What the surreptitious stain is going on, all you folks who’ve kept others guessing about a dark spot centered directly above your crotch (was it an errant splash of water? Or hath the potential perpetrator excreted something far more nefarious? The game is afoot!) This is just an afternoon reminder to grab yerselves a copy of Echo and download you some episodes of the Strained Brains podcast! (And to leave a positive review for them as well! 🙂 ) And hey, in case you live in fear of finding out what that crotch stain really is: neither Echo nor my podcast are about the dawning horror we feel when confronted by the reality of someone being careless with their PC muscle; nah man—Echo’s all about cyborg shooter guys, robo-beast monsters, and dope-ass psychic weaponry like the “blaze avatar!” Also, if you’ve read any of my books, please remember to leave a positive review for them on Amazon. Amazon reviews only takes a minute of your time, and you don’t need to have made a “verified purchase” in order to make them; you only need an Amazon account (in case you read my stuff through Kindle Unlimited or other means). To give you an idea of how clean-crotch amazing positive Amazon reviews are to us indie authors, imagine this: you’re in a spicy sausage contest, downing link after link of stomach-tearing, ass-burning meat-sticks. Suddenly the contestant beside you, Markham McGurbles, clutches his belly and stops eating.
“I can’t….I can’t…”
Like the brave mofo you are, you hoist Mark onto your back and start hoofing it toward a porta-potty. He starts crying and writhing, screaming at you to leave him behind like he was an unfortunate extra in that classic movie “Platoon.” Your legs fail you and you collapse to the ground. The porta-potty still over a dozen yards away. You belly crawl out from under his spasming body, and flinch back in unabashed horror; a turtle-head is rhythmically bulging against the seat of his pants, thumping in time with his runaway heartbeat. But wait! A random eggplant comes arcing through the air, reflecting the light of the sun off its purple-skinned flesh! You catch it in your hand, the world goes slo-mo, and—
—you let loose with an eighties style action-movie scream as you dive toward Mark, stabbing downward with the giant fruit. It busts through the seams of Mark’s trousers, and fills his bunghole with its girthy mass. You sling Mark’s arm over your shoulder, and you both stagger toward the porta-potty, where you shove him in and shut the door. Mark screams in a mix of pain and ecstasy, mirroring the cry you just voiced a moment prior: “RUAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” The porta-potty rocks and shakes, then you hear Mark sobbing in relief. You slump against the blue plastic wall, wiping tears from your eyes with a shuddering hand. YES! See, that rush of life and affirmation you’d feel at just having helped your sausage-stuffed compadre into an appropriate poop receptacle is EXACTLY what we indie authors/podcasters feel when we get a positive review on Amazon or iTunes! So do your favorite indie author/podcaster (and perennial Man Child) Kent Wayne, a hot-link-replete favor and leave him a positive review on the ’Zons or the ’Tunes! Thank You All and have a Good and Chill Night!!! 🙂 🙂 😀
Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization, and last but not least, my buddy Jumar Balacy has made a supercool microsite at kentwaynebrain.com! Go check out his computer-based wizardry 🙂 🙂 😀
Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