horror as I see the planet’s surface engulfed by the horror of Food Baby’s birth.
Sorry Earth—your pizza was just too damn good!
Are you about to induce an apocalypse through a food baby birth? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book