Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“Just one of these testicles will sate our Shadow Demon overlord for the next thousand eons!”  Jeff Bezos unzips my pants, wagging a meat cleaver as he meets the gazes of his fellow billionaire-nerds.  “Can you believe our luck?”

“No!”  I struggle frantically against my restraints, but it’s no use—they’ve tied me securely to their pentagram-shaped dais.  “I need both of them, goddammit!  Together, they form an orgasm-amplifier when I’m hitting it from behind, the likes of which have never been seen !  You’re going to ruin a goddamn masterpiece!”

“Well we’re fresh out of albino virgins.”  Bezos shrugs.  “Say goodbye to your balls, Kent Wayne.”  The cleaver rises high, reflecting light off its wicked edge.

NggghhhhRAH!  I rip an arm free and reach in my pocket, opening my eReader to Kor’Thank and activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The ground starts to quake, the doors start to shake.

“What have you done?” Elon whispers, eyes wide with terror.

“Given sentience and life to your very first girlfriends, nerd.”  My lips curve up in a twisted smile.

“No—NO!”  Bezos swings from side to side, mouth opening and closing in shit-your-pants terror.”

A second later, an army of sex-dolls comes crashing in, roaring and snarling with undiluted hate.

“PREPARE TO BE DESCRATED, YOU WHO DESECRATED US!”

I undo my other restraint and flee from the premises, cackling like the cat that got the cream.  Enjoy getting torn limb from limb, you unholy passel of doll-fucking geeks!

Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

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