What the dick-garrote is happening, all ;you narrow-long peen-slingers who can poke the back but miss the walls so it drives you into a life of hate and despair where you cry yourself to sleep on a nightly basis but then you swear to take revenge by using your rope-string wiener to strangle people on your mile-long shitlist only to run into an archnemesis who’s a fat-penised hero-type HE WILL NOT WIN YOU MUST DESTROY HIM NO MATTER WHAT THE COST—
What in the FUCK?!? Jesus, man, just turn into a bitter anti-hero and use that dick to strangle evil-souled criminals! Everyone knows that’s how angry heroes get started on their journey—use your gift/curse to become the next Batman!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
🙂 🙂 😀
Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
That’s how you became half of each super hero huh 🤔.
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🤣👏
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I have the pics to prove I’m different 🤣
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Ehhh bragging much 🤣
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Just stating facts 🤣
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Who’s facts though 🤣
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Do they have to belong to someone? They’re there for all to see 🤣
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Is it? I’ve not seen any 🤣
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You want to examine my low-hanging facts? 🤣
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Hmmm how low do the facts go 🤔🤣
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Not just low, but deep as well. How deep do you want it? 🤣
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2 in 1 huh 🤣
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Multiple accomplishments, so to speak 🤣
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What are those accomishments? 🤣
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They’ll feel like earthquakes 🤣
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Who can afford an earthquake? 🤣
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I give them for free 🤣
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Goodness me, who wants an earthquake 🤣
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You don’t want to experience some pleasant bouncing? 🤣
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Bouncing is not an earthquake, is it? 🤣
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There will be pleasant aftershocks 🤣
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Do I want to know what the aftershocks are? 🤣
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You definitely want to experience them 🤣
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Is there a bloated head somewhere 🤣
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You want to feel my bloated head? 🤣
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Oh goodness 😳…which head? 🤣
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Which head do you want? 🤣
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How are they different? 🤣
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One pleasures your mind, the other, your body (actually, the first one can also pleasure the body as well) 🤣
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How does the first pleasure the body?🤣
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It has a tongue 🤣
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😱… and so? 🤣
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You want a tongue-bath? 🤣
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That sounds like a slurpy dog licking away 🤣
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I can slurp if you want 🤣
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With the noises? 🤣
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You want the slurping noises? 🤣
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Ewww, wouldn’t that take away all the pleasure 🤣
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I don’t think so, not as long as there’s sufficient pressure and moisture 🤣
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Ahh well you know better I guess, or you’ve been practicing with the bones 🤣
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You can practice with my bone as well! 🤣
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You didn’t say that 😱🤣… you have a bone? 🤣
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You have my permission to practice with it 🤣
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Who needs permission anyhow 🤣
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You’re just going to grab it? 🤣
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Is it up for grabs? 🤣
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You can grab it if you want 🤣
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Not close enough to reach 🤣
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Maybe a trip is in order. I enjoy being grabbed 🤣
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So who’s grabbing the trip? 🤣
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I pay, you fly 🤣
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You know what that sounds like? 🤣 pay pay … 🤣
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Fly to me and we’ll take a short trip into heaven before you fly back home 🤣
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You are truly generous, a heavenly trip… making me think 🤣
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You thinking with your brain, or something else? 🤣
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Is there anything else, unlike you males, the blood rushes down 🤣
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The blood can rush down for you as well 🤣
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🤣😱… I’ve never heard that 🤣
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We’ll have to make it happen 🤣
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You can do magic? 🤣
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We’ll make magic together! 🤣
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As the assistant you mean 🤣
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You want to be my assistant? 🤣
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Can I be more than the assistant? 🤣
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You want to be my partner? 🤣
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It depends on what benefits and perks comes with the partnership. Shouldn’t be one sided 🤣
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I agree–we should both explore the benefits and perks 🤣
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Why you also want them? 🤣
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Oh i demand them 🤣
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Not entertaining demands here 🤣
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You don’t think it would be fun to obey my demands? 🤣
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Obey and demand in one sentence, that is loaded 🤣
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You’d definitely have fun obeying my demands 🤣
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Do I see shades of grey here 🤣
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Do you want that? 🤣
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You like greys? 🤣
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I’ll give it a try if you will 🤣
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Oh my gosh, you can’t put this on me 🤣
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Who’s putting what on or into who? 🤣
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Are we getting confused with the what and the who? 🤣
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I’m pretty sure I know what to put into who 🤣
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So you’re willing to demo? 🤣
