Soccer Mom Prime strokes my chest hair. “Amazing, as always. Tell me, Kent—why do we keep making love in hotels? Why can’t we go to your place?”
I pillow my head in my hands and relax into bed. “I’m not married, if that’s what you’re thinking. Trust me—you don’t want to see my nasty-ass hovel. The stink lines are visible, like an old school cartoon.”
“I don’t believe you,” she says. “But that’s not why I pay you. Now shut your whore mouth and give me some lovin’!”
Who am I to object? HEH heh heh!
TWO DAYS LATER…
Doo-be-doo-be-dooo…just another day in the life of a professional Man Whore/fantasy-epic author/award-winning penis-slinger. Down some protein, make some coffee, and get to writing. Work out, stretch, then it’s back to writing and a bit of TV before I lay down to sleep.
zzzzz….(no, that’s not the right hole—exit only, unless you’re feeling extra freaky, in which case you can go for a lick but only after you’ve bought me dinner…)
ZZZZZZ….
My door bangs open, waking me from my Man Whore slumber. What the foozis? Who the—
Soccer Mom Prime steps into my room. “Time for some wiener! Couldn’t wait until our next appointment!”
“Hold on!” I raise my hand, warding her off with a panicked gesture. “Stick to the schedule! This place is—”
“Too late!” she yells. “I’m already here!” And then she takes a running leap onto my futon, slamming onto my disgusting sheets and dick-stained pillows.
Evil stench poofs up from my blankets, enveloping her in a miasmic cloud of dry-aged fart, sticky-nut stank, and revolting swamp-cock. The skin falls off her bones in strips and tatters.
“DAMN YOU, KENT!” she screams. “DAMN YOU AND YOUR FILTHY WAYS!”
No—NO! I can’t lose Soccer Mom Prime—she’s my horniest client and best tipper!
So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Soul-healing light floods the room, counteracting my jaw-dropping stench. As Soccer Mom Prime weaves back into being, I carry her out into the living room and lay her down onto my couch.”
“Jesus Christ,” she pants.
“I warned you.”
“I thought you were joking.” She presses a hand against her heart. “Note to self: never, EVER touch Kent Wayne’s blankets.” She gives me a mischievous look. “But now that I’m here…”
“Yes,” I sigh, sliding off my jammies. “You can get some wiener.”
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
😀
Have you made contact with a skin-melting bundle of fart-infused linens? Never fear! Get The Unbound Realm here: The Unbound Realm, Volume 1 Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜 #Kindle #KindleUnlimited
Ummm…maybe you could warn when your blog post is going to be…not for general consumption? Just sayin’.
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Lmao! 🤣🤣🤣Seriously, funny in a good way, made my day lighter. Take good care of yourself!
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Thank you! I use to do these every day to exercise my short story/humor/general writing muscles, but I think I’ll do em once a week for awhile unless the urge strikes. 😁
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People need to lighten up. That was funny.
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Thanks! Just an occupational hazard of self-expression—people will want you to express yourself in a way that befits their preferences. But that’s okay—that’s how they choose to express themselves: by trying to influence your self-expression.
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Sooooo true….
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[…] Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel […]
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Thank you for the share!
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As the immortal words of Captain Jack Sparrow…” you got to get a woman mate…” I’m a guy and this is work of a 13 year old lol…
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HEH heh heh! 😂
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I was reading again your story, add pictures ?? I think that will stimulate your readers, on another note..,real soccer moms are horny, I’ve had a couple…it’s always moms and kids and dads are playing golf…loneliness will get a mom to have sex
Take care
Dave
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