About damn time!  I knew it wouldn’t be long before I could plug into a direct-to-brain, VR porn world!  Myfriendshotmom dot com, come thru with the production value!

I mate the connector to the back of my skull, dissolving reality into a pixelated blur.  It coheres into a range of sex vans, bachelorette parties, and pools that need cleaning (but not really). 

Here.  We.  GO!

Before I can dive into an orgiastic wonderland, malicious laughter booms down from above.  “Oh ho ho ho—AHAHAHAHA!”

Da fuq?  I squint up at the clouds.  “Who’s there?  Show yourself!”

A giant face begins forming in the sky.  No jawline, receded hair, and a level of petulance that instantly tells you he’s got a minuscule penis, without even looking at his actual chode.

Holy shit!  Grammar Nazi Prime!

“I’ve hacked your mind, Kent!  This isn’t the good porn—you’re about to get nasty’d the fuck up!”

“No…” I whisper.  “NO!”  Snarling Ron Jeremys leap out from houses and cars, running toward me at a dead fucking sprint. 

I take off like a bat out of hell.  The Rons are joined by nurses, pizza delivery folks, and an army of step-siblings.  Seconds later, the parody stars of Assvengers, Iron Fisting, Vulvarine, and XXX Men join in the hellbent pursuit.  I hurtle stripper poles, pool-cleaning sticks capped by nets, and power through a barrage of crusty-fied Christmas wear  (HATE those—who the hell wants to see Santa and his Elves getting all sticky???). 

Suddenly, a fence pops up from the ground, constricts around my neck, and forces me down onto all fours.  “Ugh!  No!  Who the FUCK thought up getting-stuck-in-a-fence porn?  And WHO THE FUCK KEEPS WATCHING IT???”  With a herculean effort, I pop my head free and continue running.  Then it happens again with an open dryer.  FUCK!

No options left.  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality-distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

In the blink of an eye, my hostile environment abruptly normalizes.  Up in the sky, Grammar Nazi Prime yelps in alarm—my pursuers are teleporting into his mind. 

“Agh!”  One of them fish-hooks his mouth.  Another slaps a dildo against his cheeks.  “Get off, damn you!  No, not the dryer—NOT THE FUCKING DRYER!  DAMN YOU KENT WAYNE!  DAAAAAAMMMNNN YOOOOUUUUuuuuuu…”

That’s what you get, asshole, for boobytrapping my VR with hostile appliances!  Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Have red-inking mouthbreathers messed with your spank-sesh?  Never fear!  Buy my books, turn the tables, and sic a porn-forged dryer on their gatekeeping asses!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing