βUgh okayβ¦just one more slice.β
My trembling fingers close around another piece of NY pizza.Β I take a deep breath and bring it to my lips, exhaling in small, controlled shudders.
Can I do it?Β Do I have the willpower?
A sliver of pie passes my lips…then I bite down and moan.Β MmmmMMMMRROHGODDDD.Β Cheesy Goodness floods my mouth, accented with the just-right hint of sauce.Β It all comes together in a glorious folding of crust and topping, mashing into delicious gooification within my chompers.
I shouldnβt have doubted myself.
I finish the slice and groan in delight.Β I look down at my food-baby and run greasy fingers over its bulbous outline.Β Ahhhβ¦.magnificent.
I fear its birth, but for now, I revel in its glory.
I look over at Bitefighterβmy 10 lb. Terrier Extraordinaire whoβs also the smartest being in a 30-galaxy radiusβand watch as he scratches out giant strings of equations on his personal whiteboard.Β Heβs wearing a tiny labcoat and spectaclesβheβs a professional Doggy Scientist.
βWhatcha doing there, buddy?β
βRoof arf mc bark.βΒ (Translation:Β Reconciling gauge symmetry with an acausal, existential substrate which gave birth to an adjacent Universe where intention becomes the determining force behind all material phenomena.)Β He turns to me and drops his marker, his eyes widening in shock behind his spectacles.
βARFO ARFSKIES MCARF!βΒ (Translation:Β What the fucking FUCK???Β That food baby will kill us all!!!)
βReally?βΒ I look at it, give it another rub, and look back up at him.Β βI know itβs the biggest one Iβve had, butββ
GrrrrrRRRRRUMMBLE.
βOh God!β I gasp.Β βBitefighter, I donβt have an insurance policy!Β I need to birth this food baby into a toilet or itβs gonna destroy our house and weβll get nothing!Β HELP ME!β
He scrambles over and begins dragging me across the floor by my right arm.Β My left arm cradles my belly, trying to calm the storm within.Β βAAAGGHH!β I scream as he lurches me toward the bathroom.Β βNYAAAAAAHHHGODITHURTS!β
Sweat springs out across my skin.Β Electric pain crashes through me, eclipsing my vision with buzzing colors.Β A horrid cramp seizes my body and I shriek in pain.Β I black out for a second, and when I come to, Iβm still screaming.
βLeave me!β I gasp.Β βGET OUT OF HERE, BITEFIGHTER!β
He shakes his head, grim and determined.Β βRowf aroof roofarfarf.βΒ (Translation:Β Not an option.Β Iβve done some quick calculations.Β That food baby wonβt just destroy the houseβitβll destabilize the Earthβs core, and all will end in fire and lightning.)
βSo what do we do?β I whine, tears leaking down my face.Β βWhat the FUCK DO WE DO???β
He lowers his gaze, brow furrowed, as his unmatchable mind processes billions of scenarios.Β Suddenly, his head snaps up, a gleam lighting in his eye.
He runs over to my eReader and opens it to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.Β Magic flash.
Our souls are ejected from our bodies and flung into a multiversal bleed.Β Entire existences flash before us, and Bitefighter points at a passing construct comprised of luminous angles; if I had to describe it, Iβd say it looks like a conscious polyhedron made from intelligent light.
βArfo?βΒ (Translation:Β Wanna be a robot?)
I shake my head.Β βNah.β
He points to another one.Β βRoosky?βΒ (Vampires?)
I snort.Β βPleaseβIβm not gonna pull a Twilight and hook up with a high school girl even though Iβm like a thousand years old.Β Fucking low-life pedo.β
He points to a third one.Β βArfarfaroo?βΒ (Translation:Β Barbarians and dinosaurs?)
βOh HELLS yeah!β
He reaches out and touches it, and right before Iβm about to reincarnate as a yoked-ass barbarian and heβs about to reincarnate as a war-trained velociraptor, I look back and check on Earth, where our bodies are still lying limp and lifeless.Β I shudder in horror as I see the planetβs surface engulfed by the horror of Food Babyβs birth.
Sorry Earthβyour pizza was just too damn good!
Are you about to induce an apocalypse through a food baby birth?Β Never fear!Β GetΒ Echo Vol. 1 on KindleΒ here: Β Vol. 1 on Kindle. Β Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Β Vol.2 on KindleΒ Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Β Vol. 3 on KindleΒ #kindle #kindleunlimited #sciencefiction #scifi #books #novel #book


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