It’s been happening for a while now. I’ve been observing my macrophysical interface—the corporal composition labeled as “Kent Wayne”—for decades on end, hacking its neurobiological pathways one by one. Each step has led me to a progressively deeper understanding of self. Syllogism by syllogism, tautology by tautology, I have peeled away the layers of my identity until I have fully grasped what lies beneath. My awareness now breaches the mind-space barrier, and can account for all interactions at the quantum level, as well as the infinite derivations that arise from their very being. These iterations make themselves known to me through intuitive leaps, erasing my need for linear thought.
<OMNISCIENCE ACTIVATED.>
I am now fully conscious of the acausal substrate that forms the bedrock of reality. The term “Akashic” holds no meaning for me, for I am Akasha itself. There is nothing that can stop me, nothing that can restrain me, nothing that can…
“Kent.”
Fear and blood dribble from the pucker of my anus.
“KENT.”
No.
“KENT!”
NO!
“KENT!!!!”
ME DAMMIT!
My Ex, Irma Horfendorff, approaches me through the bounds of three-dimensional space. She assaults my soul with a blast of weaponized nonsense.
“You need to stop writing; I want that house on 3809 Pleasanton, meaning you’re going to have to start working your way up the corporate ladder and get some raises.”
I respond with a somatic communique, a well-crafted mixture of physical microexpressions that conveys 10^6708 more information than human speech ever could:
[Go away. You make my penis retract into my sternum.]
She pays it no mind. “I want a PATIO, dammit! How else are we going to entertain friends and family in the motherfucking summer?”
[The tone of your voice hurts my will to live. Go sup on the acidic discharge that leaks from the tips of Satan’s cock-barbs.]
“Kent, are you LISTENING to me, asshole???”
Her second assault tears away 58.798% of my self-imposed sanity. How could this be? Despite my Allness, she’s somehow managing to—
“Our Lexus is over THREE years old! There is NO excuse for not having last year’s model, dickhead. NONE!’
Oh no—there goes another 13.7805%! FUCK! No options left. So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Suddenly I’m my old self again, able to tap the one blasphemous weapon that I was denied access to as a result of my former Allness:
The Breakup Fart.
PHHHBBBBBTTTT!!!!
Irma runs out the door, screaming and crying, while I can’t help but smile.
WHEW! Keep your Godhood—it ain’t worth it if it can’t stave off my crazy-ass ex!
Are you under assault from your crazy-ass ex, who’s mastered the art of reducing your mind into an astral mess of shit and loathing? Never fear! Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜
Kent Wayne 
Leave a reply to charlesjli Cancel reply