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Do you want me to use you for my demonstration? 🤣
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Oooh you need an assistant or partner? It’s not a solo thing huh 🤣
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We can train solo, but we’ll need to do the main event together 🤣
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You like training solo huh 🤣
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Maybe you could send me a video of your training 🤣
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What? 🤣 I don’t do any training. I need a trainer 🤣
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Do you want me to train you? 🤣
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Because you’re a good trainer? 🤣
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You will have to do a lot of hip-thrusts 🤣
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Is that the first thing you teach? 🤣
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I’d rather start with teaching you mouth stuff 🤣
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Like talking? 🤣
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Can you talk with your mouth full? 🤣
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Ahhh so no multi-tasking 🤣
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Well you could try–stick a kielbasa in your mouth and see if you can talk around it 🤣
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Ok so maybe not the mouth but hands are still available 🤣
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Just as long as you please the kielbasa 🤣
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The kielbasa could get chomped 🤣
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Give it a good ol’ suck before you start using teeth! 🤣
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Hah… you like teeth! 🤣
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It has to be done with extreme skill 🤣
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So the expert says. Do you have a manual? 🤣
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Nope. All instruction is oral in nature 🤣
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How oral does it get? I can’t memorize 🤣
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You can use your mouth. That’s good enough 🤣
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Mouthing off is it 🤣
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Or you could put it on something. I have something in mind 🤣
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Do I want to know? 🤣
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I feel like you can guess 🤣
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But my guessing doesn’t always fall on point 🤣
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Is there a specific point you would like to fall on?🤣
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How pointed is the point? 🤣
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It’s very pronounced. Hard, blunt, and girthy 🤣
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Is blunt good? 🤣
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Absolutely. You don’t want anything sharp 🤣
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Not sharp but yeah something extra special 🤣
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You’ll think it’s special. You’ll be obsessed! 🤣
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Special and obsessed… the inflated head surely needs deflating 🤣
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How are you going to deflate it? 🤣
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Oooh you want me to deflate it? 🤣
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You think you can? 🤣
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Is that a challenge? 🤣
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More like an invitation 🤣
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Challenging invitation huh 🤣… where to accept? 🤣
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You need to get on your knees, then I will walk you through it 🤣
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Accepting requires kneeling? 🤣
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It will make things much more enjoyable 🤣
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So you say. It shouldn’t be one sided 🤣
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Should I kneel behind you? 🤣
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You should not get kicked 🤣
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Will you be kicking or screaming (in delight)? 🤣
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Because you got kicked? 🤣
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Because I’m kneeling behind you! 🤣
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You’re not begging are you? 🤣
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I think you’ll be doing the begging 🤣
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And you don’t see yourself doing the same? 🤣
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Maybe at the very end. Definitely not in the beginning 🤣
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The end 🤔…please don’t elaborate 🤣
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I guess you can imagine 🤣
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Sometimes the imagination needs help imaginating 🤣
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You need to feel it on your skin? 🤣
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Is that how its done? 🤣
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We should do it that way, yes, absolutely 🤣
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You are so sure. I wonder if there are alternatives 🤣
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Mouth on skin works as well 🤣
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You are fascinated with the mouth 🤣
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What can I say? You have an enticing mouth 🤣
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You know that 🤔.. want a taste 🫣🤣
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Absolutely! I’ll eat you up! 🤣
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Ehhh I’m not edible 🤣
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I’m pretty sure you taste good 🤣
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I’m not a sweet person you know, if you like sweets 🤣
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I’ll determine that for myself after I have a taste 😋🤣
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🫣🤣… I think the taste is more unique 🤫🤣
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I’m sure it’s delicious 🤣
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I’ve never tasted it so I can’t help uou there 🤣
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I’m sure you’d like me to sample it and judge 🤣
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You want a sample or to judge? 🤣
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Definitely a sample. It might require repetitive sampling 🤣
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Who gives out repetitive samples? 🤣
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I’m generous with my samples 🤣
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Yet I’m still waiting for that sample 🤣
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You want to sample me? 🤣
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It must’ve gone stale by now 🤣
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Maybe you could taste it and make sure! 🤣
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And risk tasting the stale…. 🤣
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Gulp it all down! 🤣
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That could cause choking. How will you help?
