“The fuck do you want? You kicked me out of the goddamn order.”
Force Ghost Obi-Wan exchanges an uncertain look with Force Ghost Luke, then clears his throat and begins to explain. “It’s Anakin. He’s gone off the rails.”
“Again?” I scratch my nuts, sniff (not too bad, little bit o’ musk) and sit up on my futon. “He’s a motherfucking ghost. How the hell could he ‘go off the rails?’ ”
Luke sighs. “He wants another chance at life, only with full knowledge of everything he did, so he can shape our history to fit his wishes. Accordingly, he’s traveled back in time and re-inhabited his fetal body.”
“Whoa.” I give him a disbelieving look. “He’s gonna grow up as a super-intelligent infant, then alter events with his knowledge of the future?”
Obi Wan nods. “And in so doing, life as we know it will cease to exist.”
“Which brings us to you,” Luke continues. “You have a way with mature women. We were hoping you could convince my…” His face twists in revulsion, but he manages to control it. “My grandmother to take him to Dagobah, where Yoda—still alive in our past—can expel future Anakin from the fetus, and protect our timeline from total obliteration.”
“Me?” My forehead wrinkles in confusion. “I was kicked out of the order for seducing hot moms…and now you want me to seduce your grandmother?”
Luke clenches his fists and stares at the ground, lips trembling in held-back rage. Obi Wan shoots him a quick, concerned glance. “If at all possible, we would prefer you don’t engage in coitus—”
I raise an eyebrow. “That’s a tall fucking order. Hot moms gravitate to my wiener like—”
“—but if it is a matter of LAST RESORT…” He squinches his eyes, hisses through his teeth, then shakes his head in resignation. “Then do what you must.”
Luke chokes back a sob.
“I’ll wrinkle space-time.” Obi-Wan raises his hands and splays his fingers. “Sit this one out, Luke. And try not to think of your grandmother with…yeah.”
I resist the urge to clap my hands and rub them together. Yes!
SEVERAL DECADES EARLIER…
I materialize on the periphery of a Tatooine market, and immediately lock eyes with Shmi Skywalker. She startles in place and slaps a palm to her heart. “Oh my!”
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask hurriedly. Before she can answer, I blurt, “Your future evil son has Dark Side mind-ported into your fetus. He wants to redo his life and assfuck the future. We have to find Yoda so he can kick out his future consciousness and—”
[Too late! I put him in a coma!] Anakin telepathically crows from inside Shmi’s womb. [I had to use up my Dark Side reserves, but just you wait—I’m growing stronger by the minute! It won’t be long before I rip him apart and put an end to your plan!]
“Shmi, did you hear that?” I ask.
“Yes, but…” She stutters and stammers, then manages, “Who are you?”
“A concerned citizen and professional Man Whore. We have to stop future Anakin. But without Yoda…” I clench my fists and shake my head. “Dammit!”
Then I remember: I have one last card to play; I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Shmi straightens, snapping her fingers in a lightbulb epiphany. “If we induce enough trauma, he might leave of his own accord!”
“What are you suggesting?” I ask doubtfully.
She grabs my hand and strides toward a hut. “This way,” she orders.
As soon as we’re inside, she grabs my crotch and kisses me hard. “Whoa!” I protest. “What are you doing???”
“Shut up,” she growls. “You’ll understand soon enough.”
“All right, but you might want some lube and maybe some cocoa butter. I’m pretty damn girthy…”
She steals my breath with another kiss and continues to undo my buttons and zippers. Pretty soon we’re banging like a couple of horned up teenagers.
“What does this accomplish?” I gasp. “Not that I’m complaining, but—”
Then I hear Anakin from inside her womb: [Whoa! HEY! No, that is DISGUSTING!] His revulsion comes through our psychic link, along with a hazy impression of my wiener throttling toward his face—the most horrific POV you could ever imagine.
“It’s working!” she pants. “Hit it from the back!”
“Doggy style it is!” We get on our knees and I start slappa-slapping away like my life depends on it, (which, in this case, it actually does)
As Shmi moans in orgasmic pleasure, Anakin rages, [That is my MOTHER, you troglodyte! HOW DARE YOU!!!]
[How dare YOU, motherfucker?] I rasp. Then I grin. [Actually, I should call you something else—right now, I’m the literal definition of that goddamn word.]
“We need to up the ante and blow a load in his eyes!” Shmi yells. “Quick—what’s the easiest way to make you cum?”
“Get on top!” I shout. We reposition and start humping away. [Here it comes, you Stewie Griffin knockoff!]
[No! Don’t you—oh God, I CAN’T!!!!] Future Anakin flees from the womb, leaving my timeline whole and intact. Too bad, because I grab Shmi’s ass and—
HHNNGHH!
Kent Wayne wins again!
😀
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
been having a busy week with your military soccor moms!
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Busy few years! 🤣
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oops, never mind! lol
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somebody has to!
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Hmm…I thought the Leia look would have been more your thing, but now I know which costume to consider for Halloween…
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I am SO down with Leia!!! The brother-kissing makes me a little uneasy, but I can get over that in a hot second! 🤣
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Brother kissing, cousin kissing, ya’ gotta learn somewhere! 😂 Besides, you can only go with what you know at the time! 😉 Now, Leia or Wonder Woman…that is the real question!
