Soccer Mom Prime strokes my chest hair. “Amazing, as always. Tell me, Kent—why do we keep making love in hotels? Why can’t we go to your place?”
I pillow my head in my hands and relax into bed. “I’m not married, if that’s what you’re thinking. Trust me—you don’t want to see my nasty-ass hovel. The stink lines are visible, like an old school cartoon.”
“I don’t believe you,” she says. “But that’s not why I pay you. Now shut your whore mouth and give me some lovin’!”
Who am I to object? HEH heh heh!
TWO DAYS LATER…
Doo-be-doo-be-dooo…just another day in the life of a professional Man Whore/fantasy-epic author/award-winning penis-slinger. Down some protein, make some coffee, and get to writing. Work out, stretch, then it’s back to writing and a bit of TV before I lay down to sleep.
zzzzz….(no, that’s not the right hole—exit only, unless you’re feeling extra freaky, in which case you can go for a lick but only after you’ve bought me dinner…)
ZZZZZZ….
My door bangs open, waking me from my Man Whore slumber. What the foozis? Who the—
Soccer Mom Prime steps into my room. “Time for some wiener! Couldn’t wait until our next appointment!”
“Hold on!” I raise my hand, warding her off with a panicked gesture. “Stick to the schedule! This place is—”
“Too late!” she yells. “I’m already here!” And then she takes a running leap onto my futon, slamming onto my disgusting sheets and dick-stained pillows.
Evil stench poofs up from my blankets, enveloping her in a miasmic cloud of dry-aged fart, sticky-nut stank, and revolting swamp-cock. The skin falls off her bones in strips and tatters.
“DAMN YOU, KENT!” she screams. “DAMN YOU AND YOUR FILTHY WAYS!”
No—NO! I can’t lose Soccer Mom Prime—she’s my horniest client and best tipper!
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Soul-healing light floods the room, counteracting my jaw-dropping stench. As Soccer Mom Prime weaves back into being, I carry her out into the living room and lay her down onto my couch.”
“Jesus Christ,” she pants.
“I warned you.”
“I thought you were joking.” She presses a hand against her heart. “Note to self: never, EVER touch Kent Wayne’s blankets.” She gives me a mischievous look. “But now that I’m here…”
“Yes,” I sigh, sliding off my jammies. “You can get some wiener.”
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
😀
Have you made contact with a skin-melting bundle of fart-infused linens? Never fear! Get The Unbound Realm here: The Unbound Realm, Volume 1 Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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Kent Wayne 
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