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I guess we could drip-feed it to you–just suck a bit at a time 🤣
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I want to know this drip feed not the s*** 🤣
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The drip feed will probably lead to vigorous sucking 🤣
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Wonder if that becomes a chore 🤣
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You like sucking, I like being sucked…why would it be a chore? 🤣
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And you what my likes are 🤔🤣
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Apparently I do! 🤣
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Oooh I better start closing my mouth or my thoughts 🤣
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Maybe you should open something else? 👀🤣
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I’m not sure what you’re talking about 🤣
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You can open a lot of things–mind, arms, legs…😏🤣
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Hmm, I think they could be password protected 🤣
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Does the password start with “Good?” like when you’re calling someone a good…😏🤣
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Good is such a general term, used for anything🤫… it’s a password. I can’t give you a hint 🤣
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I’ve got some ideas. They both start with “Good” 🤣
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Good morning, goodnight, good weather,… 🤣
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Keep going 🤣
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Go where? 🤣
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There’s other passwords that start with ‘good’ 🤣
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Too many words, we’ll never get there 😉🤣
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Maybe I’ll get it right on the first try. Hit the spot, so to speak. 🤣
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You got such good aim? 🤣
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I have excellent aim. You’ll be squealing in glee 🤣
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I think I should watch you play darts tk see that aim 🤣
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I wonder if you could resist playing with my darts🤣
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Many darts 😱… that I want to see first 🤣
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Would you like to feel one? Stroke one? 🤣
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They’re quite pointed and sharp for stroking 🤨🤣
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Mine is pleasingly blunt and fairly girthy. Perfect for stroking! 🤣
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Gosh, are you championing your dart 🤣
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Will you help it hit the mark? 🤣
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My aim is hopeless 🤣
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Grab it and guide it in 🤣
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It shouldn’t hurt when I grab you know 🤣
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What about when you guide it in? Do you want a little bit of pain? Perhaps a slight bit of discomfort induced by the stretching? 🤣
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Woah! Where did all that come from? 🤣 that is a lot of active guidance 🤣
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Well, I thought you’d want me to explore your depths. The depths of guidance, I mean. 🤣
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You want to go on an exploration? 🤣
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Do you have something you want me to explore? 🤣
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That depends what you want to look for 🤣
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I’m looking for peaches and pussies. Pussycats, I mean. 🤣
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😱… I’m not sure how the pussycat cam help here 🤣
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Well if you feel like it, Im open to seeing your kitty 🤣
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Oh my goodness 😱🫣🤣… I have a male cat 😝
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Well that’s no fun. I’m sure you can find something for me to look at that’s decidedly female 🤣
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You want me to find for you 🤨🤣
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Show me what you got 🤣
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I got to search first before I can show 🤣
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You need help searching? 🤣
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You know directions? 🤣
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I like to wander around. 😏🤣
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Wandering around could make you fall in deep places, be careful 🤣
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Is there any deep place you would like me to fall into? 🤣
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Maybe it requires some searching 🤔 🤣
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Should I get my face in there? 🤣
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To look for directions? 🤣
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It could also be a good place to give you some 🤔🤣
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Give me your face? Why? 🤣
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Give you some directions. I feel like while I’m down there, you’ll listen extra hard to what I’m saying 🤣
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So the deep requires the face to make it listen hard enough for directions. Makes me wonder what those directions are 🤔 🤣
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It might just be quality control–I’ll ask if you like it or not 🤣
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Not another inspection again 🤣
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The inspector deserves a reward 🤣
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Why? He’s just looking for a reward 🤣
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Isn’t rewarding people rewarding in and of itself? 🤣
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I mean how much rewarding does one need? 🤣
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I’d like you to reward me to the point where it’s ecstatic 🤣
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Can the reward go that far 🤔🤣
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I believe you’re up to the task 🤣
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For some spontaneity 🤣
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You like it when it’s spontaneous? 🤣
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You don’t like spontaneity? 🤣
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Are you spontaneously going to buck and thrash? 🤣
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Should that be spontaneous or a given 🤣
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I guess you won’t be able to help yourself 🤣
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If I were to help myself how would that help you? 🤣
