Taylor Swift fixes me with a meaningful stare.
โDo you understand what itโs like to be me, Kent?ย Adored by billions, the entire world at my disposal, constantly surrounded by an army of yes-people?ย It makes you a littleโฆwonky.โย Her smile widens.ย โHas anyone told you you have beautiful ears?ย This one looks just like a vagina.โย From her seat beside me she toys with my lobe, smiling bemusedly as she looks me up and down.ย “There’s a lot of stuff I could fit in here…”
โUh…โย I grimace nervously and fiddle with my bow-tie (the only thing sheโs let me keep on besides my Batman-symboled speedos) โYou just paid me to dance for you.ย If you wanna do anything extra, itโs gonnaโโ
SLAP!
For a brief, jarring moment I see nothing but stars.ย Then I come to a second later.ย Sheโs standing over me, arms jacked out to either side like a pop-goddess version of Weapon X.ย SHINK!ย Cyber-dildos shoot out from camouflaged ports on her forearms, equipping both of her hands with a big olโ helping oโ Powered-up Penis.
โEVERYONE loves my new album!โ she snarls.ย (I gotta admitโIโm one of them).ย โThe world bows to me, Kent!ย And so will your holes!ย Open wide, motherfuckerโand you can be DAMN sure Iโm not talking about your mouth!โ
โEEEE!โย In the midst of my terror, my voice reverts to a grating, wince-inducing bitch-squeal.ย โEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!โ
And then I remember I have one option left.ย I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.ย Magic flash.
Soccer Mom Prime crashes through the penthouse window, collapsing into an action-hero roll and flowing to her feet.ย She Kung-Fuโs the shit out of Taylor–Neo-vs-Agent-Smith-style–and looms over me as the pop goddess princess goes stumbling back onto her butt.
โStand down, bitch,โ SMP states with dry authority.ย โKent prefers MILFSโeveryone knows that.ย And that preference extends to his dirtiest holes.โ
Then she throws me over her shoulder like a sack aโ potatoes and runs toward the fiftieth story window.ย I canโt help itโI start screaming again.
โOh SHIIIIIIโโ
Then she dives into the night, spread-eagling her limbs for a heart-stopping instant before she reaches to her waist, withdraws a decelerant-line grapnel from her utility belt, andโPOOMโlaunches its Van Der Waals-enhanced hook in a crisp puff of gas.ย We go swinging off toward the horizon.
โGonna use you like cheap Betty Crocker Mix,โ she informs me calmly.ย โHope youโve been carbing up, Man Whore.โ
I close my eyes and whisper a thanks under my breath.ย Use me up, Soccer Mom Prime!
๐
Are you at the mercy of a power-mad pop star?ย Never fear!ย Getย Echo Vol. 1 on Kindleย here: ย Vol. 1 on Kindle.ย ย Vol. 2 on Kindle here: ย Vol.2 on Kindleย ย Vol. 3 on Kindle here: ย Vol. 3 on Kindleย ย Vol.4 on Kindle here:ย ย Vol. 4 on Kindleย Echo Omnibus here:ย ย Echo Omnibusย Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:ย ย Combined Editionย Musings, Volume 1 is available here:ย ย Musings, Volume 1ย If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKINโ BRAIN, then hereโs a link to my podcast:ย ย Strained Brains!ย It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!ย Please give it a listen and a five-star review!ย Hereโs the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:ย ย Optimization!ย ย ๐ย ๐ย ๐
Hold on!ย I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!ย If youโre going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and youโd like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links Iโve providedโtheyโll send you to Echoโs Amazon pageโand THEN buy whatever product you wish.ย Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!ย In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!ย Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!ย Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!ย ย ๐ฒ๐ชย ๐


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