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Game of thrones! usually your husbands next life anyway! 1 degree of seperation really anyway! transition the bodies in enough gradient as for leia’s choice of brother not even with yours! rather do chewie lol
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I think I respect Wonder Woman as an alpha hero so much that in my mind Batman is the only person that could get with her and enjoy a back-and-forth dynamic that involved play and teasing, which is my thing. I would be too intimidated, so Leia it is! 😅
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But, I thought you were part Bat! 😉
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You’re right… 🤔 get your costume on! 🤣
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Spins around and magically appears in a strapless red leather bodice and blue gladiator style skirt. My legs are covered in red and gold leg guards and my arms cross, showing off my gauntlets. I then reach for my lasso of truth and begin to swirl it in the air, targeting Kent Wayne. Ready to unleash….the true nature of your deepest desires? 😈
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They’re easy to guess! 😅 I’m flattered you went to the trouble of dressing up, but the costume’s coming off. 😈
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I look over Mr. Wayne trapped by my lasso, then rest one hand on my hip. He’s standing there in a Batman mask, a cape, and black underwear emblazoned with the Batman logo. I smirk…let’s see exactly whose costume comes off first! 😈
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I’d just focus on redirecting the blood flow until the most luscious dickprint you’ve ever seen becomes visible on my tights, then the head pokes out the waistband! HEH heh heh! 🤣
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I yank on my lasso like Scorpion from Mortal Combat. “Get over here with that thick upcurvy, Mr. Wayne!”
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As long as it’s out… 😏 HEH heh heh!
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I drop to my knees and loosen the lasso. Thank goodness my knee bracers are padded! All you see are brown curls and shoulders. 😈
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You’d feel my fingers in your hair and a stretch in your jaw. You’re definitely in for a scalp massage! 🤣
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I enjoy a good scalp massage. It releases so much tension!
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It’s the perfect way to wind down after I get you hot and bothered and make you scream in pleasure. Might have to bite a pillow to keep the neighbors from hearing! 😏
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You know how I like to moan and scream! Let’s just use the pillow to cushion our heads from the headboard…I don’t care if the neighbors hear! 😈
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That makes me think of a fun game: whenever you’re calling a friend or a business contact we can set a timer for five or ten minutes. For those five or ten minutes, I’ll drive you nuts with my lips, hands, and tongue. You’ll have to stay composed because you’re talking on the phone, but as soon as the timer goes off, you’re free to hang up, and free to moan and scream as much as you want. 😈
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Your words alone already make me do this…⛲️🫦 just imagine….but realize that game goes both ways…😈
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Wear something with easy access. You can bend over while you’re talking on the phone and let me drive you crazy while you’re trying to sound composed. 😉
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I’ll borrow your t-shirt, and wear nothing else! 😉
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Perfect! Makes it easier to spread you with my fingers and eat it from the back! Meanwhile, you can try to pretend to be normal over the phone, but I predict you’ll be biting your lip and stumbling over your words. 😈
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I’m hanging up the phone and turning my full attention to you. I enjoy your tongue and fingers, but I want more. 🫦
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We need to book a two-day stay somewhere! If I gave you more during the weeknight, you’d be zombified the next work day! 😏
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you been sharing our emails coz she is quoting me.. i can see personality palegerism notice! or is someone else pretending to be me again! Some of us are allowed to work from home others commute! 😈 do you find it funny when your exact words pop out of others mouths!
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No email sharing! But I am pretty open about my fantasies, so I usually get similar responses.
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word for word my vocals and manarisms….polly got a parrot!
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just to note wonderwoman refuses play cause she kills them! and batman is notoriously gay! Vampires just eat you all and regurgitate you into little bodies! pregnancy so they can strip you clean on either side!
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So we can establish that sex isn’t healthy for the baby? I always told that was like an excuse for not having to do it.
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Okay for the baby, not the Sith!!! 🤣
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The hands down BEST way to combat the Sith! 🤣
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I’m not really sure, I’ve heard the same, that sex during pregnancy is healthy. But if it’s a hyper-intelligent baby imbued with its future consciousness that can now see a wiener punching toward its face, then I would lean toward unhealthy. 🤣
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you got something to tell me!
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Girthy, eh? lmao
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😏
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Anyway i thought the whole point was to bring a child in to a happy home, writhe and rock away to help them sleep! really would be ruining your life going in with no time served for twenty years labour! Hense for Military, Pc or deliverance i had sections! I do not need to please a dark seat by smashing it up, catching the worlds filed attenders! adopting them with my best friend for others! knowing by week one if you fail to attend some adonis with tantric specialism exchanges your place as she sleeps, or you never play again! ohh yes i get it! lol professional catching mitts!
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You have a top of the notch sense of humour. Thanks for liking my blog post.
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Thank you! Just trying to make myself laugh. 🙂
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laughing is best in pure satisfaction! like waiting 40 years to get all your molevolent mates into successful roles and then granting them their records as they get prepped to recieve their backwards jackets raising the light is more difficult than you think! but you do get to lock them in work!😋 🍑 who needs apples,just peachy baby! I just took 15 yrs worth of light to parliament and got their gossipping key lines to grant them their house records! i think i just socked a few thousand myself!
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