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Because I like to see ladies helping themselves 🤣
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Shhh shhh 🤫🤐🤣.. help is always welcome 🤣
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I look forward to assisting you 🤣
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I’m not looking for an assistant, am I? 🤣
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I’m happy to help you help yourself 🤣
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So you’re voluntarily helping? 🤣
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Eagerly helping 🤣
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Should I picture the eagerness 🤣
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Try to imagine it rubbing against you 🤣
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I could’ve burst out laughing… eagerness has a personification? 🤣
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A physical embodiment, maybe 🤣
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Are you making wishes? It’s almost santa time anyhow 🤣
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That would be a nice Christmas gift, don’t you think? 🤣
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That is one gift even Santa couldn’t get 🤣
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Maybe I’m more deserving than Santa? 🤣
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But Santa still has to deliver 🤣
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Would you like me to deliver a package to you? 🤣
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You will? What’s the size of the package? 🤣
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Why? You like the bigger ones? 🤣
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I need to know if the package would attract undue attention 🤣
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It might attract YOUR undue attention 🤣
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Oooh, do I see this package? 🤣
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Do you want to kiss it? 🤣
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🤣🤣… the package? 🤣
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We could start with my package. You’re free to kiss anything else, if you like 🤣
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But are you sending the package? 🤣
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It’s attached to me 🤣
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So there’s no delivery then ☹️🤣
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I’ll deliver it personally 🤣
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😱😱 you will? 🤨🤣
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Don’t you want me to give it to you in person? 🤣
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Lol… the call of the wild huh 🤣
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Would you like to get wild with me? 🤣
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Are we going somewhere to get wild? 🤣
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I’m fine with the bedroom 🤣
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Oh I thought you wanted adventures 🤣
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You want to do it outside the bedroom? 🤣
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Adventures are supposed to be outdoors, aren’t they 🤣
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We can have an outdoor adventure if you want 🤣
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You are so obliging, now where and which adventures 🤣
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As long a it’s wild, right? 🤣
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Oooh, is there a wild coming out 🤣
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You obviously want to get wild 🤣
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Who me? I thought that would be you 🤣
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Well if you’d prefer, we could always keep it in the bedroom 🤣
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You know indoors can be anywhere 🫣🤣
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You want to do it in the living room? Bathroom? 🤣
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It depends how physical they are 🤣
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I like the idea of getting the couch involved. It’s a good place for you to bend over 🤣
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😱🤫🫣.. tmi? 🤣… the knees should hold up 🤣
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That’s what the couch is for–you can put your hips onto the seatback and let it take your weight 🤣
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The expert is talking 🤣
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You’ll be safe in my expert hands 🤣
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Is it the bloated head or the confidence talking 🤣
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I feel like you’d enjoy the bloated head 🤣
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Maybe sometimes, the bloating can become too much 🤣
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You don’t want to feel me bloating up? 🤣
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You like being bloated? 🤣
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You’ll like me bloated as well. It will be ecstatic! 🤣
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But which head? 😋🤣
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Both heads can give pleasure 🤣
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You mean one helps the imagination while the other… you can imagine 🤣
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Well one has a tongue, which can always be put to use. The other…the other can always be put to use 🤣
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The other sounds like it’s always busy 🤣
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Do you want to schedule an appointment? 🤣
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Ehhh, who needs an appointment 🤣
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You want to do a walk-in? 🤣
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I can’t walk on water to cross the ocean 🤣
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I could fly over there, then we could fly back together. There’s something I want to show you in the airplane bathroom 👀🤣
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🤣🤣…. is that a dream? 🤣
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I suppose it is, in a way…because if you accompany me into the airplane bathroom you can help me accomplish a dream 🤣
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😱… that’s a task. I think I can be a dream weaver 😉 not make dreams come true 🤔🤣
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How hard do you want to “weave?” 🤣
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Does it have to be hard? 🤣
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How else would you want it? 🤣
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Ooh, should you be asking 🤣
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*accomplishments… fat fingers 😅
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You definitely did get my attention 🤣
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😁
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