What the fart-standoff is happening, all my fellow innocents who’ve been trapped in the hellish confines of a long elevator ride as some dastard in your midst silently lets loose with a face-melting hiss of skin-eating gas, everyone’s trying to remain stoic but then they all start coughing and gagging, someone fans their face while screaming, “It smells like Gollum if you dipped him in DICK SAUCE!” no one can pretend anymore you all eye each other with increasing tension, then everyone quick-draws nine-mils and it’s a goddamn standoff worthy of early Tarantino or hey-day John Woo, holy fuck it just went from zero to a hundred you can’t back down now because it was you all along, it’s too late to admit it WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE—

And THAT, my friends, is why you make good and damn sure you take your morning shit!  Now you’re stuck in a 90s action movie, about to die in a slow-motion firefight!  Jesus Christ, man!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #WritingCommunity

🙂 🙂 😀